The Spy's Daughter And The Rebel Colonel (Closed for Initiate_me))

[Homerun2611]

The searing pain of the musket ball felt like a steel stake, tempered in fire and red hot driven into the side of my thigh. It was early in the battle, well before Ulysses Grant would impose siege of Vicksburg, and turn the war, the final stages of the Anaconda Plan that would forever turn the fortunes of the war against my side. I was a Colonel, West Point trained, originally part of Robert E. Lee's Northern Virginia Army, I had been transferred down to the Command of John C. Pemberton to help him defend and maintain control of the strategic Mississippi River.

Ironically, at least that day would end successfully. We won, the Union Army took thousands of casualties, but I never saw that, much earlier in the morning of the first day's battle, I lost. Clearing the ridge on Smoky, my gray stallion, the shot rang out before I even saw the Union line and could yell for our troops to halt. Oh me, I am Colonel Rutherford, "Rusty" Calhoun. Rusty was for my brownish red hair which I had to admit, did look like rust. The deep corrosive kind, the color or steel or copper just before the metal surrendered to the oxidation.

Thirty eight years old, six foot and 180 pounds of muscle, classic features and piercing blue eyes, I had once had my choice of any woman in Charlottesville. I had chosen Sarah, a professor at the University of Virginia's daughter, and I had never regretted it. I had graduated West Point in 1845 with honors. However, up until two years ago, I had been a gentleman farmer, living on the second house of my father's tobacco plantation just outside of Richmond.

My wife and ten year old son, had died two years earlier, not long after I had left for the army, of the fever. I would have liked to have mourned, but instead I was part of the chaos on Cheat's Mountain the ill conceived first battle of Robert E. Lee's command. We survived and time passed, but as I fell from my horse, I remember hoping that I might be headed to meet again with my dear wife Sarah, and my son, Robert.

I was lucky I guess, a few inches over or up and it would have taken my leg or my life, the bullet hit a good six inches above my knee, but only hit flesh and muscle with no major arteries impacted.. It may not be heroic, but the pain was overwhelming and I passed out. I had lead the second calvary unit and it was my second in command Lieutenant Davis, who had rescued me and taken me on his horse out of Vicksburg, escaping deeper into the South to the closest major city, Baton Rouge.

I had been blown unconscious off my horse, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up, fever making my body shake like it was winter back in Northern Virginia on my father's tobacco plantation and I was driving stray horses back to the stables.

I looked up as a cold rag was placed on my forehead, I was half out of my mind, but found myself looking into the eyes of an angel. I moaned and looked up at her, "My leg, did I lose my leg?" I was delirious, and never heard her answer, which, fortunately for me, would have been "no", at least not yet. Instead I felt my body lurch and vomit, and then I fell back and passed out in the makeshift Baton Rouge hospital. bed.

 

[Initiate_me]

I watched the soldier's face soften as he slipped back out of consciousness. Once his breathing had calmed, I sat down on a chair next to the bed. I wasn't afraid for him- I'd been part of the volunteer brigade for long enough to recognise when someone was in trouble and when they just needed time to rest and heal.

Men died in the hospital. I'd witnessed it. I had for the most part been lucky, usually those entrusted to my care were those with minor injuries, because it was understood that I had no prior experience. And I was young still, nineteen years old.

But there were deaths, and I knew I would never forget the first time I saw a man draw his last breath. I wasn't supposed to be his nurse, but sometimes I strayed into the area of the hospital reserved for hopeless cases, just to sit with those in distress, and read them poems. He had asked me to help him write a letter to his wife and two daughters, so they'd know that he was thinking of them at the end. I had cried as we wrote that letter, and when his life ended the next day it made me hate the union army in a way that I hadn't before. Until that point my feelings had been a vague idea that they might not be so different from us, but when I saw that man pass on to the next world I felt a useless fury. How could they do this to us. To our country, to our people. How could they.

I tried not to be selfish, not to think about the precious weeks and months of youth that were slipping away from me. I knew that mother would be fine back home, she had all the helping hands she needed. And I was proud of my father, for becoming a soldier and taking the fight to our enemy. Our soldiers were everything to me.

Cleaning duties and dinner kept me occupied for most of the rest of the day, but I returned to the unconscious man's bedside that evening. I placed a candle on a table by the bed, sat in the chair, tried to smooth out my wavy dark hair, a habit of mine when I was trying to relax. I was watching the man, trying to imagine how he had felt when the shot hit his leg. I had faith that he would recover fully, our surgeons were almost divine and I knew that taking the ball out was routine for them. My only concern was the fever that he had clearly developed- I had lost family to that before, and I was wary of it.

He stirred, and I held my breath, straightened my posture to try to bring some more height and poise to my petite figure. I always wanted to look my best when I met one of our soldiers- especially those as handsome as this.

 

[Homerun2611]

I had glimpses of consciousness, seeing a light, hearing a scream from another patient, I had no idea how many other soldiers had been brought this far, or what other maladies the good doctors might be dealing with. But each time had been the same, shivering from the raging fever. Treatments of the day were medieval, the castor oil had induced the requisite vomiting, but I had already lost so much blood from the musket ball and surgery, that fortunately blood letting was ruled out. What I did get was rest, and luckily that, and my strength and conditioning sufficed.

This time as I awoke it was different, I was covered in sweat, my gown, my sheets, my body, but I was no longer shivering. The fever had broken. I batted my eyes, and tried to fully understand my surroundings. It took a second for my eyes to focus, eyes painfully dry. I was desperately thirsty, completely dehydrated and my mouth and tongue had the texture of coarse sandpaper and tasted worse.

First I looked to my right and saw a line of at least thirty beds, some with men writhing in pain, delusional in their sleep. The screams were piercing in the large, dark, long room. I looked away not prepared to deal with that reality yet, and instead took inventory of what I felt some control over, my own body. I looked down and touched my good leg. It was stiff and sore a combination of the dehydration, heat and stuffy air of the makeshift care unit. Then the scary part, I then reached and felt the bandage, it hurt, really hurt and I winced, but then... then I couldn't help but smile as i felt the pain fire all the way down to my foot! My God, I had a foot!

It was then I looked to my left, and there sitting upright was the angel I had thought I had only dreamed of. Swallowing non existent saliva, I spoke through a dry throat that hadn't spoken in more than a week. I sounded more like a bullfrog than a man. "Uh...Hello....You are the angel I saw before aren't you?...but I don't think I am dead, am I?" I smiled weakly at my own joke, "....do you have water? And is there any chance I might get a fresh gown?" Somehow my body let a bit of saliva enter my mouth and my voice was a bit more normal.

I looked at her but had no idea of the beautiful young woman's name. "I...I'm Rusty Calhoun...where am I?" Her smile was soft warm, and I felt a stir below my waist, a second sigh of relief, that appeared to potentially still work too. "C...Could you possibly sit here with me awhile?"

