Thoughtful advice would be appreciated.

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Bet you really had to twist her arm to get her to go without you huh?

I have a dog whistle she cant resist.

 

[southern_gal]

I have a dog whistle she cant resist.

Uh huh. You keep talking there Mr Big. I bet that when she says your name you come to her like she pulled your leash. You and I both know that's the truth. If you didn't cater to her she'd toss your grumpy behind straight out to the curb.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Uh huh. You keep talking there Mr Big. I bet that when she says your name you come to her like she pulled your leash. You and I both know that's the truth. If you didn't cater to her she'd toss your grumpy behind straight out to the curb.

moneys the best dog whistle

 

[Alliecat1970]

Sounds like a difficult situation, Southern Gal. Echoing some of the advice already given, I would recommend going back to work and pursuing some of your own personal interests. This may serve to make you less solely dependent upon your husband to meet your emotional needs. For myself, working and volunteering for causes that are important to me, gives me a sense of connectedness and makes me a happier person. I think this makes me a better and more interesting partner. Also, worst-case scenario, if the situation doesn't improve or work out in the long term, you have a full life to move on with.

 

[southern_gal]

moneys the best dog whistle

Whatever you say ........leashboy.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Whatever you say ........leashboy.

I'm not the one with the attention problem, dear.

 

[southern_gal]

I'm not the one with the attention problem, dear.

Nor am I the one with the over inflated sense of self worth.

Had to add this as an afterthought. Why are any of us on here? Isn't attention the primary motivator? I mean really. Other than JBJ, who we all know is here just to spread happiness and make the world a better place thru the spreading of his wisdom, aren't we here to get someone to talk to us or to talk to someone else?

Maybe I am the only one that's like this. When my husband is home I am nowhere to be found on here because I have other things to do. When I have time on my hands and am feeling a little down or lonely, it helps to have someone to chat with and banter back and forth. But hey, maybe I am the only one. Dunno. I hope not if for no other reason than not wanting that hard headed old goat to be right about something.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Nor am I the one with the over inflated sense of self worth.

The truth is worse than you can imagine. I accept me for who I am, I don't embroider and I don't wear modest rags to make losers feel better. Those who dislike me (and most do) can fuck themselves. Most people aren't much, so I've lost nothing refusing to kiss their asses.

 

[southern_gal]

The truth is worse than you can imagine. I accept me for who I am, I don't embroider and I don't wear modest rags to make losers feel better. Those who dislike me (and most do) can fuck themselves. Most people aren't much, so I've lost nothing refusing to kiss their asses.

I've got to ask you a serious question and you can answer or not. Have you always been like this? By that I mean bitter. Is it something that has developed as you've gone thru life or have you always felt so disconnected from others?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I've got to ask you a serious question and you can answer or not. Have you always been like this? By that I mean bitter. Is it something that has developed as you've gone thru life or have you always felt so disconnected from others?

My mother tried to murder me a few times from when I was 3, on, and literally no one intervened...ever. I cant depend on people and I don't trust them, cuz I know what I know. I finally got too big to kill, and she'd weep afterwards, and I'd comfort her as the bleeding wasn't serious.

Bitter? I don't know. I paid a fortune to avoid becoming a violent, psychotic, drunk in an early grave, that's all I really owed the world. I coulda gone far without a millstone around my neck, and a small hand.

When people say YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I think YES I DO.

 

[southern_gal]

I'm gonna take what you said as the truth because I am still the type that trusts more than I should maybe. Your story is heartbreaking for many reasons. I cannot imagine growing up and going thru my own life and not having the one person that means more to me than the world, my mother, at my side. My own father was strict to say the least. Then again he was a southern babtist minister and even in retirement he hasn't mellowed a whole lot. Still, I knew that he always loved me and wants the best for me.

I cannot put myself in your place nor do I want to but I wish you could find peace. Easy words and a mushy sentiment I guess but I am like that. Yep I am attention addicted. I admitted that earlier but what I really need is being happy. That is me at my core. I love laughing and being around people that smile easily and laugh often. Maybe that is why I keep picking back at you. I have gotten so many pm's of advice because of this thread and several have told me to ignore JBJ. I am gonna make you smile if it's the last thing I do.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm gonna take what you said as the truth because I am still the type that trusts more than I should maybe. Your story is heartbreaking for many reasons. I cannot imagine growing up and going thru my own life and not having the one person that means more to me than the world, my mother, at my side. My own father was strict to say the least. Then again he was a southern babtist minister and even in retirement he hasn't mellowed a whole lot. Still, I knew that he always loved me and wants the best for me.

I cannot put myself in your place nor do I want to but I wish you could find peace. Easy words and a mushy sentiment I guess but I am like that. Yep I am attention addicted. I admitted that earlier but what I really need is being happy. That is me at my core. I love laughing and being around people that smile easily and laugh often. Maybe that is why I keep picking back at you. I have gotten so many pm's of advice because of this thread and several have told me to ignore JBJ. I am gonna make you smile if it's the last thing I do.

I have peace. I was a wonderful therapist because my history was the worst, and I did ok, people sense it. I simply don't trust, it would be crazy to do it, because people aren't trustworthy or good.

 

[southern_gal]

That's a good thing and I feel better for you. Maybe you're just a big ol' teddy bear on the inside and the gruff exterior is a cover?


Ok I at least succeeded in making ME smile at that one.

 

[Landon_1980]

I agree with this post

I stayed in a marriage for too long with someone who didn't consider my needs at all. He pursued hobbies in his "spare" time that excluded me and he emotionally and physically abandoned the marriage, leaving me a single parent with a busy career. He could have continued that way forever.

I felt like I was dying inside a little more each day. My children didn't really have a relationship with him, and we all deserved more. My ex-husband as well.

I ended the marriage, and have ended up in a loving, healthy, supportive, emotionally and physically connected relationship.

My children see a happy mum and a very healthy relationship example. My ex, well, he is working on it. Hopefully he will find his happiness too.

Nobody can make your choices for you. For me, it was a tremendously unhealthy situation and the more I talked to him about what I needed, the more passive aggressive he got.

I wouldn't advocate just walking. Relationships take work. Lots of work. Honest, sincere, raw effort. And sometimes it hurts like fuck.

But if you can truly look at yourself and know (really know!) that you have done all you can to communicate and work on it to bridge that distance between you, you will find peace of mind with whatever you choose.

I've been in almost the exact same posistion. Except I was the man. Being unhappy/depressed within a married will lead you consider (and in my case act on) things that are self destructive to the marriage. But at that point we just try to find something to make us feel normal again... Just my two cents