Things Not To Do With Your Head. Part IV.

[shereads]

Don't you hate it when this happens?

You roll up a rug in the living room to make a clear path for delivery of a refrigerator. Intending to clean the floor under the rug - tomorrow, when you aren't multitasking - you leave the rug where it is and spend the rest of the evening transfering food to the new refrigerator, finishing some work and reading dirty stories. Just before daylight, the dog wakes you up, demanding to go outside. You stagger through the living room in the dark, forgetting that there's a rolled-up rug in the middle of the floor. When you trip over it, you're still half-asleep, yet you somehow manage to propel yourself about eight-feet foreward, head-first, coming fully awake when you see an extreme-close-up of yourself, wide-eyed, reflected in glass, which turns out to be the TV screen, which you are about to strike dead-center with your forehead. You hit hard -THUD- and are simultaneously relieved that the glass doesn't shatter and stunned to discover how hard glass can be when it has no "give." You fall to the floor and lie there for a moment, hoping to be unconscious for a while so you can get some more sleep before feeling like an idiot for not having put the rug back where it belonged. Unfortunately, you fail to pass out. Now you have a lump on your forehead so exhaggerated that it looks like a cartoon one, you've lost the dog's respect, you are in pain, you feel stupid and you still have to clean the floor so you can put the rug back.

Don't you just hate that?

Me too.

~ Lumpy

 

[rgraham666]

Sorry shereads, but I just have to at that one.

Here. I bought Wile E. Coyote's Lump Massager on eBay. You can use it.

 

[shereads]

Sorry shereads, but I just have to at that one.

Here. I bought Wile E. Coyote's Lump Massager on eBay. You can use it.

ACME. One of the all-time greats in manufacturing. I like their Bat-Man Flying Suit.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Don't you hate it when this happens?

You roll up a rug in the living room to make a clear path for delivery of a refrigerator. Intending to clean the floor under the rug - tomorrow, when you aren't multitasking - you leave the rug where it is and spend the rest of the evening transfering food to the new refrigerator, finishing some work and reading dirty stories. Just before daylight, the dog wakes you up, demanding to go outside. You stagger through the living room in the dark, forgetting that there's a rolled-up rug in the middle of the floor. When you trip over it, you're still half-asleep, yet you somehow manage to propel yourself about eight-feet foreward, head-first, coming fully awake when you see an extreme-close-up of yourself, wide-eyed, reflected in glass, which turns out to be the TV screen, which you are about to strike dead-center with your forehead. You hit hard -THUD- and are simultaneously relieved that the glass doesn't shatter and stunned to discover how hard glass can be when it has no "give." You fall to the floor and lie there for a moment, hoping to be unconscious for a while so you can get some more sleep before feeling like an idiot for not having put the rug back where it belonged. Unfortunately, you fail to pass out. Now you have a lump on your forehead so exhaggerated that it looks like a cartoon one, you've lost the dog's respect, you are in pain, you feel stupid and you still have to clean the floor so you can put the rug back.

Don't you just hate that?

Me too.

~ Lumpy

I think I just wet myself with the vision of you careening along without the other stooges.
Bless you.

 

[shereads]

I think I just wet myself with the vision of you careening along without the other stooges.
Bless you.

And bless you. What a satisfying exchange of tragically amusing images. Now go change your underwear, Drippy.



Regards,

Lumpy

 

[ElizabethWest]

But the important question is:

Did the dog get to go out or did he pee on the rolled up carpet while you were recuperating? That would just add insult to injury.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

And bless you. What a satisfying exchange of tragically amusing images. Now go change your underwear, Drippy.



Regards,

Lumpy

Wanna hear about my cyst removal?

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I think I could live with all of it except for the dog losing respect for me. That would be too much to handle.

BTW: Where are parts I, II, and III of "Things not to do with your head"? I hope this isn't some kind of Star Wars deal that starts with Episode 4 and we have to wait almost 30 years to see Episodes 1, 2, and 3.

 

[ElizabethWest]

I think I could live with all of it except for the dog losing respect for me. That would be too much to handle.

BTW: Where are parts I, II, and III of "Things not to do with your head"? I hope this isn't some kind of Star Wars deal that starts with Episode 4 and we have to wait almost 30 years to see Episodes 1, 2, and 3.

LMAO!

I almost called you today, btw, as I passed exit 94...

 

[Guest]

Can you pound the lump in with a hammer?


http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b318/sweetsubsarahh/hammer.jpg


(Or will it just appear somewhere else?)

 

[shereads]

I think I could live with all of it except for the dog losing respect for me. That would be too much to handle.

BTW: Where are parts I, II, and III of "Things not to do with your head"? I hope this isn't some kind of Star Wars deal that starts with Episode 4 and we have to wait almost 30 years to see Episodes 1, 2, and 3.

Are you using Bush's picture as your AV just to taunt me? I'm so confused.

 

[Lady_Kit]

Sorry about your lump, and glad the the coffee I just blew through my nose wasn't hot.

Will someone pass me a paper towel?

 

[shereads]

glad the the coffee I just blew through my nose wasn't hot.

The gods are in a benevolent mood in your neighborhood, are they?

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Are you using Bush's picture as your AV just to taunt me? I'm so confused.

