threesomes...

[PunkGrrl18]

alrighty, lately ive been fantasizing (yes i know) about having a threesome with my boyfriend and another girl. I dont like labeling myself sexuallly but im pretty sure im bi-curious and when im masturbating i can get off from looking at attractive girls and thinking about them. I dont know if that makes me bi or just plain normal, my friend says that im "plain interested in eating out another girl and perhaps even seeing your boyfriend fuck another girl under your terms. and perhaps, it just turns you on to do something like that for him"

And i think thats about right, but i wouldnt just be doing it for him honestly i want to experience somethign with another girl just to see if i liked it cause im confused about my sexuality, i know im not a lesbian cause im very attracted to my boyfriend and love him (etc etc) but i rather look at females naked than guys naked? I could just admire the form?

Again i dont know if i should and id want to know what signs there would be for knowing that im ready. I love this relationship and yeah i do worry, but im a paranoid person. And at points it makes me think "what if shes prettier..., what if he wants it all the time....what if i get jealous...what if it ruins the relationship" Cause im a secure person and im trusting, but im also paranoid and scared at the same time and id ont know if i should wait for the relationship to further (hell its only been about 4 months) or if i should talk to him about it and go out and look. And i know ive read from other posts "dont do it if theres a doubt in your head" or "seperate fantasie from reality" And our sex lifes fucking great, but i dont know.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Uum yeah,

My dear you are not very convincing that this is what you want. I almost want to hold you and say it is ok. As if you suffered from some great sexual anxiety. If you are 18 do as you want you need not permission. Who knows you may feel "I am not a lesbian" at this moment. If this is what you are afraid of Homophobia shame on you.
If you are looking for anyone to commit to you that after this experience all is going to be well and the same as it is now. Any one who tells you this is lying. No mater what you do. Every day you learn you can not go back.
You sound so confused as to what is right for you at this time in your life. What could a stranger offer as advice except. Please take more time and make a rational decision. Are you in a hurry if so why? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? Then you might be ready.

 

[Seattle Zack]

Well (geez, I don't know where to start), having been through a few threesomes -- some disasterous, some very satisfying -- I'd suggest that you communicate very clearly repeat VERY CLEARLY to your partner what your expectations are.

Talk about it beforehand, in detail, almost script the whole thing out. It may seem that it will ruin the spontaneity but, believe me, that's better than a big scene when he does something unexpected, which he may feel is completely appropriate at the time.

Set some boundaries, not only with your partner, but with the female participant. If he's like most guys, he's already jacked off 152 times thinking about this, so take matters into your own hands and establish yes/no activities that you're comfortable with. She's much more likely to communicate honestly with you, so just lay it out in no uncertain terms.

My final advice? Four months -- don't do it. Really, you need a mature, trusting, established relationship to make something like this work. The uncertainty in your post is a dead giveaway. What's the rush -- if this guy is the one for you, you can certainly do it a year from now. If you do decide to go through with it, start slow. Maybe you could play with another woman while he watches -- any guy will go for that, and that will remove the inherent jealousy that seems to be your overriding concern from the equation.

Good luck.
--Zack

 

[Icingsugar]

I was going to reply to this. But then I read Zack's post, and realised that I could had written that, word by word...

You need to take a step back and say to yourself "what is the worst thing that could happen". And the worst thing that could happen in your case seems to be that the two of you really don't know what you get yourself into. And that might destroy any normal relationship the two of you are building. To make a threesome a good experience in the long run takes huge amounts of mutual respect for all parties involved. I've never met any couple that in less than at least a year have gained that confidence in eachother.

And to be honest, you asking the question here the way you do ("what if she's prettier...") suggests to me that you at least are not confident enough to go forth.

Last, I just wanted to say that yes, you seem like a pretty normal lass to me. Just hang around here for a while, and you'll find enough weirdness to shed all doubts on that matter.

 

[James G 5]

If he's like most guys, he's already jacked off 152 times thinking about this

ONLY 152?

Zack's 100% correct that it's not likely at this point to be good for your relationship to try this
B ut I can see where your own curiosity about your sexulaity is driving you to introduce this...it's a safe way for you to experiment without "cheating" since your boyfriend would be involved
This is why I say people should avoid serious relationships & not be allowed to marry until age 25+ lol
Seriously tho, Kinsey proposed a 6 point scale of sexuality, with pure hetero at 0, pure homo at 6, and pure bi at 3
He suggested that the 0's were the same 10% or less as the 6's, and that most of us were in fact 1's, 2's, 4's, or 5's. That is to say most of us have some leanings towards both genders. So it's natural for you to be curious, and any number of things could be sparking this interest right now...it doesn't mean you are or aren't a lesbian, necessarily. What it DOES mean is that you've discovered a new desire, and one thing I can tell you forcertain is that supressing such a desire will only make you (at least in the short run) think about it and focus on it MORE.

