dr_mabeuse
seduce the mind
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2002
- Posts
- 11,528
I've taken the liberty of posting this here because I don't know where else this should go. It's more for authors than it is for readers of porn. Just wonder if your evenings are the same.
"If I don't get fucked and soon, I'll die!" Princess Brianna thought to herself.
No, that didn't sound right. A Princess wouldn't use the word "fuck", even if thinking to herself. Well, maybe she would, but you just can't have her thinking that, not if you want her to remain a virginal princess in the readers' minds.
So what would she think? She's been captive in Rodrigo's dungeon for days, abused with erotic tortures, plied with aphrodisiacs, been made to witness the most arousing and lewd sex scenes imaginable, and she was horny as hell now. What would she be thinking?
"Oh this flame in my body begs for relief! If only Rodrigo would make a woman of me at last and quench this agony in a storm of lust!"
No, "…this flame in my body demands relief…"
"Dad?" a voice from downstairs. "Mom wants to know if you want rice or noodles?"
Huh? "Rice is okay."
"She's already started noodles."
"Then noodles are okay too."
"…this flame in my body requires relief…"
Nah.
Okay, forget the thoughts to herself. Describe her being horny:
"She squeezed her thighs together in frustration. She ached with emptiness. It was like an itch that needed to be scratched…"
Oh, that's just great. An itch. Sounds like she has lice.
Well what does it feel like to be a woman desperate for sex?
Does it ache? Itch? Burn? Or is it a whole body thing? Probably a whole body thing, but you can't say that. It's too general. "Her whole body ached with lust." Oh yeah. That sucks good.
"Dad? What do you want to drink?"
"I don't know. Water. Water's okay."
"Okay. Ten minutes."
"Her body trembled with longing…with need…with the need to be filled. Her whole body trembled with the need to be filled"? That might work. Or it might sound like she has to go see a dentist. Her whole body trembled with her pussy's need to be …
Oh come on! For Christ's sake!
Okay, skip it. It's probably obvious by now that she's horny as hell. You just have to have Rodrigo come in and unchain her.
What's he going to say when he comes in? "How ya doin' Princess?"
Wait a minute. Wouldn't it be better if someone else came in and unchained her and then led her to Rodrigo's bedchamber? Yeah! Then you could have her change clothes out of that tattered old Princess gown and into something sexy. Great! Then you can throw in some sexy-clothing-stuff! You're good at that.
She'd need a bath too. She's been in that funky dungeon for a long time. Would readers notice if she doesn't bathe? Well I would if I were reading.
Well then wait: what about shaving her legs?
Come on! You can't do everything. She's a princess! She doesn't have to shave her legs. Willing suspension of disbelief, tra la la, all that.
Okay, someone comes in and unchains her, turns her over to some women to bathe her and clothe her in something sexy.
But where are these women going to come from? Rodrigo's the only one in the whole damned castle, remember? Page one? Remember?
Okay, so we can change that: "His secret and isolated castle keep, manned only by a handful of loyal reatainer. And a few women. And it has a bathtub. And a selection of sexy clothes…"
"Dinner! Dad! Dinner!"
"Okay, okay! Be right down!" Thank God!
As she walked into the empty bedchamber, the thin gown clung to her feminine curves, scarcely concealing the full roundness of her breasts, the swell of her hips and the ripeness of her young ass…
Shouldn't that be "round fullness?"
And isn't there a better way to describe her ass besides "ripe"? What's attractive about an ass? Isn't there a better word than "ass"?
Bottom? Buttocks? Derriere? Wait a minute: "buttocks" might work: "the roundness of her young buttocks…"
No. You just used "roundness" for her breasts.
"The ripeness of her young buttocks"? Can buttocks be ripe? Can something young be ripe? Doesn't "ripe" mean mature?
Admit it, the word you want to use is "juicy". Face it: she has a juicy ass. Her tits are juicy too. Why don't you just make her the "Juicy Princess" and be fucking done with it?
