The unwritten rules or what not to do

[John Roberts]

To promote understanding between the sexes, I thought a thread to post all those unspoken rules or laws might be interesting.

And for us men what not to do or say.....being somewhat dense in the editing department upstairs we tend to blurt out things that get us in trouble.........Those answers to questions where a lie is necessary rather than truth for harmony. Example: Honey,do I look fat in this dress? (after a bad hair cut)What do you think?

 

[Mstrskey]

I will have to agree with you John. Thankfully my husband has only made the mistake once! The wrath of me cured him of his folly!!! lol

 

[naughtygirl]

What a great idea for a thread JR! (Your threads are some of the best, most thoughtful ones here at Lit)

Ok one example I can give...is NEVER, EVER tell your current girlfriend that your ex is better looking. Just don't do it. I believe in being honest...but seriously, the one you are with wants to be made to feel like she is so beautiful to you, in all ways. So don't do it! Women can be insecure enough about their looks, they dont need it pointed out to them that they are not as good looking as a former lover...especially if they know that former lover is still important to you.

SHEESH!!!!!!!!

I'll be looking forward to reading other's posts...

 

[Mstrskey]

I know there are people out there who will disagree with me , but I say, never ever fake enjoyment of sex. I know that nobody wants to hurt their lover, but I firmly believe that if you're not getting off you need to make the other person aware and then try to work together to solve that problem.
I know so many people who when their relationships ended went on about how they were never sexually satisfied by their partner. I always ask them the same thing...DID YOU TELL THEM THAT?
Remember, if nobody knows there's a problem, nobody can work to fix it.

 

[indulgent]

I once had a five-year relationship with a man who, early on, had said to me..."I'll never love anyone like I loved (fill in the blank with the ex-girlfriend's name)." Now granted, he had virtually no communication with her (she was in a different state) and the child he had with her he was not allowed to see...but I remembered that statement throughout our entire relationship. I just never felt that he could care about me the way I needed to be cared about...there would always be that nagging doubt for me. Funny thing is, I don't believe he even would have remembered saying that if I had reminded him. Still...what mattered is that I remembered...and still do! And I don't even want to think about how long ago that was! So my advice would be not to make those kind of statements...they will be remembered, even if they aren't mentioned!

 

[naughtygirl]

I know there are people out there who will disagree with me , but I say, never ever fake enjoyment of sex. I know that nobody wants to hurt their lover, but I firmly believe that if you're not getting off you need to make the other person aware and then try to work together to solve that problem.
I know so many people who when their relationships ended went on about how they were never sexually satisfied by their partner. I always ask them the same thing...DID YOU TELL THEM THAT?
Remember, if nobody knows there's a problem, nobody can work to fix it.

I completely agree. I can honestly say that I have only faked orgasm once in my life with a partner that I didnt want any long term future with. Quite frankly, I just wanted him to quit trying and didnt want to hurt his feelings. I have gotten more assertive and more confident since then, and really have no qualms about talking about what I like, what feels good, etc. and I would hope that my partner would do the same. There is always a way to talk about it without being hurtful. Its all in the way you approach it.

 

[Mstrskey]

exactly Nasty.

When I first became sexually active I was so afraid that if I said anything to my lovers they would think I was criticizing and that would be the end of things. Then I met a very wonderful man who not only listened when I spoke about things sexual but encouraged me to. I married him.

In the end all faking an orgasm does is give the other person a false sense of security. A sense that gets shattered when the truth eventually comes to light.

 

[EarthWind]

I know there are people out there who will disagree with me , but I say, never ever fake enjoyment of sex. I know that nobody wants to hurt their lover, but I firmly believe that if you're not getting off you need to make the other person aware and then try to work together to solve that problem.
I know so many people who when their relationships ended went on about how they were never sexually satisfied by their partner. I always ask them the same thing...DID YOU TELL THEM THAT?
Remember, if nobody knows there's a problem, nobody can work to fix it.

I agree!

 

[EarthWind]

I talk fast...

