Threesome!

[ACV]

I'm sure that this topic has been done to death, but I thought I'd ask again anyway, how on earth does one go about arranging a threesome??! You hear all these stories and tales of friends and acquaintances who have either done it or know someone who has, but in all my years of trying, I've never come close!
My partner seems to be up for the idea and it does turn her on when I bring it up during sex but it's then never talked about again, or if it is, we don't know where to begin or who to ask!

Does anyone have any tips?

Has anyone had a threesome experience they'd like to share?

And lastly...any offers?

 

[unregistered]

 

[Heatseekher]

fair advice, what's said in the heat of the moment may be skewed, more than that sometimes a partner may well say something to please/appease secretly assuming that nothing will ever come of it. I'd pick a sensible moment to have a chat with your GF outside of sex, but certainly not over a bowl of cornflakes.

If you really both are keen you could suggest going to a Club, there's 2 possible benefits, firstly you'll get a sense of her reaction to being around others and you will more likely get a sense of whether she's 'into' the idea or just appeasing, second if things go according to plan you may well find someone there that can make your three....

loads of folks here will no doubt have had great experiences, but few words of caution.
before you do anything make sure that you both have it clear in your mind how you'll both feel AFTERWARDS - jealousy, guilt etc etc, what happens if one liked the experience and wants more and the other hated it, will there be trust issues.

And yes if this comes across as someone who wished they hadn't gone down that road - you'd be right. Something similar seemed like a great idea, but 2 years on it still comes up in the occasional argument and yes it appears that it was entered into to please me more than her. Luckily it wasn';t a complete relationship killer, but if i could turn the clock back - some things for some folks are best left in the mind!

 

[silverwhisper]

ACV: you're right, it has, it's a perennial favorite here, as you have correctly guessed. look at this post in the blank manual for a roundup of previous threads discussing the matter.

you've already gotten past the biggest hurdle: you're both (at least nominally) into the idea. that's more than half of it right there.

you don't mention whether you're into a MFF or MFM threesome, and that can of course make for some differences. as j said, discuss when you aren't in the moment. ideas that sound hot as hell in the moment are sometimes nowhere near as hot in the cool light of, well, non-sex. :>

having been in a few threesomes, something you both need to be prepared for is for your partner calling out someone else's name. jealousy can be weird and unpredictable: get some clarity on whether that's something you'd both be OK with.

also, i would suggest that if you're experiencing stress in your relationship, this is probably a really bad idea, esp if either of you can be jealous.

ed

 

[Hypoxia]

I've never tried the let's-pick-someone-up approach. I lived in a FMF triad for some months and a MFM off-and-on for several years. (Off-and-on because we moved apart for non-triad reasons, then moved back together.) In each case, I was invited in, by long-time friends. My one-off threesomes have "just happened" at parties, again with known friends. None involved my spouse at the time (if any).

Y'all gotta think about this: Do you want a one-off, or a relationship? As you're already in a relationship, how do you feel about risking it? (Both couples in my longer-term triads survived my departure, although one spouse died tragically not long afterwards.) IMHO you need to balance and compare your senses of security, and experimentation, and desire, and consequences.

And I've gotta say: It's hard to beat a triad daisychain!

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm sure that this topic has been done to death, but I thought I'd ask again anyway, how on earth does one go about arranging a threesome??! You hear all these stories and tales of friends and acquaintances who have either done it or know someone who has, but in all my years of trying, I've never come close!
My partner seems to be up for the idea and it does turn her on when I bring it up during sex but it's then never talked about again, or if it is, we don't know where to begin or who to ask!

Does anyone have any tips?

Has anyone had a threesome experience they'd like to share?

And lastly...any offers?

As far as I can tell, there are two basic approaches to a threesome. It can be something that you seek out as an experience that you want to have, or it can happen as an evolution of an existing friendship.

Most of my experience has been with the latter. My partner and I talked about threesomes as a fantasy, and established that we were open to the idea, but I don't think we actively tried to make it happen until we got to the point where we had a mutual attraction to somebody we knew. (I'm very much a "date your friends" type.) It sounds like you're more leaning towards the former, so my advice may not be as relevant, but I'll give it a shot.