So: what makes an ass sexy?
Well: it's round. Already went through that. Don't even think of using "globular" or "spherical". Besides, it's more than just the shape. It's the attitude. A nice butt is sassy. It's tempting. It's proud, saucy. Forget it! You're not going to say "the sauciness of her young buttocks"!
"Daddy? Can you help me with my homework?"
"Sure honey, what's the problem?"
"What are you writing, Daddy?"
"A story."
"Can I read it?"
"Well, it's a story for grownups. A lot of kissing and stuff."
Shrink the screen. Turn around to the dining room table where she's brought her books. Fractions. Okay. Out come the pennies. Now here's one half of the pile, here's one third, one fourth… See?
"Thank you Daddy."
Should I feel guilty? If I'm not ashamed of what I'm writing, why don't I let her see it? What a question! Because she's not ready to see this kind of stuff! Also, I am ashamed. It's porn.
But porn can be literature too, can't it? People have feelings and thoughts during sex. Sex is one of the great questions of our lives. Why is trying to describe it in rich, beautiful language be wrong? Because the object is to titilate? So? The object of horror novels is to frighten. What's wrong with titilation?
It's easy. That's what's wrong with it.
But not my stuff. I work on my stuff. I try and get the words just right, the rhythms, the flow..
Yeah. Sure Dr Porno.
There should be a literature of sex. there should be a literature of sex that's at least as comprehensive as our literature of death and dying.
Yeah. That's a good one. I'll have to remember that and post it to one of the boards. Ah, forget it. Sounds like the usual liberal bullshit. What is there to say about people fucking anyhow? They do it, they like it, the end. The reason you write porn is because people will still read bad porn. They won't even look at bad literature.
Besides, porn has its challenges. Describing a woman's ass, for example. Describing what makes it so damned attractive.
Maybe a metaphor: "Her ass was like…"
Like what?
"Like two billiard balls on top of two candles…"
Oh God shoot me now! I don't even believe I wrote that. Delete, delete, delete!
Like what?
Soft, round, pale… vanilla ice cream? Two scoops of vanilla ice cream? No, that's too contrived. Besides, a sexy ass doesn't have to be white, as you damned well know.
"Honey? You want anything from the store?"
"No thanks. Where you going?"
"I'm taking Nate over to get a wrist brace for wrestling."
"Osco?"
"Yeah. We're out of milk too."
"Get me some m&m's" Yeah, that's what I need. To sit here and eat a two-pound bag of m&m's. "No, never mind. I'm okay."
"Okay. Be back in about ten minutes."
"Wait! We need cat food! Get some cat food or Katy'll drive me out of my mind!"
"Okay. Cat food."
So: two scoops of vanilla ice cream…
Ah, forget it. Maybe there are some things that are just beyond the power of words to describe. You've already admitted that the curves of a woman's legs are beyond describing, other than to say vague things like "undulating" or "sensual". Maybe their asses are too.
But how can you love something so much and not be able to describe it? Maybe what makes it attractive is picturing how it would feel in your hands, so it's not really the sight of the ass, but what it makes you think of.
Yeah, well how do you write that?
"Her ass made you think of how good it would feel in your hands…"
Oh sure. That's worse than your billiard balls on candles. That's right up there with "delicious-looking steak".
Okay, forget describing her ass. It'll read okay. But you've got to set a sensual mood here. She's terribly horny and aroused, and now she's going to get into the bed and wait for the man who'll be her lover. So let's think about what happens as she walks into the bedchamber.
Oh shit! There's the cat yowling!
"Katy, there's no food. Mom just went to get you food! She'll be back in a few… Katy! If you don't shut up! I swear I'll throw this shoe at you! Damn it! There's no food! She'll be right back! She'll…
"Well you asked for it! Go ahead and sulk. She'll be back in ten minutes with your chicken guts or whatever…"
"DAD!"
