The struggle to trust again

[kitty4ever]

I posted in my last thread that I'd reached a milestone, a turning point in my recovery. I've begun to have hope again. In that time, I've met a man that interested me right away. I hadn't felt that, a man who intrigued me.

As some people know, I also play online games and post on boards related to those games. I responded on a friend's joking post about the fact that I figured they were all 300 lb guys until proven differently on that board. You know, the typical 'gamer geek'

Anyways, he responded back with his picture (yes, he is good friends with this mutual friend as well), to my post to prove not everyone in the game is a 300 lb guy. I laughed, and yes, acknowledged that he was cute in his kilt.

So, after that, he and I started PMing each other back and forth, and found out that he use to have ICQ, and I hate PMs, so he tried to download and get it working, but he couldn't get it installed. So, feeling good and having a good day, I gave him my phone number without hesitation.

So, he called, having given up on ICQ and we talked for a short while. I was somewhat distracted (bad me) and mentioned AIM somewhere along the way. So, after that, he got AIM installed and got a user ID to chat a bit more. Then, out of the blue, he called me again, and this time, I wasn't distracted and we really started talking. We talked for almost 4 hours that first night.

It was a fun chat about life and the game. I enjoyed myself and couldn't believe we'd talked that long.

So, I saw him on AIM the next evening, and he surprised me by calling again, and this time we talked another 4 hours, and I didn't even realize how the time went by. The same thing happened the next night. At that time, he made a comment that he was fascinated by my giggle, my voice, etc. Rather freaked me out, but I felt so comfortable with him.

Anyways, we've talked every day, now. He fascinates me. I can't stop thinking about him. It baffles me.

 

[MissTaken]

That is great news, kitty!

Enjoy the ride!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sounds good to me. Communication is the beginning of most great relationships. Enjoy it for what it is and see where the journey leads you.

Catalina

 

[Ms_Lilith]

My SO and I met online.. and our communication was much like that.. many 4-5 hour phone calls which lead up to the day we met in person...


*smile*

 

[Angel_Diva]

aww... sweet.

Online romances are the greatest.... my SO started on ICQ as well.

 

[kitty4ever]

He's already wooing me and spoiling me. I was discussing with him how happy I was when I was shopping with my birthday money about how I'd lost 25 lbs and had bought my first size 12 in five years.

He then told me two days ago that I have a package on its way to me. <blushes> I finally got out of him that it's a black Japanese kimono style robe that he saw online and felt would look beautiful on me. I was shocked and flattered.

He still calls me every night, and we play together in the game now, spending a ton of time together. He's opened his whole life to me, including having his son tell me good night every night when he goes to bed. Yes, he's a single dad and has custody of his son, his ex-wife having visitation.

He's not hiding his intentions. He's not hiding anything about his life. He's not hiding to his friends that he's in love with me and wants to marry me. Yes, he's that sure about this. He's told me that he was the same with his ex-wife and they were together 13 yrs before she left him. He knew right away with her, as he says that he knows with me. He's being incredibly patient, but it is still overwhelming if I think about it, so I'm trying not to.

 

[pengie]

:|

 

[Betticus]

Allright now, as great as this all may be you are cutting me completely out. It is just not fair damnit. You never know because you and I might just get along wonderfully. I understand that you have this magical connection with the other guy and all that but ....

Aw fuck it, nevermind.. I'm just yanking on your leg. Have fun with the new guy.

 

[kitty4ever]

Allright now, as great as this all may be you are cutting me completely out. It is just not fair damnit. You never know because you and I might just get along wonderfully. I understand that you have this magical connection with the other guy and all that but ....

awwww...I didn't know you cared.

Thanks. I'm having a great time with him.

 

[kitty4ever]

He surprised me today with an email asking if I would like him to buy me nipple clamps. I couldn't help feeling a shiver of delight at work, and was glad no one was around me to hear the small whimper I couldn't hold back. I've never had the chance to use nipple clamps.

 

[Krinaia]

Have you met him yet?

How about meeting him in person before you discuss marriage?

