This keeps getting rejected. Help me out y'all!

Mikesliver

Literotica Guru
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Oct 16, 2002
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Bill was back from a long business trip. He had started out in the company at an entry level position, had worked hard and learned a lot about the business and now at 33 the company had recognized his abilities and placed him in a mid management job. Sure he traveled quite a bit but that was a nice change from sitting in a cubicle all day and coming home to a boring sex life. Now Bill would tell anyone who would listen that his wife was great, marvelous cook, pretty and voluptuous, attentive and doting, had a good job of her own but the sex life? It was almost like a script. Lots of foreplay (Bill liked foreplay, don't get him wrong) then she would climb on top. No oral giving or receiving, no new positions just the same thing each time.

When he walked in, Bill noticed that Anne was gone. Not unusual for a Saturday afternoon, Anne and her sister Amy often went 'antiquing' or whatever early Saturdays. That's when Bill would have some time to tend to his hobbies, or cut the grass. A little private time to unwind. Today he just put his clothes away in the closet or into the hamper as necessary and took his suitcase up to the attic to put it away. Now the luggage that Bill had bought when he got the promotion all nestled one inside the other for storage. When he lifted the other bags to place inside the one he had used, something fell out of the half zipped bag.

A photgraph. Of Anne, in lingerie. A black panty and bra set, her ample breasts straining to spill out of the top that was just a little too small. The cut of the panties made her hips look longer and more inviting. Her curves even more exciting since this was exactly the kind of lingerie she wouldn't buy for herself.

"Wow", thought Bill. "She must be planning to surprise me for my birthday! It is coming up." But then Bill looked closely at the picture. That was Anne's hairstyle some 6 months ago. Would she have been saving pictures for him all this time? Their anniversary was 4 months ago. Surely she could have given it to him then. And who could have taken it? Amy could have. She's the one with the photgraphy hobby. And she had saved up to buy that used Leica at the photo shop they dragged Bill to the one day. Curiosity seized Bill and he opened the bag. There must have been 30 pictures in there. Anne on the back porch in a red teddy. Anne in a black camisole on their bed. Anne topless in a blue pastel thong, kneeling on the coffee table. pushing her large breasts together. Bill was dumbfounded, looking at these pictures. Good God his wife was sexy!

Bill was looking through the pictures thinking that it was pretty cool. Maybe his wife would come around and be a little more open about things in bed. There could be more. I can act surprised he thought. Bill reached into the section of the luggage that held shoes and was rewarded with another bunch of photographs. Lots of photos, he pratically leered in anticipation. The grin instantly disappeared from his face as he looked at the photos. Anne licking an erect cock. Anne on her back with some guy's face buried in her pussy. Anne fucking doggy style. Anne licking a breast. Anne getting fucked in her ass. The pictures were graphic and showed Anne doing all the things Bill had dreamed of her doing, but with him. Then he looked at another picture and it hit him. The guy who was masturbating in Anne's face was Amy's boyfriend! Amy had to be taking these pictures!

'Son of a bitch" Bill growled between clenched teeth. The bitch was fucking for her sister's camera! Who's tit was Anne licking? Her sister's?!! Falling heavily into a sitting position, Bill sat there in the warm attic, elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Scattered in front of him was the evidence of her betrayal. He lost track of time as he sat there stunned until finally he heard Anne and Amy come in chattering about the stuff they had seen and bought. Bill gathered up the pictures and went downstairs.

'Is that you, Hon?" called Anne, oblivious to the fact that Bill was in the attic. Bill answered 'Yes it's me. Just putting away my bag" with a voice taut with anger. Excitedly Anne called to him "Well come look at what I bought"

He walked down the hall and down the three steps into the living room. Anne had some vase on the table chattering about how it was an Art Deco piece from the '30's and she got it for a steal. Amy's greeting froze on her lips when she saw the look on Bill's face. Then she noticed that he had a stack of photos in his hand. She waved at Anne trying to get her attention. Anne on the other hand was oblivious to Bill's mood and Amy's gesturing as she announced what a great find she had made. Bill answered her with "I've made a find too." and tossed the photos on the table. Anne, still caught up in her enthusiasm, tried to throw her arms around Bill's neck only to have him catch her and firmly push her away. Amy's sharp inhale brought Anne's attention behind her where the photographs laid spreadout in a fan. Anne licking a man's behind. Anne fucked from behind on the hood of a car in the woods. Anne sitting on a man's face, teasing the head of his cock with her tongue. Anne bent over the stairwell with livid hand marks on her pale bottom. Cum dripping from Anne's pussy while she played with it.

