The Taven is open to comments

[Lauranathias]

I'm not sure how many people have started reading my novel called: The Tavern.

It is based in a fantasy realm where magic, and intrigue are just as key as the sexual plot.

This isn't just about sex... but, a story which builds up on character traits and how people react to situations that are sometimes in control, or sometimes unexpected.

Here is Chapter 3 of The Tavern
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=45621


Please vote for it, I think that it is a unique tale and if any one wishes to input their comments to me, I'm more than happy in taking advice.

 

[Impetus]

Back to the grind!

You have some elements of writing down, but there are others you need to work on.

First, and most mudane, is technical convention. You had lots of tense errors and comma errors in your story, and things like that always distract from the writing, no matter how good it is. Try getting a good editor or working on writing details on your own, it'll definitely help to tighten up your writing.

Your word choice was a mixed bag. Some of your passages sounded very nice and evoked realy potent mental immages, but other passages, using the same words over and over, stared to become less mental imagery and more words on page. Nipple, particularly, comes to mind.

I did like some of your imagery, like the spot at the very beginning where you talk about the watter finding the low points on the floor. I really liked that. You've got creativity, that's for sure, but you need to work on literary aspects too if you want really solid writing.

-I

 

[Lauranathias]

I may have to repost the chapter then.

When I'm writing, it also depends on my mood. Some days, it seems that I can find all the right words, and others, It just doesn't flow. But, I do understand what you are saying.

I tried to make all of these chapters as visual as possible, but, I will work on those points that you have stated.

Could you recommend a good editor for these chapters?

- Lauranathias