 

[Initiate_me]

I watched the soldier examine himself, and I couldn't imagine what that must be like, to have to check to see if your body was still whole or not.

When he spoke, his voice was rough and dry like a rocky desert, but I had heard that before, when other men broke long silences. And silence was the worst part of being there- the groans and cries from wounded and ill men were painful and frightening to hear, but for me the deathly quiet that sometimes just suddenly seized us all was worse. It made me feel that there was no hope, it completely subverted my natural optimism, and it broke my heart.

Taking a piece of cloth from a bowl of cold water, I brought my chair closer and wiped his forehead and face with the damp material, wiping away the new sweat which had gathered. Gently. Like always, I summoned up some strength to give a brave, warm smile. The warmth was natural, it was how I felt for these heroes. The bravery was not, I had to work on that every single day and it wasn't easy.

"You're in a hospital in Jackson. You were wounded in battle at Vicksburg, do you remember that?" I waited patiently as he processed this, knowing that the memories were probably slowly returning to him, and many of them would be unpleasant. Slowly and carefully, I held a cup of water to his lips, tilted it and watched him drink as if he had believed he might never see water again. The doctors had told me that too much at once could be bad, so I withdrew it and put it down on the table by the bed. "I'll fetch that gown for you now, but I'll be back real soon," I said to him, with the lightest touch of my hand of his shoulder. I turned away and exhaled, my heart was thumping me.

 

[Homerun2611]

It was all a blur to me, in fact I had no idea how long I had even been here. If I thought hard, I remembered that morning, there was an anticipation in the air as we hoped we might use this seemingly simple point to defeat Ulysses Grant and maintain control of tHe Mississippi River and regain momentum which now hung in the precipice. However, little did I know as I lay in my hospital bed, the Union was putting Vicksburg under siege and after a few more short weeks where the inhabitants had to turn to eating rats and boiling sewer water, Vicksburg surrendered. All I remembered was clearing the hill, barely seeing the enemy waiting before being knocked unceremoniously from my horse and somehow brought here by I didn't know who. Never had I felt so powerless.

With the surrender of Vicksburg, just one day after the climactic loss at Gettysburg all hope of my Confederacy ended, and the next almost two years would simply play out the South's submission. Vicksburg was the key to controlling the Mississippi River and once last eliminated any real trade or vehicle to replenish the troops with the assistance of foreign nations. Only later would I know all that happened, right now I was simply trying to regain some degree of normalcy and piece together my lost time.

The washclothe was soothing, i was a sweaty mess, and the compassion of the young nurse was appreciated more than she would ever know. She smiled warmly, and in that moment seemed like the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. That may have even been true, even if I hadn't been so humiliatingly needy. "You're in a hospital in Charleston. You were wounded in battle at Vicksburg, do you remember that?" She spoke softly, and I had not given up entirely yet on the notion she just might be an angel.

I nodded my head slightly, "Yes..sort of...I remember being on my horse, only glmpsing the blue clad brigade and then the ring of musket fire, but beyond that....no. Just waking up here, I don't even know who to thank..." I smiled, "...there are probably many, but who to thank for getting me here, and he surgeons...and probably you..." I looked up into those beautiful young eyes, so full of genuine compassion..."everyone who has saved my life....and rescued me from that hellish war!"

I leaned back, I was exhausted, ironic for someone who had probably just slept, i had no idea how many days...but was sure it was several. "How long have I been here?" I didn't ask about the battle, something in my gut told me, given how surprised I was, things had probably not gone well, and it was the last thing I wanted to think about.

The water felt amazing as she brought the cup to my lips, and then took it away all too soon, but I understood, it was for my own good. She got up, "I'll fetch that gown for you now, but I'll be back real soon," I felt her touch me, and a nice warm glow went through my body. I called out to her, "Thank you, but when you do...could you get a bit of water and a wash cloth...I am a mess...are you...are you allowed to help us with a sponge bath?"

 

[Initiate_me]

I looked back to him and nodded, and I told myself that bathing a wounded man was not a sin. I knew that, it had been explained to me, but for some reason I always needed to remind myself, always needed to prepare my mind for i. The intimacy we had with the soldiers was something wonderful, but it was strange also. At home sure none of these men would have been happy to have us in charge, and none of us women would have been willing to provide the touch that they needed. But then, I thought, wasn't that the job of a nurse anyway? I hadn't thought about it, Growing up on a cotton farm in Mississippi had limited my horizons, I could see that now. Our family had suffered very few illnesses, we had been lucky, and until joining the volunteer brigade I had known nothing about the medical world. There were lots of thing I knew nothing about. But at least I was aware of that- and ready to learn.

Boiling the water for the bath took a long time because our busy team had neglected the fire, and I had to build it back up. I checked on the soldier who called himself Rusty, and then on a man who had yesterday been taken for amputation of a leg. He was pale and quiet, with no serious symptoms I could identify.... but lacking in response, as if he was far away thinking of another place. Home, maybe. Everyone here thought about home, all the time. I tried to whisper some comfort to him but he wouldn't look at me, and so I returned to Rusty to let him know that the bath was almost ready, and I laid the new gown out on the bed.

In one corner of our large, dark dormitory, we had tied several large curtains across between the walls, to create a private space. A somewhat private space. To me the idea of a bath so close to the rest of the residents seemed awful at first, but none of the men seemed to care at all. They were soldiers together, I supposed. I dragged the heavy metal bath to the middle of the space, brought a large jug of cold water, poured that in, and then enlisted the help of another nurse to carry the big pot of hot water from the fire. We added that and then she hurried off, muttering about needing to change some bandages. I went out to Rusty.

"It's ready," I said to him, quietly because I knew some of our patients could be disturbed by sudden or loud noises. "And you asked me how long you've been in here- just a couple of days. It's safe here. Come and take your bath." I reached out to help him up, encouraging him to lean his weight on me, I'd learned all about doing this. It was something I enjoyed, for some reason- supporting a man, walking with him as an equal, being allowed to help, on his own level. It made me feel useful. And that's what I wanted to be- I wanted to know God's plan for me, and I wanted to be worthy of it.

 

[Homerun2611]

I had felt bad making the request, I also felt guilty thinking what I was as I saw her walk away. She was beautiful and I was a man, and it had been a long time since I had seen a woman any woman. "My God, what are you thinking?' One I was wounded, and two, I might be old enough to be her father, certainly her young Uncle. I smiled as that thought sent another slight thrill through my body. It had been far too long. I saw her then turn around and sweetly acknowledge my request with a shy little nod.

I was feeling a bit better. I wasn't sure how or why but the hospital had some morphine not a lot, and I had been given a dose just before I woke up. There were far worse cases than me, men with multiple amputations, and they would end up getting most of the addictive "wonder drug" but for a bit I was reasonably comfortable as its effectiveness set in. I must have dozed off, as I was startled by her return.

