The Secrets I Keep

[ThesecretsIkeep]

For about 5 years now, I have been growing in my sexuality and in my interests and desires. Becoming more bold, if you will. I can feel the heat of my body increasing and my once playful temptations turning into burning, aching need. I’m ashamed, of what I’ve become. It makes me feel…less but at the same time it brings me overwhelming confidence and power.

I’m shy yet wicked, so the same face that blushes and turns away will suddenly turn and lock eyes with someone recognizing me for what I am, and smile a wicked, seductive smile...letting my eyes shimmer with pure, unabashed lust. I’m an animal, but a tame one at that. I have been trained, you see, so I’m controlled now only by good instruction for my behavior and morals sake. The only times I feel ashamed at what I do is when I look at other girls my age, when I look at my sisters, my friends, or my mother. They take pictures to post in public; they display some sexual things but mostly in good fun. Don’t get me wrong, I can be fun…sex isn’t so serious a thing. But. I do what I do with an agenda and with hunger, and it is not something I would want my friends to see. It is the secret I keep, the lies I must tell, the person I truly am, and yet no one knows her.

I’m intelligent, I know. Not so much so that I consider myself a genius, but I’m not a dumb slut. So I struggle with my own respect for myself, in my desires. So not just anyone will do, not to sound picky (I swear I only truly desire someone who matches my needs sexually and has a brain). So that covers dumb, but as for slut… I’m not even a slut (except in my mind and darkest secrets). I’m actually a virgin and I have only engaged in sexual activity twice, not allowing it to get very far. But, considering as I have been sexually aware of myself since 8 and slowly understanding more about it and what I enjoy, I know what I like and I certainly know what I want. Sex. Oh I want it more than anything, but I’m like a dog in an electric fenced yard. My fence has shocked me time and time again, and I’m afraid to over step my bounds now, regardless of the fact that it has been taken down. I’m free to do what I like, but…as I said, I have been trained.

I’d consider myself an independent person, I don’t do well with authority figures, though I am polite and respectful…just…stubborn, and I have a mind of my own so I’m not opposed to sharing my opinions. But I’m submissive to a man who carries himself well, with pride, arrogance, intelligence, just, power, control. I crave nothing more than a man who can control himself with me, but at the same time he has to fight to remain that way and not get lost in me. I want to be a man’s fantasy and to have him use me in whatever way he wishes to give himself pleasure, because despite my innocence and my refusal to bend to anyone’s will or need anyone, I need to be dominated. To be taken, and forced to pleasure because I’d love to fight it. My will would make me fight but my no’s means yes…and my body would evidently show that I was a willing participant. Yet. No one can sense it, it’s like people are oblivious to the need screaming from my body. I’ve really never had a boyfriend, and those that are interested are found wanting haha, or they just want me for sex (which I may not mind but they don’t give me what I want. They are weak and just boys.) .

I’m a fresh 18 year old, so I understand that part of my problem was mostly due to the legality of it. I’m 5’2-5’3, 115lbs, 32c/25/34 measurements, long dirty blonde hair and green eyes, and I’d love for a man to claim me…
I suppose I could divulge into my desires a little more now, seeing that you have a better idea of what makes me me. I love rough sex, love to be helpless, I want to beg because I need you so badly, I love giving blow jobs, I love having my hair pulled and my hips and breasts being held so hard that you leave bruises on my skin…I’m already loud by myself, but I want to lose that last bit of control I have, drop my fears and inhibitions and scream and moan your name as you force your will upon me and make it my own.

I am also, like most girls I’m sure, a fan of the idea of being loved. Who wouldn’t? So sure, I enjoy cuddling and gentleness as much as the next gal, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love it rough too. Or hell, that I could do both. Teasing is a fantastic way of sending someone over the edge, I’m easily aroused (despite the fact that I’ll fight it tooth and nail) so I would be a begging, submissive whore for the man who could take me to my limits. If, he desired it I would happily be his loyal, loving woman (I have some interesting qualities about me and would live to serve, don’t forget I’m stubborn though), or I can just be his fuck toy and be happy that he graces me with his presence , among other things…

This was a very random “story”, more like a journal entry, to be honest. I admit it would be nice to hear from someone who has similar interests…male or female, input is appreciated. And it would be nice to not feel so alone, considering that…I actually am alone in this. [/SIZE]

 

[Lone_Wanderer]

I don't think this is as much a story, as it beats out most attempts at personals here on Lit. It conveys your desires, interests, and your criteria for who you want in a partner.

Very nicely done.

(P.S. - You have a PM incoming...)

 

[ConstantineIII]

While you may be alone your area, you are not alone in the grand scheme of things. You are quite articulate, and you sounds quite intelligent as well. I have no doubt that you will find this site to be intellectually, as well as sexually, stimulating.

 

[alchemyandlaughter]

It's like looking in a mirror...

Hello to You....and Bravo for sharing all that you are so openly and with such clarity....