Maybe its a Canadian thing, but when my husband and I first met I don't think he knew what I was saying half the time. Finally he asked me to slow down when I spoke. I was so embarrased...

now he tells me all the time!!

but it would have been better i think if he told me that at the beginning..

I would rather know if something I am doing is causing you discomfort and pissing u off than you pretend everything is cool.

COMMUNICATION!!! key to any relationship.. ask anyone! oh and great sex too.. *giggles*

 

[John Roberts]

My biggest insensitive remark was to my ex one time when she was telling me about her day with every single little detail....I was tired....I was hungry...I plea but what I said was"Can you give me the condensed version.?" I knew as as the words were leaving my lips that there would be a negative response. Did the shutdown safety switch work.....Nooooo! I break out in a sweat when I think of her reaction....I paid for a couple of months for that one. I usually am not that big of an ass.

 

[cookiejar]

One thing I've learned as someone with an explosive temper is to think before you say something. Once a hurtful remark is out there it's never forgotten...just like indulgent said.
I never fake orgasms either....i did it once and felt like a heel. He had tried something new and it was lukewarm to say the least....lying like that only compounded it because he started doing it all the time. lol

 

[AardRiven]

Wife: Honey, does this dress make me look fat?

Hubby: Of course not honey. Its the fat that makes you fat.

Honesty is the best policy is what were told as kids. Then we grow up.

 

[John Roberts]

What a great idea for a thread JR! (Your threads are some of the best, most thoughtful ones here at Lit)

Ok one example I can give...is NEVER, EVER tell your current girlfriend that your ex is better looking. Just don't do it. I believe in being honest...but seriously, the one you are with wants to be made to feel like she is so beautiful to you, in all ways. So don't do it! Women can be insecure enough about their looks, they dont need it pointed out to them that they are not as good looking as a former lover...especially if they know that former lover is still important to you.

SHEESH!!!!!!!!

I'll be looking forward to reading other's posts...

Thank you nastygirl. whspr provokes a lot of ideas in this somewhat vacuous brain of mine lately.

 

[naughtygirl]

Thank you nastygirl. whspr provokes a lot of ideas in this somewhat vacuous brain of mine lately.

You're very welcome! Im glad she has that effect on you...Im enjoying it!

 

[Native Alien]

in dealing with men i have found it helpful to say one thing to them and this is it;

don't ask me a question that you don't want an honest answer to, especially the one about cock sizes.....

that burns me everytime....

and never, every ask me something and when i give you an honest answer then get mad at me and storm off......

i have the problem of an explosive temper too, and i really get totally ticked off when a man does those two things to me.

 

[MsAngel]

Compassion goes a long way...

While dating my last boyfriend I realized that I needed someone with more compassion in my life for example....

Working nightshift was hard enough on the body and mind after 7years almost. Then you through in a stressful group of women to work that are always bickering about something. Now to top that off with find out your father has prostate cancer and just a few months before that they removed a lump from your mother breast which was pre-cancerous. And then for yourself, you have to go in for surgery for a small lump on the back of your neck. That there was the slight chance it could be cancer, not likely but chance is still a chance!

Now you talk with your b/f which works at the hospital with you. Tell him you are feeling a little stress, he ask what is wrong. I tell him... his reaction was "You just need to chill out, your going to be fine and so is your dad. So you just need to chill about it" I didn't break up immediately, and I tried keeping an open mind! But this is also a man that had baby hamsters and instead of trying to sell them or ask any pet stores if they wanted any of them, set them free in the corn field behind his house in the middle of January!!!!

As you can tell I have been hurt by this man and his lack of compassion and realize I need someone with a lot more understanding and compassion in my life!

 

[naughtygirl]

Re: Compassion goes a long way...

While dating my last boyfriend I realized that I needed someone with more compassion in my life for example....

