This might seem paranoid, but…

[TarnishedPenny]

Just some light-hearted whelps. Feel free to add your own p̶a̶r̶a̶n̶o̶i̶a̶ keen observations on life. To start:

This might seem paranoid, but no matter how carefully I park in a mall or supermarket parking lot and no matter how carefully I not the spot, my car will always move three lanes over when I’m inside.

Oh, and a corollary:

This might seem paranoid, but if I try in such cases to use the key fob to make the horn beep, that same fob that inevitably triggers the panic alarm when I’m in church or looking for a comb, will fail utterly and I will have to find my car by barking my knee on a bumper.

 

[SimonDoom]

I may be paranoid, but i am quite certain that my dryer claims a sock every couple of months or so, without warning, as tribute for my using it.

 

[Erozetta]

Every time I go for a walk, a vehicle will pull up beside me. Never fails, no matter how remote a direction I decide to go in.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I may be paranoid, but i am quite certain that my dryer claims a sock every couple of months or so, without warning, as tribute for my using it.

But just think about the treasure trove of odd Tupperware lids you’ve collected on their place.

 

[Duleigh]

I just wrote a story about life in North Dakota during February. In my story it was -35° (-37°C) with a -60° (-51°C) Windchill
I couldn't go outside, in my mind it was too cold and I don't have any arctic gear. When I did step outside it was +70° (21°C) but it felt too cold for me. Paranoia? I think not. I know what -35° feels like. I know it's coming for me... I can feel it...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Whenever I go for a walk at night one or more streetlights will go out as I pass by.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I may be paranoid, but i am quite certain that my dryer claims a sock every couple of months or so, without warning, as tribute for my using it.

What are you using the sock for?

Wait, obvious question

 

[ElectricBlue]

Whenever I go for a walk at night one or more streetlights will go out as I pass by.

Decades ago I went to see Stephen Spielberg's first movie, Duel, about Dennis Weaver driving across the country, being monstered by a big oil tanker, where you never saw the driver, only his boots.

Walking home at 11:00 pm, damned if there wasn't the same kind of truck parked on the side of the road. I crossed over, walked faster, and kept turning back to make sure the bloody thing wasn't moving.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

What are you using the sock for?

Wait, obvious question

Reminds me of a bit of high school doggerel:

In Days of Old,
When Knights were bold,
And condoms weren't invented,
They'd tie a sock
Around their cock,
And babies were prevented.

 

[Duleigh]

Reminds me of a bit of high school doggerel:

In Days of Old,
When Knights were bold,
And condoms weren't invented,
They'd tie a sock
Around their cock,
And babies were prevented.

We would chant the same with the following change

They'd wrap a leaf
Around their beef

But there was an other option:

In Days of Old
When Knights were bold
and toilets weren't invented.
They'd drop their load
Beside the road
And walk away contented.

Thread jacking 101 - I was a star pupil

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You can't keep a good bit of doggerel down! The "folk process" at work!

(But why do they keep reappearing. Are they after us? What do they want?)

 

[SimonDoom]

Decades ago I went to see Stephen Spielberg's first movie, Duel, about Dennis Weaver driving across the country, being monstered by a big oil tanker, where you never saw the driver, only his boots.

Walking home at 11:00 pm, damned if there wasn't the same kind of truck parked on the side of the road. I crossed over, walked faster, and kept turning back to make sure the bloody thing wasn't moving.

Shoestring budget movie made for TV but you could see the talent in the direction. I saw it when I was a kid, probably when it came out, and I saw it more recently, and I notice the use of details and shots in the chase scenes that remind me of Jaws and Jurasssic Park.

 

[ThatNewGuy]

This might seem paranoid, but no matter how sure I am that I've removed every scrap of metal from my person, someone always slips something into my pocket at the last possible moment that sets off the airport metal detector and forces me to endure the wand of shame.

A corollary:

This might seem paranoid, but even though I've never shoplifted, I hold my breath every time I walk out of a department store because I'm sure someone has slipped something into my bag that will set off the anti-theft alarm and result in a security guard hitting me with a flying tackle while the other customers shake their heads in disdain.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm not paranoid, and that's exactly why it annoys me so much that people are constantly staring at me like I am.

 

[SinclairGroupLLP]

This might seem paranoid, but no matter how far away from other cars I park my car, and no matter how empty the parking lot is, some motherfucker will park next to me every time. I could be the only car in a miles wide lot and when I come back, there’s a car parked next to me.

 

[Duleigh]

When the whole world is out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking

 

[SimonDoom]

But just think about the treasure trove of odd Tupperware lids you’ve collected on their place.

I'm not paranoid, but else could you know about the lids, unless . . . ? HOW COULD YOU KNOW?

 

[SimonDoom]

When the whole world is out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking

Think of paranoia as just an observant person hedging his bets.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Paranoia is a survival skill.

 

[SimonDoom]

This might seem paranoid, but no matter how far away from other cars I park my car, and no matter how empty the parking lot is, some motherfucker will park next to me every time. I could be the only car in a miles wide lot and when I come back, there’s a car parked next to me.

Sorry about that. I thought you'd appreciate the company.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I'm not paranoid, but else could you know about the lids, unless . . . ? HOW COULD YOU KNOW?

Look at my avatar again. FAIRY wings... There are other kinds of fairies than just the tooth fairy...

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I'm curious. Is it still called paranoia if you're right?

 

[MrPixel]

Decades ago I went to see Stephen Spielberg's first movie, Duel, about Dennis Weaver driving across the country, being monstered by a big oil tanker, where you never saw the driver, only his boots.

Walking home at 11:00 pm, damned if there wasn't the same kind of truck parked on the side of the road. I crossed over, walked faster, and kept turning back to make sure the bloody thing wasn't moving.

You got my attention:

1) The scene with the train was filmed next to a park I frequented as a kid. That location may have burned in the "Lidia" fire in the Los Angeles area last week.

2) If you were here in the Midwest, it would be entirely possible you could have experienced that with the actual movie truck. My best bud of 30 years was a collector of "celebrity" trucks. He owned the Duel truck for a while. I'm certain he made many folks paranoid driving it around town.

 

[Abbafan]

I'm curious. Is it still called paranoia if you're right?

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean there not after you.

True words.

 

[SimonDoom]

You got my attention:

1) The scene with the train was filmed next to a park I frequented as a kid. That location may have burned in the "Lidia" fire in the Los Angeles area last week.

2) If you were here in the Midwest, it would be entirely possible you could have experienced that with the actual movie truck. My best bud of 30 years was a collector of "celebrity" trucks. He owned the Duel truck for a while. I'm certain he made many folks paranoid driving it around town.

Sounds like there's a good story here. I want to hear more about the friend and his "celebrity truck" collection. I just learned that was a thing for the first time.