The Ten Commandments

[dr_mabeuse]

Here they are. I just wondered how we were doing.

#1's kind of nice. He doesn't say "only" me, just "none before me". That means you can still have your Wicca or bow down to Cthulhu as long as you give Jehovah pride of place.

Personally, I don't get #2 at all and I don't know anyone who obeys it except for devout Muslims. (That's why Islamic art is nothing but curlicues. They're forbidden to make anything representational)

I also don't understand #3. "In vain" to me means "without success", and I don't understand how you'd take his name "without success." Ths usual interpretation is not to say "God damn it". I can't believe he gets so pissed about that though.


===============================
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before
me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any
graven image, or any likeness of any
thing that is in heaven above, or that
is in the earth beneath, or that is in
the water under the earth: Thou shalt
not bow down thyself to them, nor
serve them: for I the Lord thy God am
a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of
the fathers upon the children unto the
third and fourth generation of them
that hate me; And showing mercy
unto thousands of them that love me,
and keep my commandments.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the
Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will
not hold him guiltless that taketh his
name in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep
it holy. Six days shalt thou labor, and
do all thy work: But the seventh day is
the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it
thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor
thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant,
nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle,
nor thy stranger that is within thy
gates: For in six days the Lord made
heaven and earth, the sea, and all that
in them is, and rested the seventh day:
wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath
day, and hallowed it.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother:
that thy days may be long upon the
land which the Lord thy God giveth
thee.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness
against thy neighbor.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s
house, thou shalt not covet thy
neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant,
nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor
his ass, nor any thing that is thy
neighbor’s.

---King James Bible
==========================


#4 is reasonable, as long as you consider NASCAR racing holy, which apparently a lot of people do. The Jews are a lot more serious about their sabbaths. At least the religious ones, who won't even drive a car or turn on a light switch.

#5 should have an escape clause for cases of abuse

6, 7, 8, & 9 are the good ones, though 7's broken all the time.

#10--Our whole economy runs on envy

So I figure we're keeping 5 or 6 out or 10. Those are firm Failures in school.

By the way, I always learned that Jews had an 11th commandment that said, "Thou shalt eat Chinese once a week.")

--Zoot

 

[lil_elvis]

What the hell, Zoot, I'll nit-pick.

Taking the name of the lord in vain doesn't mean "without success." I means to speak it as to mean nothing, or nothing more than any other word.

At least this is how it was explained to me as a junior in (Parochial) high school, during that god-damned, mandatory for graduation, Theology course as given by Reverend Brown (god rest his soul).

 

[Guest]

well, im a mess. seems like ive broken several of these...*sigh*
im confused about #7.
if you're ganna divorce, does it still count?
#10
well shit, im in big trouble. i covet every single house there is...well, minus a cardboard box, which might be my next move.
'ohmigod' and 'god damnit' removed from my vocabulary would make me nearly mute.
ive got a condo on the lake of lava, care to join me?

 

[sincerely_helene]

Don't make me copy and paste from my Websters, Doc.

 

[rgraham666]

for I the Lord thy God am
a jealous God

I always regarded jealousy as a symptom of insecurity.

What's the Creator of the Universe got to be insecure or jealous about?

 

[Guest]

Don't make me copy and paste from my Websters, Doc.

you're so cute when you get fiesty!

 

[sincerely_helene]

you're so cute when you get fiesty!

Thanks. Do these ducks make my ass look fat?

 

[elsol]

You're forgetting Jehovah's Witnesses for #2.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[rgraham666]

Thanks. Do these ducks make my ass look fat?

Not going to answer that one helene. Either I'll break Commandment #9 or you'll think I am.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Not going to answer that one helene. Either I'll break Commandment #9 or you'll think I am.

That was perhaps the most clever comeback I have encountered in at least a month. Thanks for the snicker!

We now return you to your regular schedualed topic.

 

[rgraham666]

That was perhaps the most clever comeback I have encountered in at least a month. Thanks for the snicker!

We now return you to your regular schedualed topic.

You're welcome.

Personally, I think the ducks are cute. Or perhaps it's just the lovely lady they're surrounding.

 

[impressive]

No supreme being that I'd ever deign to "worship" would ever impose such a set of rules. The first half of them are just fucking petty, and there are exceptions to all of the second half.

Frankly, the whole concept of worship just pisses me off. Any "god" that I'd consider worshipping would never command that I do so. The requirement itself is a turn off. If a "god" is worth worshipping, then that "god" won't need to compel that worship.