The silence hung in the air, filled with a tension that was thick enough to slice. Anne turned back to Bill with a horrified look. Amy was stunned. Bill waited for something, anything to be said that might even begin to explain this. All at once a torrent of words came out of both Anne and Amy. It wasn't Anne's fault. Amy have put her up to the boudoir pictures and has talked her into the rest. One thing had lead to another. The nudes were taken one night when they were drinking. Amy's boyfriend had come home during one of the sessions and then one thing led to another. The only thing that Bill could think of during all of this was these were not a single night's passion. The skills that made Bill an asset at work didn't leave him now. Different hairstyles, different times of the day. Even different objects on night stands and end tables.

"These pictures weren't taken all on one day"

Both Anne and Amy stopped as if slapped. Bill's voice was both quiet and firm. He wasn't buying the story. They were caught and they knew it. Anne's mouth worked but nothing came out. "I might have understood this Anne if I hadn't asked you repeatedly for this. Everything you absolutely refused me and more are in those pictures." Bill bore down relentlessly. "I never pressed you, never forced you. You had reason after reason to keep us from doing any of these things. Don't lie to me. Say something that might excuse this." Anne's eyes only got bigger. No sound came out of her mouth. She didn't have an answer. Amy did.

"Anne, we owe Bill this." and she began to unbutton her blouse. As curvy as Anne was, Amy was long and leggy. Bill had seen her often over the years from the time she was 18 in bathing suits of different types and had admired her body. Now she was revealing her 28 year old body completely to him. It was Bill's turn to become speechless. Anne found her voice then. "Amy!" Anne hissed. "What are you doing!"

Bill hissed back "You have nothing to say about this at all. What are you doing Amy?" Amy kicked off her shoes, unsnapped her jeans and let them fall to the floor. The same black bra and panty set that Bill first saw on Anne in the picture was on Amy. Proof even without their confession. Amy reached in front and unfastened the bra and stood almost defiantly topless in the living room. She took her sister's arm and dragged her into the master bedroom. Bill hesitated and then followed, even more confused than before. He could hear a whispered conversation, clearly hearing Anne saying "No." He entered the room just as Amy was coming out. Anne was sitting in the chair in the corner. Amy pulled him in.

"It's only fair that you get from me what Matt got from Anne. You are right. This has been going on for quite some time. Anne and I used to share boyfriends all the time when we were younger. She decided that she had to stop because she was so serious about you, even to the point of not indulging in the things she likes in case you freak out or something. I hope this will make it up." And with that she dropped to her knees and reached for his belt. Bill watched in amazement as his sister-in-law pulled down his pants and took his cock into her mouth. Between his shock and anger he wasn't responding to Amy's velvet mouth. Her nails lightly scratching across his scrotum while her tongue teased at his cockhead. Nothing seemed to work. Amy pushed him down onto the bed where he just stared at the ceiling. He looked back down at Amy, about to tell her to stop when he saw Anne, half out of the chair, trying to see her sister at work. His body responded to this, along with his mood. He was determined to make Anne pay for doing this to him.

Amy began to respond as Bill's dick swelled in her mouth. Satified groans began to escape around his cock and Amy began to pump his hardening cock in her fist. Amy lifted her hips in the air as Bill inched back onto the bed. Soon she was on the bed too, making love to his erect cock while on all fours. Bill climbed out from under Amy and stepped behind her. He bent over slowly and inhaled her aroused scent. Her pussy lips were swollen, pouting out at him, begging for attention. Bill carressed Amy's smooth ass even as he heard his wife whimper 'No."

