The worst birthday ever

[Juliangel]

The DayQuil help some but I felt foggy all night.

I didn't buy myself a gift so I got no present from the hubby or the kids which upset me because I told him I wanted him to pick me something out, so instead of picking something tacky or bad he didn't try at all.

It was cold and rained.

Went to eat only to find out the restaurant I picked had closed. After we found some where else to eat I was upset because by now he was acting like his father. So dinner turned into a discussion about everything that is wrong with our marriage. I told him he didn't act like his father when we met and got married and I do not like his dad why would I want to be married to him???

The fact that we are sexually incompatible has been an issue for years and that did not help the talk either. As you can guess by the crappie way my night went I didn't even get sex for my birthday.

We did go see Bounce and I really enjoyed it but today I am feeling really bummed out.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

The fact that we are sexually incompatible has been an issue for years

eh? ohhhhhhhhh that sucks big time Juli ...

been there ... done that ...

get out while you can.

 

[forgetunome]

Juliangel...

I am so sorry... Here's some hugs sent your way!!!

((((((((((((Juliangel))))))))))))

 

[Juliangel]

eh? ohhhhhhhhh that sucks big time Juli ...

been there ... done that ...

get out while you can.

Would if I could but that is not an option. We married right out of high school and I have been a stay home mom since the year after we got married.

We now have 3 beautiful children 11, 8, and 2. There is no way I could find a job to support myself and them and there is NO WAY I would ever give up my kids. So here I am until my little princess is grown.

 

[Merelan]

Juliangel... nothing I can say.
A hug? A good wish thought? An understanding kiss blown through the air? They are yours.

On the other hand, you did have three birthday threads here....

 

[Samuari]

That Bites!

Julie, I anm so sorry tghat your birthday turned out so badly. I too, have been having those kind of birthdays lately. Part of it is that I share mine with my second daughter, so of course the focus is on her. That is as it should be. I just wish that I got remembered with more than a card, which is what it has been for the last few years.

Have you guys seen a marriage counciler? There are some terific folks in my neck of the woods. When I was doing case management stuff for YWCA, I found that there are some realy good excerises and comunication skills that they can teach. Also in one case that I managed, a sex theropist was able to help with what I thought was an immposable incompatability issue.

Please, go look for some help. There is usally a sliding scale of charges based on your ability to pay, and most agencies will not turn you down in any case. They really want to help.

Good luck, kido.

 

[Expertise]

Sorry Sweetie

Its a shame your birthday did not go better. I really wish it had.

I'm not sure that any of us can say anything that will repair it. But I wwill wish you a much better year ahead.

 

[Cheyenne]

Would if I could but that is not an option. We married right out of high school and I have been a stay home mom since the year after we got married.

We now have 3 beautiful children 11, 8, and 2. There is no way I could find a job to support myself and them and there is NO WAY I would ever give up my kids. So here I am until my little princess is grown.

One of the most practical things my dad taught me while I was growing up was that I needed to go to school to learn some skill that I could use to support myself if I ever needed to be on my own. I was supposed to do this before I got married and started a family. If I ever got divorced or widowed, he wanted me to be able to feed myself and not rely on someone else to do it for me. Of course, his plan was that I would find someone in college,get married, and have kids so that the skill I learned would be a "back up" skill. I wasn't supposed to turn into a business career person who stayed single.

Anyway, the point is that it isn't too late. There are a lot of years left to get yourself through school if you're waiting for a 2 year old to grow up and move away from home. Even getting your degree part time you should be able to cut your escape time in half and be out of there in 8 years!

 

[Juliangel]

I guess the worst part of it all is I love him. There are so many days he is still charming and reminds me of the guy I married but they seem to be getting fewer and fewer.

We have great insurance I think the counsuling idea would be a good start for us.


and I do want to thank {{{Expertise, Nitelight and CB}}} for my birthday threads yesterday

 

[R Nitelight]

Juliangel

It makes me sad to hear this, love. I have come to care for you a great deal, and wish for you nothing but the happiness you deserve. I have my fingers crossed and hope that better days are ahead.
http://cgi.tripod.com/smilecwm/cgi-bin/s/asian/pcheerleader.gif

 

[Cheyenne]

I guess the worst part of it all is I love him.