#1: Talk to your partner about it and ask her if it's something she'd be interested in taking beyond fantasy. Some people just want to keep their fantasies as fantasies.

#2: If she's interested, talk about both of your expectations. For some people their ideal threesome is with a good friend; with others, it has to be a stranger. Are you looking for a one-night stand or something long-term? What are your rules about STI/pregnancy prevention? And so on.

It's very likely that things won't work out the way you expected, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. (In fact, almost guaranteed - more on that in a moment.) But when you notice that things are veering away from what you expected, talk about it and check whether the new direction is OK. Also be aware that sometimes you can't tell how you'll feel about a situation until you get there.

#3: Be aware that there's a third person involved in this, and even if you haven't met them yet, their wants and needs will count for just as much as yours.

#4: Think about what you have to offer. Especially if you're a M/F couple looking for a Hot Bi Babe who'll sleep with both of you... the supply-and-demand situation is not in your favour. The usual dating-advice stuff applies (be interesting, be presentable) but it's especially important not to come across as creepy/predatory. Don't treat your third as just a box to be checked off your bucket list; whether you're going with a friend, a stranger, or a professional, make sure they know they'll be treated with respect.

 

[sr71plt]

Going to the right kinds of parties surfaces opportunities.

 

[ACV]

My best suggestion would be to talk about it when you're not having sex. If you're both truly into it, then go about trying to make plans. Hopefully someone with more experience will chime in with help for that or will link to existing threads. My only threesome experience did not involve an SO, rather it included a best friend, some alcohol, and a hot, older waiter.

Thanks for the advice JtohisPB, I'll definitely try to bring it up outside the bedroom! If only I had best friends like yours!!!

 

[ACV]

fair advice, what's said in the heat of the moment may be skewed, more than that sometimes a partner may well say something to please/appease secretly assuming that nothing will ever come of it. I'd pick a sensible moment to have a chat with your GF outside of sex, but certainly not over a bowl of cornflakes.

If you really both are keen you could suggest going to a Club, there's 2 possible benefits, firstly you'll get a sense of her reaction to being around others and you will more likely get a sense of whether she's 'into' the idea or just appeasing, second if things go according to plan you may well find someone there that can make your three....

loads of folks here will no doubt have had great experiences, but few words of caution.
before you do anything make sure that you both have it clear in your mind how you'll both feel AFTERWARDS - jealousy, guilt etc etc, what happens if one liked the experience and wants more and the other hated it, will there be trust issues.

And yes if this comes across as someone who wished they hadn't gone down that road - you'd be right. Something similar seemed like a great idea, but 2 years on it still comes up in the occasional argument and yes it appears that it was entered into to please me more than her. Luckily it wasn';t a complete relationship killer, but if i could turn the clock back - some things for some folks are best left in the mind!

You're right heatseekher, I need to figure out if that's what she really wants or if she's just saying it to please me.Hopefully it's the latter as I know it would be a great time for both of us but I'll use the advice I get here to figure outhow she really feels about it! Then if anything does happen I'll gladly share the experience on here!

 

[ACV]

ACV: you're right, it has, it's a perennial favorite here, as you have correctly guessed. look at this post in the blank manual for a roundup of previous threads discussing the matter.

you've already gotten past the biggest hurdle: you're both (at least nominally) into the idea. that's more than half of it right there.

you don't mention whether you're into a MFF or MFM threesome, and that can of course make for some differences. as j said, discuss when you aren't in the moment. ideas that sound hot as hell in the moment are sometimes nowhere near as hot in the cool light of, well, non-sex. :>

having been in a few threesomes, something you both need to be prepared for is for your partner calling out someone else's name. jealousy can be weird and unpredictable: get some clarity on whether that's something you'd both be OK with.

also, i would suggest that if you're experiencing stress in your relationship, this is probably a really bad idea, esp if either of you can be jealous.

ed

Thanks for the links Ed, I'll be spending lots of time searching through the advice for sure!