This site is a fantastic place to meet people who will both understand you and tempt you....and some of them are as articulate as you are...so stay on your toes......

I will tell you this....I am a 38 year old woman who has an adopted daughter just a little older than you....I've spent a lot of years telling girls your age that they don't have a clue what they need or want....and I've been right! You, however, definitely seem to have a firm grasp on who you are and where you are at....and you express yourself very well indeed! In fact, I'd have to say that, besides the virgin part, you and I have more in common than most people I have ever met world wide....and I don't say that from a lightly....or EVER....lol

I have talked to a lot of people on this site in deep and meaningful ways...and met quite a few quality people...so, if you are ever just looking to talk....or if you need a sounding board who won't try to tell you to be something you're not....consider me available for friendship.

Good Luck to You in Your Quest....I'm sure your inbox will be full of those who wish to discover and undo you....just chomping at the bit to be the One to put you in your Place....Keep your wits about you just a bit longer and I'm sure good things will come your way....

 

[cliteatingman]

sent you a PM

 

[Analog38]

Very well written. You will get many PMs because you convey your hopes and desires clearly. Enjoy your journey.

 

[avecvous]

At 18 I was beginning to recognize some profound features of my own existence, too. With a heavy mix of creativity and intelligence, you also very often get a combustible flood of sexual energy to contend with. I had to cope with it at a young age as well, it's wonderful, frightening, inevitable.

For what it's worth, there's a strong element of foreground and background distinction in what you share. We're dual creatures with a dualistic nature, and when the features of that fact are recognized at an early age without the benefit of the kinds of context that only years and years of trial, error, discovery and acceptance can provide, it can be stark, jarring, exciting. Safety and danger, pleasure and pain, autonomy and submission - they oscillate like the opposite phases of single energies that they are. Reconciling them is a challenge that lasts a lifetime since as you integrate one instance of this phenomenon, you stumble on another and another with subtly increasing energies and octaves. Hooray and oh my fucking god.

I would suggest approaching the notion of your "true self", your ultimate authenticity, as carefully as you can. Explore your desires with as much abandon as relative safety can abide, but the "true" nature of self is elusive, trust me. And thank goodness it is. You've got an interesting ride ahead of you, I hope you enjoy it as it unfolds.

 

[applejammm]

just that i go here..is a secret..

 

[ThesecretsIkeep]

Thanks all for being so encouraging and understanding

 

[69thfirmesthand]

You will do quite well.Dont settle for less than what you want and need!

 

[starider07]

I do agree with this one,..

You will do quite well.Dont settle for less than what you want and need!

and others. Follow your heart. Do not worry of "taboos", embrace them. Sometimes finding the like minded is a chore, but you and your desires will grow and morph into who you will become. Good luck in all your future adventures, and don't forget about us here at lit. Share your experiences. I once had a female friend who put it this way. "Your sex life is like an amusement park, enjoy the ride"

 

[Mondoboy]

For about 5 years now, I have been growing in my sexuality and in my interests and desires.

I can feel the heat of my body increasing and my once playful temptations turning into burning, aching need.

I’m actually a virgin and I have only engaged in sexual activity twice, not allowing it to get very far.

I know what I like and I certainly know what I want.

I’ve really never had a boyfriend, and those that are interested are found wanting haha, or they just want me for sex (which I may not mind but they don’t give me what I want. They are weak and just boys.

I’m a fresh 18 year old

I think these are the key elements as to the causes of this posting (the last one I knew (roughly) before I got to it) and the main reasons why you are pumping out these sexually-based writings.

What you are expressing are things that many people go through/think about/obsess over, to some degree or other, when they are of young & inexperienced years, often winding themselves silly about them and then often end up masturbating because of the frustration or doing something else.

What you will find however, when some of the above elements are no longer only just in your mind, only a mystery, only a fantasy and just imaginations of yours, is that they'll either go away, be satisfied and become less of a mystery, less of a fantasy and you'll calm down quite a lot too.

Despite what we fantasize about, everything comes back to the ugly reality and the practicality fulfilling the fantasizes and when you get to that state, things will be different and perhaps, not as you imagined and fantasized.

You'll probably still retain the sexual drive and the lusting but it won't be so wildly rampant and pent up with lustful thoughts, etc., and with this less maddening desire and with the satiation that comes from experiencing these urgings, you will have a more tempered approach to your sexuality and this is a much better position from which to approach it.
Not being in control of yourself and your desires can lead you down the wrong road and being vulnerable to negative/unwanted manipulation.

What you will also undoubtedly discover is that what you thought you really wanted might not actually be as enjoyable as you thought.
Conversely, what you probably didn't consider as being desirable may become so by accident, by the suggestion of someone else, something you saw or read about, or just refining your desires, etc., especially as you grow older.

