This may be controversial, but...

[lobito]

If you found out that someone close to you had HIV or AIDS, could you still love them, or care for them the same? Would you give up on them? Because people who get HIV/AIDS don't have any reason for your love.

I'm sure that the majority of people who will bother to let their thoughts be known will be positive, but maybe someone will surprise me too.

Are YOU educated enough to make the right decision?

*************

My personal thoughts are that I WOULDN'T change my feelings towards that person in a negative way. I would do anything and everything to let them know I'm always going to be there for them, as I always have been.

While I know many people personally who are gay, I only know ONE person that has AIDS. One of my brothers' will have nothing to do with this guy, because he's afraid that even being around him, that he will get AIDS too. I should add that he's completely homophobic, and unwilling to be educated in this "Gay disease" as he calls it.

I consider myself to be fairly educated when it comes to this disease, but I know there is much, much more that I can and should know.

Anyone else cares to share some thoughts?

R

 

[lilminx]

Because people who get HIV/AIDS don't have any reason for your love.

I'm not quite sure what you meant when you stated this. Are you saying that you're of the opinion that you have no reason to love someone with HIV/AIDS, or did you mean something else?

 

[lavender]

 

[lobito]

Minxie, what I meant, is that the person feels that they can't have good feelings for the persons, because they have HIV/AIDS.

Does that clear it up at all?

 

[Todd]

I have three friends from highschool 8 years ago who in highschool and afterwards were , for he lack of a better term, fucking anything that walked up right all three have aids.

They are still my friends. When we get together we do everything we did before, movies, dinner, in house fellowship whatever, nothing has changed with our friendship except distance has made it less often we mee.

I still hug her when we meet, I still shake thier hands. One of them was one of my spar partners for Indy wrestling, when we get together we still spar, I still can't win but its not about winning.

 

[nasty]

My love wouldn't change for ANY reason. In fact, if a person was diagnosed with AIDS, I'd love em more, because, there's a chance that, they'll die before I do.

 

[RisiaSkye]

My parents grew up in the SF Bay Area, and I was also born there. Given their age, many of their friends were engaging in "unsafe" behaviors well before HIV was a known infectant. Several people I grew up knowing through them have died of AIDS.

I did, and do, love the ill as much as the well. Living and dying is hard enough, why make it harder by refusing to love those who need you--in fact, who may need you more than ever?

 

[fgarvb1]

what does sickness of ANY kind have to do with it.

 

[lilminx]

Minxie, what I meant, is that the person feels that they can't have good feelings for the persons, because they have HIV/AIDS.

Does that clear it up at all?

Very much Lobito- thanks

I would feel for someone close to me dignosed with HIV or AIDS the same way I would feel about them if they were diagnosed with any other sickness. They need you more now than ever- for support, a helping hand, a listening ear, etc. To abandon them in their time of need seems like a very selfish thing to do.

As a matter of fact, a family member who I haven't been close with in years (although we should have been close) was recently diagnosed with a disease. I am now making the effort to let bygones be bygones and I plan to be there for that person. I would feel the same way if he was diagnosed with HIV or AIDS.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

It wouldn't change my feelings. It would hurt like hell to find this out. I am the kind of person who hurts more for a loved one who is suffering through something than if I were going through the same pain. I would question many things, but not my feelings for the person diagnosed with AIDS/HIV. I just hope this doesn't happen to anyone close to me.

Why does she have to say it all better than me.

All true. and what I mean to say.

 

[Mae13]

Would I still love them?!

How could I NOT continue to love them? I love someone for who they are, their personality, that part of them that shines out and calls to my spirit. Having HIV/AIDS (or any other terminal disease) would do nothing to affect these traits!

It's like asking if a parent would continue to love a child diagnosed with terminal cancer, or take that love away and direct it towards their other "healthy children".

Not to mention the fact that most people on this planet have NO idea when their time will come to die. Should I never love anyone because they might die too soon? Hell, I have a good chance of dying before my friends with AIDS do, by getting munched by a Metro Bus or something!

Also HIV/AIDS patients are living much longer now with the cocktails. It still may be a terminal disease, but terminal in a much longer timespan now, with a much better quality of life for many.

