The Weight of Expectations

carsonshepherd

comeback kid
Joined
Jan 24, 2004
Posts
14,643
Sometimes, when I do something really well, I get nervous because I'm afraid whatever I do next won't be as good.

I've gotten such good comments and feed back from some of my stories I'm almost afraid to start another one, for fear people will be disappointed in it, and in me. (And I've gotten long and detailed emailed from people explaining just how I could do better to fulfill their expectations!)

I love writing for an audience on Lit, but I had a lot less anxiety when I just wrote for my own entertainment.
 
carsonshepherd said:

I've gotten such good comments and feed back from some of my stories I'm almost afraid to start another one, for fear people will be disappointed in it, and in me.

Exceedingly unlikely, fedaain. You never dissapoint. At worst, you amuse ;)

:rose:
 
carsonshepherd said:
Sometimes, when I do something really well, I get nervous because I'm afraid whatever I do next won't be as good.

I've gotten such good comments and feed back from some of my stories I'm almost afraid to start another one, for fear people will be disappointed in it, and in me. (And I've gotten long and detailed emailed from people explaining just how I could do better to fulfill their expectations!)

I love writing for an audience on Lit, but I had a lot less anxiety when I just wrote for my own entertainment.


You just need to fool yourself, I'll help trick you (huh) just write a story for yourself, send it to me, then I'll pretend that I wrote it and am asking you for editing advice and send it to you, then you are such a meanie that you steal it and post it under your own name.

You swine!!!!!!
 
*laugh* Hey, that's a damned good idea :)

Wait a minute ... that story I sent you that one time Carson ... ! :mad:
 
Re: Re: The Weight of Expectations

Carson, I think you know this, but if you need to hear it…you are very, very good at this writing thing. ;)

BlackShanglan said:
Exceedingly unlikely, fedaain. You never dissapoint. At worst, you amuse ;)
:rose:

Relating to absolutely nothing, did you know that "Fedaain" is a Japanese manga by Tagami Yoshihisa? :cool:

Luck,

Yui
 
Relating to absolutely nothing, did you know that "Fedaain" is a Japanese manga by Tagami Yoshihisa?
That's really odd. I thought I made the word up for a fantasy epic I wrote that Shanglan read. (Poor thing.)

Wow.

I know I sound ridiculously stupid here... but what is a manga?

Hey- cute doggie:heart:
 
Damnit, Yui, I seem to have been speaking Chinese and Japanese half my life now without knowing.

Kindly do let me know what on earth I've been saying ;)

Shanglan
 
carsonshepherd said:
That's really odd. I thought I made the word up for a fantasy epic I wrote that Shanglan read. (Poor thing.)

Wow.

I know I sound ridiculously stupid here... but what is a manga?

Hey- cute doggie:heart:

I have no clue to what Fedaain actually means. You may have invented it. ;) It's not Japanese to my knowledge. I assumed it was German or Celtic or something.

MANGA – (a brief definition) In 1814 Japanese artist Hokusai (very famous) created a book of black & white sketches that he called manga (involuntary sketches). In recent history (Japanese) the word has come to describe small illustrated books of black & white ink drawings that tell a series of stories. Graphic novel might be the closest translation for "manga"; though they are not at all like novels in the Western sense but they are not really comparable to Western comic books either.

The dog is mine and she is the cutest dog in the world. But I am biased. :heart:

Luck,

Yui
 
BlackShanglan said:
Damnit, Yui, I seem to have been speaking Chinese and Japanese half my life now without knowing.

Kindly do let me know what on earth I've been saying ;)

Shanglan

I'm sorry, but I have no clue to what Fedaain actually means. :( I was excited because I thought you knew!

Luck,

Yui ;)
 
carsonshepherd said:
Sometimes, when I do something really well, I get nervous because I'm afraid whatever I do next won't be as good.
That may well be, Carson; no big. I think I've been writing longer than you have so I've accumulated many mss. that I wouldn't have published, or show to anyone but a good friend for reasons other than criticism. Thing is, you know you can be good, so just keep writing and you will get better, even if not at what seems a steady pace. I know this (I've read you).

Perdita :rose:
 
carsonshepherd said:
Sometimes, when I do something really well, I get nervous because I'm afraid whatever I do next won't be as good.

I've gotten such good comments and feed back from some of my stories I'm almost afraid to start another one, for fear people will be disappointed in it, and in me. (And I've gotten long and detailed emailed from people explaining just how I could do better to fulfill their expectations!)

I love writing for an audience on Lit, but I had a lot less anxiety when I just wrote for my own entertainment.

Sort of similiar to the feeling of worrying about letting people down, is that I feel that my audience [all 3 of them :D kidding!) expects a certain style of story from me - ie non-consent/reluctance/dominant male/romance etc - and would be very disappointed if they didn't get it.

