To be or not to be . . . humiliated

[CharleyH]

This is all in guise of sex - of course, or I would not ask here - but humiliation.

Obviously things are humiliating to us all at different times, and while I have done some pretty ridiclous things, I have never felt particularly 'humiliated' in my life.

As the kind of person I am, even if someone wanted me to beg in sex, I would find it all a game, and not really humiliating, and since I am more S than M, it has never crossed my mind to feel that any private scenario was more than a private embarrassment to my sub, who knows I will accept him or her the next day.

I can find much more humiliation in doing things in public scenes and so, in this respect I don't understand what is humiliating about anything ever done in private.

What could possibly be humiliating in a private scene, or is S/m all just the flavour of who you are with? And what is so god damn humilating?

Thank you.

 

[Guest]

What could possibly be humiliating in a private scene...

Plenty.

... or is S/m all just the flavour of who you are with?

Yes, that is a lot of it, but not all, I don't think. The degree of humiliation felt does, of course, depend upon the motivations/reactions of the Dom(me)/Top.

And what is so god damn humilating?

Thank you.

I'll PM you with more. It's all too humiliating to state in public.

Oh, and my pleasure!

 

[CharleyH]

ROFL - ok cuz I am at extremes here. I understand subs get humiliated if I ask for certain things. I get each is different. BUT WTF is the turn on? To me its a game, and even if I did submit to some form of submission, it would still be a game that would not turn me on really because I am not wired that way.

PM AT WILL!

 

[Guest]

ROFL - ok cuz I am at extremes here. I understand subs get humiliated if I ask for certain things. I get each is different. BUT WTF is the turn on? To me its a game, and even if I did submit to some form of submission, it would still be a game that would not turn me on really because I am not wired that way.

PM AT WILL!

PM sent!

The turn on for me is the rush I get from the feeling of him humiliating me. I guess it's a hard one to explain, as I AM wired that way, and just simply find it a huge turn on! It's the feeling of being completely Dominated and used/made to feel small and embarrassed. It's serving him and trying to please him, and mixed with that is the ruthless pleasure I see on his face as he's putting me through each thing.

It doesn't feel like a game to me, not at the time, it feels like a very serious and incredibly horny sexual act - even if the humiliation involves no physical contact whatsoever.

Anyway, more explained in the PM.

 

[CharleyH]

As a Domme I understand the importance of eye contact, I get that I can put him or her thru the most inordinary of circumstances, and they will cum for me, that is good, I love the obedience, but as a Domme, it is a turn on to me to go public because that is where REAL humiliation lies to me, so private turn ons just dont seem ENOUGH. Are they?

 

[Guest]

Yes, when done in private it can be very heavy! Purely because there are extremes that can be gone to in private which even the most daring/exhibitionistic person would not dream of doing in public.

Of course, public humiliation is also a huge rush, but I have felt that much more so when put through extreme things in private.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Obviously things are humiliating to us all at different times, and while I have done some pretty ridiclous things, I have never felt particularly 'humiliated' in my life.

Very few people have the ability to embrace the things about themselves that could be considered weaknesses, kinks or uncouth (societally speaking). Kudos to you for being secure in yourself and not bending to societal norms...

I can find much more humiliation in doing things in public scenes and so, in this respect I don't understand what is humiliating about anything ever done in private.

Yes, but it seems to me that most subs are looking to please their Dom/me more than they are in relation to the public. I'd venture to say that some forms of public humiliation would even be 'better' for a sub than those practiced in private. Think about it, if you've given a directive to be carried out in public and the sub follows through, they have lived up to their submission to you - therefore - fulfilling their need to submit and pleasing you at the same time. Bonus!

Privately, however, a sub's humiliation is most likely directly linked to their failure in pleasing you.

What could possibly be humiliating in a private scene, or is S/m all just the flavour of who you are with? And what is so god damn humilating?

I know things shouldn't seem humiliating in private, but if a person is of the type that has insecurities about themselves or can't handle any type of rejection, even the smallest breach in their comfort zone could be humiliating.

*shrugs*

~lucky (dizzy now...)

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: To be or not to be . . . humiliated

Very few people have the ability to embrace the things about themselves that could be considered weaknesses, kinks or uncouth (societally speaking). Kudos to you for being secure in yourself and not bending to societal norms...