"WHAT?"
"WHERE'S MOM?"
"SHE'S AT THE STORE!"
"WHAT STORE?"
"Damn it! Will you come up here and talk to me! I hate shouting like this!"
"I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF SHE WASHED MY JERSEY!"
"ASK HER WHEN SHE GETS BACK!"
Now, what was I…
Oh yeah, she's walking across the bed chamber. See the scene. Picture it. Picture her. Her gown is very thin and clingy. The chamber's part of a castle: bog stone walls, tapestries on the walls maybe. Carpets on the floor. Candles in sconces. A fireplace. Don't want it be cold. So if you've got a fire place do you need candles? Sure. Readers won't think of the firelight if you mention candles. Candles are sexier. Lots of candles. Hundreds of candles: what movie was that in? "Raiders"?
No, that's too much. Create your own scene; don't copy. Half a dozen candles is plenty. No, don't mention how many. Just candles, okay? Christ! Whatever made you think you could write anything?
Okay. So she's walking across the bedchamber… What does she look like. And don't start with that ass business again.
Well, she's got that gown on. As she walks it plasters itself to her body. But you've already said that. Maybe I should emphasize it. Maybe that would distract people from the fact that I didn't describe her ass.
"As she walked the air pressed her gown against the fulsome curves of her body…"
Get out of here. You can't use "fulsome". No one knows what it means and, worse, it doesn't sound like what it means. And what's with this "air pressing her gown". It's not the air. Well, it is the air, but you can't say that, or you can't say it like that.
"As she walked her speed through the air made her gown press…"
Oh, that's even worse. "Her speed through the air"! What is she, Supergirl?
"As she walked, her gown pressed against her body, clinging to every rounded curve…"
Don't start with that rounded business again!
What kind of curves does she have? Well look: if you're going to use the word "curves", there's only one word that goes with "curves" and that's "feminine".
"As she walked, her gown pressed against her body, clinging to every feminine curve…"
"Every feminine curve"? Isn't just "feminine curves" better? I mean, it's not like you can name each one.
"As she walked, her gown pressed against…"
Wait! clung! Her gown CLUNG!
"As she walked, her gown clung to her feminine curves."
Oh that just sucks real bad.
And isn't that what you'd originally written, fifteen minutes ago?
Screw it. You'll tidy that up during the edit. Let's move on to the good part. The sex!
"DAD!"
"WHAT?"
"Telephone!"
"Hello?"
"Dr. Mabeuse? How are you tonight, sir?"
"Er…I'm okay."
"Good. Glad to hear it. My name's John and I'm calling from Phone-net, your long…"
Click.
"Rodrigo entered the room and approached the bed as she watched, scarcely moving, awaiting the touch she desired so much…"
Wait a minute here. Let's think this one out. This is the payoff, the punch line, the heart and soul. Now what's going on?
She's been abducted, subjected to some mild BDSM, chains, ropes, etc. etc. Stimulated and aroused without being allowed to find any relief, stuffed with aphrodisiacs, bombarded with Wizards' spells to make her want Rodrigo. But she knows that he was her torturer and captor. Now is she just going to roll over for this guy? No matter how horny she is, is that going to be believable?
What do you mean believable? It's porn isn't it? Who cares?
Yeah, but I've got to know how to write it. Does she struggle? Does she surrender in his arms? Does she swoon when she gets a load of his pud?
Don't call it a pud. It's his cock, his tool, his mighty rod.
She surrenders in his arms. I like that. His kiss, his burning kiss. You can do kisses pretty damned well. Do a good one here, a real toe curler. Women like kisses too, and, after all, that's who you want to like your stories, right? Women, so they'll write you all the time and want to meet you because you're such a great and sensitive writer. Because you know women so well and your prose sets them on fire. Because anyone who writes like that, well just think what he must be like in person!
"DAD!"
"WHAT?"
"KATY THREW UP IN MY SHOE!"