 

[Pure]

look on the bright side: fornicating, oral sex, and bumfucking are not mentioned, nor taking recreational drugs. indeed monogamy is not mentioned, so having several wives and a dozen concubines will ease the 'adultery' issue. (dont know about several husbands, but it's not mentioned.)

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I always regarded jealousy as a symptom of insecurity.

What's the Creator of the Universe got to be insecure or jealous about?

I agree. Jehovah's awfully petty and vindictive. More like a bully than a respectable deity.

I always thought those plagues he sent down on Egypt were pretty feeble too. I mean, flies? And frogs? You know, like, Let My People Go or I'll send flies! Why didn't he just nuke their asses? Or send a plague of Paris Hiltons?

What the hell, Zoot, I'll nit-pick.

Taking the name of the lord in vain doesn't mean "without success." I means to speak it as to mean nothing, or nothing more than any other word.

At least this is how it was explained to me as a junior in (Parochial) high school, during that god-damned, mandatory for graduation, Theology course as given by Reverend Brown (god rest his soul).

Yeah, that's what I learned too, but it doesn't change the fact that if you look up the meaning of the term "in vain", it means "failure or futile", and the only time you see "in vain" intended to mean "lightly or without respect" is right here. Why did they translate it this way? You never hear of anyone taking their parents "in vain" when they disprespect them.

I understand that some religions won't take loyalty oaths or swear in a courtroom because they believe it violates this commandment. Is that the Jehovah's Witnesses?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

look on the bright side: fornicating, oral sex, and bumfucking are not mentioned, nor taking recreational drugs. indeed monogamy is not mentioned, so having several wives and a dozen concubines will ease the 'adultery' issue. (dont know about several husbands, but it's not mentioned.)

You're right! Neither is there anything about shooting to wound!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any
graven image, or any likeness of any
thing that is in heaven above, or that
is in the earth beneath, or that is in
the water under the earth: Thou shalt
not bow down thyself to them, nor
serve them: for I the Lord thy God am
a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of
the fathers upon the children unto the
third and fourth generation of them
that hate me; And showing mercy
unto thousands of them that love me,
and keep my commandments.
===============

But seriously, what about this commandment? Why doesn't anyone even pretend to obey this one anymore? Was there some statute of limitation or something? I mean, he seems to go to great lenagth to make it plain that he's not kidding around. Why doesn't anyone obey this one anymore?

 

[Guest]

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any
graven image, or any likeness of any
thing that is in heaven above, or that
is in the earth beneath, or that is in
the water under the earth: Thou shalt
not bow down thyself to them, nor
serve them: for I the Lord thy God am
a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of
the fathers upon the children unto the
third and fourth generation of them
that hate me; And showing mercy
unto thousands of them that love me,
and keep my commandments.
===============

But seriously, what about this commandment? Why doesn't anyone even pretend to obey this one anymore? Was there some statute of limitation or something? I mean, he seems to go to great lenagth to make it plain that he's not kidding around. Why doesn't anyone obey this one anymore?

should i take my plastic jesus off the dash board of my car?

 

[elsol]

No supreme being that I'd ever deign to "worship" would ever impose such a set of rules. The first half of them are just fucking petty, and there are exceptions to all of the second half.

Frankly, the whole concept of worship just pisses me off. Any "god" that I'd consider worshipping would never command that I do so. The requirement itself is a turn off. If a "god" is worth worshipping, then that "god" won't need to compel that worship.

They make perfectly good sense if you interpret them correctly.

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before
me.

Cause I didn't make any other gods; if you're going to do the worship thing, there's me and me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any
graven image, or any likeness of any
thing that is in heaven above, or that
is in the earth beneath, or that is in
the water under the earth: Thou shalt
not bow down thyself to them, nor
serve them: for I the Lord thy God am
a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of
the fathers upon the children unto the
third and fourth generation of them
that hate me; And showing mercy
unto thousands of them that love me,
and keep my commandments.

If you're going to talk to me... talk to ME; not something woodcarving. Didn't your parents teach you any manners.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the
Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will
not hold him guiltless that taketh his
name in vain.

It's fucking rude, people. Do you walk around saying 'My mother damn you!'... no, why? Cause it's disrespectful.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep
it holy. Six days shalt thou labor, and
do all thy work: But the seventh day is
the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it
thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor
thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant,
nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle,
nor thy stranger that is within thy
gates: For in six days the Lord made
heaven and earth, the sea, and all that
in them is, and rested the seventh day:
wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath
day, and hallowed it.

