To love or be loved?

[LadyJeanne]

I heard Nat King Cole's 'Unforgettable' on the radio this morning:

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

It's a popular wedding song, and was played at a friend's wedding recently for the couple's first dance. It got me thinking...

What's more important to you - to love or be loved? to desire or be desired? to think your partner is unforgettable or that your partner think you are unforgettable?

 

[EJFan]

What's more important to you - to love or be loved? to desire or be desired? to think your partner is unforgettable or that your partner think you are unforgettable?

it's more important for me to love than to be loved. mostly this is because i find it so hard to do... it's a challenge for me love someone (dogs are no problem... people is another story).

as far as desire goes, it's more important to me to be desired than to desire someone or something. i don't desire much and what i do desire isn't that important when you get down to it. BEING desired, however, is a huge ego boost. i don't need it but it's more important to me than desiring something.

 

[Brwn_Eyed_Girl]

Loving Him comes naturally to me, it is my character to offer my heart. Being loved is what I crave .... being loved with the same devotion that I give.

I like the thought of Him thinking I am unforgettable

 

[LadyJeanne]

it's more important for me to love than to be loved. mostly this is because i find it so hard to do... it's a challenge for me love someone (dogs are no problem... people is another story).

as far as desire goes, it's more important to me to be desired than to desire someone or something. i don't desire much and what i do desire isn't that important when you get down to it. BEING desired, however, is a huge ego boost. i don't need it but it's more important to me than desiring something.

Interesting that you separate love and desire - I kinda lumped them together when I was thinking about it. But I can see how that makes sense.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Loving Him comes naturally to me, it is my character to offer my heart. Being loved is what I crave .... being loved with the same devotion that I give.

I like the thought of Him thinking I am unforgettable

I need to be loved - to feel secure in someone's love. And I also crave being desired - it's a huge turn-on.

 

[EJFan]

I need to be loved - to feel secure in someone's love. And I also crave being desired - it's a huge turn-on.

is it the "being loved" or the security that is uppermost in your mind?

 

[LadyJeanne]

is it the "being loved" or the security that is uppermost in your mind?

They are linked in my mind. I need to believe that I am loved, need to feel it and know it, in order to feel secure in the relationship. It's not enough for someone to say 'I love you' if their actions cause me to question whether they love me or not, or have me wondering what their 'love' really means. If I'm insecure about it, then all my neuroses start acting up. If I feel loved, then I am much more open and put more into the relationship.

 

[rosebud5446]

i think i would rather be the unforgettable one. for 1, it's less likely you will get your heart broken when everyone is swooning over you, and 2, it's def. and ego boost when nearly every guy you date falls for you right away. it just sucks when you have to let them down.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Wow, what an intense question!

I guess consciously I need to be loved more than I need to love. To love is just an element of my nature and is something I do without thinking. I guess thought, it is the need to have that love returned which is what fuels my loving nature. I think without that love being returned, eventually my ability to give love would fade.

 

[bobsgirl]

What's more important to you - to love or be loved? to desire or be desired? to think your partner is unforgettable or that your partner think you are unforgettable?

I think it's in my nature to love, sometimes too easily and foolishly, but the need to love is fed by being loved. I'm not sure you can have the first without the second. So I guess it's more important to me to be loved.

Same with desire. I crave being desired, maybe because so much of the time I feel so undesirable.

Those are hard things to admit. Recently I learned I am considered to be a needy person. It makes me sound kind of neurotic.

I'm assuming you're referring to romantic love. In the case of a parent loving a child, for me, that love was instant and unconditional. You love your children through anything, even when it seems like they have no love for you.

 

[anyotherman]

well, what indicates love?

How does love happen for you? How do you know you feel love?

* Passive realization: After dating for along time, one day you passively realize, "you know, i love this person..."

* Instantly: as in love at first sight, down to the bottom of your feet

* Conscious decision: I decide that I love this person..

* Physical indicator: burn/ache in the heart, or butterflys in the stomach or, feeling like the wind is being knocked out

...
..
.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Wow, what an intense question!