"I DON'T DO PUKE! TELL YOUR MOTHER!"
Meanwhile, in Rodrigo's castle…
"If I don't get fucked and soon, I'll die!" Princess Brianna thought to herself.
No, that didn't sound right. A Princess wouldn't use the word "fuck", even if thinking to herself. Well, maybe she would, but you just can't have her thinking that, not if you want her to remain a virginal princess in the readers' minds.
So what would she think? She's been captive in Rodrigo's dungeon for days, abused with erotic tortures, plied with aphrodisiacs, been made to witness the most arousing and lewd sex scenes imaginable, and she was horny as hell now. What would she be thinking?
"Oh this flame in my body begs for relief! If only Rodrigo would make a woman of me at last and quench this agony in a storm of lust!"
No, "…this flame in my body demands relief…"
"Dad?" a voice from downstairs. "Mom wants to know if you want rice or noodles?"
Huh? "Rice is okay."
"She's already started noodles."
"Then noodles are okay too."
"…this flame in my body requires relief…"
Nah.
Okay, forget the thoughts to herself. Describe her being horny:
"She squeezed her thighs together in frustration. She ached with emptiness. It was like an itch that needed to be scratched…"
Oh, that's just great. An itch. Sounds like she has lice.
Well what does it feel like to be a woman desperate for sex?
Does it ache? Itch? Burn? Or is it a whole body thing? Probably a whole body thing, but you can't say that. It's too general. "Her whole body ached with lust." Oh yeah. That sucks good.
"Dad? What do you want to drink?"
"I don't know. Water. Water's okay."
"Okay. Ten minutes."
"Her body trembled with longing…with need…with the need to be filled. Her whole body trembled with the need to be filled"? That might work. Or it might sound like she has to go see a dentist. Her whole body trembled with her pussy's need to be …
Oh come on! For Christ's sake!
Okay, skip it. It's probably obvious by now that she's horny as hell. You just have to have Rodrigo come in and unchain her.
What's he going to say when he comes in? "How ya doin' Princess?"
Wait a minute. Wouldn't it be better if someone else came in and unchained her and then led her to Rodrigo's bedchamber? Yeah! Then you could have her change clothes out of that tattered old Princess gown and into something sexy. Great! Then you can throw in some sexy-clothing-stuff! You're good at that.
She'd need a bath too. She's been in that funky dungeon for a long time. Would readers notice if she doesn't bathe? Well I would if I were reading.
Well then wait: what about shaving her legs?
Come on! You can't do everything. She's a princess! She doesn't have to shave her legs. Willing suspension of disbelief, tra la la, all that.
Okay, someone comes in and unchains her, turns her over to some women to bathe her and clothe her in something sexy.
But where are these women going to come from? Rodrigo's the only one in the whole damned castle, remember? Page one? Remember?
Okay, so we can change that: "His secret and isolated castle keep, manned only by a handful of loyal reatainer. And a few women. And it has a bathtub. And a selection of sexy clothes…"
"Dinner! Dad! Dinner!"
"Okay, okay! Be right down!" Thank God!
As she walked into the empty bedchamber, the thin gown clung to her feminine curves, scarcely concealing the full roundness of her breasts, the swell of her hips and the ripeness of her young ass…
Shouldn't that be "round fullness?"
And isn't there a better way to describe her ass besides "ripe"? What's attractive about an ass? Isn't there a better word than "ass"?
Bottom? Buttocks? Derriere? Wait a minute: "buttocks" might work: "the roundness of her young buttocks…"
No. You just used "roundness" for her breasts.
"The ripeness of her young buttocks"? Can buttocks be ripe? Can something young be ripe? Doesn't "ripe" mean mature?
Admit it, the word you want to use is "juicy". Face it: she has a juicy ass. Her tits are juicy too. Why don't you just make her the "Juicy Princess" and be fucking done with it?
So: what makes an ass sexy?