"It's ready," I jerked awake and turned toward her both startled and a bit confused, 'what's ready?' I thought. "And you asked me how long you've been in here- just a couple of days. It's safe here. Come and take your bath." She was tiny and beautiful but surprisingly strong. She was so helpful and didn't shy away, but I could only imagine how revolting I must be or how strong the stench. She was so sweet, tender, gentle and caring and I cursed myself for feeling the sense of attraction I had. It was simple biology and I tried to kid myself that it was nothing more.

The trip to the back area was not easy, twice I stumbled, my legs were shaky and my body weak. What I didn't know was how starvation over the last few days had stripped my body of any fat and most water. I had basically starved the last few days. I was in excellent shape, even in the army I did 50 pushups and 150 sit-ups almost every morning, and night. So my unsteadiness was more a function of lightheadedness and hunger than any loss of muscle. I took pride in my physique, muscles lean and well defined, perfectly proportioned. Michelangelo would have found it difficult to sculpt a more physically perfect specimen, particularly for my age.

As we walked I realized something "You are providing me such tender and gentle care, and I don't even know your name or anything about you. You are about to see me in all my indelicate glory, don't you think I should at least know your name?" I tried to wink, but I suddenly felt a shoot of pain, and looked down to see blood pushing through my bandage, the movement and the change in blood pressure was testing the stitches holdin my wounded flesh together. I had not really planned on an actual bath, but this sealed it.

She helped me into a chair and I looked at her. "I know you are probably new to nursing?" I looked at her, I was not trying to embarrass her, as I was also new to being a patient and I was more appreciative than she would ever know. "I know this wasn't the plan, but I can't get in that water with a bleeding wound, but if you would take a rag, and soap, you could help me wipe the grime and sweat off my body. I can't tell you how much I would appreciate feeling clean." I sat up and slipped the gown off my shoulders, and suddenly, other than the bandage on my thigh I sat there stark naked. It was only then that I realized, my walking with her, smelling her sweet perfume feeling her delicate frame had a most unintended reaction.

I was sitting in that chair and for the fist time in so long I couldn't even remember, I had a fully erect cock. I mean steel hard, 9 plus inches of circumcised man, pointing up at a near 45 degree angel. Over two inches thick and throbbing, I looked into her eyes and saw her look down and then look into mine, and I wasn't sure who was more embarrassed. "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to...I promise I mean nothing inappropriate! My body doesn't know what it is doing, you were just so soft, and sweet and lovely, I guess my body just responded. Can you...please...ignore it? I am just tired and beat up and needing a bath...I promise I would never try anything...not with someone so obviously pure...and certainly not in my present condition."

I tried to read her mind, I felt so bad, but at this point, what could I really do?

 

[Initiate_me]

Walking Rusty over the the private area was scary, with his disrupted balance. But I had been taught by one of the surgeons about how to watch someone walk, how to determine if their issue was a serious injury or if it was due to fatigue and time in bed. Here I could see that it was the latter, nothing to be too worried about. And he looked so strong, so powerful. Once glance at his physique gave me a surge of confidence that he would be alright- illogical when many strong men had succumbed to darkness in the hospital, but I felt warm optimism all the same.

He said quietly "You are providing me such tender and gentle care, and I don't even know your name or anything about you. You are about to see me in all my indelicate glory, don't you think I should at least know your name?"

I smiled at him as I helped him lower himself onto the chair, by the large tin bath. "My name is Elizabeth. Elizabeth Holme."

"I know you are probably new to nursing?" He said, wincing and at that moment I could see that the dressings were not suppressing all of the blood loss. "I know this wasn't the plan, but I can't get in that water with a bleeding wound, but if you would take a rag, and soap, you could help me wipe the grime and sweat off my body. I can't tell you how much I would appreciate feeling clean."

I felt frustrated with myself for not having seen this before, that the dressings needed replacing, and I knew it was probably something I would need help doing. People there had told me not to be hard on myself, I was a volunteer and not expected to get everything right. But I didn't like that, I didn't like their insinuation that I was just a simple country girl who was only suited to the most basic of tasks. I wanted to serve, I wanted to be as useful as possible.

"You're right, that's probably best." I turned away as he slipped off the grimy gown, and I took the sponge and dipped it into the water. I knew I needed to be very gentle- the last time I had done this, the man had screamed when the water touched his wounds and I had been severely reprimanded for waking up most of the ward. That hadn't helped my status as a learner.

When I turned around I dropped the sponge in shock and it splashed on the floor, soaking my feet. Rusty was sat with his manhood to attention- it was rigid, aggressive and impossible to ignore.

He was clearly embarrassed and almost as surprised as I was. "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to...I promise I mean nothing inappropriate! My body doesn't know what it is doing, you were just so soft, and sweet and lovely, I guess my body just responded. Can you...please...ignore it? I am just tired and beat up and needing a bath...I promise I would never try anything...not with someone so obviously pure...and certainly not in my present condition."

I breathed slowly, smiled and nodded, trying to show that I wasn't affected- but I was. The male body... I had seen a lot of it since leaving the plantation at home, but I hadn't seen... this. The sex organ, ready for... for the act. This was beyond anything I had learned so far- my experience with that sort of thing comprised simply of a roll in the hay with a young man who had stayed with us for a few days last summer to assist with my father's business accounts. He had kissed me, told me how crazy I made him, and he had traced my figure over my dress with his slender fingers. Once he had pressed up against me and I'd felt his erection at my leg, but I had never seen... anything.

"It's okay," I said, as if I understood the workings of men's forms. "Let's get you clean." I picked up the sponge and wetted it again, stood next to him and began to slowly wipe the dust and dirt from his face.

 

[Homerun2611]

"It's okay,...Let's get you clean."The young lady was quite remarkable. She dismissed the large, throbbing, pylon of man flesh as if it was nothing more than a speck of lint that was easily disposed of. Despite being so young and stunningly beautiful, she was so capable. "You may be young, but I am so impressed how professional you are. You seem to be a most capable and intelligent young lady. You must have many suitors?"

Truly her initial reaction to my cock was quite extraordinary. My body's reaction, in retrospect, was quite predictable. I was a man, a virile man, a man who not all that long ago had enjoyed and eagerly anticipated the joys of the flesh. And could a man give a more sincere compliment to the beauty and femininity of a female than the reflexive hardening of his cock at her very presence? Young Elizabeth must have become quite used to this, as her beautify was radiant, and her youth and appearance of innocence, an appearance I now had to question, only made her the more enticing. In fact, as I sat there, my phallus aching and twitching, so needy of tender attention, I wasn't sure I had ever seen anything more desirable, at least for a woman fully clothed.

