kiten69
Live the moment
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2006
- Posts
- 12,476
This was sent to me in email today...OMG...**laugh...wheeze...cough**...my sides...OWEEEEEE!
Some people really want to be Smart-Assed Masochists, but they can't quite get the hang of it. Here's a few things they can do to become a genuine certified SAM...
1. Sing "Happy Birthday To Me" and blow out that candle during wax play.
2. Draw a picture of an open hand on your ass...draw a red circle around it...and put a slash through the circle (no-spanking sign).
3. In the middle of an intense cropping...close your eyes and begin snoring.
4. During a scene...provide a play-by-play of what is being done to you.
5. When your Dom/me tells you to "Look me in the eyes"...do it cross-eyed.
6. Decorate your Dom/me's leathers with oil painted neon polka dots and stripes.
7. Place a whoopee cushion on your Dom/me's favorite chair.
8. Use the toy bag for dirty laundry and forget to switch the contents back before the next play party.
9. Put an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene...work up some saliva to get it all fizzy...then call out your safeword.
10. When getting flogged...start singing "This is the song that never ends...".
11. Become prone to incessant giggling.
12. If you're tied up and ordered to count...inform your top that you can't do it unless you can use your fingers and toes.
13. Have a wig made in your EXACT color and style...it'll be worth the cost to see the look on your Dom/me's face the next time your hair gets tugged and it comes off.
14. Hold up a scorecard for each "smack" delivered...like the ones used in figure skating and diving.
15. When your top hints at foot worship...hand him/her a pair of OdorEaters.
16. If you take a message for your Dom/me...write it on a post it note and stick it to your ass.
17. Only speak in movie quotes.
18. Give your top a massage while wearing a joy buzzer.
19. Go in the toy bag and superglue the nipple clamps shut.
20. Attach clappers to ALL the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling...it'll give new meaning to "Clap on, clap off...".
My favorites are #s 2...9...and 20 **gigglesnort**
The SAM List
Some people really want to be Smart-Assed Masochists, but they can't quite get the hang of it. Here's a few things they can do to become a genuine certified SAM...
1. Sing "Happy Birthday To Me" and blow out that candle during wax play.
2. Draw a picture of an open hand on your ass...draw a red circle around it...and put a slash through the circle (no-spanking sign).
3. In the middle of an intense cropping...close your eyes and begin snoring.
4. During a scene...provide a play-by-play of what is being done to you.
5. When your Dom/me tells you to "Look me in the eyes"...do it cross-eyed.
6. Decorate your Dom/me's leathers with oil painted neon polka dots and stripes.
7. Place a whoopee cushion on your Dom/me's favorite chair.
8. Use the toy bag for dirty laundry and forget to switch the contents back before the next play party.
9. Put an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene...work up some saliva to get it all fizzy...then call out your safeword.
10. When getting flogged...start singing "This is the song that never ends...".
11. Become prone to incessant giggling.
12. If you're tied up and ordered to count...inform your top that you can't do it unless you can use your fingers and toes.
13. Have a wig made in your EXACT color and style...it'll be worth the cost to see the look on your Dom/me's face the next time your hair gets tugged and it comes off.
14. Hold up a scorecard for each "smack" delivered...like the ones used in figure skating and diving.
15. When your top hints at foot worship...hand him/her a pair of OdorEaters.
16. If you take a message for your Dom/me...write it on a post it note and stick it to your ass.
17. Only speak in movie quotes.
18. Give your top a massage while wearing a joy buzzer.
19. Go in the toy bag and superglue the nipple clamps shut.
20. Attach clappers to ALL the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling...it'll give new meaning to "Clap on, clap off...".
My favorites are #s 2...9...and 20 **gigglesnort**
Betticus is not the only to accuse me of being SAMMY.
)...but they are funny...the clapper one had me in tears... 
