To Bi or not to Bi?

[cuervorose]

This is a subject I've discussed with others at one point or another and I'd like to see it discussed here. Are women who have sex with other women just to please a BF/husband really bi?
Bi curious? Just looking for opinions....



Later,

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Tis only my humble opionin, but if One gets absolutely no *real* thrill with being with a member of the same sex, then One is not bi. Doing something to please a loved one is not the same as doing something because one likes it/needs it.

Hope that helps...
lil girl

 

[Ladybird]

My understanding is that a woman who is purely hetro, wouldn't want to even touch another woman, let alone have sex with her.

Same goes for guys, how many men do you know that are almost phobic about being touched or expected to touch, another man.

I think if a woman makes loves to another woman, for whatever reason, then she must have a bisexual tendancy, even if it's not strong.

But, that's just what I think.

 

[Amaterasu]

i think that a lot of sexuality is traditionally thought of as black and white, you're hetero, gay, or bi, and there is no wiggle room.

Myself, I traditionally identified as hetero, but have recently been entertaining bi-fantasies, and recently had a threesome with a man and a woman. I had an amazing time, but realized that while I liked being with a woman in the threesome setting, I don't think I would be interested in a one on one female encounter.

So what does this make me? I'm not bi - I don't want to be with just a woman alone - but i'm not straight, because I am interested in women....

Honestly - I don't care! I don't need labels to compartmentalize me. I tried something, I liked it, and it also helped me realize that I really enjoy men - but that a woman is not out of my realm of possibilities...

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

"I am a human being, therefore sexual in nature and do not seek to label myself beyond that."

I forget who said it, but I thought it was cool.

 

[69forever]

I couldn't have said it better, Polite.

Those nasty labels are sooo infuriating. Do you enjoy the touch
of a man? Yes? Go for it. Do you enjoy the touch of a woman?
Yes? Go for it. Simple once you get past all the bullshit semantics.

 

[Queersetti]

Just out of curiosity, I wonder how many of the bisexuals here have ever considered the possibility that their denunciation of clearly defined sexual roles might be considered dismissive of gay sexuality.

 

[cuervorose]

?

By no means was I seeking to create labels here. But in my own search to find a bi woman to share part of my life with, I've found so many willing to participate ONLY if their husband/BF can be involved. I personally don't find that to be bi, just....adventurous? Maybe? Not sure, but I wanted others opinions....

Later

 

[Amaterasu]

Just out of curiosity, I wonder how many of the bisexuals here have ever considered the possibility that their denunciation of clearly defined sexual roles might be considered dismissive of gay sexuality.

forgive me Q - how so?

 

[Queersetti]

forgive me Q - how so?

Many bisexuals, and I am not trying to point a finger at any particular individuals here, like to decry labels such as "gay" "straight" and "bi" as inherently wrong, and chastise those who don't agree with that view as being close minded.

If one feels that their own sexuality is so fluid as to be unlabelable, that is fine, but when such an attitude is applied universally, it negates the life experiences of those who clearly understand their sexuality to be gay or lesbian.

Some of us see our gay identity as a strong and integral part of who we are, and the theory that all people are "just sexual" can seem dismissive of our understanding of ourselves.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Universally human beings are sexual, but you are right that most human beings have chosen (and I use this word lightly) one role or another to describe themselves not only sexually, but as an intgreal part of who they are. Remove that, and you have nothing but a husk of minor details.

But not everyone has that, and the frist posting of this thread wasn't about do people who only have same sex encounters occassionally (esp just to please another) latenty bi-sexual.

I personally would say no. Just as I said before in another thread that a person of one sexuality can still love a person of another sexuality. It doesn't change who they are intgreally, but that ONE person was someone they wanted to be with.

So, just as if I don't think a person is gay if they have one gay affair, or straight if they have one straight affair, I don't think someone's bi if they have one affair with the same sex or if gay with the opposite.

I'm straight, deeply straight. But I have often longed I wasn't because there have been oppurtunites for me to have deeply enriching realtionships with other women. But it wasn't there for me. And I exspect there are gays out there who feel the same about certain women, but they are deeply gay. It's who they (we) ARE. Bisexuals on the other hand are more able to take what comes, I guess.

 

[Amaterasu]

Many bisexuals, and I am not trying to point a finger at any particular individuals here, like to decry labels such as "gay" "straight" and "bi" as inherently wrong, and chastise those who don't agree with that view as being close minded.

If one feels that their own sexuality is so fluid as to be unlabelable, that is fine, but when such an attitude is applied universally, it negates the life experiences of those who clearly understand their sexuality to be gay or lesbian.

Some of us see our gay identity as a strong and integral part of who we are, and the theory that all people are "just sexual" can seem dismissive of our understanding of ourselves.

Thank you for clarifying that for me!

Labels aren't inherently wrong, but traditional labels don't always apply in every situation...

and I agree that denouncing the idea of labels altogether is as closeminded as thinking that everyone fits neatly into 3 categories.

 

[Queersetti]

Thank you for clarifying that for me!

Labels aren't inherently wrong, but traditional labels don't always apply in every situation...

and I agree that denouncing the idea of labels altogether is as closeminded as thinking that everyone fits neatly into 3 categories.

I'm glad that my second post was clearer, and I appreciate the fact that you asked for a clarification. If that was a more common occurrence, there would be a lot less strife in the world.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Amen

Of course, I'm guilty, but what the hey.

 

[Amaterasu]

I'm glad that my second post was clearer, and I appreciate the fact that you asked for a clarification. If that was a more common occurrence, there would be a lot less strife in the world.