I'm gonna beg to differ a little here and say that laying oneself open to another, to exactly the kind of thing that we would ALL find humiliating, is actually quite a brave and strong thing to do. It's putting that complete trust in another and knowing that they really don't think any less of you (more of you, in fact), for laying oneself open to such degrading and humiliating things. It's being able to admit that I can do that, and I will do that and I do do that!

Privately, however, a sub's humiliation is most likely directly linked to their failure in pleasing you.

No, not at all. It is not about "failing to please". It is about carrying out humiliating orders and doing exactly as asked, therefore greatly pleasing the Dom.

I know things shouldn't seem humiliating in private, but if a person is of the type that has insecurities about themselves or can't handle any type of rejection, even the smallest breach in their comfort zone could be humiliating.

Again, no, not at all. I am very secure in my sexuality, especially when in private.

Seriously, it's all about him going out of his way to make me do things which anyone would find humiliating, and me doing it! It's me living up to the Dom's expectations and carrying out whatever he throws at me.

I just get such a rush from the extremes he goes to, to humiliate me. I find it a massive turn on!

 

[Couture]

As a Domme I understand the importance of eye contact, I get that I can put him or her thru the most inordinary of circumstances, and they will cum for me, that is good, I love the obedience, but as a Domme, it is a turn on to me to go public because that is where REAL humiliation lies to me, so private turn ons just dont seem ENOUGH. Are they?

I tend to find humiliating things where there is a chance for the private humiliation to become public. Sending your sub to work in a collar would be humiliating, but the consequences would also be a little more permanent than either of you would like.

However, wearing a crotch rope while dining with the family is is just the right humiliation. Or a short skirt and no underwear at work..."if your coworkers only knew what a slut you are." Followed by a phone call telling her to touch herself for you at her desk. It's a private humiliation with a bit of risk.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

You've humiliated me for the last time.....oops, that's a different story.
Nevermind....continue to frighten the masses.

 

[CharleyH]

I tend to find humiliating things where there is a chance for the private humiliation to become public. Sending your sub to work in a collar would be humiliating, but the consequences would also be a little more permanent than either of you would like.

However, wearing a crotch rope while dining with the family is is just the right humiliation. Or a short skirt and no underwear at work..."if your coworkers only knew what a slut you are." Followed by a phone call telling her to touch herself for you at her desk. It's a private humiliation with a bit of risk.

I know how to humiliate my sub in public, but humilations to ME are public. What is a private humiliation turn on? I know what it is for subs I have been with, is it all the same?

IE. If I seem disconcerned for a girl and make her ride my stiletto, if I open the garbage gan and say fuck it.

What I am getting at and thank you, I was not direct: What IS a private humiliation?

Thanks for your take though Couture

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Re: Re: Re: To be or not to be . . . humiliated

I'm gonna beg to differ a little here and say that laying oneself open to another, to exactly the kind of thing that we would ALL find humiliating, is actually quite a brave and strong thing to do. It's putting that complete trust in another and knowing that they really don't think any less of you (more of you, in fact), for laying oneself open to such degrading and humiliating things. It's being able to admit that I can do that, and I will do that and I do do that!

I never meant that being open to humiliation, accepting it and doing humiliating things at another's bidding were weaknesses. I don't believe they are. My point was that it is quite difficult to be humiliated in certain aspects, if you have no aversion to the task at hand. I'm comfortable with certain aspects of myself that allow me to do things that would be intensely humiliating to other people. That's more what I was getting at.

No, not at all. It is not about "failing to please". It is about carrying out humiliating orders and doing exactly as asked, therefore greatly pleasing the Dom.

We're getting our wires crossed here. I'm not implying that the task isn't humiliating enough on its own. However, I think that a person's sense of humiliation comes from within. The turn-on seems to be the inner struggle of accepting the humiliation as a means of submitting completely.

What about the feeling a sub gets when they're in the position of realizing that they cannot comply? What happens when preventing a certain type/amount of humiliation becomes greater than pleasing their Dom/me? It seems a lose/lose to me, as humiliation could possibly be staring you in the face from both sides of the equation.

Again, no, not at all. I am very secure in my sexuality, especially when in private.

