Things that reaaaaallllly piss me off.......

[matriarch]

It's Sunday, 12.30, I've had a wonderful long lie-in (the sort of lie-in you can only have if you live on your own); the weather has finally broken - back to wet, cold, cloudy, overcast - thank heavens (why? because I am in the process of packing to move house, and if the weather is good, would you want to be stuck indoors, surrounded by boxes, and cleaning out cupboards? No. right.)

I digress.

The kettle has boiled for my tea-fix, bread is in the toaster, I have showered, long and hot, and to my delight, while in the shower, I have written a whole story in my head - not just a snippet, but a whole story, can't wait to get to the keyboard to write it.

The world is feeling good, I am feeling mellow, kind of smiling inside, and the phone rings. Chewing on my mouthful of toast and peanut butter, still musing on the intracies of 'the' scene in the story, I wander to the phone, debating whether its a son, or my mother, or my sister nagging me to call my pops on Father's Day.

As I lift the receiver to my ear, I hear this strident, falsely ecstatic voice screeching at me...."Congratulations, I have some absolutely wonderful news for you......" (I don't know which school of drama she went to, but come on...)

POP!!!

There goes my bubble.

It took me a couple of seconds to gather my thoughts, and before she could say another word, cut her off with "Sorry, not interested." and hit the off button. (I'm a well dragged up gal, I was always taught to say 'please' and 'thank you' - in all cases )

Damn it, how stupid to they think we are? She didn't use my name, she had no idea who I was, I may be middle aged and gullible, but I ain't that gullible, and now she's spoiled my mood.

I hate telesales with a vengeance. But especially when they spoil my precious time to myself.

*breathing deeply*........ok people, rant over.

Good morning ..........ummm....afternoon, actually.

M

 

[Guest]

i used to be your worst nightmare. i sold magazines over the phone and for the entire month i did that (when i was 18) i sold one subscription.. and that was because the guy was just too nice to get me off the line..
i was so embarrassed to call people so i used a southern accent.. or scottish or british or french .. god only knows what i thought i was accomplishing

at my sisters, phone rings and i answer.

someone wanting to sell a credit card.
"Mrs. "blank" isnt able to come to the phone, im sorry," says me
"well, when would be a good time to call?" asks them
"actually, shes incompetent and cant make such decisions. dont call again... " explains me

she laughed so hard.. oh it was worth it.

 

[gothgodess]

I had the same double glazing company phone me three times in one week. Each time they managed to call just as I was trying to dish up dinner and talk my kids through their homework. Why do these people insist on calling at the most hectic times of day.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

A cherubic old lady overheard a converstion complaining about this very topic, while we all waited at a bus stop. She piped up to inform us, “You should ask if they know they are calling a retirement home. Nobody wants to talk to old people,”

A week later – roughly – I got a call from some charity (CETA - Carnivores for the Ethical Treatment of Asparagus.). After about a minute spent trying to shake the flypaper loose, I remembered that little old lady’s advice. At the next pause, I asked what th old lady had suggested.

“Do you realize that you’re calling a nursing home?”

The line went dead with a click.

Since then, I have used the old lady’s gambit, and it has worked every time. I have even developed an old lady’s voice with only the slightest quaver, when I ask the question.

Not that it matters, but I take pride in the fact that I don’t even – officially – need to tell a lie to get rid of the caller.

Next time, try it for yourself.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Any of you ever hear of "Revenge on the Telemarketers"? A comedian named Tom Mabe started getting even with telemarketers for bothering him and wound up making 2 albums of the conversations.

It's hilarious stuff. You can download a few of his bits from his website.

Tom Mabe

 

[minsue]

i used to be your worst nightmare. i sold magazines over the phone and for the entire month i did that (when i was 18) i sold one subscription.. and that was because the guy was just too nice to get me off the line..
i was so embarrassed to call people so i used a southern accent.. or scottish or british or french .. god only knows what i thought i was accomplishing

My first job was selling magazines over the phone and my only sales each night were in the south. I have this god awful irritating problem with picking up accents unintentionally, especially southern accents. I'm sure the first few people I spoke to each night thought I was mocking them as I slipped in and out of the accent, but by the 5th or 6th call I was stuck there and couldn't speak normally (normally for me at any rate ) if I tried.

It seems odd that it would help, especially since it was an odd accent that I'd get stuck in from talking to people in multiple states, but all my sales came from southern states.

 

[Guest]

My first job was selling magazines over the phone and my only sales each night were in the south. I have this god awful irritating problem with picking up accents unintentionally, especially southern accents. I'm sure the first few people I spoke to each night thought I was mocking them as I slipped in and out of the accent, but by the 5th or 6th call I was stuck there and couldn't speak normally (normally for me at any rate ) if I tried.

It seems odd that it would help, especially since it was an odd accent that I'd get stuck in from talking to people in multiple states, but all my sales came from southern states.

its easier to hid behind a fake accent. and believe me, i just couldnt be bothered to be on the straight and narrow. i got so bored that i would just talk to whomever about whatever as long as i wasnt being watched..

short attention span LOL but it was funny when people would say, where are you from and i would answer the falklands.... or something bizarre like that. never did have phone sex.. let that opportunity slip by *damn*

 

[matriarch]

............ never did have phone sex.. let that opportunity slip by *damn*

Need any help to redress that oversight ??

M

 

[Guest]

Need any help to redress that oversight ??