Wish I had an answer :kiss: :rose:
 
totally understand carson.
wish i didnt but it took me a few months to write a story after mom died and i was nervous as hell to post it... why? i just dont know. and now im thinking of changing genera's hrm.. its an idea anyway.
i think Lisa has a great idea... silly girl.
 
Re: Re: The Weight of Expectations

perdita said:
That may well be, Carson; no big. I think I've been writing longer than you have so I've accumulated many mss. that I wouldn't have published, or show to anyone but a good friend for reasons other than criticism. Thing is, you know you can be good, so just keep writing and you will get better, even if not at what seems a steady pace. I know this (I've read you).

Perdita :rose:

I've been writing since I was 5 - 25 years! ;) You'd think I'd be over my insecurities about it now.

I like to think I get better. You are too sweet to say it, and I love your latest av. Perdita, you are my goddess of words, not of this earth.
 
When I posted my first erotic story, I was just happy as hell to have someone read it. Then, I acquired fans - the kind of fans one elicits in the lesbian category: lesbians and the men that want them. lol

When I wrote a particular lesbian story, whereby I symbolically castrated the male voyeur ;), I felt at bit at odds, nervous: appealing to the lesbian feminist in me and subsequently my female readers, but alienating the male readers. I worried, worried, but finally said fuck it: I write erotica to appeal to my interests and fantasies, to stretch my range of writing, to experiment with theme, with form, with metaphor, and if people get it and appreciate it . . . all the better. If they don't, so be it. I remind myself that those who don't are the fans of wank, and not the fans of writing, and they will find an author more suited to their taste. In the meantime, I will pick up other fans.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yes, my point: either writing is like love, and whatever you do next will be different than what you did last, or I don't do sequels, meaning I appeal to my own interest/fantasy and not the common denominator.

(Hm, does that makes sense :confused: )
 
That's a version of the Sophmore Jinx. It's pretty much a truism that second novels are always disappointing, and follow-up songs just aren't as good as the group's first number one.

Think about music and how many one-hit-wonders there've been. These people always make a follow-up, and it usually sucks. Usually it's because they try to remake the first hit with minor changes, and it's never as good.

Writing's a little more forgiving, and people seem willing to read the same story over and over again with minor changes, so it's tempting to pander to your audience. But this is another example of the good being the enemy of the great. You want to write another "good" story and give them what they want, and it keeps you from reaching for something new and possibly writing something better.

I guess I'd think about it this way: the first stories you wrote-- the ones people liked--were written for yourself without any audience input, so you did those on your own. Trust your instincts that other people will follow you where you want to go next, and see what happens.

The only alternative is to either become a hack or quit writing altogether.

---dr.M.
 
yui said:
I have no clue to what Fedaain actually means. You may have invented it. ;) It's not Japanese to my knowledge. I assumed it was German or Celtic or something.

MANGA – (a brief definition) In 1814 Japanese artist Hokusai (very famous) created a book of black & white sketches that he called manga (involuntary sketches). In recent history (Japanese) the word has come to describe small illustrated books of black & white ink drawings that tell a series of stories. Graphic novel might be the closest translation for "manga"; though they are not at all like novels in the Western sense but they are not really comparable to Western comic books either.

The dog is mine and she is the cutest dog in the world. But I am biased. :heart:

Luck,

Yui

"Fedaain" may be Arabic.

I would have spelled the word (using Roman letters) as "fedayyin" or something. It occurs in Dune by Frank Herbert (or someone; I have my suspicions).

It is a plural form for the noun "fighter."

The "a" is a long "a" and some transcription systems for Arabic double it to indicate that. Due to the conventions of vowel notation (i.e., ordinarily they skip all the vowels) you can quite easily imagine the orthography you have being used for the word.

cantdog
 
post scriptum

Listen to Dr. Mab. Whatever the audience looked like in your head when you wrote the other, keep him. You certainly have some such "audience" construct-- how else do you decide how much explanation is enough to have people be able to follow you?

That fellow is the fellow to erect in your head as the fellow who's listening to you tell the story. If you follow. Because to pander to an audience is to hack.

Hacks make money, though. Hacks a re pleasing to people and are welcome at parties. Your choice. There are worse things.
 
Re: post scriptum

I guess I'd think about it this way: the first stories you wrote-- the ones people liked--were written for yourself without any audience input, so you did those on your own. Trust your instincts that other people will follow you where you want to go next, and see what happens.
cantdog said:
Listen to Dr. Mab. Whatever the audience looked like in your head when you wrote the other, keep him. You certainly have some such "audience" construct-- how else do you decide how much explanation is enough to have people be able to follow you?

That fellow is the fellow to erect in your head as the fellow who's listening to you tell the story. If you follow. Because to pander to an audience is to hack.

Hacks make money, though. Hacks a re pleasing to people and are welcome at parties. Your choice. There are worse things.

I'm pleased the two of you don't consider me a hack already!