His wife had also been beautiful, and while the most proper lady in public, had a voracious sexual appetite. However, that appetite had been cultivated and grown over time, a journey to sexual nirvana, and what a delightful journey it had been. She had been a virgin up until their wedding night, and at first she had been intimidated, almost frightened when she first saw the beast that sprung out a her, eager to serve. He had been as gentle as possible, having learned what he must do, from a most benevolent instructor, but even so, that first night, despite his extended indulgence of her lady parts, priming her pump to a near state of frenzy, she had screamed out in a combination of extreme pleasure and significant pain, as they bloodied the sheets of their marital bed, the consummation of their marriage complete.

However, she was a battler, the next night she came to their room ready. "Please husband, help me, teach my body to enjoy your wonderful instrument. I may be innocent but I have heard the ladies talk and I know your tool is without peer. I want to learn to pleasure you, and in turn you pleasure me, in ways that you will never seek another." Thus began our journey, and we learned the value of lubrication and extended foreplay, we learned breathing techniques to extend the pleasure, our lovemaking would begin early in the night and often extend until near sunrise the next day when neither of us could barely walk. She learned to not only take, but covet my use of every hole, and she learned to do things to my body, that would have made a working girl in the Richmond saloons blush.

How had I become so experienced? Well that is a story for another post, however now is not the time. Nor should I have been thinking of my dear departed wife, and the things we used to enjoy, the carnal lust and near animalistic expressions of that lust we had so indulgently shared. For now, I was even harder, and a dollop of precum glistened at my throbbing tip. I felt the sponge grace my forehead and I moaned at the feel of the warm water and the soft touch of my Angel.

I did wonder, what sort of experience did this young woman have? And if she was experienced was it solely through observation here? I could not imagine this sweet angel had let her incredible young body be sullied while she was still a maiden. But her reaction had been so measured and composed, I was used to staring, some nervous laughter, even pointing. But to her credit, she had been unfazed, no biting or wetting of her lip. Had she truly seen so much that for the first time in my life, my penis, the topic of much local fanfare and hushed discussion back in my home area, had not even been noticed and certainly not appreciated.

Her back was to me now, however when she turned I would almost instinctively look at her firm young breasts. I had no idea what kind of undergarments might be constraining her, but my male ego alone would be quite bruised if there wasn't even a minor hardening of her nipples. I would obviously never know if he panties were even slightly damp? Not that I truly expected her to be attracted to me, I was older, and I sat here grimy and having been bloodied. Perhaps I was no longer the man I had been, my sculpted muscles and once magnificent cock, rendered ordinary.

I did look forward to feeling her hands run over me, and soothe my sore muscles and cleanse my soiled exterior. This was not sexual, this was medicinal, and I was being treated by a true professional. I needed to reciprocate. Shame on me for letting my mind wander, and shame on my cock, standing there proudly, desperately seeking attention. He was such a rascal, an impetuous and needy beast, a snake craving to be charmed. If I could have told him to hush and behave himself I would have, but like most men, my cock had a complete mind of its own. There was only one thing that could tame him, and she, to her credit, had no interest.

Finally she turned around, and indeed my eyes scanned her, and lingered on her young breasts, "As we are about to get quite close, I would love to know about you, I would love to hear the story of young Elizabeth Holme!?!? Do you need to roll up you shirt sleeves? I would hate for your to get your blouse soiled or wet."

 

[Initiate_me]

"You may be young, but I am so impressed how professional you are. You seem to be a most capable and intelligent young lady. You must have many suitors?"

Holding the sponge to his chest, I considered how to answer his question. It made me blush, and smile, but it also made me think and it was not something I had dwelt upon before. Away from the grim scene of the main ward, and with the warmth from the water, I felt more relaxed, more open. I just had to keep my eyes up, keep my gaze away from his... thing.

Not looking was difficult. But I repeated to myself that to be distracted, to not give the proper care he deserved, to be diverted from concentration on my duties, would be a failure to our people and a failure in front of God. I created a mantra to whisper to myself as I slow, gently washed his chest and shoulders.

I'm one tiny piece of the most important thing. One tiny piece of the most important thing

I felt if I could hold onto that mantra, now and for all of my time in this place, I would not fail.

My soldier moaned and I stopped for a moment, to check I hadn't hurt him, and before resuming I caught another glimpse of his manhood. I hadn't imagined penises being so large, how did they keep them out of view? The girlish whisperings I had heard about intercourse were vague, strange, and unspecific for the most part. But it had been explained to me how it worked on a basic level, and the idea of fitting that thing into my body was ridiculous. Was it all supposed to fit in? I scolded myself, got back to work. One tiny piece of the most important thing

I rinsed and re-soaked the sponge, slowly, composing myself, before turning around to him again. He asked me "As we are about to get quite close, I would love to know about you, I would love to hear the story of young Elizabeth Holme!?!? Do you need to roll up you shirt sleeves? I would hate for your to get your blouse soiled or wet."

Out of reflex I did as he suggested, rolling the sleeves high up slender arms gently coloured by the sun back home. I tried to think of something interesting to say, but I didn't believe there was anything.

"I'm just.... a normal Mississippi girl. Back home, my father grows cotton, we have a plantation. He and my Mother... they're probably arguing right now. They disagree about everything, especially about me. How I should be raised. This is the first time I've really left, to go anywhere far away, and it's been hard. I've seen some things at this hospital.... but what am I saying- I can't even imagine what you've had to witness."

 

[Homerun2611]

Rusty listened carefully to the young girl. She had no idea how much I had missed the company of the fairer sex, and in my wildest dreams I couldn’t have imagined that my first encounter would be with someone like her. Young Elizabeth was a treasure, I had suspected it initially, but every moment since had convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I felt an odd combination of desire and protectiveness for the young beauty. She was tender and innocent of heart and needed to be protected from the men who were now at war and would return hungry and desperate, ready to feast like gluttons on the tender, sweet morsel who now attended to me.

I noticed that she did not answer my question regarding suitors. I suspected, that if she did have any experience it was slight, and they had been boys, ill suited to providing such a spectacular young woman the experience such a precious gem deserved. She leaned over me, wiping my well defined biceps, pecs, and abs that in the future would be referred to as a six, if not an eight pack.

She was so careful to keep her eyes up, almost fearful of the large phallus pointing up at her. I kept my hand on her waist to steady us both, but could not deny, how good Fera petite waist felt in my strong hand or ho I longed to pull such a fine southern woman into my arms and kiss her like a beautiful woman should be kissed.

Finished with my neck and chest, she Rinsed her sponge and then turning aroun and back in front of me, she daintily dropped to her knees. And there we had it, it was impossible to avoid. Her face near inches away, was directly even with my one eyed snake staring straight at her. She tried so hard to be professional averting her gaze in every way possible while doing her best to do her job. It truly was admirable, if not a bit humorous.

I reached down and cupped her soft cheek in my hand, and she looked a bit frightened as she looked up at me with doelike eyes. Beautiful, dark brown, the personification of innocence. I spoke in a hushed tone as I wanted no one to hear this. “Sweet girl, you have never seen a man’s erect penis have you. I am not sure how that is in this job, although, other than perhaps your beauty, there likely isn’t much reason for a man to be hard?”

