To read or not to read...

[Gingersnapqueen]

So, this is just me needing to vent... I don't know what kind of response there will be, if any, but here goes..

I fully understand this is a site based around sex, but are people really incapable of creating any sort of connection with others? I know many don't want that, this is just a release, but are my expectations set too high by wanting a connection with someone before the sexual discussions get too intimate?

I'm really frustrated when I express upfront with people that I need a connection before things can progress. They say that's all fine and well... until it's not... and they lose interest because I'm not "putting out", for lack of a better term. If that's not you or not what you want, then why are you wasting both of our time? I truly don't get it... Am I asking for too much? Or is this just what our society has created- fleeting humans?

Anyways... If you got this far, thanks for reading and maybe you can provide your two cents on the matter. Or if you simply hit the back button, that's completely fine too and I'm sorry to have wasted any time.

 

[Lucien_Al]

My two cents is that there are many people on here and many of them are looking for very different things from the site. Just speaking from my own perspective there are times when I just want a quick and sexy chat with someone, other times I love to discuss the things I enjoy like fetishes and fantasies with like minded people who are less likely to judge.

I do enjoy having regular chat buddies and while at times these are non sexual I think there will always be a sexual leaning given the type of site this is and I enjoy both.

 

[Gingersnapqueen]

My two cents is that there are many people on here and many of them are looking for very different things from the site. Just speaking from my own perspective there are times when I just want a quick and sexy chat with someone, other times I love to discuss the things I enjoy like fetishes and fantasies with like minded people who are less likely to judge.

I do enjoy having regular chat buddies and while at times these are non sexual I think there will always be a sexual leaning given the type of site this is and I enjoy both.

I totally get that, 100%. My qualm with it all is me being upfront with what I'm looking for and then they say that's fine initially but then seem to get mad that I'm not jumping into sexual chat 24/7. I'm not a prude, I'm on lit for fuck sake... I just can't open up to complete strangers in that way. I know not everyone is that way but the issue lies with me being honest from the beginning about what I need and it's okay but then quickly it's not okay. But I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post - I just was upset yesterday and needed to vent

 

[strokinnoff1]

I enjoy both the quick &  dirty chats as well as the slow burn discussions where we get to know each other and build a rapport. Both serve different purposes, but its pretty damn cool when we build a "relationship" over time.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Most guys who message me are hoping I'll show them pictures. They can fuck all the way off. Some guys want roleplay etc... file under 'fuck off'.

I'm not interested in general chit-chat but now and again I'll end up chatting to a guy long term because there is a connection. Sometimes sexual, occasionally not. I've even met a couple of guys off here irl but that's a rarity due to geography.

 

[CreekyBonz]

Part of it may be to the disconnect of chat. Someone gets horny, figures the conversation has been going on long enough, and if they’re aroused the other person must be, too. IRL the social cues to not pull out your dick are pretty overwhelming, but the don’t survive the transfer to anonymous internet dialogue.
Not condoning the behavior at all, just my theory behind it.

 

[Gingersnapqueen]

Part of it may be to the disconnect of chat. Someone gets horny, figures the conversation has been going on long enough, and if they’re aroused the other person must be, too. IRL the social cues to not pull out your dick are pretty overwhelming, but the don’t survive the transfer to anonymous internet dialogue.
Not condoning the behavior at all, just my theory behind it.

That makes a lot of sense honestly. Paired with the ol "men only think with one head" and I guess it's easy to throw everything out the window when the wind hits them just right

 

[CreekyBonz]

Yup. Pretty sure I’ve been guilty of assuming someone else’s intentions matched mine, and the old ass-u-me raised it’s head shortly after another one…

 

[blondebreeze]

You're not alone O.P.. I feel you, I'm exactly the same. If something doesn't click and I don't feel a connection, I don't play.
And I have been hit more than once by the same person, who puts out a standard message, and by people who immediately want to skype: they send messages in bulk to all online female users and then see what happens.
It angers me because some of those behave like we're some kind of free sex line.
I simply won't talk dirty to the first horny man hitting on me like a slot machine.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

So, this is just me needing to vent... I don't know what kind of response there will be, if any, but here goes..

