This little girl needs help!
- Thread starter Irania
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Leto Degeneres
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Is there a chance you could repost with double spacing between paragraphs or between changes of character dialog? I know you said the formatting lost something, but surely some double spacing here and there would work...
If I may make a suggestion... In your profile you say that you experiment sexually with a co-ed group of like-minded students, so I have a hard time believing you have "little real life experience." It sounds like you have a lot more experience than most college freshmen.
I'd suggest you use your experiences as the basis for a story. I know you say that your lovers won't let you write about the experiences, but it's not like you have to use names and places or anything, or even write the experiences exactly as they happen, but just use them as the basis for a story. That way the story is grounded in reality with authentic thoughts and feelings that you've experienced first-hand. e.g. How'd you meet your group of lovers? What were you thinking and feeling when you met one or two of them? When did you realize that they shared some of your fetishes? etc... this has all the makings of a great story.
The one you've started sounds a little over-the-top and unrealistic. Maybe if this sex scene between the mother and daughter was closer to the end of the story it would be better, but it just seems like to hit the reader with a completely over-the-top, wild and crazy sex scene right off the bat is a little much. I know some readers want to get to the "wild and crazy" right away, but most, I think, want some sort of build up.
I like a little reality in my stories and there isn't much here. That's why I'd recommend writing about one of your real-life experiences to start. It's what you know best, right?
Regards,
Sam
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Leto Degeneres
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Oh, wow, that helped.
You managed to address your interests, the BDSM and lesbians, though Mom qualifies more for incest/taboo I think.
I agree with an earlier opinion; it's over the top. There just seems to be too much verbal domination coming from Mom for one scene. Okay, maybe this is just a scene, something you'll insert in your story later when it fits. If not, I'd wonder how this relationship came to be, the fits and starts that got it going.
How does the daughter feel about being the submissive to her parents, or at least her mother's, domination? Does she like it? Did she slowly lead her mother to believe that she wanted to be in that position? Did the parents simply get horny and decide to go for the closest warm body one day, against the daughter's wishes?
Anyway, I think I'd rather see a build-up, where my imagination could start working trying to decide what was going to happen if things kept going in a particular direction.
Finally, there is plenty of dialog, so I can guess about their feelings somewhat just from what they're saying. Having said that, it's always hot to get an idea of what someone is feeling.
What do I think? I think it's a very good start. You had an idea in your head and you managed to get it typed into some pages. You have the beginnings of character development for each member of the family, and with that effort, I imagine you've got the idea for a plot and the progression of the story.
I really hope you keep going on it.
Leto Degeneres
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Please don't take a single thing I say as correct, gospel, or accepted practice, Irana. I'm in the same league as you, just getting started. Plus, I read a lot on this site
Yes, I'd say give those characters some additional definition by describing what going on in them. You know how you can act or talk one way and feel an entirely different way. You won't have to consume yourself writing every thought and feeling, just the important ones, or the ones that let us be a bit of a voyeur into his or her private mind. The link about dialog has some good hints about how to use dialog effectively and efficiently to build a reader's own idea of what the characters are thinking, or even who they are.
I'm not quite sure how you mean when you say "formal language". I think you mean using fewer slang or demeaning words? Well, how do you think or feel? Sometimes you've got a picture in your mind, sometimes an entire preconceived conversation, sometimes violent fantasy thoughts if you're angry, and so on. When one of your girlfriends asked how you felt about "x" what did you say?
I can not find my justification for what I'm about to say concerning formatting and punctuation for thoughts. Maybe I'll get lucky and someone will chime in. That is, italics instead of quotation marks for thoughts, very strong points, technical words, and foreign words and phrases. Now, I can't say that I've seen that used a lot at Literotica. Some use quotations for their thoughts, which I find confusing - how can you tell if it's a spoken word or a thought? Others simply don't use any marks or formatting at all for thoughts.
If you do use underlining, bold, italics, and other special formatting, you will want to keep in mind that the end result is going to be HTML. If you want the result to be exactly what you want it to be, you might want to submit it as HTML. It'll save the site owners some work and you being at the mercy of their idea of what you want done. Read the short article in Basic Text Formatting 101. In fact, all of these that I listed are quick reads.
Writers' Resources: http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/writ_stor.shtml
Dialog (and using dialog to convey thought and emotions): http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=122987
(Here's something for good use of describing senses and emotions)
Can You Kiss Me Like This?: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=256457
Pick the Nits Before You Submit: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=364797
Basic Text Formatting 101: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=364905
Bold or Italic?: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=45432
Finally, there's an entire category for "how to" stories. It's populated with great how-to articles by the authors and editors at Lit. There's even one there for "How To F*** Your Daddy". Actually, if you're like me you'll be looking at some of those articles and thinking "oh, I wish I would have done that when I was with..."
Leto Degeneres
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For chrissakes, how did I miss that! Well, damn, if that happened right here in RL I'd paying up for missing that
Good one!
Leto
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I'm not so great at having time for plot analysis (two English classes this semester, so I'm feeling a little bitter at the moment), but I'd be more than happy to give it a review for grammar before you post it, if you'd like. It's faster for me to do that type of review right now, and you seem to have lots of help in the other areas! I know I sent you a message earlier in response to your post to my original post--just disregard it. Let me know if you'd still like my help when you reach a finishing point, and I'd be more than happy to help if you need it.
Thanks!
Thanks!
