to three or not to three

[mrbenh]

Something that's been on my mind for a long time now... a threesome.
I've mentioned it to my wife and she understood but doesn't seem interested. I don't want to cheat outside the marriage and thought that this would be an exciting way to have some new fun in bed.
Am I wrong?

 

[HornyAuthor]

The one you should be asking and talking to...

is your wife, not us! This is something personal between a committed couple, and strangers cannot decide your life. I mean, are you looking for a threesome with another woman...for you? For your wife (as in she is bisexual and would like to be with a woman)? A threesome with another man...for you (as in you are bisexual and would like to be with a man)? For your wife? There's a lot to think about here, and if your wife is uninterested, then this may be a useless cause.


~Horny Author

 

[mrbenh]

WHA?

gee, thanks for all the help!.........not!!!!

 

[NewEnglandBBW]

I have to agree with Horny Author

The post was very helpful if you take the time to read it.

What's your motivation for wanting a 3-some? Does your wife want a 3-some as well? If she doesn't, you're kind of beating a dead horse, and it's not going to be what you want it to be, even if she agrees.

Talk to her about it when you're not under a lot of pressure, and not when you're horny and might say things out of context. Don't rush into it.

Explain your interest in it, and see what hers is. What would she like out of it? What would you like out of it.

It's the fantasy of a lot of people, but not always a good thing. Can cause mistrust and tension in a relationship, but can also create a greater trust and deeper meaning if it goes the right way for the right motivations.

I've been part of a 3-some, myself with a couple, and although it was physically ful-filling, mentally it was very difficult, because it ruined a great friendship I had with this couple.
Now that I am a part of a couple, with a man who's never done it, I'm finding I want to find a female to join us. My decision came after we talked quite a bit about it, and I learned what he wanted out of it, which in our case, was to see me have tremendous pleasure, because he cares about me. He wants me to have the most I can have, and wants to share it with me. For me, that's special. For others, it means something else.

Dig deeper, friend. The reward in the end could be wonderful.

 

[mrbenh]

WOW

Thank You,
That was very insightful(no sarcasm) I mean it.
How do I bring this up with my wife, I don't want to just say, "hey let's talk about threesomes" you know?
Any suggestions?
I am horny for other women, but very interested in my wife's satisfaction and would love to see her in extreme pleasure

 

[casilda]

talking?

Do you talk about your fantasies often? If you know from the beginning that she has no sexual interest in other women, then probably your fantasy of having a threesome involving your wife will probably stay just that. But if she's ever confided to you that she's interested in other women, that would be a good starting point right there.

I've been involved in threesomes in pretty much every combination in the past, most of which have worked out well for all concerned. But for me it's always been much more than a new way to have fun in bed- it's been either an expression of friendship for the others involved, love for my partner, desire on my part that my partner went along with, or in one case, just good old fashioned horniness that led to something special with strangers

But I think that unless both partners are fully on board and interested and communicating at a much higher level than is normal, you're playing with fire to add another person into a committed relationship. Sure, 3somes are fun- they're one of my favourite things. But you have to ask yourself if it's worth the risk of wrecking your marriage over if she's not completely and 100% behind it. It can be excruciatingly difficult to watch your partner with someone else if you're not completely confident of your place in their life, and either or both of you might not be able to handle it. And if she's not interested in women to begin with then she would probably find it even more difficult.

I wish I had something else to contribute besides communication, but from everyone I've ever talked to who's been involved in relationships that involve more than 2 people, that really is the key.

Good luck,

Casilda

 

[JUDO]

The beginning is easy...

MrB-

...but the seige may be long.

I say the beginning is easy, because you practice it almost everyday. Fantasy. As written by others, sharing fantasies is a great way to open a mind.

Step one - Ask yourself these questions:

- When you fantasize about being with a partner, are you receiving or pitching? Share with your wife.

- What do you like best? Fucking? (how?) Oral? (how?) etc. Share with your wife.

- When you picture yourself giving head, how do you see it? feel it? smell it? taste it? Tell your wife. Is there anything you might like to try that you haven't? Agree with her, and try it.

- When you see yourself getting laid, how do you see it? (what turns you on about it?) feel it? smell it? Is there anything you might like to try that you haven't? Agree with her and try it.

Then, for each of these, ask your wife to tell you hers.

Now, then for step two:

- When you fantasize about being in a threesome. Where are you and where are the women? Share the fantasy with your wife. While you share, you might try mutual masturbation or oral. Ask her what she likes about the fantasy you describe.

- Do you fantasize in the threesome that it would be exciting to see your wife with another man? another woman? While you just watch? If you don't, you'd be in for a rude awakening because that will happen at some point. Share with your wife, again while sharing foreplay.

- If you can, over time, get your wife to help out. Sharing her view of the threesome, how you would pick or select the third, is it a mutual friend or a stranger?

Use the fantasy and the sex you share now to help her realize the reality might become an extension of your love for one another.

ButDO NOT BE IMPATIENT!!! Such an attempt, may take years and years to come true. If you love your wife and you love the fantasy, wife needs to win.

- Judo

 

[mrbenh]

Hooray!

Thanks Judo! You have just said what I have been thinking subconciously for a few years. I really appreciate your reply because you were not judgemental like ALL the others I have received where everyone just assumed that my wife and I have a communication problem....we don't! So y'all can fuck off, Judo is awesome!