Things Not To Say During Sex

[BereniceSnape]

"Why are you poking my belly button? My pussy is down there!"

 

[fireman91]

"Can't even tell I had that operation, huh?"

Or the classics like calling out the wrong name, or just breaking out in hysterical laughter.

 

[HermesVoice]

"Ooooo! My husband calls me that, too!"

 

[Bsquad]

"Uh-oh."

 

[Wife of Bath]

Is it in?

 

[Ryo242]

"Call me Mr. Fluffikins~"

"YES MR. FLUFFIKINS! OH YES!!"

 

[Loradai]

wake me when you are done.

 

[monique_minx]

"Dear god...what is that?!"

 

[Ryo242]

"Am I in?"

 

[digittwitch]

"As a matter of fact, I don't think that was good for anyone!"

 

[Noor]

"just get me off"

 

[siroseti]

"That's it?"

 

[Warr]

I'm kinda hungry, mind getting me a sandwich?

 

[Xmrah23]

"What condom?"

"Did you fart?"

"After we're done, go see a doctor."

"The itching will stop every now and then."

 

[Ryo242]

"Let's play 2 Girls 1 Mouth."
"Your mom is tighter."
"Your dad is tighter."
"Shove that muffin in."
"I'm stuck."
"I'm having a heart attack!"
"I'm actually underage!"
"I'm actually a man!"
"I'm actually a turtle!"
"Thank you sis."
"Thank you mom."
"Thank you dad."
"Quote Star Trek for me!"
"Shit in my pussy.."
"Cum in my ear!"
"You're so much better than the neighbor's dog."
"The neighbor's dog lasts longer than you!"
"Wow, this is so much better than pretending to orgasm all the time."
"Oops, I'm supposed to fake it."
"Oops, that's not cum."
"Oops."
"Your tit just popped in my mouth."
"Inhale that fart...yes...cough.."
"Oh my GOD, my period just hit!"
"My vibrator is better."
"My vibrator cums slower."
"My vibrator listens!"
"Your pussy just ate my foot!"
"I have AIDS"
"I have your sperm. LAWSUIT TIME."
"Oh fuck, my 2-year old is watching!"
"Oh fuck, my mom is watching!"
"Oh fuck, my ex-husband is watching!"
"Oh fuck, my 18-year old son is watching!"
"Yeah, my wife is so much better."
"Yeah, your wife is so much better."
"After orgasms, I realize my bowels! I'm cumming!"
"I just hurt my spine!"
"You have a bigger clit than my cock!"
"Fuck this shit."
"WRONG HOLE!"
"I like necrofilia better."
"Say hi to the hidden live webcam!"
"I'm cheating on you."
"Your hands are cold!"
"Your cock is cold!"
"Bats just flew out of your pussy!"
"I can't wait to eat this watermelon afterward."
"I can't believe you're not butter!"
"I can't believe you let me have sex with you!"
"What the fuck is that?"
"Where the fuck does that go?"
"Who the hell said you could talk?"
"Put your clothes back on, we're fucking like Amish!"
"I'm a unic, what the fuck is sex?"
"My penis is bleeding!"
"Why does your bed smell like shit?"
"Why does your bed smell like a pig?"
"Why does your bed smell like rotting meat?"
"Make me a real boy!"
"Zzzzzzz."
"Oh look, a movie's on."
"That's not my cock."
"Swallow all of that horse's jizz."
"I'm breaking up with you."
"Ready for round 468?"
"Ready to die?"
"Ready to eat my shit?"
"I was chewing gum a moment ago...before I ate you out..."
"I'm not peeing inside you, why would you say that?"
"I'm about to vomit...FUCK Yeaarggh."
-Friend quote-
"It's just not the same after that abortion..."

And the absolute worst:
"I love you."

 

[yeishia]

Jesus you hit my I. U. D!!

 

[pellso27]

what will Mom think?

 

[yeishia]

I love you!

 

[BrazenFellow]

"That reminds me of your sister"

"I wish *Insert friend's name here* was this good"

"Wow. Clearly you've had a lot of practice."

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

He Says: "We need to talk....but just suck my cock first"

He Says: "Oh no it's not a girlfriends, thats my teddy. I wear it when your not here"

 

[PoliticoThistle]

Removing profile

 

[Noor]

"I'm actually a turtle!"

"Quote Star Trek for me!"

"My vibrator listens!"

These made me laugh, thanks!

 

[yeishia]

Oh here! let me do it!

 

[oPENsex]

Oops!

 

[Warr]

God dammit, when these Herpes itch, there's just no stopping them!