naughtygirl69s
Returned from beyond
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2004
- Posts
- 11,022
I love consumptionjunction, it's like a train wreck you can't look away. I don't normally read the front page, but today's was hysterical!
I did put the link up, but I decided to just copy/paste the text.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Pressure Bidet
Staff Writer Pat goes colonic.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who would ever think that such things could accumulate inside the human body? Could this be the source of disease, illness, and poor health? "The material ranges from jelly-like to as hard as tire rubber, from clear to as black as tar, from fresh to morbidly old, and from fragments to four-foot-long ropes, all with odors that speak only of very rotten things."
- Dr Bernard Jensen
I've had very few things in my ass. Some suppositories, a thermometer, toilet paper, a bitches' tongue, and a finger or two. Oh, and a 9 inch plastic tube. For the sake of all that is holy, I swear that I made her pull her fingers out of my ass as soon as I came, but that is neither here nor there. As for the plastic tube, there is a perfectly good explanation why a 29 year old, heterosexual man has a plastic tube anywhere near his ass.
So have this friend. Is he gay? I don't think so, but it's possible, I suppose. In any regard, this motherfucker started talking about all these parasites and worms that live in my intestines and how all this shit in my guts is eventually going to bring my demise. I just blew it off as this dick watching too many Japanese shiteating whores online, but the more he talked, the more I started wondering, and then that's when I was showed what I might have up in me. I was suddenly determined to find out how I could clean my insides. Strangely enough, this same buddy had most of the information I was looking for. He told me we should get some colon hydrotherapy. I was immediately intimidated by him using the word "colon" and "we" in the same sentence.
"What the fuck is colon hydrotherapy?" I asked. He said,
"Well, I think it's kinda like getting water sprayed in your ass then that washes all the bad shit out."
"Kinda like a bidet?" I asked.
"Yeah, just like that!" was his response.
Well, easy enough I thought. And just like that, the very next afternoon we we're off to get our colons cleaned. Now I don't even throw out the garbage without being high, so the whole car ride there, that's exactly what I did. Got high. The office was in a high rise building on the first floor with a huge sign on the glass doors reading "COLON CARE". We walked in and were greeted by an old lady who may have been hot back in the day but was nowhere near as hot as the bitch on the places website. We started filling out paperwork, then she says:
"I'll take you back first," pointing at me.
So I follow this old broad to a back room. I walk into the room and the first thing I notice is this ominous structure that was a cross between a massage table, a doctors' office bed, and a toilet. "That's the LIBBE station" (Lower Intestinal Bottom Bowel Evacuation), she said.
There was also a plastic glove and some packs of petroleum jelly sitting on some thin paper like sheet. A rather large plastic tube was sticking out of this toilet part of the bed. I noticed a pipe coming out of the bed with a good two feet of it being clear along with a mirror right behind the clear piece. I was somewhat in awe, not knowing exactly what I'd gotten myself into.
"Okay hun, you're going to take you pants and underwear off," she tell me.
"I don't wear underwear, ma'am." She responds,
"Well, neither do I."
What the fuck? Not even my lame attempts to be funny were making me feel any more at ease. She continues, "So, once you take your clothes off, you jump on the bed, spread your legs open and you're gonna wanna put the glove on and lube the entrance to your colon, you put some on the rectal tube as well. Once you're nice and lubed you want to glide the rectal tube into your colon past your second sphincter muscle." What? I'm high as fuck, and this old broad is talking about lube and rectal and sphincter muscles.
"Umm, I wasn't aware that I would have to put anything in there." I explained.
"Oh, don't worry babe, it is a completely safe procedure, I do it all the time." Well shit, if this old bitch can do it, so can I, I thought to myself. She asks me to cover myself with this paper thin ass sheet and press the call button when I was ready for her to come back in and that she would start the water after some more instructions.
I start undressing and I'm standing in front of a door size mirror wearing nothing but an under shit and a pair of socks. My penis, sensing something very odd was about to take place, decides to shrink up and head for home. I think to myself that I need to find new friends. What to do? What to do? Fuck it. I march over to the bed like thing, throw one leg over, and sit spread eagle while I put on my glove. I squeeze the jelly onto my fingers and proceed to lube the tube, then my ass. I started to feel gay, but nowhere near what I was about to feel, I slide down and proceeded to guide a plastic tube roughly two inches into my ass. What the fuck was I suppose to do next, I couldn't even think straight. Oh yeah, cover up and press the call button. Holy good goddamned fuck, the sheet was at my feet and well out of my reach. For me to reach it, I would have to raise up, meaning that tube would go deeper in my ass. I tried everything I could to grab it, but failed. Fuck it, this tube wasn't going any further in my ass, and I pressed the call button. The old woman came back in the room to find a grown ass man with his hands covering his cock and balls, lying with a tube in his ass.