 

[PunkGrrl18]

Uum yeah,

My dear you are not very convincing that this is what you want. I almost want to hold you and say it is ok. As if you suffered from some great sexual anxiety. If you are 18 do as you want you need not permission. Who knows you may feel "I am not a lesbian" at this moment. If this is what you are afraid of Homophobia shame on you.
If you are looking for anyone to commit to you that after this experience all is going to be well and the same as it is now. Any one who tells you this is lying. No mater what you do. Every day you learn you can not go back.
You sound so confused as to what is right for you at this time in your life. What could a stranger offer as advice except. Please take more time and make a rational decision. Are you in a hurry if so why? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? Then you might be ready.

No no no, im not homophobic at all, i have no problems with lesbians or any sexuality, as i question my own i know that i am attracted to guys and love having sex with my boyfriend and love him as a person. Im not afraid to find out if im bi, aside from consequences, and ive heard bad stories and ive heard good ones. The reason im asking for advice is cause i dont know whats happened to other people in the same situation and im obviously curious. I dont know if im in a hurry, i probably am but i dont want to get hurt by it in any way or hurt my boyfriend in any way and i should probably talk to him about it but it intimidates me.

 

[PunkGrrl18]

ONLY 152?

Zack's 100% correct that it's not likely at this point to be good for your relationship to try this
B ut I can see where your own curiosity about your sexulaity is driving you to introduce this...it's a safe way for you to experiment without "cheating" since your boyfriend would be involved
This is why I say people should avoid serious relationships & not be allowed to marry until age 25+ lol
Seriously tho, Kinsey proposed a 6 point scale of sexuality, with pure hetero at 0, pure homo at 6, and pure bi at 3
He suggested that the 0's were the same 10% or less as the 6's, and that most of us were in fact 1's, 2's, 4's, or 5's. That is to say most of us have some leanings towards both genders. So it's natural for you to be curious, and any number of things could be sparking this interest right now...it doesn't mean you are or aren't a lesbian, necessarily. What it DOES mean is that you've discovered a new desire, and one thing I can tell you forcertain is that supressing such a desire will only make you (at least in the short run) think about it and focus on it MORE.

i know he wouldnt consider it cheating, infront of friends ive been dared to kiss other girls and hes the one whos always wanting to take a picture and doesnt deny it or say that i shouldnt. On the other hand its really hypocritical in a way cause i know if i was dared to kiss another guy he would object (not that i wanan kiss another guy...but its all so contradicting) We're both pretty terrotorial as it is right now with friends hitting on us and both of us getting pissed at em, we trust eachother and we both feel were inlove, but its just not been enough time. I have come to the conclustion that ill wait a lot longer, cause if we've only been together for 4 months, what the hells gonna top this? And i think thats what i feel nervous about is keeping him satified its fabolous sex and hes the first guy ive had sex with, as much as i really really would like to find out if my bi-curiousity actually means something, im still young and dumb and have plenty of time. I think ill try and wait a while before we do anything with another female but i am goign to talk to him about it and when we do we definietely will set boundaries. But if kissing does come up ill go ahead and tease..hahahha. I dont think were losing interest in eachother it hink im far too paranoid, hell were both excited for me stripping/lapdance im gonna give him saturday.

short skirts and fishnets
cheers and beers

 

[ReadyOne]

Sounds to me like YOU want to find out about girls. Dragging him in on a 3-way isn't necessary for that. So, would you be willing to go FF? Or am I wrong, and you really want him there? Or do you think that he will have to be there based on your relationship.

Hypocritical as it seems, many people consider FF by a F in a MF relationship not to be cheating. If your guy can go that way, it could let you experiment with your lady friend while he waits for you to come home with the titillating details.

My only caution is that doing something behind someone's back almost always catches up with you. I've never had a problem when everyone was up-front about things. But I've hurt a few very innocents by trying to hide one person from another.

OTOH, you're young enough, inexperienced enough, and still in your first big relationship so that if you screw up there will be plenty of opportunity left in your life to practice what you learn.

Personally, I'd eventually cave and swear her to secrecy and take my chances, and probably get burned.

 

[PunkGrrl18]

i dont know, cause i really wanna give it a chance and find out, and im very commited to him but i know he wouldnt have a problem with seeing me with another girl while he just watched. I know he would get mad if i didnt include him (if i just went out and fooled arund with another girl when hes not there with me) And i think that would make him feel like he was being cheated on. So theres no chance that id do it behind his back cause how would i feel if he was doing it behind mine? I dont even have anyone in mind particularly, a few of my friends are bi, but they live in the same apartment complex as my boyfriend and i wouldnt want anything to happen when im not there.

If we do have a threesome anytime soon, than i already have a way of planning it out/setting boundries for me, boyfriend, and the girl. At this point as early as it is in our relationship i dont think id want them to have sex, maybe he could watch me and the girl fool around and she can fool around with us while were having sex. I would start crying if i saw him fuck another girl right now at this point and i just realized that....better to wait for anything too risky i think.