Hello! I couldn't do the seven day workweek... don't even try! I put a timelimit on your life, no reason to make it any shorter.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother:
that thy days may be long upon the
land which the Lord thy God giveth
thee.

Listen... they had to deal with you in the 'terrible twos', and the 'horrible teens'.

And let's NOT talk about the 9 month thing.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

I created life... respect my effort.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Too often breaking 7 makes someone break want to break 6.

No OPP.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

Get a fucking job... you got six days to earn the stuff you want.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness
against thy neighbor.

It's a longer route to #6, but you can get there.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s
house, thou shalt not covet thy
neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant,
nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor
his ass, nor any thing that is thy
neighbor’s.

In case, you don't get it... envy bad... makes you think about #6... and #6 is a big no-no.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[ishtat]

Idol Thoughts

Here they are. I just wondered how we were doing.

#1's kind of nice. He doesn't say "only" me, just "none before me". That means you can still have your Wicca or bow down to Cthulhu as long as you give Jehovah pride of place.

Personally, I don't get #2 at all and I don't know anyone who obeys it except for devout Muslims. (That's why Islamic art is nothing but curlicues. They're forbidden to make anything representational)

I also don't understand #3. "In vain" to me means "without success", and I don't understand how you'd take his name "without success." Ths usual interpretation is not to say "God damn it". I can't believe he gets so pissed about that though.


===============================
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before
me.

I think a more accurate translation of the older Hebrew Text says "Thou shall have no other god before my face". That seems to convey the idea that originally the Jews worshipped more than one god but that Jehovah was number 1. It is known that the isolated group of Jews at Elephantine in Egypt worhipped him as Number 1 in a broader pantheon as late as the 4th century BC.

However, if you examine the various versions of the commandments in the Bible you will notice subtle changes as the concept that he was the only god gradually took over. I think its easier to pick up those nuances from the RSV which is a more accurate translation than King James.

 

[Remec]

I also don't understand #3. "In vain" to me means "without success", and I don't understand how you'd take his name "without success." Ths usual interpretation is not to say "God damn it". I can't believe he gets so pissed about that though.

I think it's more of a "Don't claim to speak for God or in the name of God unless you have no uncertainty about that support." Which, since who is to say whether God is truly supporting them at any given moment for any specific purpose, is basically never.

Don't presume that God is on your side. But pray that he will be.

 

[Remec]

Pardon the threadjack

Thanks. Do these ducks make my ass look fat?

I dunno. Stand up and let's see. <BG><wink>

 

[KarenAM]

They make perfectly good sense if you interpret them correctly.

This is, without a doubt, the most terrifying thing I've read here this week, maybe longer. I'm guessing that this thread is going to lead nowhere good.

 

[Boota]

My take on the Ten Commandments is that Moses was wise enough to see that his society was breaking down and had to come up with a way to make people behave. He used a trick that is still working today: Pure fear. Every commandment is either a good idea on which to base a social order or an endorsement of the almighty power of God. In order to scare the people into following the commandments they didn't care to follow you had to sell them on the "God fucking said so, that's why!" technique. People were stealing, killing, fucking other people's spouses, being disrespectful to their elders, etc. He couldn't pitch it as "God said so" without making sure to get everyone under the same god. Then they could say, "Well, I'm okay. The Golden Calf doesn't care if I fuck Saul's wife." He had to break the backs of the other gods.

When I'm mad I say "Jesus Pig Fucking Christ!" That is probably more what they mean by taking the Lord's name in vain. But that's okay because I don't believe Jesus ever actually existed anyway.

 

[minsue]

If you're going to talk to me... talk to ME; not something woodcarving. Didn't your parents teach you any manners.

Manners are nice, but what does that have to do with not making any graven image of any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth?

 

[Guest]

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before
me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any
graven image, or any likeness of any
thing that is in heaven above, or that
is in the earth beneath, or that is in
the water under the earth: Thou shalt
not bow down thyself to them, nor
serve them: for I the Lord thy God am
a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of
the fathers upon the children unto the
third and fourth generation of them
that hate me; And showing mercy
unto thousands of them that love me,
and keep my commandments.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the
Lord thy God in vain: for the Lord will
not hold him guiltless that taketh his
name in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep
it holy. Six days shalt thou labor, and
do all thy work: But the seventh day is
the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it
thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor
thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant,
nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle,
nor thy stranger that is within thy
gates: For in six days the Lord made
heaven and earth, the sea, and all that
in them is, and rested the seventh day:
wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath
day, and hallowed it.