I ain't writing Shakespeare but I do take my erotica seriously. I try to improve and listen to people who can help me. But I do primarily please myself. And the story I wrote with the highest rating - my holiday story - I consider my weakest effort. The one I consider my best is solidly mediocre in its ratings. Maybe that means if I did want to hack, I'd be really good at it? ;)
 
cantdog said:
"Fedaain" may be Arabic.

I would have spelled the word (using Roman letters) as "fedayyin" or something. It occurs in Dune by Frank Herbert (or someone; I have my suspicions).

It is a plural form for the noun "fighter."

The "a" is a long "a" and some transcription systems for Arabic double it to indicate that. Due to the conventions of vowel notation (i.e., ordinarily they skip all the vowels) you can quite easily imagine the orthography you have being used for the word.

cantdog

I swear I thought I made the word up - I have no knowledge of Arabic or orthography. I do know Herbert used "fedaykin" and I blatantly ripped him off ;)

I imagined it as having three syllables. Fed-a-ain.

There's a great website called the Fantasy Name Generator that I used heavily when I wrote my (permanently unfinished) fantasy epic, but I came up with fedaain on my own. It meant something like "master" or "spirit guide", in a martial arts sense.
 
Last edited:
Fedayeen

From Wickipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fedayeen

Fedayeen (from the Arabic fida'i, "one who is ready to sacrifice his life for the cause") describes several distinct Muslim groups at different times in history.

The first fedayeen were active from the 8th to the 14th? century and described by their enemies as hashshashin.
The second group was a political-religious terrorist group in Tehran, which between 1943 and 1955, carried out a number of political assassinations.

The third group was a link of support between the Palestinian communities who had been forced to flee their country during the 1948 Arab-Israeli War. The Fedayeen were based in Egypt, Lebanon and Jordan. The Israeli view is that the Fedayeen were recruited, armed and trained mainly by Egypt's security forces under the control of Egyptian President Gamal Abdul Nasser to kill as many Israeli civilians as they could ambush on roads and in isolated communities.

The fourth group was selected by Saddam Hussein, his Fedayeen Saddam, to fight against the Coalition Forces in Iraq after the overthrow of Hussein in 2003. The name may have been chosen to imply a connection to the Palestinian resistance.


I first came across the word in Kerouac, who got it from Oswald Spengler's Decline of the West in which it meant the salt-of-the-earth peasants who survive as empires come and go.

Kerouac referred to Mexican Indians as American fedayeen.

---dr.M.

P.S. It doesn't surprise me that you might have resurrected the word without knowing it from your subconscious. I did the same thing with "Dr. Mabeuse", a name I thought I invented out of whole cloth. It was only after I'd been using it for a year or two that I found out that there'd been a movie in the 40's called "The Return of Dr. Mabuse" starring Peter Lorre. I must have picked up the name somewhere and forgotten about it, and then thought I'd made it up.
 
Re: Fedayeen

dr_mabeuse said:

P.S. It doesn't surprise me that you might have resurrected the word without knowing it from your subconscious.

Thank you for not saying I ripped it off.
 
I'm jus the tool of Carson's linguistic hegemony. Yeah!

Or ... sumthin'

:rose:

Still like it, fedaain. I know what it means to me.

Shanglan
 
carsonshepherd said:
Sometimes, when I do something really well, I get nervous because I'm afraid whatever I do next won't be as good.

I've gotten such good comments and feed back from some of my stories I'm almost afraid to start another one, for fear people will be disappointed in it, and in me. (And I've gotten long and detailed emailed from people explaining just how I could do better to fulfill their expectations!)

I love writing for an audience on Lit, but I had a lot less anxiety when I just wrote for my own entertainment.

I know just what you mean.

and I am so much more self concious now that I 'know' people here.:)

Just do your best. Post it under a different name and don't post that name on message boards you know???;)
 
carsonshepherd said:
Sometimes, when I do something really well, I get nervous because I'm afraid whatever I do next won't be as good.

I've gotten such good comments and feed back from some of my stories I'm almost afraid to start another one, for fear people will be disappointed in it, and in me. (And I've gotten long and detailed emailed from people explaining just how I could do better to fulfill their expectations!)

I love writing for an audience on Lit, but I had a lot less anxiety when I just wrote for my own entertainment.
Carson,

One thing you might do, is challenge yourself as a writer. Try another category or find a different slant on Gay Male. In other words, take risks. You could even use a different name for those stories. That way there's no risk of "riding on your rep."

Here's one example. In the beginning, most of Colly's stories were in Lesibian Sex. One of them, set in WWII, involving two women, one a Soviet infantry soldier, the other a non-combatant, who meet during a battle. IMHO, it was first-rate.

One of the great things about Lit is it allows you to take such risks.

Rumple Foreskin :cool:

ps: looks like we may have a new contender for Lit's longest sig line RF
 
Last edited:
Back
Top