"Sorry ma'am, I couldn't reach the sheet, with it not going in further." I said. Unfazed, she shook her head and covered me up. Thank god for professionalism. She starts talking again,
"Alright hun, I'm gonna turn on the water, you're gonna feel it start going into your intestines, when you're full it's gonna feel like you need to go to the bathroom, when you feel this, push, the water will stop flowing and all the toxins will start coming out and they will flow out of the pipes and into the Dallas sewers where you'll never have to see them again. The water will automatically starts again once you've flushed everything; you'll continue to do this for approximately 55 minutes, press the button if you need anything, do you have any questions?" I had all sorts of shit I wanted to ask, but my brain couldn't comprehend what my mouth wanted to say, so I just shook my head.
So, I'm laying there with water going into my ass and into my intestines. I start getting that feeling where it feels like you have to take a shit. Fuck it, here goes nothing. Ipush and I hear the distinct sound of diarrhea coming from my ass. I look down at the clear pipe and all this nasty stuff starts shooting by. At first, it's just dirty pee color water, then pieces of shit start flowing by, and then chunks of who the fuck knows what. I repeat this for the next 20 minutes and each and every time the material coming out of my ass is starting to get more disgusting than the previous time. "Holy fuck, what in the fuck was that" I said out loud to myself. It was something that looked like half a shoe lace wrapped around a tootsie roll. Just then I heard a knock at the door and June, the old broad came walking in talking some shit like "Is everything okay?" She pulls out a massager and starts massaging my stomach saying something like this will help the intestinal walls release things easier. My intestines were just about full again and I was ready to release some more shit but didn't want to do it in front of the old woman. She continued massaging and talking until I could no longer hold it in. I let loose with the old woman in the room. She didn't even blink, just kept massaging. As my ass started to fill up again, my mind started to think of the old woman giving me head, then my dick decided to come out of his hole to see what all the fuss was about. Now, not only do I have an old woman massaging my stomach, a tube in my ass but a semi-boner as well. My dick finally went back down once the old woman went on her way. I continued the process for about 25 more minutes, seeing more and more horrendous things come out of my ass. I was relieved when I heard the timer go off. The old woman came in with some final instructions and I slithered my lubed ass the fuck off the rectal tube. I cleaned my hands, my jelly smothered ass and got dressed. It was over.
Then I come to find out it takes five or six times for it to be fully cleansed. Just then, my friend walks out into the lobby, leans in and says the damnest god-damned thing:
"Dude, I think I have worms, I swear I saw worms in the pieces of shit that flowed by."
This was it, the final straw. I was making new friends immediately. I've since been asked what I felt like afterwards, and it's the same answer every time: "Gay...very gay!"
But fuck y'all, my colon is cleaner than yours.
I did put the link up, but I decided to just copy/paste the text.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Pressure Bidet
Staff Writer Pat goes colonic.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Who would ever think that such things could accumulate inside the human body? Could this be the source of disease, illness, and poor health? "The material ranges from jelly-like to as hard as tire rubber, from clear to as black as tar, from fresh to morbidly old, and from fragments to four-foot-long ropes, all with odors that speak only of very rotten things."
- Dr Bernard Jensen
I've had very few things in my ass. Some suppositories, a thermometer, toilet paper, a bitches' tongue, and a finger or two. Oh, and a 9 inch plastic tube. For the sake of all that is holy, I swear that I made her pull her fingers out of my ass as soon as I came, but that is neither here nor there. As for the plastic tube, there is a perfectly good explanation why a 29 year old, heterosexual man has a plastic tube anywhere near his ass.
So have this friend. Is he gay? I don't think so, but it's possible, I suppose. In any regard, this motherfucker started talking about all these parasites and worms that live in my intestines and how all this shit in my guts is eventually going to bring my demise. I just blew it off as this dick watching too many Japanese shiteating whores online, but the more he talked, the more I started wondering, and then that's when I was showed what I might have up in me. I was suddenly determined to find out how I could clean my insides. Strangely enough, this same buddy had most of the information I was looking for. He told me we should get some colon hydrotherapy. I was immediately intimidated by him using the word "colon" and "we" in the same sentence.
"What the fuck is colon hydrotherapy?" I asked. He said,
"Well, I think it's kinda like getting water sprayed in your ass then that washes all the bad shit out."
"Kinda like a bidet?" I asked.
"Yeah, just like that!" was his response.
Well, easy enough I thought. And just like that, the very next afternoon we we're off to get our colons cleaned. Now I don't even throw out the garbage without being high, so the whole car ride there, that's exactly what I did. Got high. The office was in a high rise building on the first floor with a huge sign on the glass doors reading "COLON CARE". We walked in and were greeted by an old lady who may have been hot back in the day but was nowhere near as hot as the bitch on the places website. We started filling out paperwork, then she says:
"I'll take you back first," pointing at me.
So I follow this old broad to a back room. I walk into the room and the first thing I notice is this ominous structure that was a cross between a massage table, a doctors' office bed, and a toilet. "That's the LIBBE station" (Lower Intestinal Bottom Bowel Evacuation), she said.
