JazzManJim
On the Downbeat
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2001
- Posts
- 27,360
(More "Soap Opera of the Mind" junk here. If it bores you, move on, please!) 
No, I've not been having much fun at all in the last couple weeks. I've been feeling a lot of stress and not doing much stuff that's really been enjoyable. I've been considering topics that I thought nicely buried and dealt with, which really weren't and only needed an opportune thread, or a stray thought to bring back to the front of my mind. All that has made me cranky, snappy, fussy, and other unpleasant words that end in the letter "y".
I've not liked myself at all for being all those things and decided to take a couple few days to step back and see what's what.
As it turns out, the answer - or at least the answer which seems to be working for now - is that I've just not been having any fun at all the last couple months. Even though I've been doing things important to me and fulfilling obligations which I know are good for me, none of it have involved having a good time.
So I just went out and had a good time. I hung with friends for hours, with no real aim or goal. We played cards, laughed at people who needed laughed at, and I made one of my friends spew Coke by flashing my meaty man-teats at him. I was going to do some housecleaning on Saturday after a choral rehearsal, but I didn't. I put on some raucous music and danced around the house heedless of how idiotic I might have looked (but hell, I was alone). I worked Sunday, but made sure that I tormented my bosses and co-workers. I did something simply silly - changed my nametag to read "Kaiser Soze" and waited until someone noticed. One guy did, and he tipped me five bucks because, as he said "some one that hip deserves extra".
Okay, so I'm not completely carefree and goofy, the way I was a few months ago. I don't know that I will be. There's a lot of stuff on my mind that I thought had been sorted out that isn't. And it won't be for a while. I don't even know that conscious sorting of that crap will do any good. It doesn't matter. I can still find fun, and enjoy it thoroughly and if it makes me happy to do that, then what does it matter about the other crap. The point is that maybe I don't love myself with an all-consuming, never ending, "Wow I"m cool" sort of love, but at least I'd have sex with myself, so that's something, right?
Okay, enough of the neo-goth "woe is me" crap. Where's the nekkid babes?
No, I've not been having much fun at all in the last couple weeks. I've been feeling a lot of stress and not doing much stuff that's really been enjoyable. I've been considering topics that I thought nicely buried and dealt with, which really weren't and only needed an opportune thread, or a stray thought to bring back to the front of my mind. All that has made me cranky, snappy, fussy, and other unpleasant words that end in the letter "y".
I've not liked myself at all for being all those things and decided to take a couple few days to step back and see what's what.
As it turns out, the answer - or at least the answer which seems to be working for now - is that I've just not been having any fun at all the last couple months. Even though I've been doing things important to me and fulfilling obligations which I know are good for me, none of it have involved having a good time.
So I just went out and had a good time.
I hung with friends for hours, with no real aim or goal. We played cards, laughed at people who needed laughed at, and I made one of my friends spew Coke by flashing my meaty man-teats at him. I was going to do some housecleaning on Saturday after a choral rehearsal, but I didn't. I put on some raucous music and danced around the house heedless of how idiotic I might have looked (but hell, I was alone). I worked Sunday, but made sure that I tormented my bosses and co-workers. I did something simply silly - changed my nametag to read "Kaiser Soze" and waited until someone noticed. One guy did, and he tipped me five bucks because, as he said "some one that hip deserves extra".Okay, so I'm not completely carefree and goofy, the way I was a few months ago. I don't know that I will be. There's a lot of stuff on my mind that I thought had been sorted out that isn't. And it won't be for a while. I don't even know that conscious sorting of that crap will do any good. It doesn't matter. I can still find fun, and enjoy it thoroughly and if it makes me happy to do that, then what does it matter about the other crap. The point is that maybe I don't love myself with an all-consuming, never ending, "Wow I"m cool" sort of love, but at least I'd have sex with myself, so that's something, right?
Okay, enough of the neo-goth "woe is me" crap. Where's the nekkid babes?
