The search of the soul

[rikaaim]

As my years wander feebly on, I am left, was left, with questions burning fervorously in my heart. We have all had them. A desire. A need. A knowing of something that is out there, but often we never find what it is. Even more often we never even know the questions that really drive us. Isanity being a plague of intelligence, as it is higher logic that throws the heart. Simply move and find your peace. Bear the pain, break the fear, gain the courage by whatever means necassary to just get up and move. Only then will the heart find peace.

My heart has been longing for years, for what I knew not. Do I now? After my journey is complete, which it is very nearing, I will know. I have peace. I have understanding. And only with the guidance and support of friends, and friends, somtimes made enemies, if only temporialy, was I able to finally let go, and just go. Move. Get up and move. Fear is powerful. I know it well. I still fear, but I hope more than ever. I know now that I can do it. I can move. I can go. Do I want to? That is the question. From here I do, to return home, but once home, I shall stay and settle. It is time to reflect on the road taken, the courage gained. A lifetime of reflection would not fully reveal the insight gained, or the life lesson learned. Did I really learn somthing? Absolutely.

But, the question is, do you want to learn? I think when one is ready, they will find their own answers. I have mine now.

I know what this means. I shall be alone. But I was never alone. Nor will I ever really be alone. I shall be, hurt and lost for a while. But I know now what I am capable of. I can do it. I can live my life now, without fear. I have let it go. Finally. My heart sings, and sinks and the same time, but it is real. All that I feel now is real and no longer the illusion that it tormented me as.

My emotions are now my own. No one can make me feel anything. Only I can choose what to feel. Right now I feel very well fucked and ready to return home. I shall see you all soon, in peace and understanding. Good night to you all. May one day we all find our soul's content.

 

[Guest]

Super balls XXXIX

bump

 

[nikkijames]

Everything we do in life is for a reason. I have learned so much more about myself over the past two days with you here then I thought I would. I figured that this was just going to be a 'let's meet and see if we connect' kinda thing. Never imagined that I would learn things about who I am as a person.

I thank you for that and even as I look back at you laying in my bed, sleeping the last bit before your return home, I know that we are at peace, together and seperately.

I truly wish the best for you Rika and you know that.

 

[Guest]

bump

 

[rikaaim]

bump

Thank you kindly for the bumps.

 

[rikaaim]

One of the things that I am sad that has to happen is that I won't be around Lit as often. I simply can't be at this time. Too easily I hide here. I escape my real world problems. I took it to an extreme though. I'm going to back off for a while and face life. With a grin, perhaps a smirk, on my face and my fists clenched. I'm just going to get down to it and move on in life. I have studies I need to do. I have work I need to do. I will be back from time to time, when things are accomplished and it is my free time, not my need to get stuff done time, available. I will miss everyone here, for the time when I am absent, but will definatley come back if I need some support and guidance along the way.

 

[Guest]

Yeah, all right.

See you tomorrow.

 

[Blackie Malone]

One of the things that I am sad that has to happen is that I won't be around Lit as often. I simply can't be at this time. Too easily I hide here. I escape my real world problems. I took it to an extreme though. I'm going to back off for a while and face life. With a grin, perhaps a smirk, on my face and my fists clenched. I'm just going to get down to it and move on in life. I have studies I need to do. I have work I need to do. I will be back from time to time, when things are accomplished and it is my free time, not my need to get stuff done time, available. I will miss everyone here, for the time when I am absent, but will definatley come back if I need some support and guidance along the way.

Sometimes you need to go away to get your head together, know that from personal experience.
Pondering life is sometimes best when you remove yourself from it altogether and go off by yourself with no outside influences other than the sound of your own breath.

Take the time you need, I hope you find what you seek.

 

[rikaaim]

I'm just glad to be home again safe and sound. I'm off for a while to take a break. I'll be back when I have some time and things are caught up. Take care all.