Thread about ramblings

[rabbott]

Hello all!

I am somewhat new to this realm and have just recently taken on the endeavor of parlaying some of my musings here ~ see NEW POETRY; and I am wondering what you might think of said rants.
Please look them over and see if anything touches you in any way!

Take care ~ Rabbott

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That which can be imagined need never be lost. CB

 

[HomerPindar]

Hey, Rabbott, welcome to the board. In hopes this helps move along some responses here's a link to Rabbott's poetry. Click this!

Now, Rabbott, if ya interested in seeing how that's done, just click on the quote button below here and see how the message handles the code. (in the post message box you click on the http:// button above the message field) Hitting the quote button is a great way to learn how folks do all the nifty things in posting. Hope this helps

oh, btw, I'll go check ya out for an actuall informed response now

HomerPindar

 

[HomerPindar]

Seeing as I'm avoiding a research paper here... <-that's me trying to look innocent. Needs work, I know.

Workday I think it could be longer, the contradictions without identification left me wondering what I was missing, and is all of this a good thing or not? (not that the second question need be answered by knowing what it is, but it's an option and a question all the same) On this one, more is better.

Stressed I liked this one, a simple structure that to me does give an impression of stress. Consider a sestina as a form, it's a great one for obbession and stressed beats in rythym. One thing though,

Wound up tight
tight as a drum
Waiting for something
something to come
To come and take
take you away

was the drum/waiting switch intentional when such breaks the pattern used throughout the rest of the poem? What about come/to? These two break the pattern, but that might be a good thing if done to a rythym, make it a accented drum beat.
Fortune Teller A rule of thumb that at first I rebelled against but have come to agree with in the end, don't ask questions without giving the reader some idea of an answer. There are other ways of making a reader question without asking one, and such a tactic will often leave a greater impression. Least, that's what someone taught me once.

then again, anyone will tell ya I don't know nuthin

Keep em coming, and welcome aboard!!
HomerPindar

 

[Liar]

Hey rabbott!

I read your batch of poems from yeaterday, and I must say that I'm intrigued by the bending perspectives and laidback wit you posess. I'm not very good at giving feedback, and I can only reflect my own opinions, which may, and most probably do, differ from others in this forum.

There is something very Piet Hein over your poems sometimes, in the humour and sharp twists and turns. Your Interior Decorating, Nothing Personal and One of Those Things are great examples of that. Little quirky oddities that are very enteratining to read.

Other times you seem to overdo that, and just list things, if you get my drift. Sittin' Here and Workday IMO falls victim for that.

All in all, I think you're one of the more interresting poets here, in that you have a very personal style and that you seem to be totally unafraid of cultivating that. Keep writing, I'll keep reading.

#Liar

 

[rabbott]

Many many thanks

Thanks Liar and Home for the kind words. I will take ALL that is said under advisement. I am just here to shed a little light, give another perspective... Oh hell ~ to hang out and ramble would be more to the point. I have never had any "schooling" as far as writing goes ~ and maybe it shows ~ who knows... (oops) I just try to let the words flow ~ if and when they will ~ and see what transpires... Anyway I am glad you found a few that touched you and I hope others find something as well.
Oh and Liar ~ I liked that Pith fellow or gal!!! Is this current work or something old ~ like me!?!?

Take care and talk at ya later!

 

[Senna Jawa]

Please look them over and see if anything touches you in any way!

Sometimes you try a spoon or two of a soup, then you set the bowl aside, you have lost your apetite. I am saying that you do not have the faintest idea of what poetry is about. I've "publicly commented" on one of your poems, then read another, this one:


  Immigration

by rabbott ©

        Open the gates
        and let the waters roll in ~
        sooner or later
        you must close them again,
        or learn how to swim


The provided trite image is only on the metaphoric level. Your preaching/lecturing is boring, you didn't say anything interesting. On the ground level you gave nothing: no boats, which carry the immigrants, no airports, no relatives awaiting or not, no immigration authorities, no assisting immigration organizations...

Nothing concrete, no image etc., about how the population is affected by the immigration, nor anything about the assimilation process; nothing about learning the language, about the handouts, about looking for a job or competing with the "established citizens", about illegal workers, about looking for a spouse in order to get the green card. Nothing about the life events which induce emotions like holidays or letters/email... Your poem is as empty, as ignorant as it can be. And you have an illusion that poetry is   that   trivial? ??   Unfortunately, you are not the only one. See the guys coming to your rescue

You do not need to turn your poem into an encyclopedia. Instead, it should have an element, moment, focus... It is safer and easier for you, as an author, if you write from your point of view. Here are two from mine, from one who has immigrated, for instance:

    emigration   &   [I hear...]

Your present tendency is to write general, philosophical so to speak, poems. It is very hard to get poetry this way. Don't do it yet because once again you will sound boring. Try in a few years, when you have several true poems under your belt. Over decades I've written only a few of them (while I've written a couple of thousands of the concrete poems, in two languages). Here is one that I remember or even have available at hand:

        [I am...]


Regards,

 

[rabbott]

Someone touched

Ah Senna ~ Perhaps I did convey in Immigration EXACTLY what I wanted and you, the immigrant, missed the point! Sometimes to read between the lines is... But then again we ask too much I suppose!