Well: it's round. Already went through that. Don't even think of using "globular" or "spherical". Besides, it's more than just the shape. It's the attitude. A nice butt is sassy. It's tempting. It's proud, saucy. Forget it! You're not going to say "the sauciness of her young buttocks"!
"Daddy? Can you help me with my homework?"
"Sure honey, what's the problem?"
"What are you writing, Daddy?"
"A story."
"Can I read it?"
"Well, it's a story for grownups. A lot of kissing and stuff."
Shrink the screen. Turn around to the dining room table where she's brought her books. Fractions. Okay. Out come the pennies. Now here's one half of the pile, here's one third, one fourth… See?
"Thank you Daddy."
Should I feel guilty? If I'm not ashamed of what I'm writing, why don't I let her see it? What a question! Because she's not ready to see this kind of stuff! Also, I am ashamed. It's porn.
But porn can be literature too, can't it? People have feelings and thoughts during sex. Sex is one of the great questions of our lives. Why is trying to describe it in rich, beautiful language be wrong? Because the object is to titilate? So? The object of horror novels is to frighten. What's wrong with titilation?
It's easy. That's what's wrong with it.
But not my stuff. I work on my stuff. I try and get the words just right, the rhythms, the flow..
Yeah. Sure Dr Porno.
There should be a literature of sex. there should be a literature of sex that's at least as comprehensive as our literature of death and dying.
Yeah. That's a good one. I'll have to remember that and post it to one of the boards. Ah, forget it. Sounds like the usual liberal bullshit. What is there to say about people fucking anyhow? They do it, they like it, the end. The reason you write porn is because people will still read bad porn. They won't even look at bad literature.
Besides, porn has its challenges. Describing a woman's ass, for example. Describing what makes it so damned attractive.
Maybe a metaphor: "Her ass was like…"
Like what?
"Like two billiard balls on top of two candles…"
Oh God shoot me now! I don't even believe I wrote that. Delete, delete, delete!
Like what?
Soft, round, pale… vanilla ice cream? Two scoops of vanilla ice cream? No, that's too contrived. Besides, a sexy ass doesn't have to be white, as you damned well know.
"Honey? You want anything from the store?"
"No thanks. Where you going?"
"I'm taking Nate over to get a wrist brace for wrestling."
"Osco?"
"Yeah. We're out of milk too."
"Get me some m&m's" Yeah, that's what I need. To sit here and eat a two-pound bag of m&m's. "No, never mind. I'm okay."
"Okay. Be back in about ten minutes."
"Wait! We need cat food! Get some cat food or Katy'll drive me out of my mind!"
"Okay. Cat food."
So: two scoops of vanilla ice cream…
Ah, forget it. Maybe there are some things that are just beyond the power of words to describe. You've already admitted that the curves of a woman's legs are beyond describing, other than to say vague things like "undulating" or "sensual". Maybe their asses are too.
But how can you love something so much and not be able to describe it? Maybe what makes it attractive is picturing how it would feel in your hands, so it's not really the sight of the ass, but what it makes you think of.
Yeah, well how do you write that?
"Her ass made you think of how good it would feel in your hands…"
Oh sure. That's worse than your billiard balls on candles. That's right up there with "delicious-looking steak".
Okay, forget describing her ass. It'll read okay. But you've got to set a sensual mood here. She's terribly horny and aroused, and now she's going to get into the bed and wait for the man who'll be her lover. So let's think about what happens as she walks into the bedchamber.
Oh shit! There's the cat yowling!
"Katy, there's no food. Mom just went to get you food! She'll be back in a few… Katy! If you don't shut up! I swear I'll throw this shoe at you! Damn it! There's no food! She'll be right back! She'll…
"Well you asked for it! Go ahead and sulk. She'll be back in ten minutes with your chicken guts or whatever…"
"DAD!"
"WHAT?"
"WHERE'S MOM?"
"SHE'S AT THE STORE!"
"WHAT STORE?"