Bill leaned into his sister-in-law. Amy threw back her head as she felt Bill's warm breath on her tingling cunny. Anne half sobbed as Bill plunged his tongue into Amy's waiting quif. Amy tasted wonderful, even more so because Anne wouldn't let him any where near hers. Amy's hips began to move up and down, trying to force Bill's tongue onto her clit. Bill planned to get there, but he was enjoying the taste of Amy just to much to give her her way yet. He reached up to cup her left breast, feeling her nipple hard against his palm. Bill squeezed the tit in his hand and was rewarded by a moan and Amy pressing her pussy against him. Bill repaid her by tracing a line to her ass. His right thumb on her clit, Bill teased Amy's puckered ass hole. Bill heard Anne's jeans unzipping as Amy's torso dropped to the bed, freeing her hands to pull her cheeks apart.

The sound of his thumb plunging in and out of Amy's wet puss almost drowned out the sound of Anne's fingers doing the same. Bill had become lost in Amy's beautiful ass and had forgotten about Anne. Time to drive home the nail. "Like that Amy? Like the way your clit feels? I love the way you taste." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Anne stop strumming her own clit. Amy practically purred her contentment. Bill dragged Amy to the end of the bed. She placed her feet on the floor and bent her knees. Once again she looked back at Bill with a smile. No longer as hard as he was Bill stroked himself a couple of times when he called Anne over. She fell to her knees and started sucking on his cock. If anything, she was better than Amy. She kept this from him for eight years! Her tongue teased the opening of his cock and folded around the underside of his head. She took his balls into her mouth one at a time.

Seeing his cock disappearing into his wife's mouth made his boner thick and hard like it hadn't been in a long time. Anne was really warming to her task when Bill pulled it out of her mouth with a loud pop. Anne could only watch as Bill took that cock that she had engorged and stiffened and placed it against Amy's wet cunt. His velvet cock teased at her engorged clit while Anne watched unbelieving. Even though she and her sister had done many things together with their boyfriends, she was totally unprepared to watch her husband fuck her sister's pussy.

Amy screeched and Anne gasped as Bill slowly entered her wet waiting snatch. From a foot away Anne watched as Bill began to thrustly into Amy, slowly at first and then with more speed and force began to pound that pussy. Sweat glistening on his back, he grabbed Amy's hips and plunged into her. Bill could feel Amy's pussy grasping at his cock. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Amy wanted Bill's cock. She'd love his cum too. he could see her face, laying on her right cheek, panting and her nostrils flaring. She began to urge him on, begging for dick and telling him to go faster and harder. Soon she was screaming her orgasm as Bill slammed in and out of her. Her feet were off the floorand her back arched while she cursed and pleaded for it not to stop. Amy sunk onto the bed spent, her pussy lips swollen and red. Balls beginning to swell with his own orgasm, Bill knew he was getting close and pulled out of Amy and turned to Anne.

"What do you want?" Anne asked, her eyes fixed on the cock literally dripping with her sister's juices.

"You are going to finish it" Bill said as he grabbed his wife's hair and pulled her onto his cock. Again his cock disappeared into his wife's mouth bringing him to the edge of orgasm. "After all I am sure it isn't the first time you licked your sister's cum of a cock." Amy stiffened and sat straight up. Anne stopped sucking but it was too late., Bill had his hand twisted in her hair and thrusting his cock forward against her tongue, Bill shot his wad into her mouth. Gagging Anne tried to turn her head but it was impossible to keep the cum out of her mouth. Bill let her go, seeing his semen dripping down her chin, looking at him with accussing eyes. Turning to Amy he said, "Take her with you when you go. I need to think." Looking at Anne, he said as cold as ice "We could have had this at any time. You think about that." With that, Bill turned his back on both sisters and went to shower. He didn't look back.
 
I don't see anything wrong with it, other than a typo or two and maybe a paragraph where you mixed up some tenses.

Does it have a title? Are you submitting it under the right category? I have not submitted anything yet, so I have no idea why this hasn't been accepted. I've certainly seen worse. Whatever is keeping it from being accepted is probably something small, but important.
 