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Someone touched

Ah Senna ~ Perhaps I did convey in Immigration EXACTLY what I wanted and you, the immigrant, missed the point! Sometimes to read between the lines is... But then again we ask too much I suppose!

Don't delude yourself. Your text has nothing to do with poetry, there is no poetry in it. (Point-shmoint, forget it).

 

[rabbott]

Matter of Opinion

Senna ~ It's all a matter of opinion really. You have voiced yours and I thank you for it. But you see that is what is WONDERFUL about this great land ~ I am free to express myself and so are you! Whether we disagree ar not!

My regards to you sir!

RAbbott

 

[thenry]

I am going to have to throw my weight behind guru ji. "Immigration" is a typic example of your work which while poetic I do not think works as written or lyric poetry.

Instead it has many of the earmarks of slam poetry: strong flow, a twist of wit, dropped sounds for a taste of slang ("One View"). I wonder if it's something in which you're interested as so much of what you have presented would fit.

On an entirely different note, are you really pictured in your bio? I'm intimidated.

 

[Icingsugar]

Terminology

Peeps, before we continue this, how about defining what we're talking about?

Personally I'd like to know why people feel the need to build a barbed wire fence to separate what they see as poetry and not poetry. A handful of poets here use that distinction now and then, and I have, and will continue to, raise my voice in objection everytime someone makes this mistake. Granted, a poem can be more or less well written and more or less appealing to a certain reader. But I prefer not to draw imaginary lines in the sand. In the world of poetry there must be room for the simple and mundane too. And even the just plain bad.

I have had the same discussion about music in another forum not long ago. If I have a sonic idea and toot a trumpet and the sound sequence comes out the way I wanted it to, then that is rightfully music. It might not follow the standard tonal scale, and it might hurt your ears, but it is still music.

So, my take on abbott's poetry (which it is) then:

There are, by common dictionary definition of the word, poetry ideas and construction behind all of your offerings. That is not to say that I like it, that I think you hit a homerun every time. From what I've seen so far, it looks like you need to slow down a little bit, and look closel at what you've written. Because the poems you've posted so far are IMO quality-wise staggering in diversity. There are some real gems of intelligent construct and insightful wit (as noted, Piet Hein style - do a web search for "grooks"), but also some that are very trite and that offers me little in terms of insight, entertainment or emotional experience.

When you have written a poem, ask yourself: What is the point of this poem? What will make people remember it? In what ways is this a unique offering? Try to clear your head and read it as if you read it for the first time. What then is your impression of it? By looking at your poems with as critical eyes as possible you should be able to sift what your pen produce and refine what makes you profilic.

Your style seems to be short, sometimes humorous, philosophical breaks. "slam poetry"? Maybe. I'm not quite sure what that means, but I don't really reagerd the notion of it as something bad in itself. I someines write poems just to mess with my own notion of language. We can't all be wallowing in high art pretenciousness all the time. Tis not healthy.

cheers!
/Ice

 

[Rybka]

Re: Terminology

Peeps, before we continue this, how about defining what we're talking about?
. . .
I have had the same discussion about music in another forum not long ago. If I have a sonic idea and toot a trumpet and the sound sequence comes out the way I wanted it to, then that is rightfully music. It might not follow the standard tonal scale, and it might hurt your ears, but it is still music.
. . .

So do you believe in "private languages" too?

 

[thenry]

Re: Terminology

Your style seems to be short, sometimes humorous, philosophical breaks. "slam poetry"? Maybe. I'm not quite sure what that means, but I don't really reagerd the notion of it as something bad in itself.

Slam Poetry FAQ

It isn't bad at all, though it is a little difficult to explain. Slam Poetry is more an event than a genre that focuses equally on sound and performance as well as content. Still, many of the poems begin to have characteristics in common, mostly revolving around the need to make oneself understood but with enough flair to entertain in a short amount of time. Characteristics Abbott demonstrates.

As for poetry itself, there are levels I think English needs new words to separate. Yes anything I slap down on paper can be art, or poetry, but there are other levels upon which my slaps would fail.

 

[Icingsugar]

Re: Re: Terminology

So do you believe in "private languages" too?

There is a time and a place for everything.





Except David Hasselhoff.

 

[Rybka]

Re: Re: Re: Terminology

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Rybka
So do you believe in "private languages" too?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is a time and a place for everything.

There is a time and a place for everything.


Except David Hasselhoff.

I hope that is David in your AV and not Lin!

Many philosophers consider private language" an oxymoron at best and certainly an antilogy.


Regards, Rybka

 

[rabbott]

Well...Isn't this SpEcIaL!

So much information and discussion. Tis nice to see. LEarned thus far ~ a nook for grooks does exist; and the guru will have none of this. Some nice/fair criticisms and the usual sharp tongue from some but that is to be expected. Without rejection and failure what is life?


Levity, brevity, tools, and rules...

Taglines, guidelines, verbage, wordage...

A square peg in a round hole

Guiding light or lost soul

Anyway ~ have a nice day!

 

[rabbott]

Grateful Dead

It would appear from here,
in fact it's quite clear,
that this thread is dead!
With that said
with these words I close ~
making friends and foes,
I propose,
is simple indeed
as words feed a need
oppositely same.