I was fully caffeinated - sorry

I guess consciously I need to be loved more than I need to love. To love is just an element of my nature and is something I do without thinking. I guess thought, it is the need to have that love returned which is what fuels my loving nature. I think without that love being returned, eventually my ability to give love would fade.

Love fuels love, passion fuels passion. There's nothing hotter than someone who's hot for you.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I think it's in my nature to love, sometimes too easily and foolishly, but the need to love is fed by being loved. I'm not sure you can have the first without the second. So I guess it's more important to me to be loved.

Same with desire. I crave being desired, maybe because so much of the time I feel so undesirable.

Those are hard things to admit. Recently I learned I am considered to be a needy person. It makes me sound kind of neurotic.

I'm assuming you're referring to romantic love. In the case of a parent loving a child, for me, that love was instant and unconditional. You love your children through anything, even when it seems like they have no love for you.

Yes, I'm talking about romantic love - kids and parents are totally different.

Self-awareness can help with the neuroses - a lot of times it really is all in your head, but the insecurities drive your actions and make real problems. Admitting to yourself what's going on, and learning to recognize when the neurotic behavior starts, can help you change the pattern.

 

[LadyJeanne]

How does love happen for you? How do you know you feel love?

* Passive realization: After dating for along time, one day you passively realize, "you know, i love this person..."

* Instantly: as in love at first sight, down to the bottom of your feet

* Conscious decision: I decide that I love this person..

* Physical indicator: burn/ache in the heart, or butterflys in the stomach or, feeling like the wind is being knocked out

...
..
.

Love happens over time, whether you are passive in the realization of it, or whether you are active in loving someone. In love is a state of mind - it can happen instantly or later, but it's all about how you think about someone. Deciding to love - I don't know about that. I don't think it's a decision you make - as I said, love develops over time. The butterflies...that's a crush, an infatuation.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I was fully caffeinated - sorry



Love fuels love, passion fuels passion. There's nothing hotter than someone who's hot for you.

That's very true.

 

[silverwhisper]

for me, it's more important to be loved. loving someone else, that i can do. finding someone who can return that sentiment, that can be much harder, IMHO.

ed

 

[sunandshadow]

To love is more important to me than to be loved. Because being loved is a nice environment to be in, but loving someone changes who I am for the better.

 

[Munachi]

oh i can't even think about loving someone right now, it'd be already great if i could just find someone i am attracted to, everything else can come later on.

but really, being desired, loved, etc. is very important to me. might in part have to do with self confidence problems, i like to have the feeling i am important, i am often insecure about whether i am liked, etc. - of course, it is only really good if i feel the same about them, though. but loving someone more than they love you, like having them be somewhat indifferent to you, is so painful. when i really like someone (i am careful about the word "love" as i am not sure if i really have loved yet), one of the things i often wonder is if he is just now thinking of me too.

 

[Guest]

 

[midwestyankee]

I was fully caffeinated - sorry



Love fuels love, passion fuels passion. There's nothing hotter than someone who's hot for you.

I agree. In my (decidedly somewhat limited) experience, someone else's desire for you is a powerful aphrodisiac and may be the most powerful of them all.

As for the original question, for me it's a chicken-or-egg kind of question (or series of questions, actually).

 

[NaughtyLil1]

There have been many times in my life that I have loved with all that I am. Just once I'd like to know what it feels like to have it returned.

 

[Guest]

 

[pleasteasme]

oh i can't even think about loving someone right now, it'd be already great if i could just find someone i am attracted to, everything else can come later on.

but really, being desired, loved, etc. is very important to me. might in part have to do with self confidence problems, i like to have the feeling i am important, i am often insecure about whether i am liked, etc. - of course, it is only really good if i feel the same about them, though. but loving someone more than they love you, like having them be somewhat indifferent to you, is so painful. when i really like someone (i am careful about the word "love" as i am not sure if i really have loved yet), one of the things i often wonder is if he is just now thinking of me too.

I can relate, totally.


I still love the parking analogy in your sig line!

 

[sugared]

To love for the sake of being loved is human

To love for the sake of loving is angelic

 

[Xectxny19X]

to love or be loved???

I think they're both great feelings...loving someone & having someone love you. Ideally, I would want both, but if I were to have one...I'd rather love.