As for what we'd be into, we've discussed both MFF and MFM (though only discussed in the heat of the moment so to speak) and she seemed keen on both. Also she particularly enjoyed the idea of being watched as well, so I think we have a bit of an exhibitionist in the making!

The key theme here though is that it's something that needs to be talked about in the cold light of day, so I'll try that and see how it goes.I'm just worried that it won't go down well, what a disappointment that would be!

 

[ACV]

I've never tried the let's-pick-someone-up approach. I lived in a FMF triad for some months and a MFM off-and-on for several years. (Off-and-on because we moved apart for non-triad reasons, then moved back together.) In each case, I was invited in, by long-time friends. My one-off threesomes have "just happened" at parties, again with known friends. None involved my spouse at the time (if any).

Y'all gotta think about this: Do you want a one-off, or a relationship? As you're already in a relationship, how do you feel about risking it? (Both couples in my longer-term triads survived my departure, although one spouse died tragically not long afterwards.) IMHO you need to balance and compare your senses of security, and experimentation, and desire, and consequences.

And I've gotta say: It's hard to beat a triad daisychain!

All I can say is...WOW. your life sounds so different from mine, the idea of a triad never even crossed my mind! You have some very different friends to me, where do I find such open-minded people?!

 

[ACV]

As far as I can tell, there are two basic approaches to a threesome. It can be something that you seek out as an experience that you want to have, or it can happen as an evolution of an existing friendship.

Most of my expence has been with the latter. My partner and I talked about threesomes as a fantasy, and established that we were open to the idea, but I don't think we actively tried to make it happen until we got to the point where we had a mutual attraction to somebody we knew. (I'm very much a "date your friends" type.) It sounds like you're more leaning towards the former, so my advice may not be as relevant, but I'll give it a shot.

#1: Talk to your partner about it and ask her if it's something she'd be interested in taking beyond fantasy. Some people just want to keep their fantasies as fantasies.

#2: If she's interested, talk about both of your expectations. For some people their ideal threesome is with a good friend; with others, it has to be a stranger. Are you looking for a one-night stand or something long-term? What are your rules about STI/pregnancy prevention? And so on.

It's very likely that things won't work out the way you expected, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. (In fact, almost guaranteed - more on that in a moment.) But when you notice that things are veering away from what you expected, talk about it and check whether the new direction is OK. Also be aware that sometimes you can't tell how you'll feel about a situation until you get there.

#3: Be aware that there's a third person involved in this, and even if you haven't met them yet, their wants and needs will count for just as much as yours.

#4: Think about what you have to offer. Especially if you're a M/F couple looking for a Hot Bi Babe who'll sleep with both of you... the supply-and-demand situation is not in your favour. The usual dating-advice stuff applies (be interesting, be presentable) but it's especially important not to come across as creepy/predatory. Don't treat your third as just a box to be checked off your bucket list; whether you're going with a friend, a stranger, or a professional, make sure they know they'll be treated with respect.

Bramblethorn...thank you so much forthe advice, it's given me plenty to think about! The key for me is whether she actually does want to do it, and I think she does, and secondly who would be the other person? When we've discussed it before I've asked the question of who could the other person be, Maybe a friend of ours but we can never come up with any names. I mean how do you even ask a friend if they want a threesome with your partner?! I'm not sure that any of my friends would be interested, they're all so stuffy!

 

[ACV]

Thanks everyone for the replies so far and for taking the time to give me advice! I've only joined the forum recently and can already tell that you're a good bunch of people and that I will make some good friends in the coming months! Thanks everyone!

 

[Bramblethorn]

Bramblethorn...thank you so much forthe advice, it's given me plenty to think about! The key for me is whether she actually does want to do it, and I think she does, and secondly who would be the other person? When we've discussed it before I've asked the question of who could the other person be, Maybe a friend of ours but we can never come up with any names. I mean how do you even ask a friend if they want a threesome with your partner?! I'm not sure that any of my friends would be interested, they're all so stuffy!

In my case, it went something like this:

"Hi, we may have misread things, but were you flirting with [my partner]? It's quite OK if you were."

