tired of waiting for Lit email: feedback for sylvia

[cymbidia]

The following has been trying to come to you for days, Sylvia. Lit email not working is a problem. I thought you might want this now, here, instead of suffering like the damned with an always-empty email box. I hope i'm right!
cym

``````````````````
Hello Sylvia,

...and thank you for your feedback on my small effort. Unlike many here who are professional writers, i'm simply a hobbyist and write as a way to process my fantasies and/or experiences. Until very recently, i didn't care one tiny bit about anyone's reactions to what i wrote. However, recently I've come to covet the tools which will make me a clearer, more understandable, writer of these small fictions. One of the tools, of course, involves being open to peer criticism of what i've done so far. ("Peer" is a subjective term as i've used it here; most of my "peers" [you included, of course] are *far* better writers now than i will ever be.)

FYI, my Lit submissions are deliberately short. Since they're not proper stories at all, clearly falling into the category of "character sketches" (as an esteemed Lit editor pointed out to me), there's no natural requirement for length. Additionally, my personal preference from a reader's perspective is toward shorter stories, stories that have multiple chapters if the telling of the story requires that.

I just read your story "The Mountain". You've a very good eye for description and characterization without being flowery and long-winded. Your technical details (spelling, punctuation, etc) are excellent. Your plot was fully developed and interesting. I liked the story very much. It could have been broken into about five or so chapters, but then again, that's my personal preference. I don't know if very long stories like yours get quite the readers that shorter stories get; it may be a problem with the attention span of Lit readers, quite frankly.

Perhaps a repost of your story divided in chapters would boost your reader rates, if you're watching that.

I'll get back to you on your "Sean the Great", too. I *really* like your style in the NC category. Too many stories there are just erotic lovemaking with a mask on, you know? It's-her-loving-hubby-but-she-doesn't-know-that-until-after-the-orgasms kinda stuff. It's refreshing to read well-written stories that are actually, really, about non-consent sexual situations.

Please read my "Pierced" if you have an opportunity. I'd appreciate your feedback on that one. It's got less blood then one might think judging by the title, and the blood it does have is incidental to the story. It's far more about the headspace between an emotionally bonded pair, a submissive masochist and her Dominant, a sadist. It's about what lies between people like that, people who have edgy needs and who've found in each other a perfect complement for the unleashing of those needs.

Thanks again for your feedback. It's valuable stuff.
cym


From: Feedback <feedback@literotica.com>
To: cymbidia <cymbidia@hotmail.com>
Subject: Literotica: Feedback for cymbidia
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2001 02:32:41 -0400

This message contains feedback for: cymbidia
About the submission: First Meeting
This feedback was sent by: sylviarockon@literotica.org

Comments:

Hi cymbidia, I just read your story First Meeting after joining the discussion circle on the BB
I read the first one on the list. It was well-written if a bit short. I was disappointed it didn\'t go anywhere.
I would\'ve liked to know more about how these characters had met, her they were, how they had built each other
up to the level of anticipation they were experiencing. Maybe some dialogue before they actually meet, could set it up.
You know, maybe they could have a conversation somewhere then the d/s theme would be more of a contrast, you
would feel the shock of the word \"Sir\" along with the characters...
Anyway, I liked it, just thought there was more needed.
Hope my thoughts are helpful,
I\'ll read Pierced next and let you know what I think,
Sylvia
If you get a chance and feel up to a bit of a different stroke to your own interests, read my new submission Sean The Great in
the nonconsent category. Its been disappointingly unread. I\'d value your feedback

 

[sylviarockon]

Hi Cym,
Thanks so much for posting my feedback. I have been noticing a surprisingly empty box for the last few days. I wonder if it is just my email or is it the whole system?

I'm also a hobbyist pretty much, although I'd like to be more if I could find the time to devote which has been disappointingly absent of late because of work pressures.
I'm glad you are open to feedback, even us hobbyists can benefit from constructive feedback of our work. I know I've had a lot of great suggestions from people as well as lots of positive encouragement.

I'm a bit like you I think - trying to process through stuff via my writing. But as I've begun to post it I've begun to care more about the quality and its readability. I'm not a "pleaser" in the sense that I want people to be only entertained by what I write, so I think that limits the readership right there. I guess your work is pretty much the same. We both explore themes that are pretty intense and may only be of interest to a small niche, but that's okay with me. I'm almost ready to explore my ability to write stuff that might be more popular, really to challenge myself to see if I can do it. But as the old adage goes "you can't please all of the people all of the time... etc."

I think your idea to break The Mountain into Chapters might be a good one - I'll have to think about that - especially in terms of whether I really care if lots of people read it... If anyone else reading this post has read The Mountain, I'd love to get some feedback on whether they think this would work?