I think it is very good. Did they give you a reason why it was rejected? There is a lot worse stories than this that weren't rejected.
 
My first story was rejected the first time because of multiple spelling errors ( a common typo when I type quickly), but was approved after I went over it with a fine toothed comb and fixed the errors.
 
sometimes stories will get rejected because of the format they're submitted in -- attaching a file vs. copying and pasting plain text. But I do see several issues.

1 - punctuation. dialogue should be inside "nnnn" rather than 'nnn'.

2 - you should also separate your dialogue into distinct paragraphs - don't bury a conversation in a paragraph.

For example, you have:

'Is that you, Hon?" called Anne, oblivious to the fact that Bill was in the attic. Bill answered 'Yes it's me. Just putting away my bag" with a voice taut with anger. Excitedly Anne called to him "Well come look at what I bought"

This paragraph should be something like this (I've edited your content):

"Is that you, Hon?" called Ann, oblivious to the fact that Bill was in the attic.

"Yes, it's me. Just putting away my bag," Bill answered, with a voice taut with anger.

Excitedly, Anne called to him, "Well, come look at what I bought!"

3 - This is very short for a story. Lit may be rejecting it because it's just not very long, but I'd focus on fixing the first two things before you worry about length.
 
I went over it and found about a dozen typos or misspellings. That would be enough to reject it. Do you have Spellchecker? That would have caught most of them.

It's over 2600 words so that is plenty long enough. It probably belongs in Loving Wives or Group Sex. I wouldn't worry about that, though, because they put stories where they think they belong.

Another thing that wouldn't cause a rejection is the names of the two women. They are too similar and can cause confusion.

I will go over this more carefully and post it later this week.
 
Ya know what mike?

Its funny how the people who run this site, have stories about incest, and stories that are typed up worse than what you have, which, by the way, I saw nothign wrong. And yet the dumb shit always gets put up.. the ones who really deserve to be up, never get it
 
Boxlicker101 said:
I went over it and found about a dozen typos or misspellings. That would be enough to reject it. Do you have Spellchecker? That would have caught most of them.

It's over 2600 words so that is plenty long enough. It probably belongs in Loving Wives or Group Sex. I wouldn't worry about that, though, because they put stories where they think they belong.

Another thing that wouldn't cause a rejection is the names of the two women. They are too similar and can cause confusion.

I will go over this more carefully and post it later this week.
I'm pretty sure it's the spelling. They have very little patience for stuff a spellchecker would catch. For example, "She's the one with the photgraphy hobby", photography is spelled wrong.

Usually when a story is rejected it tells you it's because of spelling and grammar mistakes...

Anyways, this story also could go non-consent/reluctance. Everyone seems happy with the end result, so I don't think that's the problem.
 
Just glancing at it quickly, it may be that your paragraphs are a little too long. Big blocks of text are awful on the eyes.
 
trendyredhead said:
sometimes stories will get rejected because of the format they're submitted in -- attaching a file vs. copying and pasting plain text. But I do see several issues.

1 - punctuation. dialogue should be inside "nnnn" rather than 'nnn'.

2 - you should also separate your dialogue into distinct paragraphs - don't bury a conversation in a paragraph.

For example, you have:



This paragraph should be something like this (I've edited your content):



3 - This is very short for a story. Lit may be rejecting it because it's just not very long, but I'd focus on fixing the first two things before you worry about length.
" isn't necessary for dialogue. I use the ' and have never had probs. i can't see any reason for the rejection, unless, as you say, it's the length. mystery. let us know if you do find out.
 
Mikesliver said:
Bill was back from a long business trip. . . . on both sisters and went to shower. He didn't look back.

The story is too long. cut about 30% of the words out. Clean up the grammar and punctuation. Make Bill a bit brighter than the 20 watt bulb he seems to be when he notices a pile of pix of his naked wife. His initial reaction in the story is completely unbelievable.
 
Mark2 said:
The story is too long. cut about 30% of the words out. Clean up the grammar and punctuation. Make Bill a bit brighter than the 20 watt bulb he seems to be when he notices a pile of pix of his naked wife. His initial reaction in the story is completely unbelievable.

