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Post a poem here and a Snarky, Elitist Poet will comment on it for you.
Only humor and good fun here.
Post a poem here and a Snarky, Elitist Poet will comment on it for you.
Only humor and good fun here.
The_Fool
smiling for the camera
- Joined
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I have just the right poem for this thread.
Another Life Lesson
by The_Fool ©
A man stopped me today
In order to show me the way
To correctly wipe my ass.
It was very clear to see
His deep concern for me
When he would not let me pass.
With righteousness and tact
He wished to share with me the facts
Of waste and fecal matter.
His tone was quite direct
His words proper and correct
And laid out on a platter.
“The proper way to pass
Waste and fecal mass
Is with your ass upon a throne.
Grunts and groans don’t really matter,
One should never cause a splatter,
And never, ever talk upon the phone.
That is not the place to read
One should simply fulfill the need
And be quickly upon one’s way.
And don’t forget my son
Until the paperwork is done
One cannot go out to play.
And that is my major gripe
That most don’t know how to wipe
And go through their life consumed by soil.”
He then turned away from me
The better for me to see
His self proclaimed life’s toil.
His pants dropped without a sound
And he squatted down close to the ground
As he put his practice on display.
I’m sorry I have to admit
That I watched him take a shit
So amazed, I could not even turn away.
The air began to smell
As the pile began to swell
As his work he continued to share.
As he reached round to wipe his hole
The culmination of his goal
I suddenly found the need for fresher air.
Going by him very fast
I managed to make it past
This pontiff in repose.
His shout sped me away
But I still could hear him say
“Wait --- I need to close.”
But I had heard all I needed to hear
His phrases so very clear
His demonstration quite to the point.
His words begin to fade
But the smell I could not evade
As my shoe he chose to anoint
With the product of his soul.
Since I chose to ignore his goal
He left me looking for a scraper.
It been made very clear to me
That the only ass this man will see
Is when his finger breaks through the paper.
Another Life Lesson
by The_Fool ©
A man stopped me today
In order to show me the way
To correctly wipe my ass.
It was very clear to see
His deep concern for me
When he would not let me pass.
With righteousness and tact
He wished to share with me the facts
Of waste and fecal matter.
His tone was quite direct
His words proper and correct
And laid out on a platter.
“The proper way to pass
Waste and fecal mass
Is with your ass upon a throne.
Grunts and groans don’t really matter,
One should never cause a splatter,
And never, ever talk upon the phone.
That is not the place to read
One should simply fulfill the need
And be quickly upon one’s way.
And don’t forget my son
Until the paperwork is done
One cannot go out to play.
And that is my major gripe
That most don’t know how to wipe
And go through their life consumed by soil.”
He then turned away from me
The better for me to see
His self proclaimed life’s toil.
His pants dropped without a sound
And he squatted down close to the ground
As he put his practice on display.
I’m sorry I have to admit
That I watched him take a shit
So amazed, I could not even turn away.
The air began to smell
As the pile began to swell
As his work he continued to share.
As he reached round to wipe his hole
The culmination of his goal
I suddenly found the need for fresher air.
Going by him very fast
I managed to make it past
This pontiff in repose.
His shout sped me away
But I still could hear him say
“Wait --- I need to close.”
But I had heard all I needed to hear
His phrases so very clear
His demonstration quite to the point.
His words begin to fade
But the smell I could not evade
As my shoe he chose to anoint
With the product of his soul.
Since I chose to ignore his goal
He left me looking for a scraper.
It been made very clear to me
That the only ass this man will see
Is when his finger breaks through the paper.
unpredictablebijou
Peril!
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2007
- Posts
- 5,507
I am a snarky elitist poet and I will comment on this poem.
I don't approve of rhyme unless it is written by a white, English-speaking male who has been dead for at least 200 years.
And I tested this piece and it cannot be sung to the tune of "Yellow Rose of Texas". That's another major flaw right there. However, with some rather major tweaking, it might work to the tune of "Joy to the World." So it's not completely without merit.
I think you should submit. To me. Never mind the poem and publication. Just submit.
bj
I don't approve of rhyme unless it is written by a white, English-speaking male who has been dead for at least 200 years.
And I tested this piece and it cannot be sung to the tune of "Yellow Rose of Texas". That's another major flaw right there. However, with some rather major tweaking, it might work to the tune of "Joy to the World." So it's not completely without merit.
I think you should submit. To me. Never mind the poem and publication. Just submit.
bj
The_Fool
smiling for the camera
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unpredictablebijou
Peril!
