threesome

[adviceeneededbad]

My wife and I invited another guy into bed a few months ago. She has been hooking up with him since. Things have gotten weird but, it's a turn on and I love her. How can I prove how much I truly care for her?

 

[NightL]

tell her you will leave if it does not stop

just a thought

 

[adviceeneededbad]

I like it

 

[Mr.G]

Imho

and probably from her perspective too - you showed how much you cared when you let another dude into your wife. Whether it was better sex is irrelevant here. She has already lost the emotional bond with you that is based on exclusivity. In other words her fucking somebody else may still be a turn on for YOU but now she's just fucking some other guy - even when she's fucking you.

Which one of you wanted to bring in the threesome initially. You or her?

 

[adviceeneededbad]

I talked her into it I wanted another women to join but, when it happened only a guy was around. He is a nice looking guy and she isn't use to that so, I was ok with it

 

[DarkPleasures]

I talked her into it I wanted another women to join but, when it happened only a guy was around. He is a nice looking guy and she isn't use to that so, I was ok with it

She isn't used to it? In another post you made you stated that she's cuckolding you and has been screwing this male friend for quite some time. You even commented (in a third thread) that she "forced" you to eat her period creampie when this same man fucked her. You asked the fetish people "how do you get used to red wings" or something similar.

 

[billrichards41]

She isn't used to it? In another post you made you stated that she's cuckolding you and has been screwing this male friend for quite some time. You even commented (in a third thread) that she "forced" you to eat her period creampie when this same man fucked her. You asked the fetish people "how do you get used to red wings" or something similar.

because it's another fantasy thread sort of like the "i want to be shared" or "husband sucking" thread that was going on here.
Some guy is living out his fantasy and get's input from the rest of us.
Don't pay any mind or try to apply reason to what they are saying.
Read, enjoy, comment... it means nothing.

 

[DarkPleasures]

...it means nothing.

That's a great way to sum up a large percentage of Lit in this, the fetish, or even the story idea (when they say, "write about my real life experience") boards.

 

[desertslave]

I'm skeptical, as well, but willing to play along a little bit.

To the OP (though I doubt there will be a reply), why do you feel a need to prove your devotion? Has she completely abandoned you (sexually, anyway) for this other man's attentions?

Figure out what you want, talk to her about it, and see if you can come up with shared rules for the future.

To other readers, I advise talking these things over BEFORE engaging in "outside activities." Set mutually agreeable ground rules and follow them. Steady communication in poly relationships is incredibly important. Assuming, of course, one wants to be poly/open/swinging instead of just cheating.

 

[Bramblethorn]

and probably from her perspective too - you showed how much you cared when you let another dude into your wife. Whether it was better sex is irrelevant here. She has already lost the emotional bond with you that is based on exclusivity. In other words her fucking somebody else may still be a turn on for YOU but now she's just fucking some other guy - even when she's fucking you.

Fortunately sexual exclusivity isn't the only thing you can use as the basis for an emotional bond.

 

[Eilan]

That's a great way to sum up a large percentage of Lit in this, the fetish, or even the story idea (when they say, "write about my real life experience") boards.

Yup. 95% of the crap posted on these boards is a combination of hot air and wishful thinking.

 

[roomfor1more]

The relationship with the other guy needs to end and the two of you need to talk through what happened. From a threesome perspective, I feel, the two of you rushed into this without talking about boundaries. However, from a relationship perspective, there maybe some underlying issues. I suspect one issue might the two of you avoid talking about issues or "talk-around" it without really talking about it. Thereby avoiding conflict and avoiding hurting the others feelings. Finally, I do feel the relationship can be saved but the time you have is short.

 

[njlauren]

I suspect the OP is a fantasy posting,sounds a bit too much like a cuck story to me. That said, if the wife after a threesome starts meeting up with the guy on the side that raises all kinds of red flags, that is not a threesome, that is cheating because it is outside the bounds of the original thing, which was a shared experience. It is possible to have sex outside the primary relationship and have a strong relationship (not talking from personal experience, haven't done this, not sure if I would), I have had friends who did this and were fine, either threesomes or some sort of semi poly relationship. What the OP describes is one of the biggest fears many have with a threesome, that somehow it will lead to one of the partners falling for the new person (funny, where this has happened that I know about, often with a MFF it is the wife who seems to fall for the gal almost as much as the husband, while with MMF I have not heard directly of it being the two guys, but is always the wife). With the ones who had trouble, I kind of suspect something was missing in the relationship to start with and the threesome was an attempt to 'fix it', in at least one case the wife with a MFF had been having strong female attractions and it ended up convincing her she wanted to be with a woman....so there were already issues there, too.

