The "Uh-Oh" Moment

[shereads]

"She's a beautiful ship. I've been wondering, though...It seems as if there aren't enough lifeboats for all of the passengers."

~ Kate Winslet in Titanic

~ ~ ~

"This mouse, for example, only looks unconscious. We've injected it with an experimental drug that causes temporary full-body paraylsis."

"Fascinating."

~ Michelle Pfeiffer receiving a tour of her husband's workplace in "What Lies Beneath."

 

[impressive]

Damn! I thought this thread was gonna be about sneeze-induced incontinence.

 

[shereads]

Damn! I thought this thread was gonna be about sneeze-induced incontinence.

It can be, if you prefer. Something you'd like to tell us?

 

[yui]

Damn! I thought this thread was gonna be about sneeze-induced incontinence.

 

[Guest]

It can be, if you prefer. Something you'd like to tell us?

its nothing we can't find in the database for Depends supplies

hacking can be fun and useful to boot

 

[impressive]

It can be, if you prefer. Something you'd like to tell us?

Um, I have this friend ... yeah, a friend ... and she has this problem, see ...

 

[Belegon]

Um, I have this friend ... yeah, a friend ... and she has this problem, see ...

Damn. I was hoping you meant something different when you said I made you wet. Guess I better find an after-shave you're not allergic to....

 

[impressive]

Guess I better find an after-shave you're not allergic to....

Peppermint oil works

 

[Guest]

 

[shereads]

The Uh-Oh Moment Part II

Premature Foreboding:

During the opening title of the suspense-mystery "What Lies Beneath," the word LIES grows larger than the other words, and pulsates.

You, the viewer, can't help but wonder, "Hmm... I know this movie involves a drowning, adultery, and Harrison Ford as Michele Phieffer's husband. Could the husband be lying about something?

 

[shereads]

The Most Common Uh-Oh Moment

"The house has been vacant for a long time."

~ Real estate agent in every haunted-house movie ever made.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Teenagers having sex always bring out serial killers with hook hands.

 

[shereads]

The Uh-Oh Moment that White People Ignore

According to Eddie Murphy, haunted-house movies always feature white families. The reason for this, according to Murphy, is that when a black family moves into a new house, and blood drips down the walls and a disembodied voice hisses, "Get OUT," they get out. End of movie.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Why do people still live in Japan even though everyone knows that's the only place Godzilla attacks?

 

[china-doll]

Re: The Most Common Uh-Oh Moment

"The house has been vacant for a long time."

~ Real estate agent in every haunted-house movie ever made.

Sometimes substituted with:

"The last owner of this house disapeared under rather strange circumstances..."

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: The Most Common Uh-Oh Moment

Sometimes substituted with:

"The last owner of this house disapeared under rather strange circumstances..."

"The house has a fascinating history. There's supposed to be an ancient Indian burial ground on the property."

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Re: Re: Re: The Most Common Uh-Oh Moment

"The house has a fascinating history. There's supposed to be an ancient Indian burial ground on the property."

How much??? I'm looking to relocate with my daughter CarolAnne.

 

[shereads]

Re: Re: Re: Re: The Most Common Uh-Oh Moment

How much??? I'm looking to relocate with my daughter CarolAnne.

The little girl on TV?



Poltergeist had the best fake-out before additional uh-oh moments:

"This house is clean."

 

[Guest]

Teenagers having sex always bring out serial killers with hook hands.

You forgot to say they must be having sex in a car at night in a deserted area. I don't think the hook man comes if they're having sex in the daytime. But it's been a long time since my teens (and I have the scars to show for it).

Perdita

 

[NoJo]

I used to arrange for a friend of mine to come and bang on the roof of the car with a severed head if I wasn't getting anywhere after five minutes of making out.

 

[Guest]

I used to arrange for a friend of mine to come and bang on the roof of the car with a severed head if I wasn't getting anywhere after five minutes of making out.

Really really big outburst of laughter. P.

 

[shereads]

The surviving teenager, having knocked hook-man unconscious, never whacks him really good with a shovel to make sure. She usually leaves a weapon near the body and turns her back to make a phone call. She's too stupid to live.

 

[Guest]

too stupid to live.

Great title for something. P.

 

[rgraham666]

My fave is from Cast a Deadly Spell, a rather obscure HBO movie. 1992 I think.

Professor: "I want to recover a book for me. It was stolen by an employee of mine."

Harry Lovecraft, P.I.: "And the name of this book is?"

Professor: "The Necronomicon."

"Run away!" says I.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

The surviving teenager, having knocked hook-man unconscious, never whacks him really good with a shovel to make sure. She usually leaves a weapon near the body and turns her back to make a phone call. She's too stupid to live.

Or she runs away but turns to look back and stumbles, falls to the ground and gets it while pitifully screaming...no No NO!!!
By that point I would have tripped the bitch myself.


Beware of the locked door that no one has the key to but mysteriously opens by itself.