"I wasn't, but... let's talk about this some more." And we negotiated things from there.

This was with somebody we'd known for several years, and we knew she was pretty open-minded, so we were pretty sure that even if the answer was "no" she wasn't going to be offended by the question. I would be extremely wary of propositioning somebody if I didn't have some idea how they felt about that sort of thing.

(That said, a lot of stuffy-seeming people have hidden depths...)

You will need to consider that this sort of thing has the potential to damage a friendship; people are complicated and sex has a way of complicating things. Which doesn't necessarily mean "don't do it", but if you're taking a risk try to make it an informed risk.

 

[Hypoxia]

All I can say is...WOW. your life sounds so different from mine, the idea of a triad never even crossed my mind! You have some very different friends to me, where do I find such open-minded people?!

That is a damn good question, one I haven't asked myself for a generalized answer. My thought:

I 'found' them by being, and associating with, social fringe sorts. Be, and hang with, folks who are (actual) artists and cultural outlaws. Creators and evaders don't have the same mindsets as mass-media consumers and social conformists. This emerges in my writings here -- I write about what I know and who I knew. My characters don't commute, don't watch sports, don't sit around watching TV or playing vid.games, don't hang in bars or dance clubs, weren't in school cliques, don't tread easy paths. My long-term triads were with 1) bookshop managers and 2) art students. My significant couplings have been with musicians, writers, programmers, librarians, festival promoters, and yes, the ever-popular 'students'.

But, no stereotypes. Church socials or PTA meetings *probably* aren't great places to recruit for a threesome, but who knows?

 

[ACV]

In my case, it went something like this:

"Hi, we may have misread things, but were you flirting with [my partner]? It's quite OK if you were."

"I wasn't, but... let's talk about this some more." And we negotiated things from there.

This was with somebody we'd known for several years, and we knew she was pretty open-minded, so we were pretty sure that even if the answer was "no" she wasn't going to be offended by the question. I would be extremely wary of propositioning somebody if I didn't have some idea how they felt about that sort of thing.

(That said, a lot of stuffy-seeming people have hidden depths...)

You will need to consider that this sort of thing has the potential to damage a friendship; people are complicated and sex has a way of complicating things. Which doesn't necessarily mean "don't do it", but if you're taking a risk try to make it an informed risk.

I think this is something that will take a lot of time and May never happen! But I suppose the flip side would be that it's good to know I have someone who cares enough about me to get jealous about having someone else in the middle!

 

[amofiga]

I'm sure that this topic has been done to death, but I thought I'd ask again anyway, how on earth does one go about arranging a threesome??! You hear all these stories and tales of friends and acquaintances who have either done it or know someone who has, but in all my years of trying, I've never come close!
My partner seems to be up for the idea and it does turn her on when I bring it up during sex but it's then never talked about again, or if it is, we don't know where to begin or who to ask!

Does anyone have any tips?

Has anyone had a threesome experience they'd like to share?

And lastly...any offers?

First off, make sure you're really ready for a threesome. Fantasizing about seeing your wife or girlfriend (or boyfriend for that matter) having sex with somebody else and actually watchig it can be quite different. The thought of seeing your woman in the throws of passion with some other guy's dick in her can be great wank matterial but when you actually see it, it can be tough if you're the jealous type.

As someone else said, talk to her about it in a quiet objective time in a way that doesn't make her or you commit to it without having the chance to back off or go for it without guilt, judgment, or blame. Too often one or the other partner will "go along with it" because they think it makes the other partner happier and then later, doubts creep in and jealousy creeps in and arguments happen.

Are you thinking about sharing her with another guy or do you want to have her with another girl? How do you both feel about going the other way with it? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

If you both want it and are both ready for it, you need to figure out if you want the third, or fourth, or fifth to be a friend or a stranger. There are advantages and disadvantages both ways. If you decide friend, then it should be a good enough friend (or couple) that you know wouldn't judge you if they decide to say no. They should also be a good enough friend or couple that you feel won't try to muscle in beyond what you want. Set ground rules before you get into it. Emotions could get out of hand if you don't.

