The wonderful noises Women and Men make

[mangrove jack]

I sit in my chair staring at the computer, my story has slammed to a halt... my Hero and Heroine are locked together.... I can hear them grunting and moaning, but I can`t find words or letters that portray the heat and feeling.

What words?what combination of letters can be used to make their pleasure known to the reader?
........

HELP

 

[Colleen Thomas]

A little back ground on the characters and setting would help.

-Colly

 

[mangrove jack]

Hi, Thanks for your interest.

My stories are mostly written for the Mature section.
In his particular case, He`s a young man of 18. She is a six foot six blonde Scandanavian aged between thirty and forty. She is recovering from a bad marriage.
They are at his fishing camp beside the camp fire in the early evening. Its their first time together and they are both over the moon as they get down and dirty.

I`m looking for words or noises each would say or make in the heat of their passion.

I have submitted a number of stories Boy Scout Mothers, My Cricket Mates Mum, etc and I am not satisfied that my words are aptly describing those noises and words that flow from us all when making love.

Any suggestions welcomed
Mangrove jack

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Well...

I think it is a matter of personal opinion, but I never like reading "ooohhh" and "aaaahhhh" in a story. Just tell me s/he moaned and leave the quotations for when they use words to say something..."I love the feel of your cock in my mouth."

I just feel like all those extra letters seem...i dunno... so onomatopoeia. Like a batman comic book. WHAM! POW! ZANGGG! It just spoils the mood for me.

But then again, it is all a matter of personal taste.

~WOK (in her own personal batmobile)

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hey,

What they say should be a function of the characters. Dialogue during the act is usually kept to a minimum, at least as far as I recall. That of course depends on what they are doing and their own proclivities.

Sounds is more interesting in that it's hard to write a sound. Moans and groans are pretty standard, barks or passion, cries of delight, the rythmic slapping of skin on skin, but as to the actual noises...I am kind of at a loss for anything to tell you.

-Colly

 

[Icingsugar]

What words?what combination of letters can be used to make their pleasure known to the reader?

Exactly those.

Maybe it's an easy way out, but for this reason, and this reason alone, my own inadequacy at decribing stuff (mostly due to lack of the right vocabulary), I sometimes consider writing with a very human narrator, often a first persin POV, asking exactly what you're asking.

I used this once:

"There is no way to tell you the warm sounds that ecoed between the cold concrete walls that night. The little words, the wordless sighs, the grunts and moans and giggles that sounds so silly, so pathetic when trying to retell them, but means everything when you are the one making them."

Sumpfin' like dat.

 

[Guest]

Jack, instead of trying to portray the sounds that each character is making, take the reader inside their heads.

To be perfectly honest, I find it pretty naff when a writer tries to portray a sound, such as "Oooooh" or "Aaaaaah". It turns me right off.

There are a few approaches that you could use, metaphors and similies can be good at portraying an orgasm, such as: "He was pounding deep inside her with such force; wave after wave of orgasm hit her, like a volcano exploding from within." Take a look at Dr. Mab's metaphors and similies thread, you might be able to pick up some more tips there.

Or another approach, one that I often go for, is by describing the physical reaction it has on her, for example: "'Fuck!' she cried out; she was close to climax. Throwing back her head and arching her back she let out a long scream."

In short, instead of telling the reader what is happening, and what sounds they are making, show the reader how the characters are reacting to the sex.

I hope some of this is useful,

Lou

 

[Seattle Zack]

"He kiked in the dor and cammed in her face"

Ah, sorry. Lawrence Block ended one of his chapters with this line:

"She turned out the lights, and then we did the things that people do when they find themselves alone together."

Always liked that one.

 

[Icingsugar]

"First we did like the rabbits, like the jackals, like the camels, like the turtles, like the slugs. Then we did like the cats, and slept away the heat of the zenith."

Darned if I can remember who wrote that...