The story is not too long. It is between 2,400 and 2,500 words which is probably less than the average. The minimum is 750 and there is no real maximum. Most of mine are longer than this one.

There are A LOT of mechanical errors, such as spelling and puncuation. I am going over these but I haven'r finished yet. He's not that much of a dimbulb; he recognized his wife's hairstyle as being from six months earlier, which most men probably wouyldn't have been able to do. When he saw the nude photos he thought his wife might be wanting to get more daring, which might have been wishful thinking. Once he saw the hard core type, he knew there was something wrong.
 
OK I moved it to Word and found about a dozen misspellings, including 'cum' 'quif' and 'cunny'. It said that it had been rejected for misspellings so we'll see. As for size, there are much longer stories on the site. Read "Coma" in the Incest section. Its pages and pages.
 
Mikesliver said:
OK I moved it to Word and found about a dozen misspellings, including 'cum' 'quif' and 'cunny'. It said that it had been rejected for misspellings so we'll see. As for size, there are much longer stories on the site. Read "Coma" in the Incest section. Its pages and pages.

OK, I have a corrected version here. I didn't count the misspellings but I am sure is was more than a dozen and that would not include "cum" or "cunny" but it would include "quim". You can't count on Spellcheck to catch all errors because if a typo results in something that is also a word, Spellcheck will not catch it. You also have to eyeball the copy to catch misspellings.

My corrections are in bold as are some comments.

Bill was back from a long business trip. He had started out in the company at an entry level position, worked hard and learned a lot about the business and now, at 33, the company had recognized his abilities and placed him in a mid-management job. Sure, he traveled quite a bit but that was a nice change from sitting in a cubicle all day and coming home to a boring sex life. Now Bill would tell anyone who would listen that his wife was great, marvelous cook, pretty and voluptuous, attentive and doting, had a good job of her own but the sex life? It was almost like a script. Lots of foreplay (Bill liked foreplay, don't get him wrong) then she would climb on top. No oral giving or receiving, no new positions just the same thing each time.

When he walked in, Bill noticed that Anne was gone. Not unusual for a Saturday afternoon. Anne and her sister, Amy, often went antiquing or whatever early Saturdays. That's when Bill would have some time to tend to his hobbies or cut the grass. A little private time to unwind. Today he just put his clothes away in the closet or into the hamper as necessary and took his suitcase up to the attic to put it away. Now the luggage that Bill had bought when he got the promotion all nestled one inside the other for storage. When he lifted the other bags to place inside the one he had used, something fell out of the half zipped bag.

If he travels a lot and uses the luggage a lot, why would he keep it in the attic?

A photograph. Of Anne, in lingerie. A black panty and bra set, her ample breasts straining to spill out of the top that was just a little too small. The cut of the panties made her hips look longer and more inviting, her curves even more exciting since this was exactly the kind of lingerie she wouldn't buy for herself.

Technically, there are ungrammatical sentence fragments here but they work allright.

"Wow!" thought Bill. "She must be planning to surprise me for my birthday! It is coming up." But then Bill looked closely at the picture. That was Anne's hairstyle some 6 months ago. Would she have been saving pictures for him all this time? Their anniversary was 4 months ago. Surely she could have given it to him then. And who could have taken it? Amy could have. She's the one with the photography hobby. And she had saved up to buy that used Leica at the photo shop they dragged Bill to the one day. Curiosity seized Bill and he opened the bag. There must have been 30 pictures in there. Anne on the back porch in a red teddy. Anne in a black camisole on their bed. Anne topless in a blue pastel thong, kneeling on the coffee table, pushing her large breasts together. Bill was dumbfounded, looking at these pictures. Good God his wife was sexy!

This is a rather long paragraph and could be broken at “Curiosity”. I like the “stream of thought” in the paragraph.