“Elizabeth, I am a gentleman, a Southern gentleman, and you can trust me. I will not try anything, but I am nervous for you. When the battles get closer and the Union troops arrive, you are a sweet lamb in danger of being ravaged by hordes of wolves. I have seen what they have done to other Southern women, and you are far more fair than any of them were.”

“You must be curious, you can ask me questions, even touch it if you’d like? You should at least understand the ways of a man. It is hard because of you, your beauty aroused me, I will not deny it, but I am ashamed as I now see what a tender innocent you are. I want to protect you, and be your teacher, if you will have me, and also your guardian. I will not try to take advantage of you, and I hereby pledge to give my life if necessary to try to protect you from the unwanted advances of others.”

I hoped she heard the sincerity in my voice, I was quite taken with the girl, but as God as my witness I would pledge to try to protect her as she needed. Anything else would be at her speed and only as she was comfortable, whether it be me or sme young gentleman she might come to fancy.

 

[Initiate_me]

Knelt there in front of him, like some concubine in front of her king, I kept my eyes on his. Avoiding looking at his erect penis, trying to pretend it wasn't there, that it didn't make me... feel things.

His hand on my cheek brought an involuntary shiver. I didn't answer his first question, didn't want to admit that I'd never seen this before, didn't want to add further paint to a picture of me as just a girl, who knew nothing.

“Elizabeth, I am a gentleman, a Southern gentleman, and you can trust me. I will not try anything, but I am nervous for you. When the battles get closer and the Union troops arrive, you are a sweet lamb in danger of being ravaged by hordes of wolves. I have seen what they have done to other Southern women, and you are far more fair than any of them were.”

His words about the Union army hit hard in me, filled me with a low, flickering fear. What was he talking about? How could they be coming in this direction, I knew we were winning, from everything that had been said to me. It was re-affirmed before every service of worship- how brave and strong our army was, how successfully the war was proceeding.

He went on to say something further, but I couldn't hear, I was lost to my own thoughts, no one had questioned our victory before. I was sure he must be wrong.... but his voice had the sounds of God's truth, and hadn't he been there? And seen what was happening, in the heart of the battle for our self-determination?

Looking at the floor, I managed to speak, weakly. "Surely... the Union army could never defeat us. We can't possibly lose this war. God.... God wants us to be free, doesn't he? I don't understand what you're saying."

 

[Homerun2611]

Rusty was taken aback, I had made an overture, and whether or not she was curious, I had at least felt I would get a response, instead I was now embarrassed, if not downright humiliated. Perhaps I had in my battle scarred state lost all appeal as a man?

Furthermore her reaction was a bit shocking, and then I thought, ‘What sort of propaganda were they being told? Or was this just the myth of out of touch Southerners who thought the gallantry of the South would overcome the far superior resources of the North.

“Elizabeth? What have they told you about the war?”

Again, all I saw was innocence.

“I think going into the war, the belief was in the short term, we might hold the advantage. Our Generals, particularly Generals Lee and Stonewall Jackson, were the very best. And we had provisions and munitions, and with a few quick victories we might well subdue the enthusiasm of the North to maintain the union.”

I stopped, recollecting, what now seemed as naive, if not foolish optimism regarding both the Confederacy’s superiority of leadership and lack of true conviction by the North. Mr. Lincoln had proven a man of strength and courage, an able if not superior foe at every turn.

“The reality is our leaders have made a few, grave, strategic mistakes. President Lincoln has been an agile leader, replacing ineffective Generals with better men, and Generals Grant and Sherman have proved themselves to be excellent in both strategy and tactics. Our current campaign in Vicksburg, and the pending invasion into Pennsylvania are our last gasps at an offense to turn the war in our advantage. Should those fail, we will largely be cut off from key supplies, and depleted of men and munitions. Although fighting will continue, the result will be inevitable. Good man after good man will die, in a vain effort to support the rebel cause. If you are one of prayer, then pray that Vicksburg and Gettysburg go our way, because if not, we most surely will lose.”

I stopped and looked at her, even for Rusty, this was the first time I had spoken this blasphemous truth aloud, but it was the truth, and there was hardly a single Confederate commander who felt differently.

“As for God’s will, given that we are defending the institution of slavery, so fundamental to the Southern economy, it is hard to argue that we are on the moral high ground, despite the gentility of our officers and men.”

Again, Rusty stopped, and fell silent. I had forgotten the rebuke or at least the nonchalance of her reaction to my manhood. The mention of the horrors of the war had done its job, I was no longer hard. “You are lovely, and an angel of mercy, our soldiers deserve every kindness you can give them. But do not be led astray by stories of romantic battles and Confederate glory. This has been a repugnant dogfight that has killed and maimed too many fathers, sons and brothers on each side, despite their heroism. War is hell personified, and all of our peoples will long suffer for our follies here.”

 

[Initiate_me]

I couldn't speak as Rusty described the course of the war to me, no words could emerge. Could it be true that our situation was so bleak? From another person I would have dismissed this, held to my beliefs, held to all of the things I had been told so many times. But Rusty... his eyes were so honest. There was an aura to him which I couldn't resist, and his words seemed to be hurting him almost as much as they harmed me.

When he finished he just sat there, as if exhausted by the exorcism of all of these forbidden insights. I remained kneeling, the sponge had been dropped to the floor, forgotten. We stayed that way for a few long moments, as I attempted to process everything. Then I slowly stood, went to retrieve the gown, handed it to Rusty.

"Please excuse me, just for a brief time. I have to attend to something- I'll return shortly and help you back to your bed," I said to him, my voice breaking, and I couldn't meet his eye.

I hurried to the office of the hospital director, somewhere I had been only once, immediately after arriving as a volunteer. I had been given a little talk on the importance of our care, the justness of our struggle, the high probability of a speedy victory- all of the things which now seemed to be in doubt. I half expected to be ordered away, but my knock was answered by his deep tones encouraging me to enter.

"It's... Elizabeth, isn't it? Holme? I don't forget a face." He stroked his white beard and gestured for me to come closer to the huge oak desk behind which he sat, flicking through some papers, but he did not invite me to be seated.

"Yes sir, that's right."

"Are you well? Are you doing your duty?" When I didn't answer he glanced up with concern on his ageing face. "Speak, child."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "I heard something terrible... about the war. Is it... is it true that the tide has turned against us? That we could be... defeated?" I felt shame to say the words but I was sure Rusty had told me true.

The director paused, sighed. He put down his looking glass and the papers, leaned forward over his desk and addressed me.

“Elizabeth. Listen to me. We will win this war. We will. I promise you that. But... it is undeniable that we are experiencing a challenge, currently. Sometimes we have to give ground, make tactical withdrawals, bide our time.” He frowned and waved a wand dismissively. “It's not possible to explain military tactics to a woman- and especially not to a girl like you. But all you need to understand is that our generals have a strategy, and it is working. At the moment we only need to be patient, and prudent, and careful.”

