The Tree: Can you feel me?

[Caleb_Mueller]

My first submission was accepted, and I'm curious what feedback someone may offer. Being a true accounting, is the accounting itself compelling?

Thanks for your ideas and comments.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-tree-11

 

[myindeeds]

The Tree

- interesting choice writing in the present tense.

- The opening sentence is kinda OK until it gets mangled with "Kevin's nerves are becoming ragged". Imagine me talking to you when I say something like "Your wits are becoming tested". It's bad because it is me telling you something when you you would prefer me to say what I want to say by explaining first (showing me why, not telling how things are). And how did I obtain this inner knowledge of your wits? What is a wit? How is it tested and what does this testing look like? I am picking on this statement because you use a quite a few thought expressions. Most of the time you are using these thought words as conceptual verbs which you should avoid. In the first few paragraphs I believe you should replace(by explaining): nerves, realize, focused*, admire, panic, worries.

- I like how you are building suspense with her resistance although I think that you could dial up the drama a little more while still remaining consensual (it's rough when she wanted it sweet). You can ignore this suggestion because this is only my subjective taste in drama/erotica speaking.

- You should throw us more character/setting descriptions throughout the story because I hardly got any.