Bill was looking through the pictures thinking that it was pretty cool. Maybe his wife would come around and be a little more open about things in bed. There could be more. I can act surprised he thought. Bill reached into the section of the luggage that held shoes and was rewarded with another bunch of photographs. Lots of photos, he pratically leered in anticipation. The grin instantly disappeared from his face as he looked at the photos. Anne licking an erect cock. Anne on her back with some guy's face buried in her pussy. Anne fucking doggy style. Anne licking a breast. Anne getting fucked in her ass. The pictures were graphic and showed Anne doing all the things Bill had dreamed of her doing, but with him. Then he looked at another picture and it hit him. The guy who was masturbating in Anne's face was Amy's boyfriend! Amy had to be taking these pictures!

”Son of a bitch,” Bill growled between clenched teeth. The bitch was fucking for her sister's camera! Whose tit was Anne licking? Her sister's?!! Falling heavily into a sitting position, Bill sat there in the warm attic, elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Scattered in front of him was the evidence of her betrayal. He lost track of time as he sat there, stunned until finally he heard Anne and Amy come in, chattering about the stuff they had seen and bought. Bill gathered up the pictures and went downstairs.

”Is that you, Hon?" called Anne, oblivious to the fact that Bill had been in the attic.

“Yes it's me,” he answered, with a voice taut with anger. “Just putting away my bag."

Excitedly, Anne called to him "Well come look at what I bought."

These three paragraphs were written as one, which is incorrect. In the first line, I changed from “was” to “had been” because he was no longer in the attic. I changed the sentence structure too and made some punctuation corrections.


He walked down the hall and down the three steps into the living room. Anne had some vase on the table chattering about how it was an Art Deco piece from the '30's and she got it for a steal. Amy's greeting froze on her lips when she saw the look on Bill's face. Then she noticed that he had a stack of photos in his hand. She waved at Anne trying to get her attention. Anne on the other hand was oblivious to Bill's mood and Amy's gesturing as she announced what a great find she had made.

Bill answered her with "I've made a find too," and tossed the photos on the table. Anne, still caught up in her enthusiasm, tried to throw her arms around Bill's neck only to have him catch her and firmly push her away. Amy's sharp inhale brought Anne's attention behind her where the photographs laid spread out in a fan. Anne licking a man's behind. Anne fucked from behind on the hood of a car in the woods. Anne sitting on a man's face, teasing the head of his cock with her tongue. Anne bent over the stairwell with livid hand marks on her pale bottom. Cum dripping from Anne's pussy while she played with it.

Paragraph break before “Bill answered”

The silence hung in the air, filled with a tension that was thick enough to slice. Anne turned back to Bill with a horrified look. Amy was stunned. Bill waited for something, anything to be said that might even begin to explain this. All at once a torrent of words came out of both Anne and Amy. It wasn't Anne's fault. Amy had put her up to the boudoir pictures and talked her into the rest. One thing had led to another. The nudes were taken one night when they were drinking. Amy's boyfriend had come home during one of the sessions and then one thing led to another. The only thing that Bill could think of during all of this was these were not a single night's passion. The skills that made Bill an asset at work didn't leave him now. Different hairstyles, different times of the day. Even different objects on night stands and end tables.

I would recommend a paragraph break at “The only thing…”.

"These pictures weren't taken all on one day."

Both Anne and Amy stopped as if slapped. Bill's voice was both quiet and firm. He wasn't buying the story. They were caught and they knew it. Anne's mouth worked but nothing came out.

"I might have understood this, Anne if I hadn't asked you repeatedly for this. Everything you absolutely refused me and more are in those pictures." Bill bore down relentlessly. "I never pressed you, never forced you. You had reason after reason to keep us from doing any of these things. Don't lie to me. Say something that might excuse this."

Anne's eyes only got bigger. No sound came out of her mouth. She didn't have an answer. Amy did.

I have put in paragraph breaks where Bill started speaking and at “Anne’s eyes”.


"Anne, we owe Bill this." and she began to unbutton her blouse. As curvy as Anne was, Amy was long and leggy. Bill had seen her often over the years from the time she was 18 in bathing suits of different types and had admired her body. Now she was revealing her 28 year old body completely to him. It was Bill's turn to become speechless. Anne found her voice then.

