To have sex or not to have sex...

[lonelysmile]

... that is the question...
I'm looking for a little advise, because I really don't think I have anyone I can talk to about this sort of thing.
I'm a straight woman who is questioning her sexuality. I know that's not real unusual and it's not the main point of my post, so I'll move on. I consider myself straight, but I have never had a romantic or sexual experience with either a man or a woman. Recently, I've been doing a lot of thinking and talking to some friends who've always thought I was Lesbian or Bi and I really am finding it harder and harder to believe that I'm straight.
Like I said earlier, I'm a virgin- a virgin when it comes to everything, including kissing and all that stuff taken for granted. It's not because I didn't want to, it's because I couldn't find anyone else who wanted to. BTW I'm 19. Anyway... I have a friend who is a Lesbian and she is one of my closest friends... I believe that I may be in love with her (part of my "questioning" feelings), but I don't think she's in love with me. Still, she's offered sex many times jokingly, but recently I've been thinking that she's more serious about it. And I can't stop thinking about it, although it does make me nervous.
I know this is all pretty random and none of you know me, so it's a hard thing to judge... I want to have sex with my friend, but I don't want to mess up our friendship or, if we do have sex, totally make a fool of myself and embarass myself forever. She's much, much more experienced than I am and while I think that having sex has the possibility of messing things up, the thought of having sex with this woman is too overpowering. I don't know if I should wait on sex and just hope that someone falls in love with me sometime in the near future or if I should just take a risk and blindly follow my emotions...
Any advise or tips or anything would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much.
~Lonelysmile~

 

[tintarron]

Hey - straight male here, just offering my thoughts. I also had my first kiss/sexual experience around 18/19.

Obviously it's ultimately up to you and how you feel, the bits that you can't describe, but I would say go for it. Sex is a wonderful thing and if she's your friend you should feel safe with her, able to confess your insecurities. If it doesn't thrill you, at least you tried - and I'm sure there are lots more experiences waiting for you in the future. The first time isn't the best time, there's no need to turn it into an epic encounter - it's just about discovering what you want to do and urging forward.

-t

 

[queen_of_cups]

While, I'd love to be able to say "If she's a true friend, it won't mess up your friendship forever", the fact is, that for most people, sex does tend to change things. This doesn't mean it will -mess things up- but it will -change- things. So if I were in your shoes, I'd think long and hard about whether or not trying out that sexual side is what you really want, or if you have more invested in the friendship and want to keep things at that level.

At the same time, if there's mutual attraction and respect, and the time seems right or an opportunity presents itself - why not? Maybe try talking it out a little first? Also - don't forget to stay safe if you do decide to take that step.

 

[Ricwilly]

Jump on in there and just do it. It'll sort itself out.

 

[lonelysmile]

Thanks for the responses... I think I'm going to just see what happens. Not sure that anything will happen at all, but I'm not sure I'd pass up the opportunity if it were to arise. Thanks again.

 

[chrk1]

if she really is a friend, it wouldn't harm your relationship. i'd say go for it.

 

[sirgary]

...it's been five years...I guess it didn't go as you planned....

I can offer some suggestions that will have either men or women....or both...lined up outside of your door...

...<grin>....but you will have to keep an open mind....