There was also a plastic glove and some packs of petroleum jelly sitting on some thin paper like sheet. A rather large plastic tube was sticking out of this toilet part of the bed. I noticed a pipe coming out of the bed with a good two feet of it being clear along with a mirror right behind the clear piece. I was somewhat in awe, not knowing exactly what I'd gotten myself into.
"Okay hun, you're going to take you pants and underwear off," she tell me.
"I don't wear underwear, ma'am." She responds,
"Well, neither do I."
What the fuck? Not even my lame attempts to be funny were making me feel any more at ease. She continues, "So, once you take your clothes off, you jump on the bed, spread your legs open and you're gonna wanna put the glove on and lube the entrance to your colon, you put some on the rectal tube as well. Once you're nice and lubed you want to glide the rectal tube into your colon past your second sphincter muscle." What? I'm high as fuck, and this old broad is talking about lube and rectal and sphincter muscles.
"Umm, I wasn't aware that I would have to put anything in there." I explained.
"Oh, don't worry babe, it is a completely safe procedure, I do it all the time." Well shit, if this old bitch can do it, so can I, I thought to myself. She asks me to cover myself with this paper thin ass sheet and press the call button when I was ready for her to come back in and that she would start the water after some more instructions.
I start undressing and I'm standing in front of a door size mirror wearing nothing but an under shit and a pair of socks. My penis, sensing something very odd was about to take place, decides to shrink up and head for home. I think to myself that I need to find new friends. What to do? What to do? Fuck it. I march over to the bed like thing, throw one leg over, and sit spread eagle while I put on my glove. I squeeze the jelly onto my fingers and proceed to lube the tube, then my ass. I started to feel gay, but nowhere near what I was about to feel, I slide down and proceeded to guide a plastic tube roughly two inches into my ass. What the fuck was I suppose to do next, I couldn't even think straight. Oh yeah, cover up and press the call button. Holy good goddamned fuck, the sheet was at my feet and well out of my reach. For me to reach it, I would have to raise up, meaning that tube would go deeper in my ass. I tried everything I could to grab it, but failed. Fuck it, this tube wasn't going any further in my ass, and I pressed the call button. The old woman came back in the room to find a grown ass man with his hands covering his cock and balls, lying with a tube in his ass.
"Sorry ma'am, I couldn't reach the sheet, with it not going in further." I said. Unfazed, she shook her head and covered me up. Thank god for professionalism. She starts talking again,
"Alright hun, I'm gonna turn on the water, you're gonna feel it start going into your intestines, when you're full it's gonna feel like you need to go to the bathroom, when you feel this, push, the water will stop flowing and all the toxins will start coming out and they will flow out of the pipes and into the Dallas sewers where you'll never have to see them again. The water will automatically starts again once you've flushed everything; you'll continue to do this for approximately 55 minutes, press the button if you need anything, do you have any questions?" I had all sorts of shit I wanted to ask, but my brain couldn't comprehend what my mouth wanted to say, so I just shook my head.
So, I'm laying there with water going into my ass and into my intestines. I start getting that feeling where it feels like you have to take a shit. Fuck it, here goes nothing. Ipush and I hear the distinct sound of diarrhea coming from my ass. I look down at the clear pipe and all this nasty stuff starts shooting by. At first, it's just dirty pee color water, then pieces of shit start flowing by, and then chunks of who the fuck knows what. I repeat this for the next 20 minutes and each and every time the material coming out of my ass is starting to get more disgusting than the previous time. "Holy fuck, what in the fuck was that" I said out loud to myself. It was something that looked like half a shoe lace wrapped around a tootsie roll. Just then I heard a knock at the door and June, the old broad came walking in talking some shit like "Is everything okay?" She pulls out a massager and starts massaging my stomach saying something like this will help the intestinal walls release things easier. My intestines were just about full again and I was ready to release some more shit but didn't want to do it in front of the old woman. She continued massaging and talking until I could no longer hold it in. I let loose with the old woman in the room. She didn't even blink, just kept massaging. As my ass started to fill up again, my mind started to think of the old woman giving me head, then my dick decided to come out of his hole to see what all the fuss was about. Now, not only do I have an old woman massaging my stomach, a tube in my ass but a semi-boner as well. My dick finally went back down once the old woman went on her way. I continued the process for about 25 more minutes, seeing more and more horrendous things come out of my ass. I was relieved when I heard the timer go off. The old woman came in with some final instructions and I slithered my lubed ass the fuck off the rectal tube. I cleaned my hands, my jelly smothered ass and got dressed. It was over.
Then I come to find out it takes five or six times for it to be fully cleansed. Just then, my friend walks out into the lobby, leans in and says the damnest god-damned thing:
"Dude, I think I have worms, I swear I saw worms in the pieces of shit that flowed by."
This was it, the final straw. I was making new friends immediately. I've since been asked what I felt like afterwards, and it's the same answer every time: "Gay...very gay!"
But fuck y'all, my colon is cleaner than yours.
