This week is the hardest of my life - happens every year!

[sweetjen35]

Every year for the past 8 years this is the week that I just don't know how I'm going to react. I lost my parents suddenly and tragically at the same time 8 years ago. Overnight my life changed!

While my attitude 98% of the year is pretty positive and I don't get down on too many pity-parties, it's still hard this time of year with school getting out. I go to my kids' school performances and see grandparents there and wish MY kids had grandparents. Even if they couldn't go I want to be able to call and tell them the joys and celebrations.

I want to see caler ID show up as "mama".

I want to go to their house and lying on the sofa and do nothing - but the house is not there and neither are they.

I know most people on Lit are only intersted in finding a playmate and someone to get off with, but I'm posting this message wonder if there are compassionate souls who recognize that in times of grief, I don't want to get messages asking about my kinks or asking how many orgasms or asking what turned me on or asking if I want to play etc....

I would like to meet people who realize that while I am sexual unfiltered person, I am not looking to hook up and talk dirty with every man on Lit.

I would love to talk to others who have lost one or more parent and realize that life is not about sex and being horny 24/7. Sometimes it's about pausing and not only reflecting on what you have but also the things you still have to take for granted.

Call your parents. Tell them you love them. Never take them for granted!

I've already cried my share of tears today and not sure how many more will follow....

 

[ab724u]

In the cases were we had good relationships with our parents, couldn't agree more. I am sorry for the grief you are bearing.
We can lose loved ones in many different ways and it hurts!
I have a really good relationship with my folks and I do not take that for granted. They are aging and I am far away, so I feel bad/guilty that we can not be together more, but try!
Not all of us on lit. Are all about sex all the time BTW
Sexuality is only one layer or component of an otherwise balanced and fulfilled life. I enjoy the wonders of sex as much as the next person, but I enjoy many many more things as well. Hope you find some cheer in the darkness ):

 

[MaryanneB]

Honey, I lost my husband 3 years ago and every year I hope it will be better on those special dates.
Our anniversary, his birthday, the day he died....they are all killers. I lay in bed and think about the time we had and then I cry. Then my dog gets upset at me crying and I end up smiling a little.
Grief is a miserable thing. It never really goes away much to the dismay of some people around us.
The best thing I found was a group called GriefShare.org They are sponsored by community groups and often churches and are a bit too religious but I was glad I tried to overlook that. The people in these groups can honestly say that they understand.
When my husband died, I went through the coulda, shoulda, woulda's. You know. If I had only done this or that. Then when he died after 14 years of open heart surgeries and close calls, I felt guilty because I felt a level of relief. One night during the short video, they talked about how long term care givers start the grief process years before and a feeling of relief is totally understandable.
It was as if a boulder was lifted from my chest.
Grief never goes away. It just changes and if you need help with that change, try the group out. I live in a very small town and there was a group here! I was very surprised.

 

[Azuldrgon]

*hugs*

 

[ashesatwork]

I lost my dad to an accident 7 years ago in august. I fullyou understand.

I can't imagine both at 1 time.

hugs to you.

 

[Madhter]

I lost my father 4 years ago and it hurt me to see a man i had admired go from someone so strong to one who had become so weal in the end. I have often been asked who the smartest person I have ever met and I always answer my father. Although we often never agreed on things and argued I still respected him. He watched me make mistakes but he was always there for me, the one person I could always count on. My mother is still with us but her health is fading and it too is hard to watch her decline. I still remember the day he died and how I felt I had lost a part of me and that our family would be forever changed.

Although the aniversary of his death is always is a sad day I remember the good time we had and all that her taught me to be come who I am today. He once told me that when he died to not mourn his death but to celebrate the life that he had.

I feel your pain and I am truly sorry for your loss.

 

[Bushmaster73]

I lost my father two years ago...and still feel the pain of loss.

I'm sorry for your loss...and hope you have a handy shoulder to cry on.

 

[anwen]

Hello . just wanted to say that was a lovely post. I know its a sad day for you, but what you wrote sort of made me feel good about people . Thankyou

 

[MisterDark]

Jen - there are so many things that your post made me think about again. My "dad" (step-father) died from cancer in 1998, yet nearly daily I "hear" him talking to me - whether it is when I am working in my yard doing things the way he taught me, or teaching my kids using his words.

On my desk sits a flip calendar with some "wisdoms" for each day of the year - I had bought it for him to be his Father's Day gift the year he died - it's called - Always My Dad. Little did I know then that it would be MY Father's Day gift.