"Amy!" Anne hissed. "What are you doing?"

A paragraph break where Anne spoke.


Bill hissed back "You have nothing to say about this at all. What are you doing Amy?"

Amy kicked off her shoes, unsnapped her jeans and let them fall to the floor. The same black bra and panty set that Bill first saw on Anne in the picture was on Amy. Proof, even without their confession. Amy reached in front to unfasten the bra and stood, almost defiantly topless in the living room. She took her sister's arm and dragged her into the master bedroom. Bill hesitated and then followed, even more confused than before. He could hear a whispered conversation, clearly hearing Anne saying "No." He entered the room just as Amy was coming out. Anne was sitting in the chair in the corner. Amy pulled him in.

Proof of what? That they have similar underwear? I can’t believe that they would wear the same actual garments. For one thing, from your description, they are not the same size.

"It's only fair that you get from me what Matt got from Anne. You are right. This has been going on for quite some time. Anne and I used to share boyfriends all the time when we were younger. She decided that she had to stop because she was so serious about you, even to the point of not indulging in the things she likes in case you freak out or something. I hope this will make it up." And with that she dropped to her knees and reached for his belt. Bill watched in amazement as his sister-in-law pulled down his pants and took his cock into her mouth. Between his shock and anger he wasn't responding to Amy's velvet mouth. Her nails lightly scratched across his scrotum while her tongue teased at his cockhead. Nothing seemed to work. Amy pushed him down onto the bed where he just stared at the ceiling. He looked back down at Amy, about to tell her to stop when he saw Anne, half out of the chair, trying to see her sister at work. His body responded to this, along with his mood. He was determined to make Anne pay for doing this to him.

A para. break at “Bill watched”.

Amy began to respond as Bill's dick swelled in her mouth. Satisfied groans began to escape around his cock and Amy began to pump his hardening cock in her fist. Amy lifted her hips in the air as Bill inched back onto the bed. Soon she was on the bed too, making love to his erect cock while on all fours. Bill climbed out from under Amy and stepped behind her. He bent over slowly and inhaled her aroused scent. Her pussy lips were swollen, pouting out at him, begging for attention. Bill caressed Amy's smooth ass even as he heard his wife whimper 'No."

Try to avoid using “began” as you did in the first two sentences, especially twice. More like “Amy responded as…” and “...groans were escaping…” You are not incorrect but I think it would read better.

Bill leaned into his sister-in-law. Amy threw back her head as she felt Bill's warm breath on her tingling cunny. Anne half sobbed as Bill plunged his tongue into Amy's waiting quim. Amy tasted wonderful, even more so because Anne wouldn't let him anywhere near hers. Amy's hips began to move up and down, trying to force Bill's tongue onto her clit. Bill planned to get there, but he was enjoying the taste of Amy just too much to give her her way yet. He reached up to cup her left breast, feeling her nipple hard against his palm. Bill squeezed the tit in his hand and was rewarded by a moan and Amy pressing her pussy against him. Bill repaid her by tracing a line to her ass. His right thumb on her clit, Bill teased Amy's puckered ass hole. Bill heard Anne's jeans unzipping as Amy's torso dropped to the bed, freeing her hands to pull her cheeks apart.

I think you need a para. break at “Amy’s hips”. I’m trying to picture Amy and Bill and I can’t. You have to have her roll over on her back and change some other wording to have these movements physically possible. Your sentences in this para. or paragraphs tend to be too short and you are using their names too much, especially to start sentences. “Cunny” and “quim” are perfectly good words but rather old-fashioned.

The sound of his thumb plunging in and out of Amy's wet pussy almost drowned out the sound of Anne's fingers doing the same to her own. Bill had become lost in Amy's beautiful ass and pussy and had forgotten about Anne. Time to drive home the nail. "Like that Amy? Like the way your clit feels? I love the way you taste." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Anne stop strumming her own clit. Amy practically purred her contentment. Bill dragged Amy to the end of the bed. She placed her feet on the floor and bent her knees. Once again she looked back at Bill with a smile. No longer as hard as he was Bill stroked himself a couple of times when he called Anne over. She fell to her knees and started sucking on his cock. If anything, she was better than Amy. She had been keeping this from him for eight years! Her tongue teased the opening of his cock and folded around the underside of its head. She took his balls into her mouth one at a time.

