This may not be the right place...?

[about time]

Can any lovely ladies out there recommend any good DVDs (not vhs...gotta move with the times) that I could buy and surprise my good lady with ?

Unfortunately, in the past when I came home with some movies from guys at work etc (unseen by me either) they put her off. either they were really crap quality (even by my low standards) or too violent or 90% anal which she hates. No really she hates any anal.

That said, I don't want to watch porn from the Hallmark channel either

The criteria would be;

- penetration shots
- lots of dick shots
- oral
- good quality (i.e. no fuzzy low budget, etc)
- No Pamela A lookalikes (unrealistic plastic surgery jobs, bottox overdoses, etc)
- Female bi would be nice
She says she isn't bi (as if) but she only has to watch a movie like "Bound" (Jennifer Tilly & Gina Gershon) and I know I'm in like Flynn that night.

I know there are some movies out these aimed at the ladies (something about having a storyline??) but I don't know any (obviously)

I know this narrows it down a bit, but the good news is that she has seen the same documentary as me, where researchers put monitors/receptors on people and got them to watch porn and even those who clam to be revolted (and probably were) still became aroused i.e. hard ons, raised heartbeat, sweat etc... A bit like me last time my wife said "we haven't seen bound in a while"

Suggestions appreciated

Thanks

 

[Arden]

Hmmm... ever heard of Aurora Snow? We enjoy her quite a bit

http://www.wickedpictures.com/graphics/bio/profile/profile-1223.jpg
http://www.aurorasnowxxx.com/KittyStore2.htm

Our personal favorite might be too much for some, but she's great.

 

[about time]

Hmmm... ever heard of Aurora Snow? We enjoy her quite a bit

http://www.wickedpictures.com/graphics/bio/profile/profile-1223.jpg
http://www.aurorasnowxxx.com/KittyStore2.htm

Our favorite personal favorite might be too much for some, but she's great.

I had a look at the link. Shes gorgeous.

Any particular movie meet the above criteria? or most of it?

 

[DLL]

ok heres a list of the top 100 porn flicks to enjoy together with your special someone....

1. THE ANAL GIRLS OF TOBACCO ROAD 2 : VAGINA SLIMES - The title that started me on this list. "Virginia Slims" becomes "Vagina Slimes" ? That's disgusting ! You get the idea.
2. LET'S PLAY STAIN THE COUCH - And then invite all our friends over and watch them try to guess what that smell is !
3. CRACK WHORES OF AMERICA - Because nothing turns a guy on more than needle tracks and missing teeth ...
4. PRIME CUTS - YO QUIERO TACO SMELL - I know when I get down there, I want to smell refried beans !
5. AMATEURS ONLY #129 - I'M A BROWN SHIT-HOLED WHORE - Some people like poo, so maybe I shouldn't have included this one. What can I say, it just has a certain poetry to it.
6. SEX STARVED FUCK SLUTS #22 - STINKY WHITE WOMEN - Why would you want to have sex with somebody who is stinky ? You are a puzzle, sir.



2) GROAN - heres bad puns, horrible plays on words, stupid Hollywood movie name adaptations :

7. DUDE, WHERE'S MY DILDO ? - Bad movie, probably a bad porno based on a bad movie.
8. ULTRA KINKY #79 - BOWLIN' IN HER COLON - Bowling balls and colons, such a pretty image.
9. ASS-HOLE O MIO - You've got to be kidding.
10. HOMEGROWN VIDEO #489 : FUCK THE CANUCK - Trouble rhyming "bitch" today ?
11. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE VAGINA - Kurt Russell should be so lucky ...
12. GOOD ASSTERNOON - I want to see a porno with really amazing dialogue. This won't be it.
13. BACKDOOR ADVENTURES OF BUTTHEAD AND BEAVER - Too obvious.
14. HINDFELD - A porno about nothing.
15. TEA BAGGER VANCE - Did anybody see the original movie ? Yeah, whatever.
16. MUSIC TO FUCK TO - ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES A LABIA - I would watch this if they actually got Lionel Richie to sing the new lyrics with a close-up shot of him crying.
17. GERANALMO - Sure, why not ?
18. BRASSIERE TO ETERNITY - You're reaching ...
19. TIG OL' BITTIES - Spoonerisms can be fun. Sometimes not.
20. MOULIN SPLOOGE - You saw this one coming ...
21. TITS OF FURY - ... but not this one ...
22. GERMAN WHORE FARE - Well, I groaned ...
23. SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN ... SHE'S A VAGITARIAN - Sigh ...
24. TOOKIE RAIDER - Tookie ? Tookie ??? You're just making up words now.
25. MUFFUGNUGEN - That's just lame, man.
26. PRIME CUTS - ONE FELL INTO THE POO-POO'S NEST - You went to college for this ?
27. FILTHY FUCKERS #184 - POKE 'ER MON - Who exactly is your target audience ?
28. RIMMERAMA - It does kind of roll off the tongue, though.
29. HOOTERS AND THE BLOWJOBS - Sometimes the music in porn movies is kind of interesting. Not this time.
30. HUNG WANKENSTEIN - Two, count 'em, TWO bad puns in one title ! I want this job !



