The Whip

[shia1]

That thin line between pain and pleasure


Everything seems fine, then he pulls out a rope to bind you. You are scared but excited at the same time. Hoping he doesn’t hurt you when binding you. He ties your hands behind your back, several loops around them. The fibers of rope slightly cutting into your skin. Squeezing.

You begin to breathe faster, deeper. He blindfolds you, now your senses are off. You can’t see, but your hearing is heightened. He begins to whisper about things he is going to do to you, you shiver with excitement. Still there is some fear in your bones.

He takes one leg and binds it to the bed, sliding the other leg over he binds it also. You are on your belly, blindfolded, spread eagled. Biting your bottom lip hard you whisper. “What are you going to do to me/”

Without hesitation he answers “anything I want.” You begin to tremble, fear has crept slowly over you. He slides off the bed and stares down at you, vulnerable, open for his use.

He takes a whip and begins to trace your spine with its tail. The leather is smooth, but cool. Over the curve of your ass and then it lifts. WIth a crack in the air, he connects the skin of your ass with the whip. You can feel the welt, and the burn of the whip.

You cry out, even with tears in your eyes. “Stop, that hurt” again the whip cracks and you stiffen your body waiting for the cool leather. Again, across your ass, almost making a criss cross red welt over the other one. You can hear your own voice screaming out. “Please, stop”

The whip strikes again, and again. You writhe in pain but being tied and helpless makes you feel excited.

WIthout a word he takes the whip and draws it slowly over your pussy. You are frightened now for real. It will sting for sure over the sensitive parts of your pussy. You lay quiet, afraid to speak. Either way, he will do what he wants.

Instead he nudges your pussy lips arpart and begins to rub the handle of the whip against you. You moan sortly, you enjoy this , although your ass still stings from the kiss of the whip.

He brings you to your orgasm with the whips handle, fast and furiously. You cum like you never have before.

You think to yourself,why? Am I a pain slut, or did I just enjoy being bound?

Either way, he got what he wanted, when he wanted.

Your question remains a foggy one, one that you will think about for days.

Do you believe she enjoyed the pain?

shia


http://shia1.wordpress.com

 

[inka]

I am new giving suggestions and feedback, but I'll give it a shot...

I believe that she enjoyed the pain, yes. But the telling felt a little dry, I thought. And as a result it was hard to feel the story. Too me, that is the most important element of erotica.

A few minor suggestions: If you are blindfolded you wouldn't know he was looking at you. Maybe describe how you could feel his eyes on you?

Also, you could write more of what you would feel. How do the ropes feel as he binds you, are they too tight? how does the whip feel on your skin? The first lashes being too intense and you feel you cannot handle them, then the building of pain as your flesh becomes over-sensitive as he ignores your cries.

You need to take your reader's hand and lead them blind through the myriad of sensations, not to make them work to understand what you are trying to express.

 

[shia1]

Thanks for the crit! You are right. I am a new writer and this helps me a lot.

Thanks for taking the time to do it.

shia

 

[inka]

You are most welcome!

I know that there are others here that will give better feedback than I can. But those were the things that stuck out most to me. I wish you the best of luck with your writing!

 

[Hisscarlett]

I have never given feedback before either, and what I am going to say is purely my personal opinion. I am far from an expert, my own writing is far from perfect.

Personally reading this I don't think she enjoyed the pain. I think she enjoyed the rope and the excitement of the experience and the fear of the unknown. But I do not think she enjoyed the pain.

I agree with Inka about the blindfold, that it is impossible for her to know he was looking at her. Also saying her "senses were off" isn't accurate, it was only her sight that was blocked and in fact as you say her other senses were heightened.

Also with her hands tied behind her back when he traces her spine her hands are in the way and I wondered had you changed her positioning.

In my experience a pain slut wouldn't cry/scream out "stop, that hurt" or "please, stop" in the way you describe. And your description clarifies that it wasn't the pain that excited her but the bondage "You writhe in pain but being tied and helpless makes you feel excited".

Writhing in pain is something a pain slut could/would do, the difference being that she would be craving more.

I am not sure what your personal experience of pain is, it is just the wording of this that makes me think the true craving and pleasure of pain isn't something that this character needs.

The ending were the whip is used to bring her to orgasm still doesn't make me think she wants the pain.

I think she loves being bound, loves the ropes, loves being controlled and helpless. I just don't think she loves pain.

Please don't think I am criticising your work, I actually really enjoyed your pace and phrasing. Particularly the way you used longer sentences and then a short one to make a point. It was a good description of someone who was excited by bondage and suffered the pain because she had no choice before being rewarded with a mind blowing orgasm.

And of course, you can just ignore everything I have said as being from someone who has never given feedback before.

I hope to read your finalised story. I am intrigued.

 

[Hisscarlett]

I am now having a panic that you will be offended by my comments. I really hope you understand I was not being critical, but just giving my personal opinion which you are more than free to ignore.

I really did like your style and I was just giving my thoughts.

 

[ellynei]

Well, to me the girl sounded like me. (Except I wouldn't be asking myself if I was a pain slut afterwards, because I would know the answer. That is, if i got the definition of "pain slut" right...)

So, the only part the pain seemed to play -- when it was read by me -- was to strengthen her experience of being bound and helpless, and at that man's mercy.

Reading for pleasure, I found nothing to nit-pick. Can't promise to return later and analyze a second time. One read-through for pleasure this very moment it seemed perfect.

(Unless, of course, you wanted the reader to believe she was a pain slut.)