To all you merciful readers...

[Bleedyearsnixon]

I beg mercy from all you readers out there, specificly of non-erotic submissions. I have been tinkering with a book in progress for a few years now. The only problem is that I have never gotten any feedback regarding my writing. And by feedback I mean criticism. And by criticism I mean constructive criticism. See I'm at the point where I want to shred my hair out. I feel that I might of lost touch with the whole concept of the novel to the point wheres its just one boring long winded observation. So I can't force myself to raise my pen to write anymore on something that might hold no value to anyone whatsoever and only mental mastabatory value for me. Shit. So I ask you, the merciful aficionado of fine stories posted on the ever fine literotica that you tell me what you think. If its bad don't pussyfoot around, please say so. You know, whatever you think... If its halfway decent please tell me how I can improve upon it. For whoever does take their time to read these stories and right back I'd like to thank you in advance for taking time out of your internet fun to lend me your ear and also for possibly preventing me from going prematurely bald.

So here is the story broken into two parts:

Oktoberfest I

and

Oktoberfest II

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Had to read your stories after reading your desperate but funny post.

I may start with a bias because I think first person perspective narratives are too limiting but, even so, I feel you should take a step back. Stream of consciousness writing is very difficult to do. Most of us settle for story - beginning, middle, end.

To engage us as readers in your monologue we must be interested in "you". Are you young, old, black, white, male, female? Why are you staggering around Europe hungover and misanthropic? What is the relevance of Amsterdam, Munich and the beer festival.

Sorry, and please don't take offence, this feels like you are writing for yourself and not spinning a story for an audience. We need to empathize with the protag, get a bit of tension and want to follow the jorney to its denouement.

You write very well, the metaphors ring well. It's just that I'm not sure I care about what happens.

Hope this helps - I can appreciate how frustrating it is to get no feedback.

Perhaps not for this site, but there is potential. Just follow the universal rules of the three-act story and you'll be fine.

 

[Bleedyearsnixon]

first off thank you

Again so this is the first criticism I've had, so its helped to clarify things in my head, thank you

The main problem I was having was would the reader even find this story interesting. This chapter is only an excerpt of the skeleton I'm working with, but if it fails to intrigue, point graciously taken. Its mind boggling on the amount of work that has been and will be envolved.

But again thank you for taking your time to lend me an ear, I now feel suspicions have been confirmed and a certain direction taken.