M

LOL it would be the quickest conversation ever..
all you would have to do is talk about the weather and.. well, i would be a mass of melted flesh on this end..

you have no idea what those english accents do to me!

 

[matriarch]

LOL it would be the quickest conversation ever..
all you would have to do is talk about the weather and.. well, i would be a mass of melted flesh on this end..

you have no idea what those english accents do to me!

I can do short conversations.
I can do long conversations.
How many times can a gal melt??

 

[gauchecritic]

What's bugging me more and is quite a recent development, are the computer dialed, cold calls. The computer dials a multiple of telephone numbers and the first one picked up gets to be offered the double glazing, holiday home in the Algarve, alternative mortgage etc. But the damn computer doesn't hang up the other lines so you just get a dead signal.

While I'm here, it seems that the whole world and his wife have moved their telesales to India. Now, I not only don't want their health insurance but I also have to work damn hard, asking the person to repeat things 2 or three times to find out what it is I'm refusing in the first place.

Gauche

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

What's bugging me... I also have to work damn hard, asking the person to repeat things 2 or three times to find out what it is I'm refusing in the first place. Gauche

Get yourself an answering machine. Set it to pick up after one ring. Always leave it on.

Vulva!

You will never be bothered by computer-dialled telemarketeers again.

Nor by old boyfriends (girlfriends, I think, in your case) that you never again wish to speak with, et cetera.

 

[Guest]

Gauche, I can't believe you would ask a telemarketer to repeat anything. How dopey is that?!

Me, I start speaking Russian, they hang up. Haven't tried Yorkshire (way too difficult).

Perdita

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I say that I'm either the babysitter or the maid, My sister used to tell them her Name was Lily Munster, her address was 1313 Mockingbird Lane etc, they finally caught on.

 

[cloudy]

Sorta like Perdita, I've spoken in Danish, and they hang up really, really fast (it's not a pretty language). Or, I hand the phone to my 3-yr-old.

 

[matriarch]

multiple names

My favourite tack was when they asked to speak to Mr XXXXXXX.

I ask them which Mr. XXXXXX. There are 3 of them (ex and two sons).

Mr. (initial) XXXXXXXXX

Which one? There are 2 of them.

Mr. (full Christian name) XXXXXXX

Sorry, he doesn't live here any more.

........and hang up.

Mean, but it made me feel better.

Mat

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Sorta like Perdita, I've spoken in Danish, and they hang up really, really fast (it's not a pretty language). Or, I hand the phone to my 3-yr-old.

Oooooh, the second tactic is really devious and cruel. I like that.

 

[SeaCat]

I have a micro-cassete player wired into my phone handset. (That took me about ten minutes with a soldering iron.) I keep one of several tapes in it, all are recording of phone sex in different languages. telemarketer comes on and the button is pushed. I just have to be careful not to push the play button when my in-laws call. (My father saw it one day and asked me what it was. When I explained he almost died laughing, then insisted I make him copies of the tapes so he could do the same thing.)

Cat

 

[Randi Grail]

Oooooh, the second tactic is really devious and cruel. I like that.

I sometimes use the "Just hang on a moment." reply, before putting down the phone and go do something else for five minutes. If they are still there after that, I think they have deserved my attention.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

My entire extended family believes strongly in the torturing of telemarketers. We have played tricks ranging from simple excitement about product that leads nowhere, phone sex(of all sexualities), a mock murder, a mock suicide, a mock interruption of a mafia meeting (i have Italian family on my mom's side), a few standard psychopath answering the phone, a mock psychic attack, a really loud beep contest, and one memorable attempt to sell the telemarketer a goat in exchange for his shoddy merchandise. Yes, we are right ol' bastards.

Also for nice attacks on telemarketers, read Sluggy Freelance. A cute bunny called Bun-Bun cusses them out and has killed quite a few of them with his switchblade.

 

[Boota]

In Indiana we have a no-call list and I'm on it. I haven't had a telemarketing call in about two years. If they do call all I have to do is get the name of the company, turn it over to the proper authorities and the Indiana Attorney General goes after them.

 

[SensualCealy]

Im like Gauche, I ask them questions about their products over and over again until they are truly exhausted, or when the duct cleaners call I usually hand the phone to hubby who likely had a few drinks, the conversation usually goes like this:

Tele: Good evening sir, would you like to have your ducts cleaned?

Hubby: Ducks, no we dont have any ducks, we live in town.

Tele: No, Im sorry sir, furnace ducts, hot air ducts.

Hubby: No I dont have ducks full of hot air, I do know a man that feeds his ducks liver pellets though!

Tele: Sir, do you have a furnace?

Hubby: Yes!

Tele: You have ducts that run off of it to supply your home with warm air to keep it warm in the winter, and you have cool air return ducts that filter the air into the furnace, am I right?

Hubby: Yes, but I dont need my ducks cleaned, at this time I do not have any ducks.

This goes on for usually a good ten fifteen minutes until the telemarketer gets frustrated with him and his hard headedness.

Makes for a good evening of laughs.
Cealy

 

[Rusty914]

you have no idea what those english accents do to me!

Oh I have to agree, a woman with an english accent has me at: Allo governor, lol.....

Kidding aside, big turn on, maybe some day......

 

[gauchecritic]

you have no idea what those english accents do to me!

Are you talking about English non-accents like Hugh Grant or proper accents? Unintelligible to foreign ears. Or maybe slight accents like Seen Been?

Gauche

 

[Guest]