Well I am glad that I asked

 

[GeorgeWBush]

Well I am glad that I asked

I don't care what i'm called if i'm having sex with my best friend or a women i'm haing fun and that is all that counts.

Hi AM did you ever get your balcony sex hehe.

I'm still intrested but to far away.

 

[Amaterasu]

I don't care what i'm called if i'm having sex with my best friend or a women i'm haing fun and that is all that counts.

Hi AM did you ever get your balcony sex hehe.

I'm still intrested but to far away.

nope, still no balcony sex

 

[Netzach]

I don't understand how my denunciation of something inaccurate applied to me should be a problem for someone else. Operative clause here: "to me."

I, me, Netzach in her little world, find the GLBT buzzwords limiting and too small-box and having buzzwords robs me of a perfectly good chance to talk *about* sexuality and not just name it and move on.

That's where humans get into trouble. Gay people do it, bisexuals do it, SM people do it, the religious right does it. Everyone *should be* the way we ourselves are, the ones who aren't are either lying or aberrant or both.

The happy-hippie "everyone's really bisexual" attitude bugs me to no end. Everyone's not, people who aren't aren't repressed or missing out, and they may be just as enlightened as those of us who don't want to affiliate are. Imagine that!

Besides, if everyone really is just like me only too repressed to admit it, the world suddenly becomes more boring, my own sexuality less unique and specific, no?

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Netzach

the reason i know a lil girl like me can one day aspire to finding someone as utterly awesome and smart as She is!!!!

(I love the way You make Your points BTW...i know instinctively that if i had the words...i would have said something similar)

lil girl

 

[Queersetti]

I don't understand how my denunciation of something inaccurate applied to me should be a problem for someone else. Operative clause here: "to me."

I, me, Netzach in her little world, find the GLBT buzzwords limiting and too small-box and having buzzwords robs me of a perfectly good chance to talk *about* sexuality and not just name it and move on.

That's where humans get into trouble. Gay people do it, bisexuals do it, SM people do it, the religious right does it. Everyone *should be* the way we ourselves are, the ones who aren't are either lying or aberrant or both.

The happy-hippie "everyone's really bisexual" attitude bugs me to no end. Everyone's not, people who aren't aren't repressed or missing out, and they may be just as enlightened as those of us who don't want to affiliate are. Imagine that!

Besides, if everyone really is just like me only too repressed to admit it, the world suddenly becomes more boring, my own sexuality less unique and specific, no?

Your point is very well made.

I have had any number of bisexuals tell me that "everyone is bi" and it is no more fair or accurate than if I were to claim that all bisexuals are gay but lack the courage to admit it.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Your point is very well made.

I have had any number of bisexuals tell me that "everyone is bi" and it is no more fair or accurate than if I were to claim that all bisexuals are gay but lack the courage to admit it.

Thank You big brother for pointing out another fallacy...though i dislike labels and will use them only to clarify how i feel about myself...i hate it when others try to make such erronous statements and act like it is the truth....

(and if i have not told You today...i love You!!!)

Lil girl

 

[Queersetti]

Thank You big brother for pointing out another fallacy...though i dislike labels and will use them only to clarify how i feel about myself...i hate it when others try to make such erronous statements and act like it is the truth....

(and if i have not told You today...i love You!!!)

Lil girl

I love you too, little darling!

Labels are like any tool, they can be limiting but they can also be empowering.

 

[Rhys]

Just out of curiosity, I wonder how many of the bisexuals here have ever considered the possibility that their denunciation of clearly defined sexual roles might be considered dismissive of gay sexuality.

I've been thinking about that. I don't think a refusal to be labeled as anything is dismissive of gay sexuality anymore than its dismissive of straight sexuality. Res Ipsa Loquitur...or in other words...the thing speaks for itself. Grey is neither black nor white but a lot of shades in between...and this community... meaning Lit in general...likes to have things defined in black and white...makes it easier to process or ...even dismiss all the shades of grey as a bunch of silly poseurs. Part of the reason I refuse to label myself as anything but whatever it is that I am, is simply this...and I am in full agreement with Netzach.

Plus I post on this board. I suppose that's indicative of something.

 

[Queersetti]

I've been thinking about that. I don't think a refusal to be labeled as anything is dismissive of gay sexuality anymore than its dismissive of straight sexuality. Res Ipsa Loquitur...or in other words...the thing speaks for itself. Grey is neither black nor white but a lot of shades in between...and this community... meaning Lit in general...likes to have things defined in black and white...makes it easier to process or ...even dismiss all the shades of grey as a bunch of silly poseurs. Part of the reason I refuse to label myself as anything but whatever it is that I am, is simply this...and I am in full agreement with Netzach.

Plus I post on this board. I suppose that's indicative of something.

I think you may have misunderstood me. I was not talking about how people label themselves, but the tendency of some bisexuals to denounce all sexual labels as meaningless.

 

[Rhys]

I think you may have misunderstood me. I was not talking about how people label themselves, but the tendency of some bisexuals to denounce all sexual labels as meaningless.

I didn't really misunderstand...just took a moment to clarify a personal position. I have been attacked a couple of times for refusing to clarify my sexual orientation to the board in general.
Since I write both straight and gay fiction, the persons involved seemed to be most offended by what they considered to be a dismissive attitude (or at least, a lack of veracity) on my part. I have been puzzled by this, so what you saw above was really me ruminating on the subject. I guess my question is, is this antagonistic attitude prevalent in the gay community?