The "Quotable Quotes" Thread

[catalina_francisco]

OK, we used to have the calendar threads for quoting great quotes from the threads, but it took a lot of work and as we all found, ended up going unfinished most years....so I thought, as we have so many good (and also at times fun) quotes, there needs to be a place to post them without the pressure of dating them. Feel free to add any you see.

My one-size-really-does-fit-all relationship advice:

Relationships work best when both parties consider themselves not 50% responsible for the success of the relationship but 100%. That responsibility can not be parceled out like household chores because the very act of dividing the responsibility generates the potential for discord and resentments. Instead, when both assume 100% responsibility, if one partner slips up a bit the other just keeps on keeping on like before. No need to keep books on who did what.

The Mega Super Ultra Relationship Advice Thread

 

[catalina_francisco]

"I think that if you are going to discuss morality and ethics, and why they may be different in a BDSM relationship, the biggest factor you have to contend with is the subjugation of another person, either through mental or physical domination. A sub, by allowing themselves to be dominated, is giving up some of their inherent rights in order to achieve some other goal. If that goal is pleasurable, the sub could be considered to be doing it for ethical and moral reasons. If subjugation is done do to personality disorders (i.e., the person in question suffered trauma as a child and now feels the need to proport that trauma as the status quo), then there is certainly a case for calling it an abusive relationship. The Domme, regardless of intent, could be considered an enabler, and therefore an abuser.

This not only applies to BDSM relationships, but to any person to person(s) type interaction. The abuser doesn't have to be willing or even cognizant of their position as an abuser.

As for the dominant being an abuser, I think that we can all see that scenario all too readily. But keep in mind that one bad apple doesn't ruin the whole damn bunch. It is easy to find an example that contradicts the norm."

Morals ethics and tolerance in BDSM



Yet another gem to be found here.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Reprazent.

I don't mind fucking people I'm not romantically attached to, I just find that the potential dramas arising from not being on the same page (this is fun and fun is good) is more annoying than a good solid work day is or masturbation or fucking the people I've established ties with already.

And the idea that you can't get depth of exploration in an open relationship is horseshit. I've been in a closed monogamous one I've been in an open one that I consider serious multi-year partnerships - there's really no difference. I'm happier in the latter, I had more in common non sexually with the former, they were both "deep" that's the big diff.

Sex With Acquaintances

 

[catalina_francisco]

this kind of thinking really bothers me. there are as many different journeys to fulfillment as there are people on this planet. now the particular Dominant seela has described here doesn't sound like the brightest crayon in the crayola box, and who knows whether or not that is a happy or successful relationship. but there is nothing wrong with a Dominant being well...controlling...that is a crucial part of the picture after all.

some are more controlling than others, some wish to exert more influence over the life of their submissive than others, and as long as it works for that individual dynamic, then where is the issue? my relationship with my Master began with him "removing social support networks." any and everyone who had been in any way a part of my life before we met...family, friends, acquaintances, whomever...was completely cut off from me. this lasted for the better part of a year. select people were gradually allowed back in, on a very restrictive basis. initially, i was not happy with that at all. an outsider looking in would have thought me to be quite miserable, and many times they would have been right.

but it was a period of growth and learning and bonding, and it turned out to be the very best thing for US. i don't miss those old relationships and connections with others, and i don't miss having privacy in my communications with others. if anything i crave even more of his controlling presence, and feel a bit miffed when i have say a PM exchange online that he doesn't read.

everyone has to travel their own journey.

What Should PYL Know About Other People in pyl's Life?

 

[graceanne]

And I was close to laughing at his face, when he started one of his lectures about pyl's role and proper behavior with "in [his] over 30 years of experience as a Master..." I mean, has anything good ever come of out anyone telling their experience as a PYL or pyl in years?

What Should PYL Know About Other People in pyl's Life?

 

[graceanne]

For me (being one and all) I find the female body is a temperamental thing... what might barely tickle one day, might feel like I've been pried open with a hot poker another time, all depends on where I am in my cycle and a bunch of other things.

Sometimes even I can't know how something is going to feel, or if something is suddenly going to be too much sometimes, until it happens.

Safewording

 

[catalina_francisco]

I know exactly what her issue is - her issue is that the online fantasy world tempts her so much that she risks her real life. Her problem is not the real world, her problem is the fantasy world and her hormones. Over phone and net your mind fills in all the missing pieces - with things you like, after all it is your mind. If he rants about raping your ass, you still finger your pussy and cum and then you believe this has something to do with BDSM.

If he would have been a stranger in a Starbucks and said those things to her, she would have laughed and walked away.

