The Safety Call Gone Bad

[Chicklet]

Yesterday my friend called me to ask if he ought to meet a couple who were interested in topping him. Being the adventurous slut I am, I said of course he should! So he called me a few minutes later to tell me that he had arranged a meeting for coffee.

First he told me coffee, then he said they were going to meet him at a random intersection. I didn't like that, but asked the intersection, got all their information that he had, and told him to call me when he arrived there and to tell me where they were going to lead him from there. (He said they were going to lead him to a coffee shop they knew of)

He called me from the intersection and was very vague about where they were going. I asked him to call me when they got to the coffee shop, but he didn't want to. I asked him to call me in an hour, and he said no. He finally agreed to call me three hours later. He did, and I felt reassured, even though I was extremely worried the entire time he was silent.

Later that night, my friend came online, and confessed to me that there was never a coffee shop. That he went straight to their house for bondage fun, and lied to me 'cause he didn't want me to worry... wtf?

I ripped him a new one over IMs, and he used that as the reason he hadn't told me in the first place. I told him I wasn't mad that he went to their house, just that he lied to me about it and made it that much harder for me to be his safety call. Now I'm feeling extremely guilty, like *I* did something wrong. Even though I know it wasn't my fault, and that I was totally at his mercy for his honesty in order to keep him safe.

So, I have a few questions.

*What could I have done to be a better safe call?

*In the future, what information should I have asked for? (I got their names, number, the supposed intersection they were going to meet at, and all their screenname information)

*Would you agree to be the safety call for someone who you knew had lied to you before?

 

[CutieMouse]

So, I have a few questions.

*What could I have done to be a better safe call?

Not a damned thing.

*In the future, what information should I have asked for? (I got their names, number, the supposed intersection they were going to meet at, and all their screenname information)

Name, phone #, address/name of where they will meet, physical description.

*Would you agree to be the safety call for someone who you knew had lied to you before?

Nope.

 

[the captians wench]

I think you have every right to be upset with him. I mean how are you suposed to keep him safe if you don't know what's going on?

And what's the point in having a safe call if you don't tell the safe call where you are planing to be? So if something did go wrong, you don't have a lot to tell the proper people except that they met here and were going to a coffee shop. So while everyone's searching every coffee shop in the city, your friend is being hacked to pieces in the basement of some apt building.

I always give my mom a name, discription of who I'm with (photo if possible), and where we intend to be for the evening. If they aree driving, I'll also give the kind of car they have, and I have my cell on me at all times so she can call me if she doesn't like the sounds of our plans.

I think I would be a little hesitant of being a safe call for this person in the future. like I said, it really doesn't do him any good to have a safe call in the first place if he's not going to be honest about what's going on.

 

[FurryFury]

I totally agree with Cutie Mouse on this!

I'm sorry it happened to you.

Your bud was an idiot!

I'd be majorly pissed.

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... Now I'm feeling extremely guilty, like *I* did something wrong. Even though I know it wasn't my fault, and that I was totally at his mercy for his honesty in order to keep him safe.

So, I have a few questions.

*What could I have done to be a better safe call?

*In the future, what information should I have asked for? (I got their names, number, the supposed intersection they were going to meet at, and all their screenname information)

*Would you agree to be the safety call for someone who you knew had lied to you before?

Chicklet, hon, YOU were never in a position to keep him safe. He, and only he, has that responsibility. Your job as a safe call is to assist him in fulfilling his responsibility to himself, and nothing else. YOU did nothing wrong except try to help someone who refused to use either of his two working brain cells.

For me, this would be his only fuck up regarding safe calls and safe meeting practices. You already read him the riot act. Good girl. Now give him THIS to read, and this Wikipedia article.

And you feel free to give him MY name and email address (just tack hotmail.com after the Evil_Geoff) if he wants to talk to someone who lost a friend (I was friends with Suzette Trouten) to an internet serial killer. If I can't scare the stupid out of your buddy, I'm sorry hon, but evolutionary forces are at work.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Don't sweat it and don't do it again for that person. I had a similar experience where I had arranged to be a safe call for an inexperienced sub who was going to meet someone she told me she had some reservations about. She had limited info on him but wouldn't listen to me, and the arrangement was she would call me at a particular time and then I would also cll her a little later to make sure all was OK. Well she didn't call me when she was supposed to, so I tried calling her only to get no answer. I kept trying, and just as I was really beginning to panic, she called me to tell me I didn't have to worry and that the reason she hadn't answered when I called was she didn't want to interrupt his conversation because she thought that might be too rude....the only reason she was calling to tell me all that was he had gone to the toilet so she thought she could spare me a moment!! I didn't offer after that.