 

[Medieval-Man]

I have to agree with everyone at the moment the "oohs" and "Ahh's" turn me off like nothing else.... well also yes "Ohhh fuck fuck fuck!" does, because I'm a romantic, not a curses. I prefer the "I love you so much..." because, it's what I've been known to cry out during sex... well more like softly whisper ^_^

Anyway aside from that, that's how I see it/use it, typing "moan" or things like that, not using direct words because what is the point of a story but to let the reader make their own parts to it in their head like one big movie?

Well, time for me to get ready for school... at 6 am, whee!

*heads off to shower, no peeking!*
-Medi-

 

[TheEarl]

I agree with Tatelou. You'll never be able to effectively portray the noises that your characters are going to be making. Although if you make it an audio story, then you could add them in in the background... Hmm, that's not a bad idea actually.

I'd prefer you describing what they're doing and what sounds they're making rather than going for the onomatopoeic route. Say what happens when the ydo somehting. There's probably a clearer way of saying that. Where's Weird Harold?

Eg. Brook ran his fingers across her nipples, revelling in the little gasp that Helen made. He lowered his mouth to her tits and began to suck. Helen moaned softly, her head rocking back as electricity shot through her nerves.

Clearer: Don't tell me what sounds they're making. Tell me what they're doing and then what sounds come from that. Independent sounds don't work for me.

The (very confusing) Earl

 

[Guest]

 

[Stefan_J]

I have to agree with what some of the others have expressed (especially Tatelou, I almost always agree with you when you write something), explaining what the character is doing/feeling should be sufficient enough. I like to let the reader use their imagination about how the moans sound, saying they're there should be enough without having to actually write them. It disrupts the flow of the story and it makes the writing look pretty hokey when you write 'aaaaahhh, oooooohhhh' but again, just my opinion folks. Some people probably find writing that doesn't include it hokey, it's all about personal taste. If we weren't all different it would be quite boring.

 

[Alex De Kok]

I think it was Killermuffin who described it best, that irritating overuse of vowels in words, dragged out to line lengths, sometimes in capitals - the NEOM.

The NeverEndingOrgasmicMoan.

Avoid it!

Alex

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I love the sounds people make during sex, and for the life of me I don't see what's wrong with using "Ahhhh" for a drawn-out sigh, "Unh!" for grunts, "yessss..." to suggest the long drawn out sibilant of a person drowning in sensual pleasure. My characters always talk when they make love. They moan, they gasp, they pant and yell. As we're always saying here, speech and direct quotes almost always make a scene more immediate, and to say that someone made "soft cooing sounds" or whatever just seems silly to me.

We just had a discussion on this very subject in the Editor's Forum, and there most people said they had no problem with this as long as it's not done to death. "Ah" is perfectly acceptable, "Ahhh" makes some people uneasy. The fact is, though, that the two interjections are not the same, and it makes no sense to me (at least) that you can write "Oh" but can't write "Ohhh".

The problem, of course, is doing it to death, trailing those long strings of letters across lines of text. That gets silly. And you can get carried away with the sounds you use. I draw the line at "Eeee!"

Someone--I think it was HiddenSelf--objected to "Ahhh" on the basis that the repeated 'h's can't be voiced. He suggested something like "Aaaah" instead. I don't have a problem with repeated consonant. It's a convention is all. There's lots of conventions in English.

So I say, let them make noise. Just don;t overdo it.

---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

I suppose you could take it one step further, by putting together a string of words, to describe the sounds of the entire act, such as:

She'd been seduced, he was going to have his wicked way with her. Off came their clothes: zzzzzzzzip, pop, rip, shimmy, aaaaah.

Once naked, they jumped on the bed and proceeded to get down and dirty: kiss, kiss, nibble, suck, giggle, lick, ahhhhh.

She pleaded for more, "Oooooh, puleeeease Dicky, give it to me."

So, he did: tease, suck, kiss, nibble, oooooh. Poke, prod, fumble, enter, aaaaaaaaaaaah. Squelch, smack, squelch, oooh, oooh, grunt, moan, squelch. Ooooh, aaaah, I'm cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmiiiing. Pop.