I read Pierced by the way. And I think I told you I haven't really read the BDSM stuff much. I agree with your previous post when you pointed out that nonconsent and BDSM are almost diametrically oppositional. I think this would be an interesting discussion. BDSM seems like the ultimate in consensual encounters and trust between people exploring the deepest most intimate human emotions. The kind of nonconsent I write is about transgressing all of that, it is exploring the violence and lack of emotional connection in rape.

Anyway I wanted to say, although I didn't find the blood and pain in Pierced erotic - I was definitely twitching and gritting my teeth through most of it - I could appreciate the intensity of the emotional connection these two were making in their encounter. I think you skillfully wove their feelings throughout the story, I really felt her pain and fear. You write well, with some marvellous description.
I'm a sucker for context and characterization but somehow there was enough in the encounter itself that I didn't need to know their names, who they were, why they enjoyed this kind of play.

Having said that, I would love to read a story where the characters are explored a bit. The way it fits into their everyday lives or not... Have you written anything like that? Do you have any desire to write something like that?

Anyway thanks again for posting the feedback.
Sylvia

 

[KillerMuffin]

I would say that it was a pleasure to edit her pierced story because the writing was so easy and only needed a bit of tweaking here and there. But I had to get past the subject first. I'm squeamish. However, Cym does have this way of characterizing them that makes you like the characters and want to know more despite the subject matter. It wasn't sexual to me, but it was a fascinating vignette.

We should all understand that not all stories are going to have a beginning, middle, end, plot, or character development that explains history and details. There will be vignettes where nothing is explained about the character, short slices out of a person's life where the emotions and actions the characters do tell the entire story and no history is required.

I have a story that is extremely long and the hero isn't named and probably won't be until the very end.

 

[cymbidia]

What the hell does your sig mean, KM?
I don't speak pig Latin and i've been dying of curiosity.

Is it: [Something]... leering... at... fine... males??????
I feel like a moron.


[Edited by cymbidia on 04-18-2001 at 07:45 PM]

 

[vgrey]

It is the entire mail system...

silviarockon. It quit on me before I could get the feedback that you sent to me. Quite a bummer, really, as I was looking forward to reading your response. Oh well, maybe you could let me know what you thought some time in the future. But the BigMailBox seems to be down for a while.

VG

 

[SpecialK]

Did you get the mail I sent, sylvia? I read a few of your stories and sent feedback via the web.... nothing bounced back to me (but I might not have had email preferences set up right there). I hope the email reached you. Otherwise it's lost. :/

K

 

[sylviarockon]

Yeah, bummer about the email being down. I did send you feedback vgrey - I hope it shows up when the email system goes back up. I went to check my sent file to see if I could retrieve it, but it didn't show up there - strange.

I got an email last week from you SpecialK saying you were going to read some of my stuff but I haven't got anything since... did you send it in the last couple of days? Did you say you posted it to the web too?

Vgrey - I did read the whole Ginger series which I thought was great nonconsent stuff. There were some specifics but since it was last week some time I can't remember it verbatim. Your writing is terrific, very smooth, easily read and nicely descriptive. I particularly remember liking how you built Ginger into a real person, not just a two-dimensional porn character. It made the whole scenario scarier, more edgy...and realistic. I'm surprised to say it was difficult for me to read - I felt quite sad as I read it - go figure? Having said that, it only testifies to the strength of your writing. I look forward to reading more, and/or discussing it more.

KM - I agree that not all stories need have characterization and plot, beginning, middle, end etc. I have a short vignette myself in the EC cat - no names, no history etc. I loved Pastorale and there weren't names and context.
I definitely thought Cym's writing was fantastic, I hope I let that be known. It was a pleasure to read.
I found the way Cym dealt with the BDSM subject fascinating too, it wasn't the usual black leather and harness table cliche. It was about two real people playing out a scene that explored real people's emotions.

I guess it's just an additional interest to want to read a story with a similar subject that develops the characters a bit more - nothing against what was written at all.

Sylvia





[Edited by sylviarockon on 04-21-2001 at 12:53 AM]

 

[DarlingBri]

Having said that, I would love to read a story where the characters are explored a bit. The way it fits into their everyday lives or not... Have you written anything like that? Do you have any desire to write something like that?

I would be totally fascinated reading something like that, even in a How To effort. As curiosity goes, mine may be in the prying vs. prurient category, but I'm interested on an intellectual level. I'm one of those annoying "take it apart and show me how it works" people

So many practitioners say that it's not just a bedroom activity, it's a lifestyle. I accept that statement unequivocally, but don't understand how it works, how it manifests itself on a practical level.

I'm sure there are other people who want to understand with an open mind the more subtle workings of the world and people around them, too.

 

[saharrah]

mail,and feed back

Hello everyone,
I was also wondering about the litererotica mail, i had been waiting to hear back from anyone who might have read my stories.I am a new writer looking for some honest feedback, i would love to become better.