Working nightshift was hard enough on the body and mind after 7years almost. Then you through in a stressful group of women to work that are always bickering about something. Now to top that off with find out your father has prostate cancer and just a few months before that they removed a lump from your mother breast which was pre-cancerous. And then for yourself, you have to go in for surgery for a small lump on the back of your neck. That there was the slight chance it could be cancer, not likely but chance is still a chance!

Now you talk with your b/f which works at the hospital with you. Tell him you are feeling a little stress, he ask what is wrong. I tell him... his reaction was "You just need to chill out, your going to be fine and so is your dad. So you just need to chill about it" I didn't break up immediately, and I tried keeping an open mind! But this is also a man that had baby hamsters and instead of trying to sell them or ask any pet stores if they wanted any of them, set them free in the corn field behind his house in the middle of January!!!!

As you can tell I have been hurt by this man and his lack of compassion and realize I need someone with a lot more understanding and compassion in my life!

yes, he sounds like he is lacking compassion. ok he just sounds jerky!

But this makes me think......I think that this speaks to a basic difference between men and women...I dont want to over generalize, but as a whole I think men are more logical, less emotional. They are solution-oriented, Mr. Fix It guys...and I know that there have moments when I havent wanted anything to be fixed. I just needed someone to listen, to be sensitive to my feelings.

 

[John Roberts]

in dealing with men i have found it helpful to say one thing to them and this is it;

don't ask me a question that you don't want an honest answer to, especially the one about cock sizes.....

JR looks down at himself...and quietly slinks off...


Okay here is one....what about the question "What are you thinking?" Why is "Nothing" not an acceptable answer. Sometimes there is nothing going on up there.

 

[John Roberts]

Re: Re: Compassion goes a long way...

yes, he sounds like he is lacking compassion. ok he just sounds jerky!

But this makes me think......I think that this speaks to a basic difference between men and women...I dont want to over generalize, but as a whole I think men are more logical, less emotional. They are solution-oriented, Mr. Fix It guys...and I know that there have moments when I havent wanted anything to be fixed. I just needed someone to listen, to be sensitive to my feelings.

You have a good point there nastygirl. We guys do not know when just to listen and when to try to fix it....which is our approach to a problem, charge in and take care of it regardless of our qualifications......could you hand me that crescent wrench please?

 

[naughtygirl]

Re: Re: Re: Compassion goes a long way...

You have a good point there nastygirl. We guys do not know when just to listen and when to try to fix it....which is our approach to a problem, charge in and take care of it regardless of our qualifications......could you hand me that crescent wrench please?

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!

what the hell is a crescent wrench?

Im teasing....

 

[RomanHans]

How 'bout this one?

Do not say to your pregnant wife, "Hey honey--is that a watermelon or are you just glad to see me?"

Roman

 

[alwaysawake]

One thing I've learned as someone with an explosive temper is to think before you say something. Once a hurtful remark is out there it's never forgotten...just like indulgent said.
I never fake orgasms either....i did it once and felt like a heel. He had tried something new and it was lukewarm to say the least....lying like that only compounded it because he started doing it all the time. lol

Goes back to the phrase..."The unspoken word is your slave; the spoken word is your master!" (In other words, think before you speak!) AA

 

[naughtygirl]

Goes back to the phrase..."The unspoken word is your slave; the spoken word is your master!" (In other words, think before you speak!) AA

LOL, yes, a lesson everyone needs to learn at one time or another, regardless of gender. I know I have said things in moments of "emotion" without thinking them through completely. *sigh*

 

[whspr]

I love pravoking thoughts in JR's mind <giggles>

I'm a total believer in honesty...almost to the point of it being a bad thing. JR worries just a tad too much about it though...

soft kisses,
whspr

 

[Mstrskey]

...oh Roman sugar.....tell me you didn't?...lol!!!

Now see my husband managed to score huge brownie points when I was pregnant....he always told me I was beautiful.
That's a DO for all you husbands out there. When your wife is expecting DO remember to tell her how beautiful she is. Remember that this is still the same fantastic vixen who inspired you to make the baby in the first place, and she needs to hear it now more then ever.