“Will the Union army be here with us soon? Is that true?” My voice sounded weak to me.

He hesitated. “It may be true. And I have been considering this. We don't have anything to fear from them, they would not dare to harm us- they know that their day of reckoning is coming, it crests the horizon and they fear it- they will be careful to treat us well during the short time that they command our obedience here- and it will be but a short time. It will be. However... I have given some thought to these matters, and it may be preferable for some of our.... less resilient nurses to vacate the hospital, and take with them some of the soldiers who still may be able to recover and be of use to our cause. Those who have lost limbs, yes, they can be locked up for a time by our enemies... but those who will soon recover and once more be strong- those are the soldiers we must remove, and hide from our oppressors.”

I felt that I was about to be ordered to leave the hospital, a thought which made the tears flow faster, I wanted to stay, I wanted to be here for the men in the darkest hours. But I was obedient. “What would you have me do?”

The director scratched his neck and smiled. “Return to your home- I remember that your father has a plantation, in Tennessee, and your mother remains there still?” I nodded. “Go there, taking with you the soldier whom we have just entrusted to your care. A short convalescence will be all he needs, and within days he will be a fit and ready fighter again- and soon we will be ready to use his skills and valour once more against the Unionists.”

I tried to protest- “I don't want to go, I want to be here, with the other nurses, I-”

“-Stop! Do not contradict me girl!” He took a deep breath after his loud interruption, smoothed out what remained of his white hair. “I will make the arrangements. You will leave at dawn. Now go- ten to him.”

I withdrew, head spinning. Ordered to leave. But at least I wouldn't leave alone. I still had Rusty to look after, I still had purpose.

 

[Homerun2611]

Elizabeth had looked sad and tired after she had finished helping me with the bath, and gently patting and drying me afterwards. I saw the concern in her eyes, and knew I had spoken far to candidly. As she helped me back into my bed, or really more a cot, I held her hand for a moment so that she might look at me.

"I am sorry Elizabeth, you do not deserve to be told such a grim tale as repayment for all of your kindness. I just don't want to see you hurt. However, I will also admit, being wounded does impact one's confidence and optimism. Our men are gallant, and I can promise, if there is a way, General Lee and General Jackson are the men to find it. I can't say I look forward to returning to the battlefield, but as soon as I am healthy that is exactly what I will do, and I will think of you back here, and it will help me fight even harder! Yes, that I can promise."

She headed off to the back, and feeling clean and in a fresh gown, sleep mercifully came. Dreams soon followed, my father's plantation, Saturday evening parties, dancing with young women wearing expensive perfumes, my one hand holding theirs, my other clasping their thin waists as I whisked them across the wooden floors of our ballroom.

I hadn't been asleep long however, before she was back, sitting beside me. I felt her hand, gently rock my shoulder and still enjoying my dream I awoke with a smile on my face. But then my eyes focused on her sweet face, I looked into her eyes and they looked even sadder than before.

"What is it sweet lady, has there been news from the battlefields, or are you still saddened by my foolish ramblings?"

 

[Initiate_me]

I couldn't help it, sat there by Rusty's bed, seeing his handsome face return to the waking world. My soft tears turned into sobs which I tried and failed to quiet, and I gripped his hand and attempted to smile. It can't have convinced him, but he waited patiently for me to answer his question. It took another minute, but I composed myself, knowing I had to tell him and to be strong and accept my duty, my new duty, even if I didn't want it. Leaving the hospital was going to hurt me, it felt like a failure, but who was I to question these orders?

"The hospital director spoke to me," I whispered, leaning in to avoid being overheard by soldiers in nearby beds. One of the other nurses passed by and cast me a frown, I knew she was one who disapproved of any physical contact, but she was too busy to chastise me and on she went. "He believes the Union army will be here soon. He says they will not harm anyone here... but we need to remove any men who have the potential to regain their ability to fight, so that they can be kept free to return to battle soon. You are one of those men."

His expression didn't change, calmly giving me the time I needed to take a few deep breaths, and continue. "He wishes for me to go away with you, back to my father's plantation in Tennessee, so that you may recuperate. He says it's the only thing to be done, and I... I don't think I can dispute that."

 

[Homerun2611]

She needed to take her time which was fine with me, while I was surrounded by pain and suffering, Elizabeth was an oasis. Young and every time I looked at her she seemed even more beautiful than the last time. How could such beauty and innocence exist here in this place of so much misery. "It's okay Elizabeth, take your time, I just enjoy your being here." It was the truth, she was young enough to probably be my daughter, but what I was feeling was not fatherly. She was awakening something in me that had been too long in hibernation.

As she leaned into me, I felt her take my breath away, and every time the only word that seemed to fit was that of an angel, "The hospital director spoke to me...He believes the Union army will be here soon. He says they will not harm anyone here... but we need to remove any men who have the potential to regain their ability to fight, so that they can be kept free to return to battle soon. You are one of those men." I did not speak, I had learned the hard way to make sure I fully understood any orders, but my heart sank as I thought about leaving her, the only kindness or ray of light I had felt in so long. How could I have grown so fond of this young nurse in such a short time? Was she truly that unique, or was I truly that devoid of hope? The answer was most likely yes to both.

"He wishes for me to go away with you, back to my father's plantation in Tennessee, so that you may recuperate. He says it's the only thing to be done, and I... I don't think I can dispute that." I could barely believe my ears, nor could I hide my smile, but as soon as I turned and looked into her eyes it vanished. I raised my hand and cradled her cheek. "I see that this assignment does not please you, does it?....It is okay, I understand, escorting and caring for an old soldier is not exactly what a young girl dreams of, is it?"

I looked down, feeling quite the fool. My brief dreams of fancy, delusions of enjoying the company of such a fine, young woman crashing around me. "I am sorry Elizabeth, and I do understand. However, your Director is wrong, the people here will not be safe, and we may not be safe either. However, I promise my last dying breath will be used to try to protect you. You may not be pleased, but I am honored, and I appreciate the hospitality of being taken to your home to recuperate."

I looked one more time into those beautiful sad eyes, and then I laid down...morning would come soon enough. I was an officer and we would have a carriage to transport us.

 

[Initiate_me]

That night I didn't get much sleep. After leaving Rusty and departing to the communal nurses' quarters, I shared a quiet, simple meal with the other women and then excused myself as quickly as I could. Lying their on my bed, the other beds not yet occupied, I thought of my time at the hospital. What it had done from me- taking me from being so simple, knowing so little.... to just knowing that tiniest crumb more about the world. I'd seen horrifying things, but I'd survived it, even sometimes been able to help. Which had made me think that I could do more, perhaps, than just be a loyal wife to a wealthy man from back home. But what exactly, I was not sure.