I think others would, like me, want you to be careful and to tread carefully once you do start to experience physical pleasure, even with what you might think are boring weak boys.
Many a trap has been laid for the unwary girl or for the girl who trusted easily (or who didn't care to think about it), as well as those girls who thought they had friends.

Be safe, above all other things.

 

[ThesecretsIkeep]

Second beginning. Link to my other posts: http://forum.literotica.com/search.php?searchid=23431165

 

[SlowCoach]

Brilliant *clapping*

 

[Prince Albert]

Welcome to Lit. Hope you enjoy your stay. PM coming.

 

[lawstud16]

Are you on yahoo this evening? I sent you a message. Hope to hear from you soon!

 

[sexywriterfla]

For about 5 years now, I have been growing in my sexuality and in my interests and desires. Becoming more bold, if you will. I can feel the heat of my body increasing and my once playful temptations turning into burning, aching need. I’m ashamed, of what I’ve become. It makes me feel…less but at the same time it brings me overwhelming confidence and power.

I’m shy yet wicked, so the same face that blushes and turns away will suddenly turn and lock eyes with someone recognizing me for what I am, and smile a wicked, seductive smile...letting my eyes shimmer with pure, unabashed lust. I’m an animal, but a tame one at that. I have been trained, you see, so I’m controlled now only by good instruction for my behavior and morals sake. The only times I feel ashamed at what I do is when I look at other girls my age, when I look at my sisters, my friends, or my mother. They take pictures to post in public; they display some sexual things but mostly in good fun. Don’t get me wrong, I can be fun…sex isn’t so serious a thing. But. I do what I do with an agenda and with hunger, and it is not something I would want my friends to see. It is the secret I keep, the lies I must tell, the person I truly am, and yet no one knows her.

I’m intelligent, I know. Not so much so that I consider myself a genius, but I’m not a dumb slut. So I struggle with my own respect for myself, in my desires. So not just anyone will do, not to sound picky (I swear I only truly desire someone who matches my needs sexually and has a brain). So that covers dumb, but as for slut… I’m not even a slut (except in my mind and darkest secrets). I’m actually a virgin and I have only engaged in sexual activity twice, not allowing it to get very far. But, considering as I have been sexually aware of myself since 8 and slowly understanding more about it and what I enjoy, I know what I like and I certainly know what I want. Sex. Oh I want it more than anything, but I’m like a dog in an electric fenced yard. My fence has shocked me time and time again, and I’m afraid to over step my bounds now, regardless of the fact that it has been taken down. I’m free to do what I like, but…as I said, I have been trained.

I’d consider myself an independent person, I don’t do well with authority figures, though I am polite and respectful…just…stubborn, and I have a mind of my own so I’m not opposed to sharing my opinions. But I’m submissive to a man who carries himself well, with pride, arrogance, intelligence, just, power, control. I crave nothing more than a man who can control himself with me, but at the same time he has to fight to remain that way and not get lost in me. I want to be a man’s fantasy and to have him use me in whatever way he wishes to give himself pleasure, because despite my innocence and my refusal to bend to anyone’s will or need anyone, I need to be dominated. To be taken, and forced to pleasure because I’d love to fight it. My will would make me fight but my no’s means yes…and my body would evidently show that I was a willing participant. Yet. No one can sense it, it’s like people are oblivious to the need screaming from my body. I’ve really never had a boyfriend, and those that are interested are found wanting haha, or they just want me for sex (which I may not mind but they don’t give me what I want. They are weak and just boys.) .

I’m a fresh 18 year old, so I understand that part of my problem was mostly due to the legality of it. I’m 5’2-5’3, 115lbs, 32c/25/34 measurements, long dirty blonde hair and green eyes, and I’d love for a man to claim me…
I suppose I could divulge into my desires a little more now, seeing that you have a better idea of what makes me me. I love rough sex, love to be helpless, I want to beg because I need you so badly, I love giving blow jobs, I love having my hair pulled and my hips and breasts being held so hard that you leave bruises on my skin…I’m already loud by myself, but I want to lose that last bit of control I have, drop my fears and inhibitions and scream and moan your name as you force your will upon me and make it my own.

I am also, like most girls I’m sure, a fan of the idea of being loved. Who wouldn’t? So sure, I enjoy cuddling and gentleness as much as the next gal, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love it rough too. Or hell, that I could do both. Teasing is a fantastic way of sending someone over the edge, I’m easily aroused (despite the fact that I’ll fight it tooth and nail) so I would be a begging, submissive whore for the man who could take me to my limits. If, he desired it I would happily be his loyal, loving woman (I have some interesting qualities about me and would live to serve, don’t forget I’m stubborn though), or I can just be his fuck toy and be happy that he graces me with his presence , among other things…

This was a very random “story”, more like a journal entry, to be honest. I admit it would be nice to hear from someone who has similar interests…male or female, input is appreciated. And it would be nice to not feel so alone, considering that…I actually am alone in this. [/SIZE]

Wow....intriguing...and well written...