Thoughts and ideas?

[Diamante]

Well I have recently found myself getting caught up in a game that I don't know if my head nor heart can handle.

I am falling in love with my roomate, who happens to be a girl.

She moved in with me when things with her boyfriend were going really bad, back in July. Well since then they have broken up and he's in jail for charges of battery. She's recovering from the heartache of him quiet well, and falling deeply into my arms.

Ever since I met her, almost two years ago, I have been drawn to her presence. We've been through hell and back, and we've done it together.

I knew that I had always been attracted to women and their bodies, hence the reason I've made out with a few and had a threesome with one girl and her boyfriend. But with A it's totally different. I truly love her. I love the way she can say what I am thinking without me opening my mouth, and vice versa. I love her tiny boobs and her altogether petite frame. I love the way she always knows how to make me laugh. I love that she says she loves me and thinks I am the most gorgeous woman alive. I love the way she kisses me and gets possessive of me when she's drunk. I just love her.

I never thought it would come to this. I mean, I knew how I felt when I met her, but I didn't think she would. And then I found out that she'd made out with other girls and was interested in a threesome. Hell, she even told me she'd break up with her boyfriend at the time, to be with me.

Within the past week, it's become really intense. We make out everytime we're out. We confess our love to one another, we tell the other one how beautiful they are and then we make out some more.

It becomes even more interesting when I add in that there is a guy I am seeing, although not a boyfriend, even more complex, complicated story...who loves her and she loves back. Since she is so intimidated by the girl factor she wants to sleep with me alone and to be drunk the first time, all of which I can totally understand.

I just feel that I am setting myself up to have my heart ripped out. I do love her and I want to be with her...I don't know where this will lead and I don't know how I'll make it out, but I think it'll be worthwhile.

The only thing that worries me, is I start to get jealous when she goes home with other men. I want to be the one in her bedroom at night. I wrote her a note telling her I had no preconceived notions and that I didn't want her to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. I thought for sure she'd write back, but she didn't say anything about it...but she DID come in to work to visit me after she had read it.

I guess I just want others take on the situation, especially those that have been in something similar...not that there is anyone.

Thanks ahead of time

 

[Filly Gal]

Di: What you must decide is if the compromising that you would do to be in an emotiona/sexual relationship with A is worth not the risk of having your heart ripped out but of settling.
How would it really be for you to be alone in your bed knowing that your lover was being sexual with another? Could you Really live with that? How much of that kind of emotional/psychic pain do you want to endure for her to at least partially love you? She would be giving of herself to another in a way that you long for!
Yes the love, passion, desire and lust are all there for the both of you. But a whole steam of red flags are waving in your face right now!! She needs to be drunk in order to be sexually intimate and emotionally vulnerable with you? How sexually "safe" can she really be with her partners? Do you really feel like going down on her after she has had sex with some guy that you know to be a skuz ball? What kind of message is she sending to you when the 2 of you are out and some guy and her "hook up" leaving you at the club?
YOU MUST decide how much you value you! YOU MUST have clear boundaries within yourself! YOU MUST not compromise on what is important to you!
Di, all I can say is been there and done that and in the end IT IS SO NOT WORTH IT!
I believe you said it best when you called the situation a "Game." For in the end that is all it turns out to be a "game" with no winners only hearts that lose out on what they really wanted!

I wish you well on your journey,

FG

Pm me anytime

 

[Diamante]

Thank you so much for your thoughts on the situation.

I of course, feel the need to come to her defense in order to protect her, in a few situations, but I don't even know that I should waste my breath, because I already realize I'm just defensive and I want her so bad.

I would like to say, she wants to be drunk though, because she's VERY nervous about actually being with a girl. I totally understand the need to be a little bit braver.

And she's only slept with four people, and it's all been protected, and she's tested, as am I, and we're both clean.

I don't know...
In the end I know you're right, but at the same time, I know that should the opportunity present itself, there is no way I could say no.

Who knows...maybe it'll become my biggest regret. But, up until this point, I've had none and I feel that if I don't carpe diem, that I'll regret THAT for the rest of my life.

Again, THANK YOU for your time
I appreciate all you do for me little Filly

 

[GentleManInPA]

I'd like to add my thoughts, if I may.

I think the word love is tossed about too much today. We need to try and separate the lust from the love. All too often I've found myself "in love" when it actually turned out to be the desire to be loved... by anyone. Had I realized that I was more interested in a physical relationship (lust) rather than an emotional/spiritual relationship (love).

Ask yourself where you see yourself in the next year, 5 years, 20 years in a relationship with her. If you can't see yourself being together for that long, it may only be lust or an infatuation. If you can recognize your feelings as nothing more than this and approach the possibility of a relationship based on this, you're heart is less likely to be broken.

I don't think you shouldn't pursue the possibility of "love," but in my opinion, if she wants to be drunk the first time you make love, it tells me that she's not fully committed to being with you... at least not yet. Start slowly; physical relationships can lead to lifelong partnerships -- they can also end within a few months or years.

I'm not an expert in this field, but I have been hurt many times. Hope it helps... if not, at least I got it off my chest.

 

[Diamante]

I know that I do love her.
I knew it the first time I saw her, which was well over a year ago.

She's been my best friend ever since that moment and I have felt such a deep down connection with her that I have never ever felt with anyone else.

It's only been recently when she's told me she wants to be with me, long term, that I began to think about it that way. We've only become physical really quickly and it's intimdating to both of us. We are both very coherent and concsious when we're drunk...she just wants something to take a bit of the edge off for the first time. After that she said she wants it to be just the two of us sober.

I don't know...
Being with a girl is so taboo, that it's hard for her and she's worried about what her parents will think.

I am VERY aware of the differences of love and lust.
I have only been in love once and I've always known that nothing else was real.

*sigh*
How I wish life could just be a little bit easier!

 

[GentleManInPA]

If life was easier, we'd all be happy.

Friendship is the best basis for a relationship. If she's (and/or you) are only worried about what others think, you have to do what makes you happy... nobody else is going to make sure that you are.

Also, there's less of a stigma associated with same sex relationships anymore. If that's what's holding her back, maybe you can agree to keep in... god, how I hate this term... "in the closet" for a while. As long as you enjoy each other, what else matters?

 

[GentleManInPA]

Anyway, have a good weekend. Take some time and sort it all out. Just remember to look out for yourself. Take care... hope things work out for you.