The worst part? Isn't that the best part? If you still love him, you have reason to want to stay with him and "fix things." That's a good thing! I've never been married, but I can't imagine that marriage is easy all the time. Everyone tells me there are bad stretches when you don't even like each other. Seems to me if you still love him though, that's more than half the battle won right there. Good luck, Juliangel.

 

[pandora]

Sorry to hear that your birthday wasn't what you wanted. Hopefully this next year will bring you happiness and joy. I'd send you a kiss but this damn laptop of mine....grrrrrr.....anyways........:O...hope someone can send you a better one, and good luck on the marriage.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Jesus Christ I hate to read this......

Hate to think anyone, anyone - has to go through what you are now experiencing. I've experienced similar.

Don't know you from Adam woman. Don't know what advice could prove of any value - don't know your situation.

So, with great hesitancy I might simply mention the word "change."

Please give that word some thought - life is short. Change - can lengthen one's life.

After 12 years of marriage and 2 beautiful children and many memorable times - I came to the self-realization, aided by a wonderful catalyst - the Shebabe - that my life-situation was not worth living out in peaks and valleys of positive and negative emotion - for the rest of my life.

The decision to, "make a change" was very, very difficult. I am a man of huge honor - I tend to insist on going down with the ship - especially if I might be the ship builder as well as the captain/pilot.

But looking back on it now, even though the basic decision was not very complex - either to stay or go - be complacent and deal with what I had created - or take a chance on happiness, knowing that it might completely fail - I chose to take the chance on change.

It, to my good fortune, has proved very well worth it - but it's not been super-duper easy either. It's been rough on my parents, my former parents in-law and her family, the Shebabe, the kids and of course the X.

But generally, positive attitudes have prevailed. Time has passed - things are very, very good. About as good as they can be.

It's my honest opinion, that in my case - and I stress, in my case (because everyone has a totally unique situation) - that all concerned, even my kids - are better off than had I not made the decision to leave and take that chance on happiness.

Happiness - like un-happiness - is infecting. It can sway and determine the health and wellbeing of all those who you love and those who love you.

Happiness is good - for all.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Expertise]

Kudos

Sparky that may well have been the most profound thing you have ever written (here).

Seriously.

 

[Samuari]

I guess the worst part of it all is I love him. There are so many days he is still charming and reminds me of the guy I married but they seem to be getting fewer and fewer.

We have great insurance I think the counsuling idea would be a good start for us.

Work for it then!!! Save it if it can be saved! Get the tools to do the job.

 

[Samuari]

Sparky, I have tremondous respect for you, I am beginning to understand where you are coming from, and I am liking where you are. Keep show us the real Sparky! He is a realy neat guy!

 

[Roll-One]

Gosh, I'm sorry to hear this Julie



It make me sad to see someone feel the way you do.. ((((((((Julie))))))))

Brighter days are sure to come to ya.

 

[TN_Vixen]

I'm sorry your day went badly

and such problems exist for you in your life. BUT, like Sparky, I too was married for 7 years to someone who was a good person, just not the right person for me. We even waited for 5 years after getting married to have a child just to be careful and that didn't even help. My situation involved some sexual complications too but it was mainly the fact that we were incompatible personalities.. choosing divorce was the most awful heartwrenching horrible thing that I've ever done in my life, but I'm so much better off for having done it and I honestly believe our son is better off as well.

It is not easy being a single parent, and I couldn't imagine attempting to do so with 3 children, but like someone else said on this thread, go back to school part time and build some way for you to take care of yourself and your children. If anything should happen to your husband, you'd be faced with the same reality, right? If nothing else you'd be portraying a role model for your children to become educated and take care of yourself.

My mother went back to school when she was in her 30's and it inspired me and I respect her greatly for doing it.

Nevertheless, I hope that you find happiness in whatever you choose and maybe the other 364 days this year will be happy for your one being sad? *smile*