If a "stranger" be VERY VERY VERY careful with how you meet and deal with such a person. I don't advise total strangers. Good luck.

PS: Unfortunately I live on the wrong side of the pond.

 

[Ray Roberts]

You have to strike lucky when chosing a Stud

Yes been there done that, it is the most mind blowing sex I have ever had. To watch my small Asian wife handle and take our well endowed stud and then join in the fun was the most erotic experience of my life. And I am of an age where I have experienced heaps of different types of sexual high's.

The difficulty in these situations is getting a reluctant partner to participate if you can overcome that the effort is all worthwhile. Personally I just kept on bringing up my fantasy of having another man join us in our own sex life and role playing with people I knew she liked. It took quiet a while to eventually come round to it but if you asked her she will still say "she only did it to please me". Yet in reality she was the leader when initiating the first move. She did have some rules, 1 it had to be someone who lived miles away from us, 2 someone unknown to her, 3 she wanted no part in selecting the male stud, 4 it had to stop when she wanted. So I chose the guy (after advertising and receiving over 200 replies) I picked the guy with the biggest cock of similar age who was a businessman who visited our town occasionally. He turned out to be a perfect stud, not too pushy and always complying with both our requests he could also last for ages and repeat, the only negative was he was not that good looking, which was my wife's first comment. We continued to see him for 18 months before he moved abroad.

We have had other experiences but none as good as that first stud. Now my wife no longer wants anything to do with meeting others. Amazing seeing how much she used to enjoy our meetings. Very occasionally we do role play with me asking her to imagine I am our stud by calling out his name and after many years it still brings about that extra climax so we have had good value out of our experience and can recommend it to others thinking about giving it a try. Remember guys to be on the safe side don't pick a "Brad Pitt" looking guy, your after another cock not a potential lover!

 

[ACV]

First off, make sure you're really ready for a threesome. Fantasizing about seeing your wife or girlfriend (or boyfriend for that matter) having sex with somebody else and actually watchig it can be quite different. The thought of seeing your woman in the throws of passion with some other guy's dick in her can be great wank matterial but when you actually see it, it can be tough if you're the jealous type.

As someone else said, talk to her about it in a quiet objective time in a way that doesn't make her or you commit to it without having the chance to back off or go for it without guilt, judgment, or blame. Too often one or the other partner will "go along with it" because they think it makes the other partner happier and then later, doubts creep in and jealousy creeps in and arguments happen.

Are you thinking about sharing her with another guy or do you want to have her with another girl? How do you both feel about going the other way with it? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

If you both want it and are both ready for it, you need to figure out if you want the third, or fourth, or fifth to be a friend or a stranger. There are advantages and disadvantages both ways. If you decide friend, then it should be a good enough friend (or couple) that you know wouldn't judge you if they decide to say no. They should also be a good enough friend or couple that you feel won't try to muscle in beyond what you want. Set ground rules before you get into it. Emotions could get out of hand if you don't.

If a "stranger" be VERY VERY VERY careful with how you meet and deal with such a person. I don't advise total strangers. Good luck.

PS: Unfortunately I live on the wrong side of the pond.

To be honest I'd love both...having her with another woman is of course the ultimate male fantasy, but I'd love to see her with another guy too. Luckily for me she's extremely attractive and so if anything were to ever happen I reckon we would get lots of offers and the the third party would be extremely hot!

Right now I'm just not sure if she is just saying she wants it in the heat of the moment or if she really would try it...that's the tricky part and I don't want to be too pushy about it. Trouble is, when would be the right time to bring it up?! I think that I'll just keep bringing it up when I can and see what happens!

And if you're ever this side of the pond let me know...

 

[ACV]

Yes been there done that, it is the most mind blowing sex I have ever had. To watch my small Asian wife handle and take our well endowed stud and then join in the fun was the most erotic experience of my life. And I am of an age where I have experienced heaps of different types of sexual high's.