So don't come here and tell me real life would be her problem and especially don't tell me I would have no clue. There are some people here where I would accept a rebuke from, but not from a story writer who lives 95% of the time in a fantasy world herself.




Exactly HOW would months of chit chat and sexual roleplay prevent this, except that you will have no warning signs any longer because you got used to it when you meet for real?

And what happens when she walks by some construction workers and someone shouts":Hey baby, suck my cock!"?

Your arguments are shallow. Especially as I have known real women who are what you believe she is, women like osg who really will do whatever the guy says. But the virtual world is no safety net for them either.

Playing WII snowboarding 40 hours per week will not prevent that you break your leg in real life snowboarding, if you are not careful.



Trust me, my brain works good enough.

THE VIRTUAL WORLD IS NOT A SAFETY NET.

You do not increase your safety by extending the virtual relationship to a point where you are completely illusional about the other person - you reduce your safety!

A safety net is staying in public. And maybe a friend you take with you. Or pepper spray. Or high heels. Or whatever. But for sure not months of cyber sex.

First Submission Experience...advice? Please?

 

[catalina_francisco]

This one is so spot on......

It's fun to explore those limits with someone you trust.

We'll be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary this year. We started out kinky 25 years ago and eventually landed in a full-out M/s relationship once the kids were born. Though we are frequently sidelined by the demands of jobs, children and health, and we still find ourselves tangled up in doubts and insecurities about how to proceed sometimes, it has been an incredible experience to share together. Often the most challenging moments have also been the most bonding. And the experience of finding someone who's willing to do all the things you like to do - both sexually and as a companion - is maybe the best thing in the world in my opinion (even if we do hate each other now and then).

Enjoy your journey, and never assume that you know what the other does or doesn't want. Act on your knowledge of each other, listen to both what your partner is and is not saying, and stay open to shifts in the foundation you're standing on.

And don't take the moments when you cross boundaries with each other too seriously. If you're really exploring your limits, you're likely to step into areas that you want to back out of. Don't let those experiences overshadow the rest of your relationship. Just keep talking. And act in such a way with each other that the trust you have is not too badly shaken.

Married Kink

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

In short, ask not what your bottom can do for you, but what you can do for your bottom.

"bottom vs sub?"

 

[catalina_francisco]

What's with this learning thing? I didn't have to learn anything to be a Dom. At the most, I just developed my style, over time. I'm assuming someone on the submissive side of this would be the same. And just like there are some I wouldn't enjoy Doming, I'm sure there are those who can't see themselves obeying, either. Isn't a lot of this chemistry? If you desire something, it comes a lot easier to you.

Obedience: how do you learn it?

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

It's one of the reasons that I'm adamantly pro-LGBT rights. I think it's absurd that one piece of paper issued by your county/state can bundle up so much legalese for some people, but not everyone. It's despicably, cruelly discriminatory.

Being Collared: What Does I Mean To You?

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

it is not "Temporary and Negotiable Power Exchange." it is total because it is just that. when i first made the decision to hand myself over to him 12 yrs ago, i had no idea how the journey would unfold. i could not have imagined the joys, the sorrow, the growth, the suffering. i did not know that after 2 yrs i would experience broken ribs, and after 9 yrs a broken heart. and you know what? taking all i now know, all i have lived, going back in time when that decision to be owned or not was still before me....i would have done it all over again. no hesitation.

The Appeal of Punishment

Catalina

 

[Stella_Omega]

Funny I remember a whole bunch of other posts in this thread. Unless there are two of them?

 

[seela]

Yep, there's a new one over on Talk, but it hasn't really seen much activity. I guess no one remembered this one, as this hasn't seen any activity in two years either.

 

[Stella_Omega]

When I first became slave, a lot of repressed sexual energy was released into my daily life. I had to be extremely careful, because I would sometimes say things in "vanilla" settings that were sexually-charged and inappropriate. My behavior was also saturated in sexual arousal, which triggered responses in other people that were sometimes dramatic and inappropriate to the context.

It all felt "out of my control," like I was being moved by "deeper" - more meaningful - forces.

And I was disappointed ultimately when my vanilla world relationships and obligations required me to exert more control over my own speech and behavior. I wished I could be a sequestered slave, removed from the outside world and the need to conform to it.

But. . . it's like growing up. As we become adults, we recognize how we fit in to a world much larger than ourselves and our own needs and desires. The longer I stayed slave within a world that included family, friends, work, PTA meetings, the more I developed behaviors that "fit in" with the larger context.

And I found that many things that make me a good slave, also make me a good friend, neighbor and employee.

So well put