third and first person story

[lucas83]

Hello All,
I wanted to get some feedback from everyone on a particular way of writing a story. I am writing a story about the journey of a boy into slavery. I thought I would write the scene in third person as most stories are written, but then add "diary entries" from the boy as well as women involved in the particular scene. I wanted to do this as a way of introducing their private thoughts on the scene. It's a way of seeing into the inner person.

The other option, of course, is just to write it third person entirely.

Anyway, I would appreciate your feedback. Good idea, stupid, or whatever.

Thanks,

Lucas

 

[off2bed]

For manuscripts, inner dialog is traditionally written in italics, depending on the style the publisher/editor typically uses. Be careful about changing point of view; make sure the reader can follow along or it'll make 'em dizzy wondering whose story it is. I'd stay away from doing a first person story if you're going to change point of view. Third person omniscient is what you're talking about.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I really like that device. I found it by accident-- when I started writing the 'journal' of one of my characters, just for the exercise. I found out that he was a really twisted guy! I might not have figured that out, otherwise, because I was writing in third person limited-- tightly focussed on the other protagonist.
I used that material in the story, by having him write it within the story; Have him pick up the pen and write his diary. Have his words in italics, and you can interrupt his writing with action (as writing so often is interrupted, goddam it).
You could also have him write at the behest of his owner, or tell his owner verbally at command, so that his words are addressed to someone. There are a lot of way this can work well!

Here's the chapter where I used the device

(my character is covertly submissive, you'll notice. He's about to start training his girlfriend to top him)

 

[sr71plt]

All you need do is sectionalize the 1st-person diary entries from the 3rd-person narrative. The traditional line skip and short line of asterisks as a separation should do it. Avoid big passages in italics. Very hard to read and will slow the reader down.