The difficulty in these situations is getting a reluctant partner to participate if you can overcome that the effort is all worthwhile. Personally I just kept on bringing up my fantasy of having another man join us in our own sex life and role playing with people I knew she liked. It took quiet a while to eventually come round to it but if you asked her she will still say "she only did it to please me". Yet in reality she was the leader when initiating the first move. She did have some rules, 1 it had to be someone who lived miles away from us, 2 someone unknown to her, 3 she wanted no part in selecting the male stud, 4 it had to stop when she wanted. So I chose the guy (after advertising and receiving over 200 replies) I picked the guy with the biggest cock of similar age who was a businessman who visited our town occasionally. He turned out to be a perfect stud, not too pushy and always complying with both our requests he could also last for ages and repeat, the only negative was he was not that good looking, which was my wife's first comment. We continued to see him for 18 months before he moved abroad.

We have had other experiences but none as good as that first stud. Now my wife no longer wants anything to do with meeting others. Amazing seeing how much she used to enjoy our meetings. Very occasionally we do role play with me asking her to imagine I am our stud by calling out his name and after many years it still brings about that extra climax so we have had good value out of our experience and can recommend it to others thinking about giving it a try. Remember guys to be on the safe side don't pick a "Brad Pitt" looking guy, your after another cock not a potential lover!

Sounds amazing! Did you ever have any other women involved too?

Why do you think your wife no longer wants it to happen?

 

[ntp]

in my experience it's come out of having a fairly wide circle of friends many of whom have hooked up in various combinations. if you're having dinner with 3 or 4 people and realize that you've at least made out with all of them, etc, it's not a big jump to contemplating playing with more than one at a time.

 

[NightL]

This is really a response to this and your How to spot a swinger thread

It appears this subject is weighing heavily on your mind. Be careful your desire to fulfil your fantasies does not cloud your understanding of a little pillow talk with your partner. There is a big jump from verbalising fantasies during sex with your wife/partner to actually have her on board for actively seeking out possibilities.

A one sided preoccupation of this could be very damaging to a relationship. I know of marriages and long standing relationships falling apart. Usually it has been the male in the the relationship who has pushed and coerced their partner. The wife/girlfriend feeling pressured to go with "I do it once to please him". Once a relationship breaks up over this matter everyone in your world will end up finding out why your wife/partner left you (my observation, not personal experience). If your relationship were to break up over this, you will be labelled and it likely will have an impact on finding a new partner.

So with that warning in place and if your wife is equally wishing to explore this, then leave it in her hands. So this goes to your other thread... a married/partnered woman openly flirting, even if subtle, will be noticed. Especially if the recipients know you as a couple. Right or wrong she is more likely to get away with it without being labelled as a sleaze as you may well be if you hit upon the wrong person. Initiating conversations after the flirting has been receptively received will be relatively easy.

Stop with the wondering about your neighbours and co-workers - one foot wrong and the consequences could be wide ranging.

If you are both really into this idea then head along to a club. The club does not have to be a dedicated swingers club, maybe just a fetish club or a club that encourages erotic and sensual expression. You may be quite surprised as to what is out there when you start looking. Go out, socialise, have fun and just observe the interactions between people. Make new friendships.

All my experiences were spontaneous and involved friends. They were wonderful and exciting occasions. I believe every one involved felt the same way. There was no fall out or awkwardness with the friendships after. While there were some repeat occasions they were neither planned or expected. With no expectations there were no disappointments.

I have been in the fetish, erotic and sensual expression club often and to be honest the approaches from swingers just didn't do it for us. While always polite there was an element of desperation coming across, usually from the male. We went for the environment and socialising with friends, not to pick up strangers.

Just ask your partner if she is interested. If you feel you can't ask openly then your relationship won't cope with your preoccupation over this. Just the preoccupation alone will damage your relationship.

You could always just put the same amount of intensity into developing a mind blowing relationship with your partner.

 

[Hypoxia]

in my experience it's come out of having a fairly wide circle of friends many of whom have hooked up in various combinations. if you're having dinner with 3 or 4 people and realize that you've at least made out with all of them, etc, it's not a big jump to contemplating playing with more than one at a time.