5. Honor thy father and thy mother:
that thy days may be long upon the
land which the Lord thy God giveth
thee.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness
against thy neighbor.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s
house, thou shalt not covet thy
neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant,
nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor
his ass, nor any thing that is thy
neighbor’s.

---King James Bible
==========================

These are laws written by a man to keep order amongst his people and to unite them as one people. In order to have any effect those laws had to appear to come from a higher being. A being that could be used to lay blame for the bad things that befall you. “You broke the law. God is angry. That is why your cow was attacked by lions.” And to give credit for the good things that befall you. “Your crops grow full and bountiful. God is smiling upon you.” This has been the same since the first primitive man saw some natural occurrence that he couldn’t explain, for instance lightning striking his favorite fig tree.

Without these laws he would have lost control of them, especially those that were born outside of slavery. If not for that control they would have all perished in the desert while he wandered around lost for 40 years.

While many of these laws are mere common sense for a civilized man, the larger part of them is simply to keep the people in fear, and thus, under control.

“...for I the Lord thy God am
a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of
the fathers upon the children unto the
third and fourth generation of them
that hate me; And showing mercy
unto thousands of them that love me,
and keep my commandments.”

Says it all doesn’t it? Why would I follow you after that?


1-4 These are the claims of a spoiled, arrogant, childish bully. Not a “Benevolent God”.

1. (Read: I am king of the hill and you can’t beat me so now you’ll do what I say.) But you said you are the one true god and there are no others. If there are no other gods, how could I hold one before you? If they don’t exist why would you worry about them?

2. (Read: Don’t take my picture, it will steal my spirit.) “I want you to bow down and worship me but I don’t want you to know what you are worshipping. Follow me blindly, for you would not follow me otherwise.” Kinda reminds you of an AOL chat room doesn’t it? Hmmm…. “.Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath… But in a few years I’m gonna send you my son, (as far as you know) and I want you to plaster his image all over everything. He’s going to be crucified, so I want you to place crosses all over the land for everyone to kneel down and pray to.” But you said…

3. (Read: “I don’t want you just throwing my name around behind anything and everything because then it will become a joke and lose its power.” ) My name is Martin and you had best hold that name in reverence out of respect for me or bad things will happen to you. There. Now I’m a god.

4. (Read: Everything you do in your life you shall attribute to me. But every Sunday you will spend the entire day on your knees, bitch.) And you will suck my dick, and your daughters will suck my dick and your men will fuck each other in the ass whether they like it or not. And you will like it because I command it.

5, 6 and 8 These are common sense but are contradictory to the “God” of the bible.

5. (Read: Listen to your parents, they’re trying to get you to adulthood in one piece.) And in the process they will ram me down your throat until it chokes you.

6. (Read: Don’t take it upon yourself to kill people, that’s my job.) Do as I say, not as I do. I’m your master and if I want to wipe out all civilization and start over I will. (Noah’s Ark) If I see a city as evil I will destroy it myself by raining fire and brimstone (known to scientists as meteors) down upon it. I did it to Sodom and Gomorrah and I’ll do it again when the notion strikes me. But keep your hands out of it unless I tell you to wage holy wars and crusades and inquisitions in my name.

8. (Read: Get your own damned stuff don’t take mine.) Does this count extortion? I mean, does, “You will give me 10% of everything you produce because I demand it.” count?


7, 9 & 10 To protect the men who weren’t men enough to protect themselves.

7. (Read: Leave my wife alone, go get your own) I don’t want my wife to find out I’m no good in bed, because then she’ll dump me like a bag of puke and I won’t be able to get any for years.

9. (Read: Mind your own business.) Personally I like this one. But for what it really says, not the reason it was added. What it’s saying is that if it does not concern you it’s none of your fucking business. The reason it was added was: “Now I wrote these commandments to keep you in control, but I am above them so I don’t want you seeing what I’m doing and telling everyone. They would get the wrong idea. So if you tell on me, I’m gonna say you’re lying, point to this law and have your tongue cut out. Your wife says you don’t know how to use it properly anyway.

10. (Read: Don’t be eyeing my shit.) Because if you see how I tricked you out of everything good and you decide you deserve it more, then you might break commandments 6,7,8 and 9. And where would that leave me?