It is why what others have written is so true, with any kind of relationship like this there needs to be ground rules, and most definitely going outside like the OP posted like that is a no no (if it were negotiated, would be a different story). Once someone starts doing that, the bonds of the main relationship are being frayed big time because the partner who went outside is showing they don't care about their mate, they have gotten lost in themselves (having done things I am not proud of in my own relationship, I am speaking from experience on that one) and whether the other spouse is turned on or not, they are on the road to it going splat. I hate to say this, but especially with women IMO, when they go outside like that it generally means there is already something deeper then simply sex involved, there is an emotional thing going on and that is real trouble in paradise.

I suspect though that the OP is just getting off on a fantasy by posting this one, it is just too much like the stories on Lit to make me think otherwise.

 

[Bramblethorn]

often with a MFF it is the wife who seems to fall for the gal almost as much as the husband,

Yep, the "one penis policy" often seems to come from guys who underestimate female sexuality and assume there's no risk of their wife developing feelings for a female third. Bit of an insulting assumption, and not always a safe one...

With the ones who had trouble, I kind of suspect something was missing in the relationship to start with and the threesome was an attempt to 'fix it'

Oh yeah. That's what we call "relationship broken, add more people" and it almost always leads to disaster. Poly can do many things, but it's not a quick fix for a soured marriage.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Yup. 95% of the crap posted on these boards is a combination of hot air and wishful thinking.

But it makes for a lot of great leg humping!

 

[subwannabe]

Ok, for the moment I'm going to assume that you are not a troll. I'm really not understanding what it is you are looking for. It sounds to me more like you are worried that you are on the way out and he is on the way in so you want advice on how you can prove to her that you truly care for her. If that is the case then you are further on the way out than you think. You have opened up the can of worms and now you want to try figuring out how to close the can back up. Simple answer: You can't. She knows what she wants and she is either happy with you or there isn't anything you can do to change it now.

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

I don't know about the OP's veracity and I don't care. I've never had a threesome, so those are what I want to talk about. Because... I might want to have one. When I was single, there was no question about it: I wanted an FMF threesome, and the only thing that I'd have wanted more would have been increasing the number of F's. How better to avoid having to pick one woman and paying the opportunity cost of picking her instead of someone else? Plus, you know, ego/sex bucket list. And maybe being able for once to relax during sex for once and care about my own body's pleasure instead of anyone else's. But I'm not single anymore and I'm not so sure I want a threesome anymore. All the reasons for wanting one still apply, and my girlfriend's told me she'd be down for it, even naming the (female, that goes without saying with me since my attitude towards other males isn't quite that of a Betta fish or M3 the Wolverine, but it's pretty close. Plus she's my girlfriend and I don't want another man contaminating her) friends of hers she'd want to do it with if they were willing. Plus I know she's had threesomes before, she's told me so. She also tells me she wants to be monogamous with me, except that if we agree to a threesome then whatever takes place during it is ok (but not one of us hooking up with the third without the other of us present and involved). I just... I worry about those canned worms. And maybe a teensy bit about losing her to her past - but that could be my recognition that she was a "wild child" gives her way more sexual history and experience than me making me worry for no good reason, like that ass in that shitty movie Chasing Amy. She tells me that past is all behind her and she's glad it's behind her and regrets a lot of it, I just... feel inadequate anyway. But I've got Olympian skills at feeling inadequate, so yeah.