I did change my e mail back to yahoo for now in order to hopefully hear back from a few of you.
thankyou
Saharrah

 

[cymbidia]

ack!!!!

I, uh, i'm not really, well, geeze...

It's not like i'm a real writer, guys. C'mon! I just write little scenes, just slices of passion, nothing with a plot, forgodssakes! Ask KM, she'll tell you. I just do vignettes, "character sketches" she called them.

I bet there's a bunch of really good stories out there that have described lifestyle BDSM. I'm really not at all sure i could write one that would do justice to the sublimely contented experience it can be and is for many of us.

I just don't think i could write this now. Not now. Maybe not for a long time. I'm sorry. Please let it go. Thanks.

 

[DarlingBri]

cym, sorry to be the one to break this to you, but you're actually an *awesome* writer. Vignettes are very, very powerful portrayals. You're brilliant with them.

However, everone needs some time out, and if you're not in writing mode for whatever reasons, we'll let you be. Understood.

 

[Ask For More]

Some more feedback for sylvia....

Firstly thanks for reading my story

I read "Tennis" just now, and it's a very imaginative story I think. Something I find annoying when I read a lot a stories is that sometime the sex just seems to be stale....in that I mean people aren't really exploring new situations for their stories. However I think "Tennis" is a great example of how a story can be much better simply by providing a fresh and orginal situation.

The only suggestion I have is that perhaps a longer story with more detailed characters would benefit more from this type of situation. Obviously it's all down to preference, so feel free to shoot me down

Now in response to what you wrote to me; you're the first person to complain that I wrote in too much detail
I fully understand what you mean by leaving things to the imagination, and in all of my stories I've deliberately avoided describing everything because I wanted people to see things differently depending on what they're like.

Also the reason why I wrote the beginning like that is because it was planned to be an introduction for a fairly long story. However I keep getting ideas for new stories and I put it in the pipeline for a bit to work on others. However I am working on the new chapter with help from the lovely Isolde and I hope we can work it out next week to get the next chapter up.

I think that covers just about everything. Hope litmail is working soon!

 

[vgrey]

lit mail is back!

Lit mail is back for those of us who have been wondering. I think this thread is turning into a pretty good discussion of style. I like the fact that we are comparing and commenting on multiple writers at once. Hopefully the lit mail getting back up won't stop this little forum.

VG

 

[Guest]

What i want to ask cymbida is this- is that link to the Peirced story with the pics, is that you in the pics? Don't lie.

 

[cymbidia]

Yes.

The pics are of me, of the time when the rings were inserted (though only one ring remains). The story is reality-based too, as all of mine are, something i've acknowledged openly a time or two.

Thanks, Kerrie. http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/funny/1empty.gif

 

[sylviarockon]

I agree with vgrey - I think this is a nice forum, it has just kind of started off where the original feedback circle ended.

First I wanted to clarify for Cym - I totally don't mean to dictate what you should write. Like DarlingBri I'm a "want to take it apart and see how it works kind of curious mind" but that's just me and DB I'll have to scour the BDSM category for some "lifestyle BDSM" stories to quench my interest!
Having said that, I want you to know that I think you writing is amazing! To engage readers with your short vignettes in a genre they are not used to, shows the quality of what you write. Don't underestimate yourself. And now I promise I'll back off

Ask For More, thanks for your feedback on Tennis. Ironically, Cym and I and others have been discussing the relative merits of vignettes vs. characterization/plot. I don't think it's necessarily a question of versus, i.e. which one is better. It's probably a question of preference for the writer and the reader. I also wanted to clarify what I meant regarding the detail in Peace Hotel - it's not so much too much detail as the way you present the detail. Sometimes you can introduce the details of setting, character, plot through dialogue or action between characters rather than just telling the reader through the thoughts of one character. It's just another matter of style and it doesn't mean I enjoyed your story any less. I'm really looking forward to reading the next installment

Kerrie! Thanks for your feedback on the possibility of breaking The Mountain into Chapters or Parts. I'll have to go back to it and see where I could break the flow up. Also, I've been thinking of editing out the bestiality so it might appeal to more readers - what do you think????

Sylvia

 

[vgrey]

worrying over the dog scene

I think that you handle it well in your story.

I thought the scene with the knife was the more horrific. I wouldn't try to soften it if I were you. The extreme nature of the tale was a part of its impact. That being said, its your story, do whatever you like with it.

VG

 

[sylviarockon]

Thanks vgrey. I'll keep your feedback in mind. It was an intense piece and I don't want to compromise that just for the sake of a few more readers.

By the way, did you end up getting my email about the Ginger series?

Sylvia

 

[vgrey]

Sylviarockon

No, I'm afraid that your e-mail was lost in transit. If you are able to send along your thoughts at some point I would love to hear them.

VG