I don't think I mentioned anything about insecurities with one's sexuality, merely that if there is even the slightest lack of trust/security in a Dom/me's acceptance, the potential for private humiliation is higher.

Seriously, it's all about him going out of his way to make me do things which anyone would find humiliating, and me doing it! It's me living up to the Dom's expectations and carrying out whatever he throws at me.

Again, you assume that there is a universal humiliation factor, and I don't think there is. I think I understand what it is that motivates you and why the humiliation is acceptable, but the only experience I've ever had with humiliation has been directly linked to some demon or another that lives inside of me. Whether society/family/lover/etc... put that demon there or not, is without merit. The fact that I feel humiliation (imo) has everything to do with something within, rather than my surroundings.

I just get such a rush from the extremes he goes to, to humiliate me. I find it a massive turn on!

I understand this, quite clearly. I love the passion with which you state it.

I was trying to speak to the inner feeling of humiliation, though, and not so much why people endure it.

Thanks.

~lucky

 

[CharleyH]

You've humiliated me for the last time.....oops, that's a different story.
Nevermind....continue to frighten the masses.

Ok you are just humiliating

 

[lucky-E-leven]

What I am getting at and thank you, I was not direct: What IS a private humiliation?

Here's a public humiliation...

Misunderstanding a thread starter (I think) and being in a round-about with someone else about two entirely different things, as far as I can tell.

What is it you want, Squirrell Lover!

~lucky

 

[CharleyH]

Re: Re: Re: Re: To be or not to be . . . humiliated

I never meant that being open to humiliation, accepting it and doing humiliating things at another's bidding were weaknesses. I don't believe they are. My point was that it is quite difficult to be humiliated in certain aspects, if you have no aversion to the task at hand. I'm comfortable with certain aspects of myself that allow me to do things that would be intensely humiliating to other people. That's more what I was getting at.

You have some fascinating points as always but you are also Domme and I know that, ok switch as you articulate . . . but do you not manipulate as a Domme(I hate DS grammar ) that - diff way - do you get the sub mind when you humiliate? Would you feel humiliated in the same space? THAT is why I dont get it - it is a game played, that obviously I dont feel.

Can you reconcile the sadistic with the masochistic - there is my question. Nope they dont blend in greater context of course - oh what am I on about?

Its holidays I am allowed to be on , not humiliated

 

[Guest]

With all due respect, Lucky (and Charley, for that matter), all you have stated is why you are Dominant, and I am sub.

I believe it's all intrinsically linked, and I do not see any part of my submission as a weakness or a result of the "demons" within me. What demons? It's just a huge kink I have. I can't explain it, and quite frankly, over-analyzing somethng can drive all the passion out of it.

I'm sorry, but I don't like it being implied (politely/indirectly, or whatever) that my particular kink for finding humiliation a turn on, can be merely put down to me battling with things from within.

I am certain that the thing I have been put through, which I found to be the most humiliating, almost anybody would. The fact that I embraced it, trusted him enough to do it, I think speaks volumes for the level of submissiveness I am willing to go to.

It has absolutely nothing to do with me having the, "slightest lack of trust/security in a Dom/me's acceptance." Quite the opposite, in fact.

I might be wrong, Lucky, but you seem to have quite a low opinion of humiliation, and even those who enjoy it.

Lou

 

[Couture]

I'm still a little unclear. Is your question why is anything humiliating when done between you and your sub who you will accept the next day?

But even in private it isn't just you and your sub. It's you, your sub, and all the personal baggage he/she carries around. Fucking a stilleto while having smoke blown in your face and being asked, "Are you done yet?", goes against everything you've ever learned in your life.

That's what makes it a turn on.

 

[matriarch]

Ladies, I find this thread fascinating, in a scarey way........because I'm not wired that way...........either way. I've never ever understood the buzz, or rush. But that's just me.

Please.
Continue to 'educate' me.

 

[Couture]

I'm sorry, but I don't like it being implied (politely/indirectly, or whatever) that my particular kink for finding humiliation a turn on, can be merely put down to me battling with things from within.
Lou

Damn straight little lady. Like my grandaddy used to say, "What makes you cum but doesn't kill you makes you stronger" or was it "The harder you cum, the closer you come to dyin"

 

[lucky-E-leven]

With all due respect, Lucky (and Charley, for that matter), all you have stated is why you are Dominant, and I am sub.