3) STUPID - just plain poorly chosen titles for various reasons :

31. SEX - This is so wonderfully descriptive, there are TWO movies with this title.
32. THE SPLENDOR OF HELL - Nothing gets me going more than the thought of the sin I am committing at the time and the eventual suffering I am bringing upon myself.
33. COCKLESS 19 - All-girl videos are okay if not kinda dull, but I get a sort of castration vibe from this one ...
34. WET AND FROSTY - Are you talking about sex or beer ?
35. WHY THINGS BURN - It's called a venereal disease ...
36. AMATEURS ONLY #131 - HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GOING TO TAKE - Guys love it when girls ask that question.
37. BABY GIRL - A big disappointment for pedophiles.
38. ANAL CHIROPRACTOR - What, in case your ass is out of alignment ? Yeesh.
39. HUSH ! MY MOTHER MIGHT HEAR US ! - More of a turn-off for women viewers ...
40. S.I.D.S. - SEXUALLY INTRUSIVE DYSFUNCTIONAL SOCIETY - Not Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, which always gets me hot.
41. PRICE IS RIGHT - "Hey, let's name our new porn movie after a game show whose host wants to neuter your family dog !"
42. SNOW WHITE AND THE THREE DWARFS - You're only calling attention to the fact that you're ripping us off to the tune of four dwarves.
43. ABS OF CUM - That doesn't make any sense.
44. DEAD MEN DON'T WEAR RUBBERS - You could get AIDS and DIE !!!
45. SEX IN THE COMICS - This one actually looks pretty interesting. It's porn stars made up to look like cartoon characters having sex. Normal people probably don't want to see this, though ...
46. TOPLESS BRAIN SURGEONS - No, I want you concentrating on my BRAIN during the operation ...
47. YOUR QUIM IS MY GYM - Stupid, nonsensical, you are an object to be scorned.
48. THEORY OF RELATIVITY - That Einstein, what a hottie.
49. FELANALINGUS - "I made up a new word !" "Wow ! Let's hope it catches on !"
50. K-FCK ... THE ONLY THING MISSING IS YOU ! - A five year old retard might think that was funny or clever, but only out of pity.
51. BRIANNA LEE'S RED HOT WEINIE ROAST - Nobody is roasting my weinie. Go away.
52. UNBALANCED CHEMICALS - Psychotics can be sexy too !
53. STRAIGHT A STUDENTS - Why would I want to watch a porn movie where nobody gets to have sex ?
54. LET'S PLAY ANAL TWISTER - That sounds somewhat painful. I'm glad you're not my friend.
55. TUG BOAT - "Hello ? We make porno movies here. P-O-R-N-O. Do you understand ?"
56. HEROIN - In answer to the question, what is wrong with the lead actress ?
57. HAMLET : FOR THE LOVE OF OPHELIA #1 - Your average porn movie consumer will have no idea what this is a reference to.
58. ACID SEX - It burns ! It burns !
59. ADULT MOVIE (A.K.A. PORN MOVIE) - Whew, thank goodness. I didn't know what this was. I'm glad that's all cleared up.
60. RI DICK U LOUS - CHOCOLATE CAN HARDLY HANDLE IT ! - When you named this movie, you were contemplating suicide, weren't you ? You should.
61. FAT THE BALD AND THE UGLY - Well, at least they're accessible ...
62. SANDWICH OF LOVE - Nobody ever got laid using this phrase. It's just not possible there's a woman this stupid out there.
63. PERVERTED ADVENTURES OF SUPER DAVE #1 - It's a different Dave, not Super Dave Osbourne. But that's who you're thinking about right now, aren't you ? And is it turning you on ? Huh ?
64. AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A FLEA - Yay ! My girlfriend is infested with tiny mites ! I am so happy !
65. FRYSTIX - Who approved this ? Some porn producer who needed a tax shelter, that's who.
66. ALL ANAL ON THE WESTERN FRONT - Not a good pun, not even a bad pun.
67. HITLER SUCKS - Next time you have sex, when you're close to cumming, think of the Holocaust. Oh yeah, that's it.
68. MASK - Not the movie with Cher and that weird-looking kid. But it might as well be.
69. SKID ROW - Which mental image is worse, the worst section of town with all the drug dealers and hookers, or the band ?
70. ANAL FIREBALL - Oh, ouch.