They fell asleep.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please note, that was completely tongue-in-cheek, and just a bit of fun on my part.

Edited to add what I meant to say in the first place (brain farts are abound for me today.)
Dr Mab, you make some good points. I don't have a problem with 'ah' and 'oh', in fact I use them quite a lot myself. I suppose 'aaah' and 'oooh' used VERY sparingly are ok, in the correct context. It's when somebody tries to portray a sound by the use of letters strung together alone, that really gets to me.

Lou

Ps. Thanks, Stefan.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Reading some af the alternatives proposed above to writing explicit sounds, I'm struck by how many of them retreat entirely into euphemism when it comes down to the act of sex.

I was reading a history of the Pulps, those cheap action and adventure magazines that flourished during the 30's and 40's in the States, when almost any mention of actual body parts was forbidden. The author mentioned the pulps' tradition of "sex by ellipsis", in which you'd get the setup for a sex scene, and then something like "and then she turned off the lights..." And that would be the end of the chapter. The reader was supposed to supply the details.

I'm not saying that erotica has to be explicit, but my stuff is. Very. Maybe that's why I'm more willing to use non-verbal vocalizations in my stories. If you're going to describe sex euphemistically, then it would be out of place to record the sounds the lovers make.

---dr.M.

 

[raphy]

I always liked writing:

/thrust /thruist /moan /snore

 

[Guest]

I take it you haven't read any of my stories? I'm not plugging, honest! Just trying to make a point.

I write extremely explicit sex scenes, I never shy away from calling things what they really are. I don't tend to use euphemisms, but I don't play out the sounds the lovers make, either. I tend to leave that aspect of the sex to the readers' imaginations.

Nothing irks me more than reading something like: "He inserted his throbbing manhood into her delicate pink flower."

"He rammed his cock up her pussy," is more my style, FFS!

Lou

 

[raphy]

My tongue was firmly in my cheek, honest...

Besides, sometimes you only get one /thrust before the /moan and the /snore..

edit: I gotta stop thinking of things to add, dammit..

Anyway, what I was going to say, in a more serious manner, was that I tailor my language to the story. The Haunting Kind doesn't have any explicit sex in it really. I tried to slip it in (*cough*), but it just didn't sit right. Working on a much more standard and straight-ahead stroker affair next.

 

[Icingsugar]

I'm not saying that erotica has to be explicit, but my stuff is. Very. Maybe that's why I'm more willing to use non-verbal vocalizations in my stories. If you're going to describe sex euphemistically, then it would be out of place to record the sounds the lovers make.

Ok, just to make things clear, my first example was not written in an erotic context. It was merely a desctiption of those sound that totally avoided all describing and all onomatopoetics.

Had it been in a smut story there would had been something else entirely...

 

[MathGirl]

Originally posted by PierceStreet Old joke : Who does an atheist call out to during sex?

Or when he hits his thumb with a hammer?

"Arrghhhh! Unverifiable deity on a crutch!"
MG
Ps. When an orgasm occurs in my stories, the characters usually holler things like:
"Powder River! Let'er buck!"
"Wahooaroonieeee!"
"Oh, shit! I'm gonna .. go .. arrive .. went ... Aww fuck it!"
"Would you kindly remove your thumb from my anus, dear?"

 

[Jenny _S]

I just look at Tatelou's AV and write whatever comes out of my mouth, throat, etc.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Or when he hits his thumb with a hammer?

"Arrghhhh! Unverifiable deity on a crutch!"
MG
Ps. When an orgasm occurs in my stories, the characters usually holler things like:
"Powder River! Let'er buck!"
"Wahooaroonieeee!"
"Oh, shit! I'm gonna .. go .. arrive .. went ... Aww fuck it!"
"Would you kindly remove your thumb from my anus, dear?"

I'm laughing so hard right now I am actually in pain from it. Damn you....damn you straight to a figment of the imagination of a dominating political structure of the 11th century!

~WOK

 

[raphy]

Well, MG put a smile on my face today =)