Para break at “Out of the corner”. This para. seems rather choppy and disjointed, partly from using so many short sentences and partly from repeating their names so often.

Seeing his cock disappearing into his wife's mouth made his erection thick and hard like it hadn't been in a long time. Anne was really warming to her task when Bill pulled it out of her mouth with a loud pop. Anne could only watch as Bill took that cock that she had engorged and stiffened and placed it against Amy's wet cunt. His velvet cock teased at her engorged clit while Anne watched, unbelieving. Even though she and her sister had done many things together with their boyfriends, she was totally unprepared to watch her husband fuck her sister's pussy.

”Boner” is a rather childish word so I changed it to “erection”. This para. reads much better than the preceding ones.

Anne gasped and Amy screeched as Bill slowly entered her wet waiting snatch. From a foot away Anne watched as Bill thrust into Amy, slowly at first and then, with more speed and force, began to pound that pussy. Sweat glistening on his back, he grabbed Amy's hips and plunged into her. Bill could feel Amy's pussy grasping at his cock. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Amy wanted Bill's cock. She'd love his cum too. He could see her face, lying on her right cheek, panting, her nostrils flaring. She began to urge him on, begging for dick and telling him to go faster and harder. Soon she was screaming her orgasm as Bill slammed in and out of her. Her feet were off the floor and her back arched while she cursed and pleaded for it not to stop. Amy sank onto the bed spent, her pussy lips swollen and red. Balls beginning to swell with his own orgasm, Bill knew he was getting close and pulled out of Amy and turned to Anne.

I changed the first sentence to avoid confusion and added some commas in the second sentence for better clarification. You might want an adverb, such as “happily” or “in pleasure” after “screeched”, if that's the word you want. In this para. Amy should be on her back with her feet on the floor. She would not be lying on her right cheek. New para. at “Amy wanted ..,” Another new para. at “Amy sank…”. Again, the sentences seem to be too short and you repeat names too often.

"What do you want?" Anne asked, her eyes fixed on the cock literally dripping with her sister's juices.

"You are going to finish it" Bill said as he grabbed his wife's hair and pulled her onto his cock. Again his cock disappeared into his wife's mouth bringing him to the edge of orgasm. "After all I am sure it isn't the first time you licked your sister's cum off a cock." Amy stiffened and sat straight up. Anne stopped sucking but it was too late., Bill had his hand twisted in her hair and, thrusting his cock forward against her tongue, Bill shot his wad into her mouth. Gagging Anne tried to turn her head but it was impossible to keep the cum out of her mouth. Bill let her go, seeing his semen dripping down her chin, looking at him with accussing eyes. Turning to Amy he said, "Take her with you when you go. I need to think." Looking at Anne, he said, as cold as ice, "We could have had this at any time. You think about that." With that, Bill turned his back on both sisters and went to shower. He didn't look back.

New para at “Amy stiffened…” and again at “Bill let…” You have a really strange dangling participle in this sentence.

I liked the story allright but, as I said, you tend to have sentences that are too short and paragraphs that are too long. In particular, when there are two or more persons speaking, you have to give each one a new paragraph. You also tend to repeat words too often, especially names. Sometimes you have to repeat some words but it is more effective if you avoid it, particularly words like “cock” and “pussy” and such words that make porn.

I added commas in places where I thought they were needed and I made spelling changes.

I do have a problem with the logic of the story. You mention early that Bill likes foreplay. Presumably, this would include kissing and petting, which would combine to become licking and sucking her breasts, which would escalate to eating her pussy. If Anne enjoyed this, why would she stop him? At first, it may have been to avoid freaking him out but, after he made it clear that he really liked certain things, why would she keep refusing him? Why would she not just give herself over to pleasure, especially after they were married? If her husband liked certain things, he would not have thought less of her if she did too. If nothing else, she could have pretended to learn them from him.
 
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