To the tree frogs that sing outside my window each night:

[shereads]

SHUT UP!!!!!!! Shut the FUCK UP!!!!!

 

[elsol]

Two Words...

BB Gun.

or

BB Sling... but those take more skill.


Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[yui]

SHUT UP!!!!!!! Shut the FUCK UP!!!!!

I had a cricket in my bedroom last night. I almost went postal and the irony is I don’t deliver mail; I’m dangerously close to being an interior decorator. <cough> Flashlights at 4:50am were involved and German Shepard-like movements of the head.

Didn’t find the little bastard.

Curses.

I’m heard quieter chainsaws.

 

[Guest]

 

[shereads]

Two Words...

BB Gun.

or

BB Sling... but those take more skill.


Sincerely,
ElSol

They were charming for the first ten years or so. But they sing the same frigging notes (2) over and over and over and over again, night after night, from the first day of the rainy season until the last hurricane warning of fall. And frankly, they're not that good. Think "Muskrat Love," just the chirping part that made you want to firebomb a recording studio; multiply that by half a dozen horny little singing frogs per tree.

I can't shoot them, though. They have cute hands with tiny suction-cups on each fingertip. And unlike our population of giant poison toads, they don't kill dogs.

Who's up for a house trade until next winter?

 

[yui]

Frogs are WONDERFUL!

Indeed.

Mute frogs.

 

[shereads]

Frogs are WONDERFUL!

My dog didn't think so when she went outside to pee one night and ran back into the house with a tree frog clinging to her head.

 

[Samandiriel]

Frogs are WONDERFUL!

They taste like chicken.

 

[Guest]

 

[minsue]

Who's up for a house trade until next winter?

You're on.

 

[shereads]

You're on.

Holy crap. Somebody print up a contract. I want a signature before she sobers up...Erm, I did mention that there was some storm damage, right?

 

[matriarch]

You're on.

Ermmmmmmm...........excuse me????

 

[minsue]

Holy crap. Somebody print up a contract. I want a signature before she sobers up...Erm, I did mention that there was some storm damage, right?

According to my google homepage, it's still 105F out there at 10:15pm. I'll take storm damage, humidity, frogs, hurricanes, anything to end this. You still have most of the walls and roof, right?


(oh and it needs to be repainted and the bathroom redone so I can sell it. thanks.)

 

[minsue]

Ermmmmmmm...........excuse me????

What, no go? *blink, blink*

 

[matriarch]

What, no go? *blink, blink*

I just checked Orlando on the weather.....currently, at 1 in the morning, its still 80F there (feels like 84F), with a humidity of 74% !!!!!!

Doesn't sound like much of an improvement to here.....at least we don't have that debilitating humidity.

 

[shereads]

According to my google homepage, it's still 105F out there at 10:15pm. I'll take storm damage, humidity, frogs, hurricanes, anything to end this. You still have most of the walls and roof, right?

Just take care of the potted plants that don't come through the roof, and you'll be fine...You don't need electricity, do you? When the power lines come down, just pretend you're spending the summer at Outward Bound.

 

[minsue]

I just checked Orlando on the weather.....currently, at 1 in the morning, its still 80F there (feels like 84F), with a humidity of 74% !!!!!!

Doesn't sound like much of an improvement to here.....at least we don't have that debilitating humidity.

Baby, love, sweetie, darling, it feels like 84 (because of said humidity). It feels like 105 here. I'll take it. I like camping.

 

[shereads]

I just checked Orlando on the weather.....currently, at 1 in the morning, its still 80F there (feels like 84F), with a humidity of 74% !!!!!!

Doesn't sound like much of an improvement to here.....at least we don't have that debilitating humidity.

74 percent is child's play. Humidity here was 85% today. It made having skin seem like doing time at Attica. The five-yard walk from the front door to the car makes a linen dress look like you slept in it. It sucks.

 

[minsue]

74 percent is child's play. Humidity here was 85% today. It made having skin seem like doing time at Attica. The five-yard walk from the front door to the car makes a linen dress look like you slept in it. It sucks.

Went to Puerto Vallarta during the off season when the humidity was usually about 95% each day. Watching the puddle that developed on the tile floor of the hotel room from condensation from the A/C each day was oddly fascinating. The floor started dry every day and by night there was a puddle that spread halfway across the room.

 

[shereads]

You can't fool me. I lived in Phoenix for two years. When we'd come out of the swimming pool, we'd freeze to death until we toweled off. (Idea: evaporative air conditioning!) That's why in cowboy movies, the cowboys cool down by dipping their hats or their kerchiefs in a stream. Here, you'd just end up with a hot, wet hat.

 

[Samandiriel]

Your PR is all wrong.


"Swapping decaying jungle compound. Many wonderful features such as skylight, ocean breezes and the chance to be close to nature! Why spend you winter in Hell when you can spend it in Florida??
Meet interesting people and make your friends back home jealous. Call quick cause this little baby is going to go fast!"

 

[minsue]

You can't fool me. I lived in Phoenix for two years. When we'd come out of the swimming pool, we'd freeze to death until we toweled off. (Idea: evaporative air conditioning!) That's why in cowboy movies, the cowboys cool down by dipping their hats or their kerchiefs in a stream. Here, you'd just end up with a hot, wet hat.

Did I mention we're one of two houses on the block without a pool? I hear them out there splashing around next door, taunting me. Bastards.

 

[matriarch]

You can't fool me. I lived in Phoenix for two years. When we'd come out of the swimming pool, we'd freeze to death until we toweled off. (Idea: evaporative air conditioning!) That's why in cowboy movies, the cowboys cool down by dipping their hats or their kerchiefs in a stream. Here, you'd just end up with a hot, wet hat.

I spend a lot of my time lately, wearing a tea towel soaked in cold water and wrapped around crushed ice.....around the back of my neck. It works.

 

[minsue]

I spend a lot of my time lately, wearing a tea towel soaked in cold water and wrapped around crushed ice.....around the back of my neck. It works.

And looks sssssooooo sssssexy, to boot.

 

[shereads]

Went to Puerto Vallarta during the off season when the humidity was usually about 95% each day. Watching the puddle that developed on the tile floor of the hotel room from condensation from the A/C each day was oddly fascinating. The floor started dry every day and by night there was a puddle that spread halfway across the room.

It would have been even more fascinating without electricity. You've heard that dogs don't sweat, right? HA! That's a lie. My first extended post-hurricane power outage in Miami, I discovered that my dog, when she would rise from a nap on the tile floor, would leave a dog-shaped damp spot.

3 days after Hurricane Andrew, I opened a file drawer to get my renters' insurance policy and felt a tiny blast of cold air. Air that had once been air conditioned! Mosquitos shoved me aside, they were so desperate to feel cool and dry. I could have sold that air on the street for $20, or traded it for a bag of ice.

I don't want to live here anymore.