My mother once complained that she missed him and other widows had told her that their spouses still "talked" to them. I told her she wasn't listening with her heart. I know Dad is always talking to me - teaching me - and - by extension - teaching my kids.

My hope for you is, the next time you find yourself saying something your mother or father would have said, that you pause, think about this post, and realize that your parents are still talking to you.

Take Care.

 

[ArthurW]

Jen it's never easy loosing your parents or grandparents. I watched both mine die. Spending long months in hospital with both. Problem was dad was in one and mom in a different hospital. It was hard. Be glad it was an over night ordeal for you Jen. I spent 25 years watching and praying. I find a great happiness in my memories of my parents. I hope you will too as they live within you always Jen. Remember the good times Jen.

 

[sweetjen35]

Thank you all for the kind thoughts here and private messages. I have been truly touched reading your stories or accepting your hugs and encouragement.

 

[tnman03]

Sorry for your loss Jen, both of my parents are gone as well, neither dying in their beds at home while peacefully asleep. There's still a lot of pain and loss as well as outright anger at some health providers. But it is what it is and can't be undone. I hope your day has been a better one then you expected.

 

[Pennyshub]

Jen,
Your cheating yourself dwelling on the past. reliving the pain does you no good. When you think of them you think of them leaving you, not what they meant to you. Think of all the good they gave you not one bad day. Cherish your memories. Trust me with time it gets easier. But it starts with thoughts of fond memories not the bad. God bless you

 

[Pennyshub]

Jen,
Your cheating yourself dwelling on the past. reliving the pain does you no good. When you think of them you think of them leaving you, not what they meant to you. Think of all the good they gave you not one bad day. Cherish your memories. Trust me with time it gets easier. But it starts with thoughts of fond memories not the bad. God bless you Jen.

 

[sweetjen35]

Jen,
Your cheating yourself dwelling on the past. reliving the pain does you no good. When you think of them you think of them leaving you, not what they meant to you. Think of all the good they gave you not one bad day. Cherish your memories. Trust me with time it gets easier. But it starts with thoughts of fond memories not the bad. God bless you Jen.

I hope I never completely lose the pain. It's what helps me be empathetic and sympathetic towards others who are grieving. As I said, 98% of the time I cope well--I was even asked to speak at a Christian ladies conference a few years ago and was told afterwards that I had encouraged many with my story. People who know the full story have Insisted I should write a book that will inspire others.

Talking to others, I think it is completely natural and normal to remember loved ones after they are gone. There are different triggers for different people: birthdays, anniversaries, Mohers/Father's Day. Some find comfort visiting the gravesite of their loved ones. For me, there isn't a real need. They are not in the grave, they are in my heart and in my girls and in the memories and stories I share.

I have a peace that comes from knowing they did not suffer. A peace that comes from the fact I saw them the day before they died. A peace knowing my mom was telling her best friend stories about my kids just hours before she died. A peace that neither had to mourn the other. But even with all this peace, I'll never forget them and never be glad they died and never stop missing them and never stop telling their story. But in telling their story, there will be some sadness along with the love and the laughter and overall "goodness" they brought to this world. I try to live my life in a way to reflect that same goodness, kindness and compassion they brought to the world.

 

[ManofExperience]

Remembering

Jen,

Thank you for reaching out to start this conversation. I lost my mother in March 1988. She was born on February 14. EVERY Valentine's Day is bitter-sweet now. Every March ... even when she has not been on my mind for a while, I find myself more introspective, more sensitive. A couple of years ago, it actually took me the better part of a day that March afternoon to realize that the calendar had turned over to the exact day she had died those many years before.

Of course I appreciate and remember the loving, nurturing times. Of course I think of and wonder about how things might have been different had she lived. But our relationship was also scarred by her alcoholism and abuse I suffered as a young child. Those memories can come flooding back too.

For many people, including me, parent-child relationships are among the most important, complicated and personal of our lives. This thread has been a vivid reminder of that for me. Sending you love and peace.

 

[pfflyerhot]

My dad died in 1983 and I lost my mom to cancer 8 years ago... I still miss 'em both and, man do I wish I could still ask them questions... about many, many things.
My heart feels your pain in these sad days of yours. You must allow yourself your feelings of sadness in order to heal. No you will never forget and you will always miss them.. but, like you said... they live on within you... within your children.
Peace be with you, sweetjen. Your mindset is in the right place... and, be nice to yourself everyday, don't forget.

 

[DaddyAsh]

Jen,

Hugs, from me and mine, to you and yours.


