Time in stories

[Guest]

Writing question. I'm stuck in a moment. How do you show time elapsing in a story, be it hours, days, weeks, or years without it sounding forced or lame?

TIA

 

[carsonshepherd]

Writing question. I'm stuck in a moment. How do you show time elapsing in a story, be it hours, days, weeks, or years without it sounding forced or lame?

TIA

Give me a setup. I do it several different ways.

 

[impressive]

I'm bouncing around in my (neglected) NaNo novel ... just showing the characters' ages.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Generally, a "harder" break for a longer gap. A day or a few weeks you can cover with a transitional phrase that connects back to the last paragraph or chapter:

End Chapter One
"Gazing into his eyes, she threw caution to the wind and kissed him."

Begin Chapter Two
"Two weeks later, she wasn't sure that had been such a good idea. It had seemed daring at the time, but now things were moving too fast."

A big break - months or years - one often sees handled through a re-establishment of setting, almost as if the story were starting again from scratch (which, in a sense, it is):

Begin Chapter Three, four years later.
"Rain drifted down over the wind-torn streets, plastering the last of the fall leaves to the sidewalk as June picked her way along the sidewalk. Above her, the on-off pulse of the all night diner's neon sign beat into her consciousness.

It had been three years since she'd seen David. She'd never expected to again. But there was his voice that morning on her answering machine."

The prose there, of course, is drivel - I made it up as I went along. But I hope it's clear enough to show what I meant in terms of the perception of gap being stronger due to the re-establishment of setting rather than a simple transition. That's one way that one can communicate greater periods of time passing.

Now, for God's sake, someone stage an intervention on me. I'm thinking of attempting ... flashbacks. *wince* A whole story structured in flashbacks. I've lost it, haven't I?

Shanglan

 

[Guest]

Give me a setup. I do it several different ways.

erm, I'm much too gawky in my roughdrafts to post them in the forum.

Generally, a "harder" break for a longer gap. A day or a few weeks you can cover with a transitional phrase that connects back to the last paragraph or chapter:

Shanglan

Thank you, Shanglan. That's exactly what I was looking for, direction and examples.

 

[Guest]

Now, for God's sake, someone stage an intervention on me. I'm thinking of attempting ... flashbacks. *wince* A whole story structured in flashbacks. I've lost it, haven't I?

Shanglan

breaking out the curry comb...there, there, horsie... itll all be just fine...
write! you know you wanna... so, just do it.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Now, for God's sake, someone stage an intervention on me. I'm thinking of attempting ... flashbacks. *wince* A whole story structured in flashbacks. I've lost it, haven't I?

Shanglan

Not yet but if you try it you might... it's very, very difficult and maddening.

 

[CharleyH]

Writing question. I'm stuck in a moment. How do you show time elapsing in a story, be it hours, days, weeks, or years without it sounding forced or lame?

TIA

Hard to say, I do it well though. Suture... take sometheing from the previous scene ... a word, scene or metaphor and blend it. The best example of suture I can think of is the movie The Hours. Take a look and see what I mean Seemless it is

 

[BlackShanglan]

erm, I'm much too gawky in my roughdrafts to post them in the forum.

If you show him yours, I bet Carson will show you his.

Not yet but if you try it you might... it's very, very difficult and maddening.

I fear it more if you fear it! But who knows, maybe it will be right for this. I can only steal an hour here and there to write ... maybe I *need* something disjointed to work on.

It's weird territory. Flashbacks. "I" stuff. It's got me spooked. But I'm poking at it.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

If you show him yours, I bet Carson will show you his.



I fear it more if you fear it! But who knows, maybe it will be right for this. I can only steal an hour here and there to write ... maybe I *need* something disjointed to work on.

It's weird territory. Flashbacks. "I" stuff. It's got me spooked. But I'm poking at it.

Shanglan

Poking is always a good thing.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Poking is always a good thing.

Come, let us poke together in good fellowship and comraderie!

*snicker*

 

[gauchecritic]

Now, for God's sake, someone stage an intervention on me. I'm thinking of attempting ... flashbacks. *wince* A whole story structured in flashbacks. I've lost it, haven't I?

Shanglan

They can work really well. I'm thinking of two sitcoms that used the 'backward' story idea. That is; show a scene and the next scene is actually the scene beforehand.
Seinfeld I think and Coupling.

 

[gauchecritic]

Come, let us poke together in good fellowship and comraderie!

*snicker*

[threadjack]This is what I've always found odd about using snicker for when we say snigger (or used to say it when I was a lad)

Snicker in this case is v. apt because it is what horses do rather than people..[/threadjack]

 

[oggbashan]

You can break at a chapter end if there has been a long time since the previous action but it isn't necessary.

Try something like this.

***
They kissed through the window as the train departed. She didn't know that it would be four years until they'd meet again.

She saw the familiar back walking down the High Street. Surely it couldn't be? The walk, the posture, they were the same. She saw his reflection in a shop window. It was him.

"Mark!" She shouted without thinking of the consequences.

He turned. He saw her. She rushed into his arms as if an hour had passed since their last kiss...

Over a cafe latte they caught up the intervening years.

***

Og

 

[Alex756]

They can work really well. I'm thinking of two sitcoms that used the 'backward' story idea. That is; show a scene and the next scene is actually the scene beforehand.
Seinfeld I think and Coupling.

Coupling (brit Version not american) did it in such style so I am sure thats the show you mean.

It was amazing. And for some reason I think normally invovled Jeff.

It was something that left you going 'huh?' and then you'd flash back and there would be a perfectly logical explanation.. well perfectly logical in that it invovled Jeff.

Course Jeff also did the verbal flashbacks, can't remeber the set up but he was talking about something and then went off on a story from when he was younger and his mother saying 'Jeffrey' Just the tone as he minitated her still makes me giggle.

~Alex

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Writing question. I'm stuck in a moment. How do you show time elapsing in a story, be it hours, days, weeks, or years without it sounding forced or lame?

TIA

If technique, talent, and innovation fail, there's always the magical time-travel word: LATER.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[gauchecritic]

Or, as per Rumple make the time actually pass by going to the sub-plot or other characters with the bat-standby bat-formula of MEANWHILE...