Be careful your desire to fulfil your fantasies does not cloud your understanding of a little pillow talk with your partner. There is a big jump from verbalising fantasies during sex with your wife/partner to actually have her on board for actively seeking out possibilities.

Five stars for both responses. In my experience (mentioned above) friendship is the key. Not just acquaintances, but FRIENDS, with whom you've already shared many experiences, at least some being touchy-feely -- not necessarily sexual, but comfortable at least.

I didn't mention foursomes before, but the same dynamics apply IF you want to maintain solid relationships. Good friends can stay friends. Not-so-good friends... well, it's really risky. Pushing a reluctant partner into sexual sharing -- TOXIC! It's a painful lesson.

 

[robertreams]

I have had two threesomes, one of each. The one with two men on one woman fell short for me because I wanted to interact with both of them and he didn't.

The one with two women lived fully up to any and every fantasy I ever had. At one point the two women were kissing one another around my cock. Kissing, slurping, nibbling, tonguing, all with my dick between. At the end they were both bent over the bed and I was fucking back and forth every other stroke. They were in a contest to see which one would get my cum.

I ended up having long term relationship with both of them. One loved B&D, the other loved anal. So everything turned out fine!
Later the one who liked B&D asked me to marry her, but I had moved on. A few months later I married and it has lasted 33 years. No B&D, no anal, but man she has thunderous orgasms (usually at least 3) that wet the entire bed, and has about 30 years experience in learning how to suck me. So, once again, everything turned out fine.

 

[ACV]

This is really a response to this and your How to spot a swinger thread

It appears this subject is weighing heavily on your mind. Be careful your desire to fulfil your fantasies does not cloud your understanding of a little pillow talk with your partner. There is a big jump from verbalising fantasies during sex with your wife/partner to actually have her on board for actively seeking out possibilities.

A one sided preoccupation of this could be very damaging to a relationship. I know of marriages and long standing relationships falling apart. Usually it has been the male in the the relationship who has pushed and coerced their partner. The wife/girlfriend feeling pressured to go with "I do it once to please him". Once a relationship breaks up over this matter everyone in your world will end up finding out why your wife/partner left you (my observation, not personal experience). If your relationship were to break up over this, you will be labelled and it likely will have an impact on finding a new partner.

So with that warning in place and if your wife is equally wishing to explore this, then leave it in her hands. So this goes to your other thread... a married/partnered woman openly flirting, even if subtle, will be noticed. Especially if the recipients know you as a couple. Right or wrong she is more likely to get away with it without being labelled as a sleaze as you may well be if you hit upon the wrong person. Initiating conversations after the flirting has been receptively received will be relatively easy.

Stop with the wondering about your neighbours and co-workers - one foot wrong and the consequences could be wide ranging.

If you are both really into this idea then head along to a club. The club does not have to be a dedicated swingers club, maybe just a fetish club or a club that encourages erotic and sensual expression. You may be quite surprised as to what is out there when you start looking. Go out, socialise, have fun and just observe the interactions between people. Make new friendships.

All my experiences were spontaneous and involved friends. They were wonderful and exciting occasions. I believe every one involved felt the same way. There was no fall out or awkwardness with the friendships after. While there were some repeat occasions they were neither planned or expected. With no expectations there were no disappointments.

I have been in the fetish, erotic and sensual expression club often and to be honest the approaches from swingers just didn't do it for us. While always polite there was an element of desperation coming across, usually from the male. We went for the environment and socialising with friends, not to pick up strangers.

Just ask your partner if she is interested. If you feel you can't ask openly then your relationship won't cope with your preoccupation over this. Just the preoccupation alone will damage your relationship.

You could always just put the same amount of intensity into developing a mind blowing relationship with your partner.

Sound advice NightL, thank you. Perhaps I am getting a bit carried away, but I would never want to do anything my partner didn't want to. Part of the reason I'm so interested in it is that I'd love to see her enjoy herself and really be in the moment...I know I'll have to tread carefully though!

The advice here has been great, and I'll definitely take heed! And if anything does ever happen, I'll be sure to share it with you all!