Through the night shards of sleep came to me, and pieces of dreams, sweat, dark, vague fears. When the sun finally came up I rejoiced, despite knowing that on this day I would have to leave. Now that I had my task, I wanted to commence with it, waste no time, move forward. That morning after our breakfast the matron announced my leaving and gave some reasons for it- not the Hospital Director's reasons, and not mention of the state of the war. But Rusty's words about our generals had eased my fears somewhat, and as I said my goodbyes to women I had worked closely with yet never truly known, I did not fear for them.

I helped Rusty to the carriage, managing not to look back at the hospital, telling myself that perhaps I would return and perhaps I would not, it was not for me to decide. We settled ourselves in the back, and the boy charged with our same conveyance to my father's plantation geed the horse forward. I noticed that due to the needs of the war, the boy was younger and horse older than would have been ideal. But we were to travel through our own lands, and I did not fear the journey. I felt that even in his slow recovery, Rusty would protect me.

The morning was warm, calm, as if there was no fighting, no death and no struggle. I could hardly remember my journey here, it seemed like half a lifetime away although it had been less than a year. I realised I had forgotten to write ahead to my mother, and I resolved that upon our first stop I would look for a fast messenger to take a letter, so that she would be prepared to receive us. I didn't want any possible comfort to be lacking for my soldier, as I had come to think of him. I looked over to him and wondered what he was thinking as we moved away from the hospital.

 

[Homerun2611]

We had only just begun, not even on the outside of Jackson and I decided this would not do. I was an officer damn it, and a cavalry officer at that, and this boy didn't even know how to guide a horse. His fits and starts were more painful than driving myself. I looked at Elisabeth and then the boy.

"Jeremy, I believe we are going to need to make a change here. Do not take offense, but you are young and can best serve the effort here. I am well enough to guide the carriage and we can take our time and easily make it there in three days. Please pull over to the side here, and I will pay to have you ridden back to the hospital."

I did feel a little bad, as this could mean the boys death, but unlikely. However there were good men being cared for there, by good women, and they needed his assistance far more than Elizabeth and I did. We had a small tent, bedrolls, and provisions and water for four days. Her her plantation was a bit over 200 miles, located in southwest Tennessee, about 30 miles east of Memphis, just ten miles north of the Mississippi/Tennessee border. If we made good time we could get there in three days and two nights, a bit more leisurely pace would last no more than an additional day. As we only had the single, older horse a few more rests and stops for water might be necessary.

Pulling over the boy dismounted from his seat, and I gave him a one dollar silver coin to pay for his return, which was probably twice what was necessary. "Please son, do not feel bad, I am sure you would do a great job, but even a wounded officer still has his pride." A firm handshake and he was off and I took the reins sliding into the driver's position. It felt good to have the leather straps back in my hands and a purpose other than healing. I turned around to see Elizabeth looking up at me concerned.

"I promise, I am okay to do this, and you can't blame me for wanting some time alone with such a charming companion." I winked wanting to make her feel at ease, but there was also more truth in my statement than even I realized. "However, and don't feel obligated, but if you would like, I would enjoy a partner up here."

I patted the carriage seat next to me. "It is you choice, have you ever driven a carriage like this, you are such a capable young woman you probably have, but if not, I would welcome the opportunity to teach you?"

 

[Initiate_me]

I watched silently as Rusty ordered the boy to leave, sent him back to Jackson. It worried me, not knowing if he was fit to lead our journey of several days, but at the same time I couldn't dispute his logic. If he could safely bring us to our destination then it was better to return the additional man to the war effort. Something inside told me that I was safe, that I could trust this soldier completely.

He assumed the driver's position, the horse waiting patiently, it could clearly sense that he had experience, he had control.

He touched the carriage seat beside him and said ""It is you choice, have you ever driven a carriage like this, you are such a capable young woman you probably have, but if not, I would welcome the opportunity to teach you?"

I thought for a moment about how back home it would not have been considered appropriate or decent of me to ride at the front with the driver or to sit so close to a man outside my family. But this wasn't home, and this was different. The war made everything feel different. And so I nodded, took his hand and allowed him to guide to me into place beside him.

"No, I have never driven a carriage. My father thought it was improper for me. But he's away from home now, fighting with out army. I know not where, but I have hope that my mother will have news of him when we arrive." I smoothed out my dress and tried not to notice how close his leg was to mine. ""If you will teach me, I will be your willing student."

 

[Homerun2611]

I realized my question would make her think, fine Southern women did not often ride their own carriage, unless they were widowed or did not own servants. Elizabeth was definitely not widowed, and my guess was she was well bred. Nevertheless, although I loved a feminine woman, particularly in the bedroom, I also did not believe in all the normal opinions of Southern society.

Therefore as I patted the seat next to me I was not sure what she might do, and I was thrilled when she finally did reply, "No, I have never driven a carriage. My father thought it was improper for me. But he's away from home now, fighting with out army. I know not where, but I have hope that my mother will have news of him when we arrive....If you will teach me, I will be your willing student."

As she took the seat next to me, I couldn't help but notice all of her clothing. I smiled, "Well your father and I might disagree, I think it is good if a woman feels safe and comfortable taking care of herself, particularly in these times...." I turned toward her, "Elizabeth, I am sure you are a very good girl, but these are different times. Today, it is going to be near 100 degrees, and their is no more hot and humid spot than here in Mississippi. I am going to toss my jacket in back and unbutton my shirt a bit, I would suggest if there are any layers you can easily shed, you will be far more comfortable if you did so..."

We adjusted ourselves, it was already scorching hot, as we began to move. I took one of the reins, and put it in her hands. "Do you feel the looseness in the reins? Horses are like children, they will tell you what they need, you just need t listen, and all I need to hear them is right here i my hands. She is comfortable right now, so I am giving he rein to run, but if it gets dark or the road gets bumpy, I will hold tighter and let her know that I have got her, and all she needs to do is follow my command."

I put the second rein in her hand, and I moved closer, putting my arm around her and covering her hands with mine. "I hope you don't mind, but this way I can help you understand what this horse is telling you?" She was reasonably tight in my arms, and it was warm, but I didn't mind. I couldn't help but notice how small and delicate she was, nor how good her soft, small body, felt in my arms.

We traveled a good bit and I felt her getting the hang of it. "You are a good student, I do like teaching you, I hope there will be plenty of things I can help you with, our little trip here will hopefully give me a chance to teach you many things!" With that, I took my hands off hers, and moved my hand that was around her and placed it on her waist. "There, I think you can do it on your own, but I will stay here just in case....

 

[Initiate_me]

I followed his advice, although I was dressed far more simply than I would be back home, I still was encumbered by layers not befitting the day's climate. I untied the large bow which covered my neck, and removed the heavy shawl which had been wrapped around my shoulders and chest, and placed them in the seating behind us. The light warm breeze moved through his unbuttoned shirt, and I tried not to look. It was still uncomfortably hot as we proceeded, I could feel sweat gathering on my body.