I fully understand this is a site based around sex, but are people really incapable of creating any sort of connection with others? I know many don't want that, this is just a release, but are my expectations set too high by wanting a connection with someone before the sexual discussions get too intimate?

I'm really frustrated when I express upfront with people that I need a connection before things can progress. They say that's all fine and well... until it's not... and they lose interest because I'm not "putting out", for lack of a better term. If that's not you or not what you want, then why are you wasting both of our time? I truly don't get it... Am I asking for too much? Or is this just what our society has created- fleeting humans?

Anyways... If you got this far, thanks for reading and maybe you can provide your two cents on the matter. Or if you simply hit the back button, that's completely fine too and I'm sorry to have wasted any time.

There is a small group of folks that I interact with here that I like to assume actually give 2 shits about me - men and women alike. They're all great and sometimes we show ourselves off to each other, and the masses at large. Sometimes things get flirty, but not normally. However, we can discuss exceedingly personal sexual things without thinking we're hoping to get an online hookup out of it (or I'm misreading things and have royally fucked up )

That said, different strokes for different folks and all that. With this being a mostly silent/written environment, and I only speak for myself, I can't really gauge where things are falling. Meaning, if a woman is outright flirting with me, I usually don't catch it. I miss it in real life too. There are a lot of guys here that probably seem aloof or distant because we are trying so hard to not be aggressive towards a woman.

This is a long and rambling way to say, it seems guys are either horny assholes or quietly hoping a spark happens but overcompensating so extremely that you may not know they're interested.

I'm sorry you have had some rotten experiences. There are some great people here, just have to be patient and separate the wheat from the chaff.

I hope that was helpful

 

[daytr1pper]

 

[DaddyforhisKitten]

I simply won't talk dirty to the first horny man hitting on me like a slot machine.

Believe it or not, this is not a problem exclusive to just women receiving messages.

I have had multiple occasions of women (or at least people pretending to be) who have fired off a message out of nowhere and are immediately trying to sext. At least, I'm assuming that's their goal because there's absolutely no buildup or discussion on what exactly they're looking for. I've never had any of these develop into anything worthwhile. The few I attempted to talk to and figure out disappeared rather quickly. I've stopped engaging people in this camp.

With this being a mostly silent/written environment, and I only speak for myself, I can't really gauge where things are falling. Meaning, if a woman is outright flirting with me, I usually don't catch it.

I feel this is a big problem for me as well. I am immensely appreciative of people who outline what they want. I don't need a big flashing sign, but there shouldn't really be ambiguity. But even then, I've had instances in the past where people just weren't honest about what they were looking for. I've started conversations with people who claimed to be looking for easy going conversation or light banter. And then within a few messages they're asking about sexting and making deep connections and things turn very sour if you don't agree to all of their terms.

For better or worse, best thing to do is simply to have low expectations and not take any of this remotely serious.

 

[KyleR215]

I completely understand everyone's take on this topic.

Some folks are here for the slow build up and taking the time to see if they click and some want the quick fix, wham bam! And there are some that float somewhere in between.

In my experience, finding a woman that is looking for the long term chat, slow build up connection is very rare. It has happened on the rare occasion and I have found very good long term chatting partners here at Lit.

More often than not, it is either a complete miss or a very short connection. Which I get and is okay too. Everyone has their needs.

 

[live4thebj]

I would never go to a porn site to meet people. Granted I have seen posts of people posting they met someone in here and are in a relationship. The closest I came to a sex site and being with someone predates apps. It was Adultfriendfinder. I don’t even know if it is still up. But the point is I been on dating sites and I met and fucked a lot of woman. These are the same woman that post they want more than sex and blah blah blah. These are also the same woman that suck and fuck me on first date. Most times we don’t really go on a date.