Thoughts/Opinions Please

[ChaoticLil]

In you own opinion, why do people get married knowing that it will never work?

My best friend was handfasted (pagan wedding) a week ago. Before they were handfasted I was talking to his lady and mentioned her excitement of the prospect of being handfasted. She told me that she was but she knows they haven't a snowballs chance in hell on working (by the way, this is a triad handfasting, MMF).

This puts me in quite a predictament. I am much better friends with the two men than I am with her. I feel like I'm doing my best friend wrong by not saying anything, but if she dumps him (and he is who she was refering to) I'm going to feel horrible because I didn't warn him. And yes, I'm quite sure even if I do warn him he wouldn't believe me. Love is like that.

I know what I'm going to do, but I would like your thoughts on this. All I can do is wait and see what happens and give him a safe place to come to if it does.

 

[Weevil]

In you own opinion, why do people get married knowing that it will never work?

Cheap alcohol?????

 

[Willing and Unsure]

fear of being alone

 

[p_p_man]

In you own opinion, why do people get married knowing that it will never work?

Acid...
Immaturity...
Stupidity...
Pretending at being grown up...
Putting a finger up at the world, her parents her ex...
Mad...

and many, many other reasons - none of them good...

 

[Weevil]

Desire to dress their friends up in hideous clothing?

 

[ChaoticLil]

P-P man and Willing and Unsure, you've probably hit it pretty much on target. Another reason (for her anyway) is to get back to the ocean.

The impression that I get is that she really doesn't know what love is and has no intention of learning. She takes advantage of people until they put a stop to it and then she doesn't understand why they won't talk to her.

I find that really sad. Right now I'm doing my best not to get involved but it's hard. I just hope she doesn't fuck their lives up to much. Better yet, I really hope I'm wrong.

 

[Weevil]

P-P man and Willing and Unsure, you've probably hit it pretty much on target. Another reason (for her anyway) is to get back to the ocean.

Oh I see, I got it wrong did I???

Nuts to you

 

[p_p_man]

NANANANA NAAA!!!

Oh I see, I got it wrong did I???

Nuts to you

 

[p_p_man]

None of my business but...

I'm doing my best not to get involved

don't...

 

[ChaoticLil]

Oh I see, I got it wrong did I???

Nuts to you

Knowing that bunch, I'm sure some kind of mind altering substance is at work.

 

[Weevil]

What bunch?

 

[ChaoticLil]

What bunch?

The group that I was talking about.

You know, the three people that are the subject of me posting this discussion?

It's late, I'm tired, I guess I'd better go to bed before I piss someone off.

 

[Stonedagger]

going back to the original question

Is it right to come between 2 people?
The bitch of it is that like you said if you tell him - he would probably hate you - also could be a self fulfilling prophecy if you tell him he would probably go ahead anyways - men ARE stubborn you know! - and then he would always be thinking that maybe you were right - it wouldn't hurt to screw around - one thing leads to another!

 

[willywanker]

Let me take a crack at this one.

You see, I'm on my third marriage and I sometimes wonder about it.

My first marriage was young and stupid. My parents and friends could all see I was planning to marry someone looking for a guy to manipulate and to better herself. And no, I did not listen, I wanted to prove to everyone that they were wrong. They wern't.

Marriage #2 had a very long courtship, partly because I had to wait for her to get out of high school. I was 24, dating a 17 year old. Things went pretty well til she went back to school for her degree and started to wonder about all the fun she had missed not being single while she was in college. Age may not be a problem later in life, but make sure they have done their growing up before the marriage.

Marriage #3 was a rebound, pure and simple. I convinced myself I functioned better as part of a couple than as a single. I didn't like being single so I settled. She played the game well and was interested in everything I was while we dated but after 5 years, I find it hard to find anything we still have in common. And yes, again my friends warned me up front it was to soon, but I pointed out all the things we had in common. Oh, well.

You have my permission to copy this a show it to your friend. Friend, if you read this, take a week off, by yourself and really think about everything. Are there anythings you are hoping will change with the person your involved with? They won't and they will bug you more and more as the years pass. Has more than one friend asked you about this? Listen close, because you'll need those friends when things go wrong.

Ok, I've depressed myself. Time to go back to work.

By the way, I still believe in marriage. My parents are two of the happiest people I know and they have been committed to each other and their marriage for 44 years, so I know it can and does work with the right partner.

 

[Vivid Blossom]

Let me take a crack at this one.

You see, I'm on my third marriage and I sometimes wonder about it.

My first marriage was young and stupid. My parents and friends could all see I was planning to marry someone looking for a guy to manipulate and to better herself. And no, I did not listen, I wanted to prove to everyone that they were wrong. They wern't.

Marriage #2 had a very long courtship, partly because I had to wait for her to get out of high school. I was 24, dating a 17 year old. Things went pretty well til she went back to school for her degree and started to wonder about all the fun she had missed not being single while she was in college. Age may not be a problem later in life, but make sure they have done their growing up before the marriage.

Marriage #3 was a rebound, pure and simple. I convinced myself I functioned better as part of a couple than as a single. I didn't like being single so I settled. She played the game well and was interested in everything I was while we dated but after 5 years, I find it hard to find anything we still have in common. And yes, again my friends warned me up front it was to soon, but I pointed out all the things we had in common. Oh, well.

You have my permission to copy this a show it to your friend. Friend, if you read this, take a week off, by yourself and really think about everything. Are there anythings you are hoping will change with the person your involved with? They won't and they will bug you more and more as the years pass. Has more than one friend asked you about this? Listen close, because you'll need those friends when things go wrong.

Ok, I've depressed myself. Time to go back to work.

By the way, I still believe in marriage. My parents are two of the happiest people I know and they have been committed to each other and their marriage for 44 years, so I know it can and does work with the right partner.

Huggggggggggs Willy -- You know I love you and we have talked about this before so I won't get into it.

There are probably as many reasons people marry as there are people. I am on my second marriage and in between there was a long-term relationship.. He was in no way right for me but my first husband had destroyed me self esteem and walked all over me. But I can say this -- if my family hadn't consistenly criticised him, knocked him down, and asked me if I was crazy to be with him -- I would have gotten out of it sooner. But the more they questioned my ability to make my own decisions. The more I dug my heals in and attempted to prove them wrong. They were right of course -- he was alcoholic and an abuser and I spent 7 miserable years with him.. Looking back I think if they hadn't interfered -- especially my Mom -- I would have been out of it a heck of a lot sooner. So upshot advice after the rambling is -- stay out of it.

 

[R Nitelight]

The same reason people buy lottery tickets.
It could happen.

 

[willywanker]

The same reason people buy lottery tickets.
It could happen.

*Laughing* Snide, as the name says but ohhhhh soooo true.

 

[ChaoticLil]

Thanks guys for your imput

I just really hate seeing him being decieved like this. I made my decision awhile ago to stay out of it because I know how I would react to the news. I would tell that person that they're just jealous of what I have and that they don't know what they're talking about.

The impression I'm getting though is that both guys are already seeing what's going on. They're just too in love to do anything about it. I give the relationship less than a year, but I REALLY hope I'm wrong.