"Damn it! Will you come up here and talk to me! I hate shouting like this!"
"I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF SHE WASHED MY JERSEY!"
"ASK HER WHEN SHE GETS BACK!"
Now, what was I…
Oh yeah, she's walking across the bed chamber. See the scene. Picture it. Picture her. Her gown is very thin and clingy. The chamber's part of a castle: bog stone walls, tapestries on the walls maybe. Carpets on the floor. Candles in sconces. A fireplace. Don't want it be cold. So if you've got a fire place do you need candles? Sure. Readers won't think of the firelight if you mention candles. Candles are sexier. Lots of candles. Hundreds of candles: what movie was that in? "Raiders"?
No, that's too much. Create your own scene; don't copy. Half a dozen candles is plenty. No, don't mention how many. Just candles, okay? Christ! Whatever made you think you could write anything?
Okay. So she's walking across the bedchamber… What does she look like. And don't start with that ass business again.
Well, she's got that gown on. As she walks it plasters itself to her body. But you've already said that. Maybe I should emphasize it. Maybe that would distract people from the fact that I didn't describe her ass.
"As she walked the air pressed her gown against the fulsome curves of her body…"
Get out of here. You can't use "fulsome". No one knows what it means and, worse, it doesn't sound like what it means. And what's with this "air pressing her gown". It's not the air. Well, it is the air, but you can't say that, or you can't say it like that.
"As she walked her speed through the air made her gown press…"
Oh, that's even worse. "Her speed through the air"! What is she, Supergirl?
"As she walked, her gown pressed against her body, clinging to every rounded curve…"
Don't start with that rounded business again!
What kind of curves does she have? Well look: if you're going to use the word "curves", there's only one word that goes with "curves" and that's "feminine".
"As she walked, her gown pressed against her body, clinging to every feminine curve…"
"Every feminine curve"? Isn't just "feminine curves" better? I mean, it's not like you can name each one.
"As she walked, her gown pressed against…"
Wait! clung! Her gown CLUNG!
"As she walked, her gown clung to her feminine curves."
Oh that just sucks real bad.
And isn't that what you'd originally written, fifteen minutes ago?
Screw it. You'll tidy that up during the edit. Let's move on to the good part. The sex!
"DAD!"
"WHAT?"
"Telephone!"
"Hello?"
"Dr. Mabeuse? How are you tonight, sir?"
"Er…I'm okay."
"Good. Glad to hear it. My name's John and I'm calling from Phone-net, your long…"
Click.
"Rodrigo entered the room and approached the bed as she watched, scarcely moving, awaiting the touch she desired so much…"
Wait a minute here. Let's think this one out. This is the payoff, the punch line, the heart and soul. Now what's going on?
She's been abducted, subjected to some mild BDSM, chains, ropes, etc. etc. Stimulated and aroused without being allowed to find any relief, stuffed with aphrodisiacs, bombarded with Wizards' spells to make her want Rodrigo. But she knows that he was her torturer and captor. Now is she just going to roll over for this guy? No matter how horny she is, is that going to be believable?
What do you mean believable? It's porn isn't it? Who cares?
Yeah, but I've got to know how to write it. Does she struggle? Does she surrender in his arms? Does she swoon when she gets a load of his pud?
Don't call it a pud. It's his cock, his tool, his mighty rod.
She surrenders in his arms. I like that. His kiss, his burning kiss. You can do kisses pretty damned well. Do a good one here, a real toe curler. Women like kisses too, and, after all, that's who you want to like your stories, right? Women, so they'll write you all the time and want to meet you because you're such a great and sensitive writer. Because you know women so well and your prose sets them on fire. Because anyone who writes like that, well just think what he must be like in person!
"DAD!"
"WHAT?"
"KATY THREW UP IN MY SHOE!"
"I DON'T DO PUKE! TELL YOUR MOTHER!"
Meanwhile, in Rodrigo's castle…
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