This was a little unreal

[slyc_willie]

if you have ever lived in Texas, or visited, or even heard of the place, you know we have a saying: "Everything's bigger in Texas."

That may or may not be physically true, but it sure as hell was proved tonight.

I have a ground-floor apartment. That means that, now and then, I get an unwelcome visitor from time to time. Now, I hate roaches. I despise the freakin' things. It goes back to an experience I had when I was sixteen, shortly after moving here. Having a roach crawl across your neck in the middle of the night and get wonders for initiating a phobia.

Anyway, I was chatting with a good friend tonight and happened to catch movement out of the corner of my eye. I turn to look, and there it is: the biggest roach I have ever seen. I kid you not, this sucker was a good three inches long, if not more.

After I got over my initial, shuddering revulsion, I looked for a suitable bashing implement: the good old rolled-up newspaper.

I stood over the thing, it was just sitting there, on my carpet, feelers tasting the air. I steeled myself, got ready to make it One with the Carpet . . . .

The fucking thing stood up.

I am not bullshitting. A damn roach STOOD UP ON IT'S HIND LEGS!

I was stunned, and even more freaked out. Worse still, the roach just stood there, staring at me, as if daring me to smash it. Like, it knew something I didn't.

Well, I tossed away the rolled-up newspaper, grabbed my ottoman, and turned it over. Damn thing weighs a good forty pounds, so . . . SLAM!

It's still laying there, upside down, Mr. (hopefully) Dead Roach still squashed beneath it.

I ain't moving it until morning . . . .

 

[Guest]

Damn.

(shudder)

 

[starrkers]

Slyc, don't EVER visit Newcastle NSW. It is noted as the big roach capital of Australia. My damned cat was frightened of them, and he regularly caught spiders (much to my total horror - gotten bitten on the neck by a spider at about 15... phobia born!).

 

[MagicaPractica]

You need a good cat that likes a little crunchy snack. I have one that came from the city. She grew up on them. Her name is Mustang Sally and I'd be very happy to ship her down. I've been taking care of her for someone else for the last eight years.

 

[TE999]

Don't look now, dood, but I just saw that ottoman move a little.

Better sleep with one eye open and a jumbo can of Raid on the nightstand.

And hope it doesn't call for reenforcements.

 

[slyc_willie]

Don't look now, dood, but I just saw that ottoman move a little.

Better sleep with one eye open and a jumbo can of Raid on the nightstand.

And hope it doesn't call for reenforcements.

With all due respect . . . .

Fuck you.

 

[slyc_willie]

You need a good cat that likes a little crunchy snack. I have one that came from the city. She grew up on them. Her name is Mustang Sally and I'd be very happy to ship her down. I've been taking care of her for someone else for the last eight years.

I'll send you my address

 

[Guest]

............

 

[slyc_willie]

Slyc, don't EVER visit Newcastle NSW. It is noted as the big roach capital of Australia. My damned cat was frightened of them, and he regularly caught spiders (much to my total horror - gotten bitten on the neck by a spider at about 15... phobia born!).

So much for that made sex orgy we were planning for NSW, huh?

Oh, well . . . .

 

[MagicaPractica]

I'll send you my address

I'll start checking for pet transport services. We can have her there in a day or two and all you will ever see or hear of a cock-a-roach again is a little crunching in the middle of the night. I guarantee it.

 

[MagicaPractica]

I feel that way about spiders. Ick.

Me too! *sigh* Unfortunately, the cat does not work on spiders. Not crunchy enough I guess.

 

[TE999]

With all due respect . . . .

Fuck you.

 

[Scarlett1979]

Oh, my goodness! I share your phobia - had a cockroach crawl across my face in bed one night - and I'm very proud of your ability to even get close enough to kill the sucker!

Ugh...what will you do with the ottoman now? *shudder*

 

[_Lynn_]

Nobody told me about those ugly disgusting things before I moved to Florida in 1979. **shudder**

The mobile home we moved into was crawling with them at night.
Left Florida in 1983 and haven't gone back.

 

[slyc_willie]

Oh, my goodness! I share your phobia - had a cockroach crawl across my face in bed one night - and I'm very proud of your ability to even get close enough to kill the sucker!

Ugh...what will you do with the ottoman now? *shudder*

I'm not even thinking about that right now . . . although, from time to time, I do get up to stomp on it.

Just to make sure, y'know?

 

[TxRad]

Wait until Slyc finds out about the flying kind.....

 

[slyc_willie]

I'll start checking for pet transport services. We can have her there in a day or two and all you will ever see or hear of a cock-a-roach again is a little crunching in the middle of the night. I guarantee it.

I did have a cat, not too long ago. Adorable little daddy's girl, couldn't stand to be away from me. Anyway, she was a Maine Coon . . . biggest cat I'd ever seen. Weighed a good thirty pounds and could stretch to reach my waist from the floor.

Wish I had her now . . . .

 

[slyc_willie]

Wait until Slyc finds out about the flying kind.....

Shut up! Shut up!

*plugging my ears( Blah blah blah blah . . . .

 

[starrkers]

So much for that made sex orgy we were planning for NSW, huh?

Oh, well . . . .

I moved. Haven't seen the monster bastard roaches out here

 

[3113]

The fucking thing stood up.

I am not bullshitting. A damn roach STOOD UP ON IT'S HIND LEGS!

Well, at least it didn't talk to you....

On the other hand, I suspect we've just lost our first contact with some great alien civilization. Too bad they didn't choose a better disguise

 

[MagicaPractica]

I did have a cat, not too long ago. Adorable little daddy's girl, couldn't stand to be away from me. Anyway, she was a Maine Coon . . . biggest cat I'd ever seen. Weighed a good thirty pounds and could stretch to reach my waist from the floor.

Wish I had her now . . . .

My male is Maine Coon but you can't have him. Besides, he's a big baby. He'd probably run away from the cockroach. He prefers to go fishing.

 

[slyc_willie]

Well, at least it didn't talk to you....

On the other hand, I suspect we've just lost our first contact with some great alien civilization. Too bad they didn't choose a better disguise

*snicker*

And now comes the invasion . . . .

I'll be the first casualty, I'm sure.

 

[slyc_willie]

My male is Maine Coon but you can't have him. Besides, he's a big baby. He'd probably run away from the cockroach. He prefers to go fishing.

Mine would follow me to the store and wait outside. She wasn't afraid of anything. Spiders, flies, roaches, whatever . . . she'd get them all . . . after playing with them for an hour or so.

 

[The_Fool]

Could loan you the .44. If that isn't big enough, the .454...

Kinda noisy though.

 

[slyc_willie]

Could loan you the .44. If that isn't big enough, the .454...

Kinda noisy though.

Lol. I've shot both a .44 and a Casull. The second one damn near broke my arm.

Nah, if I need 'em, I have a Browning Hi-Power and a S&W Model 19.

Be strange to explain the damage to the carpet to my property managers, though . . . .