What I've decided is my biggest qualm about having a threesome now is that I know I would never participate in an MFM threesome. Even if I were single and it were just a woman I were having casual sex with, if I told her I were ok with another man present and having sex with her simultaneously with me doing it that would be a lie and I'd leave if he actually showed up (and get physically violent if he tried sexual contact with me). And if somehow I found myself doubling up on my girlfriend with another man, I'd be sick with jealousy and rage and regret and our relationship would be over and it would just be bad be bad. So even though she's told me that she wouldn't just be ok with us having a second woman join us but would actually enjoy it - and specifically told me "yes" when I asked her if she'd even be ok with me having vaginal intercourse with that other woman during the threesome - how can I believe she's right about herself and that me touching that other woman wouldn't wreck our relationship just as destructively as her touching another man would? How do I stop believing, even though I know intellectually that she isn't the same as me, that she would react the same as me?

 

[Bramblethorn]

What I've decided is my biggest qualm about having a threesome now is that I know I would never participate in an MFM threesome. Even if I were single and it were just a woman I were having casual sex with, if I told her I were ok with another man present and having sex with her simultaneously with me doing it that would be a lie and I'd leave if he actually showed up (and get physically violent if he tried sexual contact with me). And if somehow I found myself doubling up on my girlfriend with another man, I'd be sick with jealousy and rage and regret and our relationship would be over and it would just be bad be bad. So even though she's told me that she wouldn't just be ok with us having a second woman join us but would actually enjoy it - and specifically told me "yes" when I asked her if she'd even be ok with me having vaginal intercourse with that other woman during the threesome - how can I believe she's right about herself and that me touching that other woman wouldn't wreck our relationship just as destructively as her touching another man would? How do I stop believing, even though I know intellectually that she isn't the same as me, that she would react the same as me?

Those are good questions, and I think you're going to have to work through them to find the answer - it's no help getting logical explanations from other people if you can't believe them in your gut. But one more question: if your reactions to the idea of another guy are that strong, are you sure you'd be okay with another woman?

I haven't experienced the problem personally, but my understanding is that a lot of guys have a subconscious notion that it's not really sex unless somebody's getting a penis inside them. Oral sex doesn't count, fingers don't count... anything two women can do with one another might be fun, might be sexy for the guy watching on, but it's not "real sex", can't possibly be a threat to a penis-based relationship. (Especially if they're used to the type of faux-lesbian porn which is all about two girls getting together to perform for the benefit of a guy, instead of for each other.)

Sometimes those guys discover during the course of a threesome that female-female sex is a bit more real than they expected, and the focus isn't on "one guy, two girls" any more.

 

[123Josh]

Just make sure you are open and honest about how you feel about everything..That way no matter what happens you can have no regrets. That's my advice.

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

Those are good questions, and I think you're going to have to work through them to find the answer - it's no help getting logical explanations from other people if you can't believe them in your gut. But one more question: if your reactions to the idea of another guy are that strong, are you sure you'd be okay with another woman?

I haven't experienced the problem personally, but my understanding is that a lot of guys have a subconscious notion that it's not really sex unless somebody's getting a penis inside them. Oral sex doesn't count, fingers don't count... anything two women can do with one another might be fun, might be sexy for the guy watching on, but it's not "real sex", can't possibly be a threat to a penis-based relationship. (Especially if they're used to the type of faux-lesbian porn which is all about two girls getting together to perform for the benefit of a guy, instead of for each other.)

Sometimes those guys discover during the course of a threesome that female-female sex is a bit more real than they expected, and the focus isn't on "one guy, two girls" any more.

Honestly I'm not 100% sure I'd be okay with another woman. If my girlfriend were preferring what she were doing to what I was doing - which is a possibility - I'm pretty sure I'd be hurt by that. And my pain could have repercussions for our relationship, true.

But I don't have a visceral reaction to that possibility. I think that makes sense, after all women don't disgust me and I don't hate women. And while the possibility of my girlfriend leaving me for a woman does mean that women are technically threats to me the same as all males are, they're not the same sort of threat because it's apples and oranges. If she leaves me for a woman, I'm an apple she left for an orange. Nothing personal about that, no failure of mine caused that: an apple can never do when an orange is called for, so why fret about the oranges? If she leaves me for a man, though, I'm an apple she left for another apple, which means he was a better apple than me and I'm a failure of an apple. That makes every man she ever encounters a threat to me on a personal level, because as long as alternatives to me exist it's possible for those alternatives to be better than me - especially since I'm not the best man there is.