4) WHAT THE HELL ... ? - No clue, no idea, no sale :

71. AIRTIGHT GRANNY - What is an airtight granny ? Why is she airtight ? Is that a good thing or a bad thing ? I don't want to know !
72. SECRETARIA EJECUTIVA #1 - BROAD OF DIRECTORS - Ejecu-what ?
73. SHRIMPIN' LOBSTER SAUCE - What does going to Sizzler have to do with porn ?
74. A HORSE'S TAIL - It's not a bestiality video. If it was, it would be a good title. But it's not.
75. E-THREE THE EXTRA TESTICLE - There is SO much wrong with this one ...
76. SIRLOIN TITS - What were you thinking ? I'll bet there's an A-1 Sauce joke in there somewhere.
77. BIG AS THIS BOX #1 - What exactly is "big as this box" ? And is it the same rough shape ... ?
78. TITALLICA - MASTER OF PUPPIES - Puppies ? Puppies ?!!
79. MEAT LOAF - TV DINNER BOX BIG, HUGE, MEATY COCKS - And I am out of the porn store like a bat out of hell ...
80. ONION PLANET - I have no idea what this means. Something to do with onions, perhaps. And a planet.
81. WHITE MEN CAN'T IRON ON BUTT ROW - Can't ... iron ? What about folding shirts ? Can white men do that ?
82. SUPER DRIPPING WET SERIES #3 - CARNAL CASSEROLE - Yum, reminds me of mom's !
83. KID VEGAS WATCH ME CAMP BITCH ! - This one's actually about going camping. If I were a woman, yes, you would have to threaten me to get me to watch you camp.




84. CLIMAX SHOTS #70 - MY BROWN EYE, NOT THE WINKER, THE STINKER - Rhyming is fun. Hey, what rhymes with "loser" ?
85. BUMPIN DONUTS - Uh, which body part is the donut again ?
86. H.R. MUFF N' STUFF - Confusing childhood, was it ?
87. AMBER THE LESBIAN QUEEFER - "Queefer" is just a funny word.
88. MAY THE FORESKIN BE WITH YOU - Geek ! *cough cough*
89. RED HOT CHO CHOS - I don't know what it means, but I heard some other kid on the playground use it ...
90. WILLIE WANKER AND THE FUDGE PACKING FACTORY - Your fantasy life is sad.
91. PRETTY LIL' SISTAS #1 - BEAUTIFUL BLACK POPOZUDAS ! - Nobody talks like this. Nobody. I hope.
92. BEEPING MISS BUFFY - Coyote's after you ...
93. BACKDOOR LAMBADA - A taste for bad porn and horrifically out of date. Why hasn't some woman snapped you up yet ?
94. WALL TO WALL #24 - HELLO TITTY - "Good evening, sir. Ah, I see you have the erotic tastes of a young Japanese girl !"
95. ACAPULCO #1 - MALIBOOBIES - Hooters ! Headlights ! Ta-ta's ! Grow the fuck up !
96. BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE ULTRA MILKMAIDS - Oh, let me guess -- this is an art film ?
97. AFRO-CENTRIX #36 - PUMPIN' THE PO-PO - Don't even try to tell me that's ebonics ...
98. WHAT'S THE LESBIAN DOING IN MY PIRATE MOVIE ? - She's trying to earn enough to feed her crack habit.
99. LUSTY LIFE #89 - SLIDE YOUR LONG LOAF IN MY HOT OVEN - What ... what is wrong with you ?
100. ADVENTURES OF THE FART BITCHES - Ha ha ha ha Fart Bitches.


enjoy ...bring a big tub of popcorn

 

[about time]

DDL

"Saving Ryan's Privates" seems to have been missed.

Whilst we may laugh at "AIRTIGHT GRANNY", it may actually point to a serious underlying medical condition.

In order not to cause offence I must say that the Granny bit is ok.

Infact if the granny is from one of larger conurbations within the UK and wears Burberry caps and Ratner style jewelry she is probably only about 32 (again, no offence meant to anyone)

cheers

 

[ga_peach]

Whatever you do, please, please, PLEASE do not get The Bedford Wives! My hubby and I watched it and laughed so hard throughout it, that all passion was gone!

 

[about time]

Whatever you do, please, please, PLEASE do not get The Bedford Wives! My hubby and I watched it and laughed so hard throughout it, that all passion was gone!

Damn. I had a look and it looks great on the cover

 

[ga_peach]

Damn. I had a look and it looks great on the cover

Believe me when I say "Don't judge a movie by it's cover!" OMG, the first couple was crazy! If you want a good comedy (and if your wife isn't easily disgusted) then, by all means, get it! Grab the popcorn and prepare for a good laugh!

 

[about time]

Believe me when I say "Don't judge a movie by it's cover!" OMG, the first couple was crazy! If you want a good comedy (and if your wife isn't easily disgusted) then, by all means, get it! Grab the popcorn and prepare for a good laugh!

I'm fascinated now. What was the disgusting bit?

I ask as, a) yes, she is easily disgusted & b) I wanna know about it in a puerile way