This includes sexual love! If the proper precautions are taken, and used RELIGIOUSLY, the transmission rate is quite low. That part depends on the comfort level of both partners, I'd expect. I know several couples (gay and straight) who have one positive person who has never transferred it to their partner of many years.

As far as the "gay disease" aspsect....it's come a long way from the old days of the name GRID (Gay-Related Immune Deficiency). Statistics wise, gay men have not been the quickest-rising diagnosed group in a long time. Heterosexual females still remain the fastest increasing demographic. Until recently, gay men were one of the *slowest* increasing demographic of newly diagnosed HIV patients. Unfortunately, the misconception of the cocktails "curing people of HIV/AIDS" has led to an increase in risky practices, and the numbers are beginning to rise again. A non-existant viral load does NOT mean inability to infect others!! Always remember that if you're in a relationship with an HIV positive person

I guess when you've worked with as many dying people as I have...in oncology wards, hospice facilities, home hospice, and an AIDS hospice house, you realize quickly how much love dying brings out. It seems sad that SO many people seem to only focus on showing their love when they know they have bided time! So many times my patients were FINALLY reconciling after years and years with family members and loved ones....and while it was heart-wrenchingly beautiful to be involved in, a sad part of me mourned for all those wasted years...

So yes, I would love them just as much. Maybe I would love them more. Although I hope not, because I hope I show my love as often as I can, since every day may be our last...

Mae

 

[freakygirl]

For as long as i could remember, we had a family friend. "Bill" was always around. Almost a brother to me. I had a feeling that he was gay. No one ever said anything about it until in early 89 when he introduced us to "Mel". Mel was a hairdresser from Texas, a fun loving man who I thought was one of the most sexy men I had ever seen. I was almost jealous of Bill. Anyway, in 90 when my youngest son was born, Mel took him over. That was Mel's baby he never had. I knew this man was sick from HIV. Not full blown AIDs, but HIV none the less. My mother wanted me to limit his time with Zach. He was born with a immunity disorder but he finally outgrew it. I guess mom was afraid that Mel would give Zach something thru casual contact.

In 93 Mel died of AIDS related pneumonia. I never limited his time with Zach.. because i knew that was someone that loved him as much as he loved him.. unconditionly. Talking to Zach now, he doesn't remember Mel, except from videos. He knows that man was gay and died of AIDs. But you can see that doesn't bother my son. He watches the videos on occasion and sees the fun him and Mel had.

I would never ever in my life.. judge someone on a lifestyle or a sickness (unless ofcourse they were on the net making up something like.. falling beams.. dye in their blood stream.. hair falling out.. and cancer )

 

[Rambling Rose]

I live with HIV/AIDS every day.

No, I have not contracted this disease, but two people that I love and that I share my home with have. I own a tri-plex in a southern city. I rent out both of the apartments to two men I've known for more than half my life now. One is an artist, the other a freelance events planner.

One cooks dinner for me on a regular basis and makes me laugh until my sides ache, the other fills my home with flowers and spurs me to take spontaneous road trips with him. I have talked with them both about living and about dying.

I take the time to pause and look at them sometimes when they are talking to me, and drink the moment in, attempting in some way to commit the moment to memory for that time when they are no longer present in my life. I have thought at length about their funeral services. I have cried when they can't see me. I have smiled when they could. I encourage them to live life and take a chance on love. They are both honest and direct about their illness and both practice safe sex as a matter of honour and respect.

One day these two beautiful boys will lie dying, but for now they are living and life is good. They are living with the virus rather than dying from it. I am proud to know them, proud to call them my friends. I love them and I am scared for them, but the love is stronger than the fear.

Love prevails.

 

[pabloback]

with me it is not about what people are or what they look like , it is about their personality. my friends are my friends because of who they are to me . i do not judge them on their past actions i do not judge them on what they do to others. i care for my friends , i have lost too many over the years and i cherish the ones i have , any illness they are suffering from does not change who they are to me . they are my friends period.

 

[lobito]

It's good to know that of the people who have responded so far, that you ALL seem to be good friends, NO MATTER WHAT, illness or not.