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I want a snarky elitist poet to shred this.
Valentine's day at the bar
chalk slide hi top angry boy crop cock
hair spike sweet peg cuff like the raw stock soul
that hunger hard so much it hurts
like seeing a wound not yet healed
like the raw week of hearts
red as they scramble for purchase
Valentine's day at the bar
chalk slide hi top angry boy crop cock
hair spike sweet peg cuff like the raw stock soul
that hunger hard so much it hurts
like seeing a wound not yet healed
like the raw week of hearts
red as they scramble for purchase
Liar
now with 17% more class
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Pop art masturbation and monosyllabic hodge-podge that obfuscates the poetic message...
...or logorrhea smoke-and-mirrors that try to conceal that there is none.
Which it is, I'll let you know when I'm not high, drunk, horny and two day's worth behind on sleep.
In other words, I won't.
Something like that?
unpredictablebijou
Peril!
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Sweet!
That's exactly what I had in mind.
High, drunk, horny and two days' behind on sleep was about the state I was in when I wrote it. So that's perfect.
bj
Sara Crewe
Whatever
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Liar sounds like fun right now.
Crap . That wasn't snarky.
I fail at this. Wait while I berate myself for being inferior and not worthy of the being called snaky or snarky.
Last edited:
sassynyc
Fine and Mellow
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Homburg
Daring greatly
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Yeah.......take the easy way out
You are simply insufficiently elite to recognise the concise brilliance of my work.
sassynyc
Fine and Mellow
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Narcissus, umm I mean Homburg, careful...don't tip over into the lake. Wouldn't want you to drown in the dazzling reflection of your brilliance.
Homburg
Daring greatly
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Narcissus, umm I mean Homburg, careful...don't tip over into the lake. Wouldn't want you to drown in the dazzling reflection of your brilliance.
I enjoyed your wording there. You do not have to thank me for providing the inspiration. The homage paid is sufficient. This time.
sassynyc
Fine and Mellow
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Hmm....'homage'.....'Homburg'. I suppose that word is an ode to you as well.
cuz i just have to have the last word
*snarky, elitist eyebrows*
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Liar
now with 17% more class
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Good name for a late 80's New Wave band.
Homburg
Daring greatly
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champagne1982
Dangerous Liaison
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I think HC is rubbing off on you...
or off on sassy
nm. I think HC is the true snarky elitist. Even if he doesn't like writing words when he makes his poetry. (this will needs be discussed with Viv and MIS, I think since they've actually read HC's poems.)
Anyway, that rebus truly illustrates how freakin' toppy you are and has absolutely nothing to do with poetry, unless you're ee cummings.
Homburg
Daring greatly
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.
....poetry
....is was
.....and a
.....lways
.....will b
.....e in t
.....he ey
.....e of t
..he behold
.er and my e
ye beholds th
at which i con
.sider poetry
-HC, riffing off the ee reference
(He heard it was Open Mic Night. This is rare, as he is usually only about the Performance Art.)
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Anschul
Literotica Guru
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Is this intended to be in the shape of my late ex-wife? Or is it a bong?
unpredictablebijou
Peril!
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Rorschack says you fail his test. But then, you're a straight man, so maybe that's okay.
Homburg's Cock knows only two shapes. That one and the feminine counterpart,
the vesica piscis.
Kay, well, he could probably draw a mouth too.
A bong? *giggle* Your subculture's showing, dear. Lemme help you tuck it in... there...
whoops. sorry. Who knew that would be right there in the way? Just show me on the doll where you're allowed to be touched.
bj
sassynyc
Fine and Mellow
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Knocked the wind right outta my sails. I was all ready to spar, and here you come with the rose....so not fair. Fine. I'm in demure mode....for now.Your lips do make it homage to Me.
I'd love to get all snarky about this, but I can't. I just like it. The whole kit and kaboodle. Such a sucker for creativity. Extra points for the shape element.
Damn you!
Hmm....puff puff pass paraphernalia. Could be. I was thinkin' somethin' much more phallic...
Homburg
Daring greatly
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Knocked the wind right outta my sails. I was all ready to spar, and here you come with the rose....so not fair. Fine. I'm in demure mode....for now.
I'd love to get all snarky about this, but I can't. I just like it. The whole kit and kaboodle. Such a sucker for creativity. Extra points for the shape element.
Damn you!
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
sassynyc
Fine and Mellow
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Homburg
Daring greatly
- Joined
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