I believe it's all intrinsically linked, and I do not see any part of my submission as a weakness or a result of the "demons" within me. What demons? It's just a huge kink I have. I can't explain it, and quite frankly, over-analyzing somethng can drive all the passion out of it.

I'm sorry, but I don't like it being implied (politely/indirectly, or whatever) that my particular kink for finding humiliation a turn on, can be merely put down to me battling with things from within.

I am certain that the thing I have been put through, which I found to be the most humiliating, almost anybody would. The fact that I embraced it, trusted him enough to do it, I think speaks volumes for the level of submissiveness I am willing to go to.

It has absolutely nothing to do with me having the, "slightest lack of trust/security in a Dom/me's acceptance." Quite the opposite, in fact.

I might be wrong, Lucky, but you seem to have quite a low opinion of humiliation, and even those who enjoy it.

Lou

You're misunderstanding me and it seems I misunderstood the entire question of this thread. I began speaking to the general feeling of humiliation and why it occurs. Not the act of causing or enduring humiliation. So when I said there was something within that caused a person to feel humiliated, I labeled it a weakness. I didn't mean it as a character weakness in any respect.

For clarification, the times when I have ever felt any kind of humiliation it has stemmed from being exposed in some way. There are things inside me that have not been fully reckoned with and until they are, I like them locked away where I can manage them the way I see fit. Is this getting any clearer?

I don't have a low opinion of humiliation or those that enjoy it as a particular kink. Not in the least. I am capable of feeling humiliation, as well as causing others to feel it. I don't happen to derive that much pleasure from it, but I certainly don't think there's anything bent or weak about people that do.

~lucky

 

[CharleyH]

With all due respect, Lucky (and Charley, for that matter), all you have stated is why you are Dominant, and I am sub.

I believe it's all intrinsically linked, and I do not see any part of my submission as a weakness or a result of the "demons" within me. What demons? It's just a huge kink I have. I can't explain it, and quite frankly, over-analyzing somethng can drive all the passion out of it.

I'm sorry, but I don't like it being implied (politely/indirectly, or whatever) that my particular kink for finding humiliation a turn on, can be merely put down to me battling with things from within.

I am certain that the thing I have been put through, which I found to be the most humiliating, almost anybody would. The fact that I embraced it, trusted him enough to do it, I think speaks volumes for the level of submissiveness I am willing to go to.

It has absolutely nothing to do with me having the, "slightest lack of trust/security in a Dom/me's acceptance." Quite the opposite, in fact.

I might be wrong, Lucky, but you seem to have quite a low opinion of humiliation, and even those who enjoy it.. I see many POVs they are diff from yours. Cool

Lou

No no my Lou Love. Yes Domme what the fuck ever - I am trying trying to see your POV. If I were a true sadist, as I can be, the feelings are not same toward mt sub as compassion, no no no no. As a true sadist, theoretically, which I cannot reconcile in my life with a masochist. Is this diff from being sub domme - where me going - ok - getting a sub, not a masochist perspective? I figure as a Domme people trust me. As a Sadist they should not, and if they show me any point of pleasure. Whatever . . . a true masochist WANTS a true sadist does not WANT a masochist.\\\

Here is a compelling question Where it came dunno

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I never understand Charley's questions....I just like to see myself post....Hey, that's humiliation too isn't it?

 

[Couture]

No no my Lou Love. Yes Domme what the fuck ever - I am trying trying to see your POV. If I were a true sadist, as I can be, the feelings are not same toward mt sub as compassion, no no no no. As a true sadist, theoretically, which I cannot reconcile in my life with a masochist. Is this diff from being sub domme - where me going - ok - getting a sub, not a masochist perspective? I figure as a Domme people trust me. As a Sadist they should not, and if they show me any point of pleasure. Whatever . . . a true masochist WANTS a true sadist does not WANT a masochist.\\\

Here is a compelling question Where it came dunno

You've been drinking again, haven't you?

 

[Guest]

You've been drinking again, haven't you?

Just what I was thinking! LOL!

Thanks for what you said in reply to me above, too. Made me grin.

 

[CharleyH]

You've been drinking again, haven't you?

Mmmm bad me. Ya ya, I will answer it all tomorrow.

But drunk is fun and Abs needs a whipping!