I'm proud of my friend with AIDS, he's a very good guy, hell, he was even my Moms unofficial bridesmaid, as a private joke, when she re-married. I just hope the Catholic Church doesn't know about that one yet!

The one thing that always bothered me most however, was that his "life partner" was always sceptical of me, because he knew how my brother felt. That is until last year when my Father and step siblings came to visit at Christmas, and we had them over, and his partner saw that our friendship was genuine.

I would never give up on my Brother, no matter how much of an asshole he can be, but I'll never give up on my friend, just to please my Brother either.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

If you found out that someone close to you had HIV or AIDS, could you still love them, or care for them the same?

Yes - it would make little difference what they had.

Are YOU educated enough to make the right decision?

At first, many people weren't, some still aren't. The church I attended as a teenager had its pastor leave because the elders voted not to support ministries to those with HIV/AIDs. That was over a decade ago so I don't know what their stance is now, but it doesn't sound like the kind of Christianity I ascribe to.

 

[Elizabeth]

NO. I would love them as much..maybe more. Suffering is the same regardless of the reason. So sad.

 

[Trinka]

I don't see a difference between AIDS/HIV and any of the other terminal illnesses. While I don't personally have any friends with the disease, that I know of, I think that being aware of their mortality would make me love them even more.

 

[Barb Dwyer]

If you love the person- be it family or friend- an illness should have no impact on your ability or desire to care for them. Actually, I take that back. It should. It should serve to make your resolve stronger. To care for them, nurse them, provide for them and love them.

What kind of person would predicate their love or friendship for another human being on the type of disease or condition they suffer from? It would have to be someone without compassion to even consider withholding their affection.

I just don't understand this concept at all. It is totally anathema to me. That anyone could isolate or shun someone because of fear is abhorrent. I only hope that when it comes time for them to need help or attention, that their caregivers are more generous of spirit and heart.

 

[p_p_man]

I have three friends from highschool 8 years ago who in highschool and afterwards were , for he lack of a better term, fucking anything that walked up right all three have aids.

Now that has to be incredibly bad luck or your three friend have showed an astounding lack of caution.

I have many friends, from school and from later life.

Not one is VH positive or has AIDS...

 

[PowerOfOne]

Yes, I would continue to love them and cherish the time we have together. Would you stop loving someone if they contracted anthrax? How about cancer? AIDS is just another disease and you do not stop loving people because they are sick.

What did you mean that they are not worth loving anymore????

 

[lobito]

What did you mean that they are not worth loving anymore????

I actually explained that one in my second post, but basically, what I meant, is that the person feels that they can't have good feelings for the persons, because they have HIV/AIDS.

R

 

[GuyJD]

Iwould still love and care for them. I've been down that road already. I once worked with an officer who had AIDS. And I felt very sorry for her. She would report for work and, basically, seperate herself from everyone for our own protection. She always came to work wearing a face cup and whenever she spoke on the phone, she would spray Lysol on the receiver. I was very sorry when she passed away.

 

[sigh]

when i was in high school i had very few friends because when when i was a freshman i became pregnant...when you have a baby it's hard to relate to other 16 year olds who don't, and vice versa...

i'm not complaining...it's just the way it is

but i was very lucky to have one special friend...his name was david and we hung out together all the time...he was funny and energetic and just loved my son...he never let me down...he was such a bright spot in my life...

and he just happened to be gay

when i was in college he came to visit me, and after a long talk he told me he had AIDS...less than eighteen months later he died, with me at his bedside holding one of his hands, and his dad across from me holding his other...his mom was sitting on the bed, sobbing with her head on his chest

i'm crying now, just remembering it

even in memory, david is brilliant...he scripted his own funeral before he died, and made it a celebration rather than a feast of sadness...i'll never forget him

did i answer the question?

 

[lobito]

Sigh, you answered my question, don't worry. I'm glad you had a friend you could count on, he sounds like he was a hell of a person.

It also sounds like my Uncle who passed away this past January, He told one of my brothers, exactly what he wanted at his funeral, and that it was to be treated like a party, not a place to mourn.

R