And getting his kid involved with you? Most single parents I know won't get the kids involved until they know the person is going to be sticking around for... well forever... and usually they've dated for awhile, in person where they can see each other and each other's faults before allowing that person into a position where they might confuse the child.

Not to be the pin in your birthday balloon... but you gave no time periods or details on meeting.... just that you chat online and on the phone and are now discussing marriage and having phone conversations with his son and he's buying you gifts.... without more information, for me... red flags are going up.

Be careful.... please.

I just have made a mistake or two... read my thread about the mysterious phone sex I had... I made a new rule, no exchange of photos, no phone sex, no submission until there has at least been one make-out session.

 

[Krinaia]

I'd like to note, I've heard of stories that work out well in contrast to my rule... but hey whatever works for you.

I do want you to be happy. But I also want you to be safe. Anyways, good luck. I hope this prince charming is truly a prince.

 

[kitty4ever]

Sky, I know exactly what you mean. I've questioned him over and over about how sure he is. I can't make him /not/ feel sure, but I do question over and over. It's all I can do.

As to meeting, I do take a week's vacation every summer or early fall. I have decided to take one in that area. No, I've already stated I won't stay there. In fact, I've already contacted some girl friends that I also have in the area to meet and hang out with. I'm going to be staying at a resort, probably an hour to an hour and a half from where he lives.

I'll feel better after all that happens.

Thanks for being concerned. So am I. I don't really believe in that 'knowing the day you meet someone' thing. But, he's sure, for he was that way with his ex-wife. He knew right away, and waited for her to feel the same.

I did ask him tonight, with the distance and everything, the knowledge that neither of us could 'up and move' if, after meeting, it's right. He agreed and said that he'd not let me up and move until I actually found a job out there. He doesn't want me moving out there with nothing and everything unknown. He is being very considerate and understanding.

I already know that I would have to move because, since he has custody, it's in the arrangement that he can't move both of them outside of the state in which they live.

So many questions without answers right now, but I'm feeling the need to see if it is.

 

[Krinaia]

<sigh of relief>

Good measures. Personally, and maybe this is my inseurities talking but I wouldn't trust someone who fell in love with me so quickly. I'd figure they didn't really fall in love with me because they hadn't taken the time to get to know me - but maybe that's my ego talking and I'm not really as complex as I figure. And maybe you fall in love with the front part of the person first and learn to accept and love the hidden sides of them as you spend more time with them...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Enjoy kitty, and see where it leads. If you are not uprooting your whole life without meeting, not being asked for money or gifts, and as you say he is being considerate, it just may be the real thing. I know my mother's first husband saw her passing by, and that first day, he went home to his mother and told her he had just seen his future wife. Everyone thought he was nuts, and were surprised as he was always the serious, sensible type, but they met after that day and fell madly in love and remained that way until the day he died.

It is rare, but some people do know these things. I am all for going with intuition and instinct.....the only times in my life when I have stuffed up have been the times when I have not listened to it and gone with the logical and practical decision, or the one which seemed right, but went against what my gut was screaming. Hopefully you won't get hurt again, but as the saying goes, 'better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all'. Sometimes life has a few risks and to bypass them can lead to regrets when it is too late. Enjoy the ride for what it is at this moment, and see what the destination may be.

Catalina

 

[kitty4ever]

Thanks for being so worried, Sky. I know that I am, but something deep down inside is telling me to go for it. We have mutual friends who are thrilled right now, knowing and being good friends with both of us.

Thank you for the words of encouragement, Catalina. I know that I couldn't have done what you did, moving and marrying two weeks after getting there. Your courage humbles me. I'm too much of a fraidy cat. Yes, he's asked nothing of me, but is there whenever I need to call and hear his voice. When his new job starts, he won't be able to during the day, but I never call then anyways because I'm at work, although he'd call me a few times.

It looks like my trip will be in later July, due to work and the fact my best friend since I was 18 mths old and she was 21 mths old asked me to be her maid of honor, and she's getting married in September. I'm so excited for her, because she and her fiance have been off and on since we were all 14. He's so sweet and patient and forgiven her so many times. I think they do have a chance, now that she's been sober 2 years.