Things a [character archetype] would say

[StillStunned]

It's summer, and I've outside a lot more than usual. And outside means people, and I hate people. But instead of bitching to myself about them, I thought I'd turn this into something positive.

So I'm going to provide some realistic dialogue for anyone who wants to write a grumpy old man. Trust me, this is all about us being writers, not about me being a grouch. Honest.

If anyone else wants to provide their own real-life examples of dialogue, thoughts and mannerisms of particular archetypes, please add them below. Just be aware that this thread is intended (honest) to be used as inspiration for other writers to mine for their characters.

So here's my starting list of "Things a Grumpy Old Fart would say":

When did thigh tattoos become a thing?

If you're looking at your phone while you're walking, I'm not stepping aside for you.

Why are you shouting into your phone? Doesn't the other person have a volume button?

How long does it take to take a spontaneous selfie?

Are you going to tell your kid to stop screaming, or do you want me to?

Yes, I'm middle-aged and fat. You sneer now, but I'm looking at my past, you're looking at your future.

===

Ah, it feels good to give back to the writing community! Anyone else want to give it a try?

 

[PapaRomantic]

"What the hell is all this stupid noise these young'uns listen to these days that they call music? I swear music died when Elvis died...long live the King!"

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I don't have an anger problem. I have a people problem. There's too dang blasted many of 'em.

 

[PennyThompson]

music died when Elvis died

So... music is alive and well?

 

[PapaRomantic]

So... music is alive and well?

That's another thing about you young'uns - everything is a god-damned conspiracy!

 

[SmilingLez]

Some things are better kept private,

 

[MrPixel]

"Hey! Light's green. Get your nose out of your fuckin' phone and drive, dammit!"

 

[TiberiusPrime]

Behind car moving too slow for your satisfaction: C'mon, move your fucking ass!

Car behind you riding your bumper: Get off my fucking ass!

 

[yowser]

I ardently believe in Anti-social Media.

 

[WaxPhilosophic]

So... music is alive and well?

And working at a 7-Eleven in North Dakota. That's what I heard, at least.

 

[HordHolm]

Now then, now then, what's all this 'ere then? Move along, nothing to see here. Don't you have homes to go to?

 

[iwatchus]

I think random rants from me yesterday on another thread qualifies

 

[Bramblethorn]

It's summer, and I've outside a lot more than usual. ...

When did thigh tattoos become a thing?

Don't worry, I predict they will disappear again in winter.

 

[KittyOfSteele]

Behind car moving too slow for your satisfaction: C'mon, move your fucking ass!

Car behind you riding your bumper: Get off my fucking ass!

Sentient futuristic car android waifu: Fuck my ass!

 

[WCSGarland]

So... my wife reads to me a meme shared on f***book-
She told me if I turn off the light I can stick it in her butt... I should have waited until the bulb cooled down...

me: after a few minutes... okay, I finally get it.
wife: wow, you are such an old man.
me: well, you never tell me I can stick anything in your butt any more.
wife: ... duh... it's too sensitive now... who's been telling you that you can stick things in their butt?
me: nobody... why?
wife: so what do you say when somebody says...
me: wait until the light bulb cools off!

 

[Britva415]

I just like filling in the blank with archetypes.

Things a [hooker with a heart of gold] would say

Things a [nerd pledging the party-hearty frat] would say

Things a [truck driver on a long, long haul] would say

Things a [hired armcandy spending the week on a 1%er's yacht] would say

Things a [mousy teacher who wins an all-expenses week on Costa Rica's Caribbean coast] would say

Things a [retired Green Beret who moves to Wyoming] would say

Things a [new dominatrix neighbor who flashes you through her windows] would say

 

[DeMont]

So... music is alive and well?

@PennyThompson Aye, and living in Crescent Valley, Nevada, don't tell anyone I told you that...!
Respectfully, and secretly,
D.

 

[DeMont]

And working at a 7-Eleven in North Dakota. That's what I heard, at least.

@WaxPhilosophic and @PennyThompson,
But..but.. he lives in Nevada, how can he be in... wait a minute, did "THEY" clone The King???
Awestruck and respectfully,
D.

 

[DeMont]

It's summer, and I've outside a lot more than usual. And outside means people, and I hate people. But instead of bitching to myself about them, I thought I'd turn this into something positive.

So I'm going to provide some realistic dialogue for anyone who wants to write a grumpy old man. Trust me, this is all about us being writers, not about me being a grouch. Honest.

If anyone else wants to provide their own real-life examples of dialogue, thoughts and mannerisms of particular archetypes, please add them below. Just be aware that this thread is intended (honest) to be used as inspiration for other writers to mine for their characters.

So here's my starting list of "Things a Grumpy Old Fart would say":

When did thigh tattoos become a thing?

If you're looking at your phone while you're walking, I'm not stepping aside for you.

Why are you shouting into your phone? Doesn't the other person have a volume button?

How long does it take to take a spontaneous selfie?

Are you going to tell your kid to stop screaming, or do you want me to?

Yes, I'm middle-aged and fat. You sneer now, but I'm looking at my past, you're looking at your future.

===

Ah, it feels good to give back to the writing community! Anyone else want to give it a try?

@StillStunned,
Cockney Londoner.

"'E smacked me right in th' boat race!"
"'Ere, get me The Beak on th' dog 'n' bone Violet."
"Meet me down th' frog an' toad, at the lockup in arf an 'our, awright?"
" Y' wouldn't 'ave believed it, this little fella steps right back up an' gives th' gaffer a Glasgow kiss right on the beak!"

There y'are guvnor.
Respectfully,
D.

 

[KittyOfSteele]

Things a [hired armcandy spending the week on a 1%er's yacht] would say

My biker stories conditioned me to the point that I can't read 1%er without thinking about the HAMCs and Bandidos MCs and other similar clubs instead of billionaires and trillionaires.

 

[mrs_mackenzie]

When did thigh tattoos become a thing?

All I can think about is a grumpy old fart in denim booty shorts looking at his tattooed thighs and saying "When did thigh tattoos become a thing?"

 

[HordHolm]

More vintage Cockney...

"'Ere, have a butchers at 'im! You'd never guess it was a syrup. Probably cost 'im a pony and he just looks like a pillock!"
"Yeah, my skin said he asked 'er out for a ruby and just spent the whole time staring at 'er bristols."
"So? I'd stare at 'er bristols, too!"
"Yeah, and that's why she finks you're a berk!"
"Oi!"

 

[big_cane_sugar]

Things a [hired armcandy spending the week on a 1%er's yacht] would say

"Actually, Mrs. Rothschild, I love the way your unwashed toes taste."

 

[MrStill]

I just like filling in the blank with archetypes.

Things a [hooker with a heart of gold] would say

Things a [nerd pledging the party-hearty frat] would say

Things a [truck driver on a long, long haul] would say

Things a [hired armcandy spending the week on a 1%er's yacht] would say

Things a [mousy teacher who wins an all-expenses week on Costa Rica's Caribbean coast] would say

Things a [retired Green Beret who moves to Wyoming] would say

Things a [new dominatrix neighbor who flashes you through her windows] would say

I think you have the next season of White Lotus pretty well covered there...

 

[Soixenta]

What a frustrated tourist might say:

"Maybe the Italians wouldn't be so excitable if they stopped drinking espresso."