Catalina

 

[liberatedslave]

If you read this guy the riot act he'll either take your points on board or he won't. If he won't give you better info tell him in no uncertain terms that he might as well be on his own. The only person ultimately responsible for his welfare is him.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

* you did the ebst you could.

* He did not let you help as agreed.

* I would not do it again...

 

[myinnerslut]

as much as you might be feel guilty, you did an amazing job of your end, getting information getting a call, even setting up a second call three hours later. your friend was an idiot.

 

[Netzach]

This isn't pithy or useful.

Dude did something SO lame here. SO lame. Don't you dare feel guilty for a minute.

 

[graceanne]

Oh, honey. *hugs* Sounds like a long, stressful, and scary evening. I know you care for your friend, and you were worried. *hug*

Beyond that, he's an IDIOT. If he can't even call and give you some information then he's an accident waiting to happen. I mean how many people have to die (or be raped, or permantently harmed) meeting people from the net before people get the idea?

I sooooo don't get people.

 

[jadefirefly]

There's nothing else you can do, because he won't allow himself to be helped. He KNEW he was wrong, and THAT was why he didn't tell you -- not because he was so sure you'd yell at him, but because he knew YOU would tell him the truth, and he didn't want to hear it. He is being selfish, and inconsiderate, and is, essentially, telling you without words that your opinion isn't worth balls to him.


I wouldn't safe call for him again. And I'd make VERY sure he knew it. And knew why. If he truly learns a lesson and feels bad for it, he'll call you of his own free will to let you know when he's going to play and when he'll be back. Just because you might be worried.

 

[Chicklet]

thanks everybody.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

*What could I have done to be a better safe call?

IMO, nothing. He lied to you and nothing you could have done 'better' would have changed that. he had it in his head to lie to you from the beginning. he was in the wrong here, not you.

*In the future, what information should I have asked for? (I got their names, number, the supposed intersection they were going to meet at, and all their screenname information)

sounds like you got pretty much everything you needed. their names, numbers, maybe even address (if you know that's where he's gonnna be) where they are going and having him call you every so often is about all you can do

*Would you agree to be the safety call for someone who you knew had lied to you before?

no, i wouldn't. what is the point in a safe call if you're just going to be lied to? and if he lied to you once..he will again anytime he feels that you will think what he is doing is unsafe. i would politely tell him that next time, he can find someone else to be his safe call. there is no need to beat yourself up over something that was not your fault, and you had no control over. you sat waiting on him to call, because he refused to call you at certain times throughout his visit. so again, no i would not be a safe call for him again.

 

[marieR19]

*hugs* Everyone else said it, you did nothing wrong. Man, I can't imagine setting up a safe call and then acting like he did, my friend would totally call the cops the minute she thought something was wrong... Why on earth set up a safe call and then deliberately put yourself in danger by lying like that? Wow.
*hugs*


Heather

 

[chris9]

How incredibly inconsiderate of him! If I set up a safe-call, the friend who's going to be my safe-call will probably be a little worried. Doing something that will heighten their worry is not something I'd do to a friend, or any person at all...

 

[Andante]

I love it....

First of all, let me say that I agree with those saying this boy is a stupid and inconsiderate twat.
However, my real reason for this post is to ask Evil_Geoff's kind permission to use this line:

I'm sorry hon, but evolutionary forces are at work.

It's hilarious, and I can think of hundreds of occasions and situations where it would fit!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

First of all, let me say that I agree with those saying this boy is a stupid and inconsiderate twat.
However, my real reason for this post is to ask Evil_Geoff's kind permission to use this line:

It's hilarious, and I can think of hundreds of occasions and situations where it would fit!

Absolutely Andante, please feel free to use the quote whenever!