These FEMA bagels are stale!

[shereads]

And I don't think those are poppy seeds.

Hello, people still living in the post-industrial age. Please send your extra electricity to the four million of us still living in the creepy silent dark. You can have my delayed FEMA ice.

I'm in a motel near the beach, which is the only place in four counties that's semi-normal:

Lights that come on when you flip a "switch" on the wall!

Telephones without the empty cans and string!

No curfew!

Plaid-clad conventioneers carrying plastic drink cups garnished with maraschino cherries and paper umbrellas, being herded onto buses by megaphone-wielding herdsmen whose highly trained Border Collies cull the weak ones before they barf on the bus!

Artificially cooled air!

Wi-Fi!

Lines less than two hours long at gas stations!

Cable television! (Local news on those little battery operated TV sets is All-Hurricane-Wilma, All-the-Time. Not a single mention of Scooter Libby until he tried to steal that emergency shipment of FEMA ice from that elderly lady who beat him up with her walker. I think he deserved it, but she didn't have to injure him quite that severely.)

Best regards,

A refugee

P.S. The decaying jungle compound is now just a decaying compound. I left two vagrants with a chainsaw in charge of the clean-up. "Two Vagrants With A Chainsaw" would look good on business cards, don't you think?

 

[lucky-E-leven]

HUGE sigh of relief.



Thank goodness you're safe.



What? Did you say something about bagels?

 

[minsue]

Mmmmm......bagels *drool*


Welcome home, Sher.

 

[rgraham666]

Welcome back sweetheart.

And in such fine style as well. I badly needed a giggle.

 

[shereads]

HUGE sigh of relief.



Thank goodness you're safe.



What? Did you say something about bagels?

No, it couldn't have been me. I won't have electricity until Nov. 22.

 

[cloudy]

Good to know you're safe, Sher.

 

[TxRad]

Welcome back to the land of the "Industrially stupified".

Sorry to hear the Jungle compound went back to nature but I'm glad you're all right or as right as you ever were.....

Two Vagrants with a Chainsaw..... Uh did you supply the chainsaw or did they just find it somewhere..... Was one of them named Montey????

 

[Belegon]

Yay!

Hi Sher...

 

[Guest]

Good to hear you're safe, stale bagels and all.

 

[SeaCat]

Welcome back Sher.

Come on up to my place if you need a break.

Cat

 

[shereads]

What a beautiful sight you all are. I hate the isolation. The weather has been unusually cool and dry for post-hurricane, so those of us who didn't get hit by the worst of this have the luxury of complaining about small things, like how dark it gets when there are no street lights. And how scary it gets when there's no noise at all, not even the neighbor's generator, which ran out of gas on Day 2.

Not as strong a storm as Hurricane Andrew, but enormous in scope. Four counties, from the Florida Keys to Boca Raton. The electric company and Bellsouth are overwhelmed, cell phone service is sporadic, and for most people there's no way to visit these little pockets of normalcy because of the gas lines and the curfew. I'm fortunate, as are most people I know.

But a good friend in the Keys who lost his business to Hurricane Andrew all those years ago, and just finished repairs to his dive shop and rental apartments from Katrina, may lose everything for a second time. Insurance deductible for his business is $45,000. Two feet of water destroyed cars, furniture, appliances, everything except his will to clean up and try again. I couldn't do it. Unless I had no choice.

If FEMA asks, I'd like my allotment of ice put back in storage in Ohio.

Gotta go. This wireless internet access is on-and-off and destroys every third rant. And sooner or later, I have to find an open gas station and get in line with the others. It might as well be now.

Stay safe, pornsters. Thank you for the welcome-back.

 

[Guest]

Bagels, like fine aged swiss, must be scraped in order to stimulate the taste buds. I should think one as refined as yourself would know this. OY!


glad to see you, strumpet.

 

[shereads]

Welcome back to the land of the "Industrially stupified".

Sorry to hear the Jungle compound went back to nature but I'm glad you're all right or as right as you ever were.....

Two Vagrants with a Chainsaw..... Uh did you supply the chainsaw or did they just find it somewhere..... Was one of them named Montey????

The one who does all the talking is named Hollis.

I asked if he had a chain saw and he said, "I know where I can get one."

 

[shereads]

Bagels, like fine aged swiss, must be scraped in order to stimulate the taste buds. I should think one as refined as yourself would know this. OY!


glad to see you, strumpet.

I think they're supposed to be donuts. By the way, don't tell anyone but FEMA crepes suzette are to die for! They're made by slave labor in Communist Cuba. You trollop.

 

[TxRad]

The one who does all the talking is named Hollis.

I asked if he had a chain saw and he said, "I know where I can get one."

Be very careful, adopting vagrants can be hazardous to your health, wealth, and even stale bagels.......

 

[Guest]

I think they're supposed to be donuts. By the way, don't tell anyone but FEMA crepes suzette are to die for! They're made by slave labor in Communist Cuba. You trollop.

i thought those were tampons... im so embarrassed. its hard to keep them straight...cigars, crepes, tampons....
im glad you said something, harlot

 

[Guest]

Thank God.

 

[Guest]

 

[lucky-E-leven]

No, it couldn't have been me. I won't have electricity until Nov. 22.

Must've been my selective hearing. The details, after I read still living in the creepy silent dark, are kind of fuzzy.

How's the bitch?

 

[sophia jane]

Well, Sher, you can always be like me and move north, with the helping hand of FEMA.
Their bagels may suck, but when they finally finish the paperwork, their money comes through.

 

[CharleyH]

And I don't think those are poppy seeds.

Hello, people still living in the post-industrial age.

Consider your situation postmodern, Sher