LOL. Don't be confused, no taunting intended. The AV idea came from the thread about who would play us in the LIT movie. I was torn between Alfred E. and Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie in the Vacation movies. I couldn't find a good enough picture of Quaid saying Shitters full, so I went with Alfred.

I'm definitely not above self depracation.

 

[shereads]

LOL. Don't be confused, no taunting intended. The AV idea came from the thread about who would play us \0\0
?L??\0\0\0\0L??n0 I was torn between Alfred E. and Randy Quaid as Cousin Eddie in the Vacation movies. I couldn't find a good enough picture of Quaid saying Shitters full, so I went with Alfred.

I'm definitely not above self depracation.

I just assumed that all of the men would be played by Kevin Bacon.

 

[Guest]

Things not to do with your legs

 

[shereads]

The Friday night of our family vacation, Dad decided that since we were all dressed up, we had to have pictures taken--first my middle brother & his wife and kids, then the youngest, his wife and child, then all of us together. While middle bro & his wife were standing on the front steps with the five year old, who was pouting, and the almost-three year old, who was screaming, Mom sent me inside to tell youngest brother we were ready, but not to come out of the front door until after the pictures were taken. I passed on the message, then went to the door. Mom indicated that it was okay for me to come out, so I started to step down, with my 6'1, 300 lb "little" brother right behind me. Dad yelled to get out of his shot, and I couldn't move back because my brother was filling up the doorway, and I couldn't move forward, so I tried to step sideways and ran out of step. I wound up sprawled all over the front flowerbed, having banged the hell out of my right leg on the steps and emptied my purse into one of the azaleas. The bruises linger like relatives who've stayed too long.

Thank you, lil, for bringing this thread back on track. No one else seems to be willing to share their dangerous head incidents. On a porn site, no less.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

I have a pretty good chainsaw incident I could share, but it doesn't involve me injuring my head.

 

[Guest]

I have a pretty good chainsaw incident I could share, but it doesn't involve me injuring my head.

Um -

It wasn't your dick, was it?

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Um -

It wasn't your dick, was it?

Hell no. Losing my dick would be legitimate cause for suicide. The chainsaw was running full speed and hit the palm of my left hand, at the very base of the thumb. NEVER operate a chainsaw without adequate dick protection.

It was a mess, and the bad part was that I was alone, and 20 miles from town. I had to get myself calmed down enough to drive to the hospital. After finally arriving at the hospital, I was the model of a bad patient. They wouldn't do anything other than clean the wound up. They were sending me to a specialist about an hour away. The doctor told me that he had just called for an ambulance to take me to Louisville. I got mad and told him I wasn't paying for a damn ambulance to drive me for an hour. I had driven myself in, and my wife could drive me to Louisville. He relented and agreed that my wife could drive me. The head nurse was a complete bitch. She kept yelling at me like I was a third grader. My thumb was half severed by a chainsaw, so I was in a pretty bad mood. I was high on adrenaline, and it hurt like hell. They hadn't given me anything for pain. I kept pacing the room while waiting for the paperwork to go to Louisville. The nurse kept telling me to sit down. I tried to explain that I was too wired to sit still. She yelled at me to sit down again, then I went off. I said something along the lines of "fuck off. I've already told you I'm too wired to sit still. My fucking hand is killing me, and you haven't even given me as aspirin. If you want me to sit down, you're going to have to knock me down with some pain killers". She turned a very angry shade of red and stormed out of the room.

She came back a few minutes later with morpheine. (At least she claimed it was morpheine). She said a few smart remarks and gave me the shot. I said something like "It's about fucking time" 15 minutes later I didn't feel any different. The pain was just as intense, and I was just as wired. I was still pacing the room. She came back and yelled at me some more, and I yelled back accusing her of giving me a shot of water. She stormed out then came back about two minutes later. She said "This will shut you up" I asked what it was, and she said Demorol. She gave me the shot of Demorol, and I don't remember much after that. Demoral is good.

I have vague snippets of memories of the trip to louisville, the hospital and getting prepped for surgery, but that's it. Memories kick back in when I awoke in the recovery room.

They saved the thumb, and it still has about 90% of it's original movement. I don't have any sense of feeling in the thumb, but it's still there and working. I got lucky. Most people don't fare so well when a chainsaw running full speed bites into an appendage.

 

[Guest]

Damn.

I have a cousin who had a similar accident. The chainsaw kicked back into the side of his face. He was also alone, had to get back to his truck and drive himself into town. He was very lucky.

Seems as if you were, too.

 

[Subo97]

shereads, your dog called and said it was afraid to admit it laughed so hard it peed on the sofa.

 

[Guest]

shereads, your dog called and said it was afraid to admit it laughed so hard it peed on the sofa.

So did I.

Sorry about that.

 

[SeaCat]

Have you ever gotten so comfortable living in a place that you feel you don't need to turn on the lights to go to the bathroom at night? I did. Got up in the middle of the night and had to use the bathroom. Walked carefully across the room while conveniently forgetting I had left the bedroom door open. (The door opened into the room.) Yep you guessed it, I walked into the end of the door breaking my nose. After the stars started fading I turned on the light, waking my wife, and made my way out to the kitchen where after digging through several drawers I found what I needed. While I fashioned a splint out of a cut up beer can I tried to explain to my very sleepy wife what had happened. The only time she stopped laughing was when she winced as I straightened my nose before splinting it. That was not a good night.

Cat