Ashe

 

[mancsman]

Every year for the past 8 years this is the week that I just don't know how I'm going to react. I lost my parents suddenly and tragically at the same time 8 years ago. Overnight my life changed!

While my attitude 98% of the year is pretty positive and I don't get down on too many pity-parties, it's still hard this time of year with school getting out. I go to my kids' school performances and see grandparents there and wish MY kids had grandparents. Even if they couldn't go I want to be able to call and tell them the joys and celebrations.

I want to see caler ID show up as "mama".

I want to go to their house and lying on the sofa and do nothing - but the house is not there and neither are they.

I know most people on Lit are only intersted in finding a playmate and someone to get off with, but I'm posting this message wonder if there are compassionate souls who recognize that in times of grief, I don't want to get messages asking about my kinks or asking how many orgasms or asking what turned me on or asking if I want to play etc....

I would like to meet people who realize that while I am sexual unfiltered person, I am not looking to hook up and talk dirty with every man on Lit.

I would love to talk to others who have lost one or more parent and realize that life is not about sex and being horny 24/7. Sometimes it's about pausing and not only reflecting on what you have but also the things you still have to take for granted.

Call your parents. Tell them you love them. Never take them for granted!

I've already cried my share of tears today and not sure how many more will follow....

Hello, I hope you will forgive the unsolicited IM. I just read your post and it touched me deeply. I have lost both my parents over the last five years and understand completely your sentiments. Having a large extended family the last few years have been littered with bereavements making me think maybe too much about mortality. If you feel the need to exchange IMs and chat you would be more than welcome. I do agree that not all of us want sex 24/7 and it is refreshing to know that there are others out there who feel the same.

Regards.

Mancsman.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Oh, Jen, I have an idea of what you're going through! *hugs* This upcoming week is the 10th anniversary of my brother's death. He died so young, so unexpectedly...and just 3 short months after a car accident took his wife. I start dreading this time of year all the way back in April..."May's coming, I hate May." We were only 15 months apart, and grew up together doing everything; hanging out at school; learning to drive; dating each other's friends. Even though he was a foot taller than me, everyone thought we were twins.

The worst part is the guilt. The weekend before I kept getting the urge to call him, but I put it off "I'll call him Wednesday afternoon"....except, Wednesday afternoon never arrived. He was gone before then.

So, people, be sure you tell the ones you love that you are thinking of them as often as you can. Don't put it off if it comes to mind to talk to them, you never know what tomorrow will bring.

 

[sweetjen35]

Oh, Jen, I have an idea of what you're going through! *hugs* This upcoming week is the 10th anniversary of my brother's death. He died so young, so unexpectedly...and just 3 short months after a car accident took his wife. I start dreading this time of year all the way back in April..."May's coming, I hate May." We were only 15 months apart, and grew up together doing everything; hanging out at school; learning to drive; dating each other's friends. Even though he was a foot taller than me, everyone thought we were twins.

The worst part is the guilt. The weekend before I kept getting the urge to call him, but I put it off "I'll call him Wednesday afternoon"....except, Wednesday afternoon never arrived. He was gone before then.

So, people, be sure you tell the ones you love that you are thinking of them as often as you can. Don't put it off if it comes to mind to talk to them, you never know what tomorrow will bring.

(((hugs to you)). It sounds like you had an amazing relationship with your brother and great memories that will last a lifetime.

It's interesting how a season can bring back the feelings, much the same as a song or a fragrance. While I also hate May to a certain degree, one of my daughters' birthday is this month so it stops me from completely tearing the page from my calendar.

I am sorry you experienced guilt for not calling. Honestly, earlier in the day before my parents were killed, I was standing in Lowes and had the urge to call my mom to ask her advice about a plant I was buying for my daughter's teacher, but I decided I would wait and talk to her over the weekend... I didn't get that chance. But I don't beat myself up because I had an INCREDIBLE visit the day before that I will be forever grateful for! Interestingly, had my daughter (whose birthday is this month) not had the BIGGEST HISSY FIT a couple days earlier, I would NOT have seen them that last time! So I am a firm believer in all things working together and that good things can come from bad. (She was in a VERY BAD mood, but it led to a GOOD visit).

I know for a fact my story has encouraged others in their times of grief and I have even been told by a few people they they have repaired broken relationships with family members after seeing what I went through. That makes me happy to see their legacy have an impact on others.

 

[desire2touch]

Such a touching realization. Losing a loved one is very difficult and everybody handles it differently. No one can tell you how to feel or how long it takes to grieve. Your thoughts and desires show a deep comforting love that will carry you through. Big hug and a special prayer for you and all those missing their loved ones.