"I hope you don't mind, but this way I can help you understand what this horse is telling you?" he said, with his hands on mine, guiding my use of the reins. I nodded my assent, keeping my eyes forward, seeking to focus on the task, although I could feel my own bodily tension. It was not as difficult as I had expected, although he was surely doing most of the directing. He told me that I was a good student and that he looked forward to teaching me more, and I blushed red- I'd always blushed easily, right through my childhood and it had not left me now as a young woman, something I wished I could change. I could hide sadness, sometimes fear, but never excitement. I wanted to stay pale, not be tainted by red, the colour of harlots, but it could not be stopped, and I hoped he would not notice.

He released my hands, leaving full control to me and I gripped the reins, trying not to let my nerves affect the horses, which were making steady progress over the rutted track. There was yet no soul else visible, likely because locals would avoid travelling in such scorching weather. In any case, folk were only taking trips when necessary- the war, although unseen here, played on the minds of everyone and they preferred to work, and stay prepared, and keep their families in view. Like my father had wanted, until the time had come when he had to leave us, and join the fihting. That sad day... I shook my head, shook the melancholy thought from my mind.

Rusty's hand was on my waist, and he assured me that he was there if I needed him. I knew that meant not just now, but for longer- that we were to share some sort of adventure, some experience, something that had not yet become clear to us but which waited just over the horizon.

 

[Homerun2611]

She took the reins and she had a natural feel. Her thin waist felt good in my hand and I had t fight the desire to pull her closer. Her pull was almost magnetic. I did find the jarring of the wooden wheels on the dirt and hard clay, tutted paths to be quite painful, but also understood the necessity of keeping a reasonable pace if we were ever to get there at all.

I briefly moved my hand from her waist to her forearm, and lifted her hand up quickly to give the horse some rope. “We are going to let her run a bit, build up a sweat, and then we’ll slow her to a trot. If we alternate, let her rest after she runs, we should make good time, stop for water every hour and a half or so.” Off the old mare went at a gallop and for the next ten minutes or so, things moved well. My hand was back holding her waist, and as we took small turns in the road, we pressed closer and closer together.

We found ourselves laughing and enjoying as our horse and small wagon accelerated the pace. It felt good to feel the wind on my face, I had almost forgotten about the pain and was more enjoying the thrill she seemed to be having. I was just about to help her slow down the filly, when suddenly just as we crested a small hill a musket shot rang out. Luckily, it wasn’t the war finding us, just a young boy, a little more than 10 years old, shooting a small buck to feed his family.

Up the horse reared, and the horse took as if it was the musket ball itself, tearing down the rutted road at lightning speed. Reaching around her, my hands again took the reins and in short order I had the horse back under control , and pulled her to a stop. My heart was racing, hers had to be as well. Pulling her in, I hugged her and held her tight. “Are you okay? You did nothing wrong, it was just bad luck!” At first I wasn’t sure how tight he was holding on to her, finally, I did release her, and stared into her eyes. So close, it would have felt completely natural to lean forward and kiss her, but I didn’t. Instead I took command th

“Let’s get some water for the horse before we continue.” We had packed a single crutch for me, and with Elizabeth’s assistance I was able to get off and unbridle the mare. We were traveling along a river, and so I was just walking down to the shore maybe thirty feet. I looked down and saw blood seeping through my shirt and turned to Elizabeth. “Could you come with me to clean and change my dressing?”

 

[Initiate_me]

My heart was hammering, terrible thoughts of awful fates had blazed through my mind at the sound of the shot, and the horse had for a moment seemed unstoppable. Rusty held me tightly and asked me if I was okay, and I steadied my breathing and nodded.

“Let’s get some water for the horse before we continue,” he said, and I helped him off and we unbridled the horse together. The world was calm again as we walked to the river shore and from a distance an observer would not have known I was supporting him, that he was wounded. We would have appeared to be lovers. The river looked inviting in the strong sun, and my dress was clinging to me in places, with all the unavoidable sweat.

Rusty was bleeding through his shirt- “Could you come with me to clean and change my dressing?”

"Of course," I said and I helped him to the river. I turned around as he undressed, watched birds on the horizon. The birds knew nothing of the war, and I envied them. How strange to be envying birds.

As at the hospital, I averted my eyes, kept them away from his body which was now barely clothed, just his undergarments. With one arm I supported him and with my other hand I brought my dress up to near my knees, with difficulty, and we waded slowly into the river until the water threatened to wet my clothes. I released him and submerged the cloth I had brought, into the cool clear water. I pressed it gently to his wound, watching it gather the blood to it, red dripping down him to merge with the beautiful river. I looked at his face instead of his body as far as was possible and he smiled. He looked different out here. Away from all the bad things. It made me wonder what he would have been like as a man unmolested by violence and danger and trials. What would any of us be like.

"Once this is clean I will bring a new dressing, there is one packed away that will do the job. The Hospital director allowed me some small items to attend to you along the way. Once there, my mother has everything we would need," I said and the thought of my mother made me smile. "It's going to be wonderful to see her again. And she is going to adore you. She probably will not leave you alone for a moment of peace, I shall have to tell her not to fuss over you too much."

 

[Homerun2611]

She helped me out of the carriage and even in unbridling the horse. She was a good horse, and getting her to stop had been easy, she just needed a strong hand to show her she was safe and things were under control if she simply followed my command. I looked at the pretty young nurse, and couldn’t help but wish it might be that easy with her. As we had ridden, holding her hands, then her delicate waist, I couldn’t help but be quite taken by her innocent, yet radiant beauty, and her even kinder and sweet disposition.

She supported me in my walk down to the river, which partially made me feel bad, not being strong enough on my own. However, the other part of me treasured the closeness and intimacy of touch with such a feminine and glorious young woman. I knew I would need to step into the water to be cleaned. I took down my pants, and felt lucky to be in the South where cotton undershorts were still an available luxury. It was clear that she took great pains to avoid looking at my body, focusing on my face, barely looking down even as she treated the wound.

Being an officer we were given a small bottle of iodine, and as she carefully provided the antiseptic, she then began to wrap the cotton bandage dressing. As she kept averting her eyes, I didn’t know what to think? “Nurse Elizabeth, is it that bad, am I so misfigured, you can’t even look upon me, even in caring for me?” I saw she was struggling, and so I reached out to assist her in holding her dress above the water freeing her hands to help me. I pulled her dress safely up and away from the water, but in so doing, also revealed her slim, and shapely lower thigh, knee and legs.


“I feel bad, at one time I was considered quite handsome and dashing, but the war has obviously taken its toll.I wish I could inspire you in the ways you so easily inspire me. Yet then, there is you, as bright as the morning sunshine and beautiful as the most glorious Spring flowers. I do declare you are about the most beautiful thing these eyes remember enjoying, it is such a pleasure to look over and remember the good lord still has the power to create a woman as beautiful and sweet as you!” I let go of her cheek, a bit embarrassed at the boldness of my candor.